Effective Immediately.

If: You cut my hair and make me look like this horrible woman

Then: I can not be held accountable for my actions against you.

If: You would like to have a playdate involving four to seven three-year-olds running wild in my presence,

Then: said playdate must include either a Bloody Mary (before noon) or some other concoction for playdates between noon and 8pm. Something like this or this, we can be creative.

Obviously, if you are pregnant, nursing or choose not to drink....it would be wise not to call me for a playdate.

If: you beg me to take you outside to play in the snow, and we spend no less than 20 minutes getting geared up for the event, and we get outside but you immediately decide you don't really want to play in the snow you'd rather stand right behind me while I shovel the approximately 3.7 square miles of concrete surrounding our happy little suburban wonderland, asking me how much longer you have to say outside every 6 seconds.

Then: I will not be very pleasant to live with and I will force you into child labor to make enough money to buy this with your earnings.

Comments

[Leslie]

GREAT site! I was laughing OUT LOUD! I can relate to so many of your entries...not to mention that my 4 year old daughter has the same lady bug boots as your daughter (as well as the same Gap shirt....under all that baby powder!) And my 2 year old son must be gay too --- he's a stroller fan, as well as a purse fan! Hmmmmm.
thanks for a great read!

[Christine]

It wouldn't take that long to earn the $ through child labor; after all, the shipping is free.

[emily]

lmao....I don't think I could deal with snow shoveling!

[jilbur]

How bout I whip up some of these --am I invited? do I have to bring my kid? I can drop her off at the mall--at 6, she oughta be able to deal, dontcha think? I think she'd rather spend a couple of hours in Claire's than play with 3 yr old boys ...

[Loody]

Oh man, can I come? I LOVE Caipirinhas! Great site...