It's Like Motherhood Without The Kids.

In those warm moments after Max was born and the drugs were wearing off, I looked down at my fuzzy little baby and said, lovingly, "In just 3 years and 6 months you'll be at preschool two mornings a week and your sister will be in school all day and I'll get to be alone for 2.5 hours twice a week."

That isn't really true. I waited until he was about five days old to begin fantasizing about being alone for a few hours while he was off being enriched by others who are a lot nicer than I. In the middle of the night while I fed him I'd whisper...."Someday, not far from now.....you'll go to school! And mommy will sit in coffee shops reading wonderful books and she'll go to yoga class and she'll go to the market all alone...and I think all that free time will make her a much nicer mommy."

When Madison started preschool, I had a feeling of joy so great I felt a little guilty for running from the school while the other mothers sniffed at the door and made sure little Johnny was going to be okay. I distinctly remember thinking, "Things are going to start happening to me now." The feeling of freedom was only slightly tempered with the fact that I was lugging an infant car seat with me as I skipped away from the school.

But this year I won't have a car seat on my arm when I drop Max off at school, and I have big plans.

I have many visions of what this time will look like. I plan to take yoga or go to the gym for a workout each morning. I plan to get the shopping done...without children and not at 9 o'clock at night so I can avoid taking 'The Bickerson's' with me. I plan on volunteering in Madison's classroom. I plan on spending time in Max's classroom.

I plan on knitting in a coffee shop. I plan on hosting brunches with bloody marys for my new friends from preschool...the friends who drink. I plan on spending time browsing at the bookstore and sitting on those comfortable sofas reading books. I am going to be one of those people I stare at longingly while being dragged to the children's book area to read book after book to my wonderful little people who I spend every waking minute with. Except next year, on Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 11:30....I will be one of those people who can stroll and linger.

I will also go home and stare at the emptiness of my house. I will eat whatever I want without little voices saying, 'Hey! How come you get a cookie at 10 o clock?' I will repeatedly get in and out of my car, start it up and drive away. No car seats, no choosing of music for little people, no retrieving of toys....all driving, all the time.

Of course when I add up the time it takes to do all these things I have planned...suddenly 2.5 hours seems like far too little time and I start thinking, maybe boarding school is the answer!

Lots of moms cried at the first day of preschool when I sent Madison. I stared at them, blankly. I do realize everyone has a different experience but my experience is a far more festive one. If I could bring a bottle of champagne to the classroom, I totally would. But it's a religious based program in a church and in public I like to pretend I'm like the other mothers. Only to you, Internet, do I admit to the joy I feel. I may fake a tear or two, but really....I'll be light headed with all the freedom.

Of course, all of these plans hinge on my son figuring out the potty thing because they don't accept children at the school who aren't potty trained. Jesus, I can barely accept him not potty trained.

Judging by the amount of fecal matter and urine we've encountered in the small dabbling with the potty we've done, I am going to earn every minute of those 5 hours a week I'll get. It will be worth it.

Comments

[briantologist]

God. What an awesome five hours. I'm thinking you should find someplace that puts three-year-olds to work. Not hard labor or anything, but like, light office work or something. Or poop production. Surely there's gotta be some kind of use for all that shit. I mean, they're taking all your time, you may as well be making some coin off this deal.

[Marcia]

A very timely post for me... This fall, I too will be a free woman on Tuesdays and Thursdays from exactly 9:00am to 11:30am. My five year old will be in kindergarten everyday and my 3 year old will be in preschool on Tues-Thurs mornings.

I've been scheming about what exactly I will do with that precious time, and I think you've done a good job of covering the highlights. But suddenly, 2.5 hours doesn't seem like so much time, does it (especially when you factor in travel time)?

At 9:00am, it'll be ready, set, go have grown-up, alone-time fun, quick! Regardless, I think it will be good.

[Julia]

I
AM
THERE.

At the bookstore. With a thermos of your (YOUR!) wasabi Bloody Marys.

