Hello, My Name Is 'Dirty Laundry'

It turns out 2004 is not the year of becoming debt free. Apparently it is the year of telling your wife this is the year of No More Debt but what you really want is for your wife to not spend any money and squeeze groceries and household goods out of a fucking stone so that you, the breadwinner can go out with your buddies after work at least once a week and spend, as a 'reasonable' compromise, $25 each time. (Though before this recent 'compromise' you were spending more like $50 a week.)

This works out to $100 a month. Considering I am expected to spend $100 a month on things like...oh, everything we need in this house...I guess I'm a little annoyed at the thought of my husband drinking $100 at a bar every month.

I guess I'm sitting here picturing my husband drinking lotion and contact solution and toilet paper and dishwashing soap and laundry detergent and toothpaste. Because, in effect he's drinking away the portion of my budget alloted for these things.

He says things like, "I don't think $25 a week on my bar outings is unreasonable."

You know, he's right. If we had that money, then really $25 a week on bar outings wouldn't be unreasonable. But since we literally do not have $25 extra a week to spend on anything then I don't understand why exactly I'm supposed to smile and nod adoringly as my husband drinks my monthly toiletries budget.

Also, I'm thinking about Easter coming up on Sunday and how usually I'd buy my daughter and my son an adorable new outfit to wear to the various celebrations we participate in. However, this year....since it's the year of My Wife Spending Less Money So I Can Drink More With My Friends, I decided not to buy anything for the kids or myself to wear. I haven't spent any of my 'fun money' allowance this week just so I could get a god damn haircut this weekend.

But you know, God Forbid, my spouse not have his 'Bar Night'.

I'm so happy to learn this. Because really if I'd known it was the year of My Wife Spending Less So I Can Drink More With My Friends, I never would have agreed to the terms of this agreement.

It looks like the kids and I are going shopping tonight while my spouse is out hobnobbing at the bar with his co workers. I'll be buying all the things I haven't been buying while under the budget restrictions of 2004.

Really extravagant things like new shoes for my son, a new trash can to replace the broken (since December) one in our kitchen, maybe even a new toaster oven to replace the 25 year old yard sale find we've had for the last 7 years. Maybe I'll get one that works in less than one hour.

All this time my spouse has been telling me, "Let's wait on that."

With the budget restrictions and the ultimate goal of getting our financial house in order, I have complied...with angst of course but with a greater purpose in mind.

But, sheesh, if we have $25 a week to spend on drinking at a bar with co workers....we obviously must have money somewhere for a trash can for the love of God.

And if we can find money for the trash can, then what are we doing living with a bathroom that's literally crumbling beneath our feet? I mean if we have $100 a month to go to drinking, surely we can take $100 a month to begin remodeling the bathroom! The possibilities are endless and this is an excellent turn of events.

I only wish I'd known about this secret money tree my spouse has been growing in the basement all this time, really all this anxiety and insomnia I've been enduring about our impending financial doom could have been avoided.

Comments

[Lil' Sis]

Lis- do we need to go drinking soon? It's Passover- I have time & I will buy.
-Miao

[Christie]

Sounds like it's time for you to take the FFP (Food For Pants) money and go drinking with your friends. Just feed yourself and your kids before you go, and be sure the refrigerator is empty once you leave. Maybe leave that can of vienna sausage you have in the back of your cupboard, but other than that, tough cookies for Pants.

[Inland Empress]

Oh my, do I sympathize. With my husband, it's computer gadgets. There's always money for the latest electronic widget, but none for, oh, say, silly things like underwear or food.

My mother and her friends have war stories they like to pass on . . . one friend used her deceased mother's credit card for years. My mother's trick was to buy a new frock and stick it in the closet. If my Dad noticed, she'd pull the tried-and-true, "What, this ol' thing?"

My granma was also an advocate of having a pushke (I think that's the word), basically a secret stash. My mother euphemistically called this her "Christmas Club" though we're Jewish. It gave her an excuse to squirrel money away.

I've also heard of women who took the financial reigns and put their DH on an allowance. Breadwinner, schmedwinner.

I'm new to your site, so sorry if I'm talking out of school here. Just trying to help. I love your site, it feels like a guilty pleasure (chocolate without the calories? My own mental Christmas Club?) Anyway, honesty isn't always the best policy when it comes to family finances.

Good luck.

[The Sarcastic Journalist]

men. hmph. can't they go to costco, buy a case and drink it in an empty parking lot like the rest of society? :)

[beerzie boy]

> drinking at a bar with co workers

I need to talk with your husband. In my house we sell this activity as "networking" or "team building."

Have him give me a call.

[working alone]

at least your husband works,in my mother in laws house(which is where we live)my husband wont work because its summer time and he wants to play in the park and smoke weed and spend every Friday night out and not return till 9 am-after ive gone to work.....I feel your pain sweety...