Feverish Thoughts About My Sinister Right Tonsil.

Last night I struggled to sleep through the searing pain in my throat and the choking sensation of my Right Tonsil trying to kill me by squeezing my airway closed. While I did all that I had a lot of incoherent thoughts about my Sinister Right Tonsil.

I imagined my Right Tonsil became a guest author at Suburban Bliss. It wrote about all the fun it has making my life a living hell every few months. How it slowly chokes me and makes me feel like vomiting. I imagined it wrote about how I used it's unusual size to my advantage as a child, telling my mother I had a sore throat....even when I didn't. She'd take one look at my throat at my large Right Tonsil and agree to my demand for a day off school. Nevermind, it's always slightly enlarged.

My feverish and Nyquil induced thoughts then moved onto imagining my tonsil as various states. After seriously considering California, I decided Texas is more like my Right Tonsil. Large.

Then I spent a little more time imagining how hard it would be to perform a tonsilectomy in my bathroom. But then I realized the only slightly sharp implement in the bathroom really isn't very sharp. There are the knives in the kitchen, but then I'd have to sharpen them. I did take a seminar in knife sharpening when I worked at Crate and Barrel but it was a fairly complex process and not one that would be wise to undertake after 2.5 full doses of Nyquil. Well, and then if sharpening knives is too complex for a Nyquil dosed person, I'd say a tonsilectomy wouldn't be wise either.

My tonsils are going to have to go. I never want them to look like this, ever again. I've been researching the procedure and I have to say, 'Oliver's Tonsilectomy' looks pretty good to me. He had his own bed and his own tv and they even have video games.

I hope I can sleep a little better tonight because everything I have just written is scaring the shit out of me. Damn You To Hell Right Tonsil.

Comments

[Caracao]

My right tonsil is like the Canadian province of Saskatchewan: I know it's there but I never have occasion to think about it.

Hope you feel better.

Caracao

[The Sarcastic Journalist Journalist]

good grief, woman! get those things out!

[pinky]

I think a tonsil exorcism may be in order....

[claire]

I just got my tonsils out, and it's hell for, like, two weeks at least. You can't eat any solid food, but of course, the minute I'm out of anesthesia I absolutely crave pizza. And pasta. And bread.