You'll say, "Julia? I thought you lived in Minnesota!"

And I'll smile and hand you a discreet mug-full crammed with pickled everything as we move silently in opposite directions.

[Shelly]

You are blogging my mind! I've started going for long bike-rides since the weather has been beautiful. As I ride past mothers pushing their infants in strollers, I thank G*d for my 2.5 hours of freedom, 3 days a week ... and I know it does make me a better mommy.

[Christie]

September 7, 2004. I may not be completely alone, but for the first time 2.5 hours with only one kid two days a week sounds like heaven. Now begins the countdown to September 2007 when I will be ALL ALONE. I might just spend that time having spontaneous orgasms.

[Melissa]

Briantologist: I think data entry might be fine work for the boy. Great thinking. Also, solves my other problem!

Marcia: When I dropped my daughter off for preschool I swear to God there was a starting gun and all the moms would make a mad dash to their cars after drop off and then we'd peel out! (Shameless Mrs Kennedy reference).

Julia: School starts September 14th. See you then!

Christie: I forgot orgasms....add that to my to do list! Also, having just one is really great also...it's a good way to ease into all the freedom, you might go into shock if you got it all at once.

[AGK]

The day the baby started pre-K, I went skipping off down the halls. I didn't care that other parents were holding onto each other for support. I was free for whole days...after parenting without a break for 11 years!

[Marissa]

I say tell your son that the big kids go to preschool, but he has to be ready to use the potty before he can go. It's the truth, and it's motivational.

[mumsie]

I wish we had mummies like you at my kid's preschool. I could definitely go for a Bloody Mary. Or a Screw Driver. Or a Cosmo.

[daddydaycare]

Can I watch those of you having spontaneous orgasms? How do you do that?

[Jen]

I've been lurking around your site for weeks now, but this post brought me out of the darkness. My kids are now 22 and 16, but I remember this feeling like it was yesterday.

In fact, I'm onto the next stage. "One graduated from college and two years and three months til I send the other one away. 27 months. 116 weeks." You get the idea.

I always harbored guilt for these feelings, but man. I felt them. Who am I kidding?? Man, I FEEL them. :-)

[Melissa]

Jen!!!!! Yes! We do this too!! Even though we're only at the preschool part of the equation. Sometimes during a particularly chatty dinner out in a restaurant where we can't get a word in edgewise, we begin calculating how old we'll be when the kids go to college.

We talk about how we just have to remain friendly until then even with all these interuptions because when I'm just forty five we'll be like newlyweds again.

I'm so glad to hear it's possible I won't be in a terrible empty nest mourning when the time comes.

[jilbur]

I guess I didn't 'earn' my freedom--I started getting babysitters for when I was home with the Jellybean when she was about six months old, and I'd sometimes do errands then, too; ostensibly, I was trying to write a Ph.D. thesis. Then, for the same reason, when she was almost a year old I put her into daycare part-time (starting around 25 hours/week, gradually increasing to about 35 hrs/week over the course of a year). When I first started her in the daycare, I felt a horrible and strange mixture of freedom and deep grief. I walked around in shock like an impromptu amputee for the first week or so. If I'd waited until she was truly preschool age, I am quite sure my ambivalence would be difficult to detect under a microscope. Because, to tell you the truth, my thought is: 'Only five hours a week? What a gyp!'

[aurora]

i was soo ready for my tues/thurs 9:15-11:15 freedom! and then i had another baby!!!
ack!

[Melissa]

Now Aurora...there will be no talk of that here. no. No! NO!!

No more babies. No.

[Amy]

Found your site by way of briantology and I'm loving it!! I have one finishing up Kindergarten and my youngest starts preschool in the fall. So I have a solid 2 hours to myself 3 days a week in the fall. I have my plans for yoga (just not gonna happen right now) and more gym time, and bike rides, and the grown-up section of the library (not having to chase the kids up and down the aisles in not-so-hushed tones). And art! I love to sketch, but I hate to be interrupted. All these plans, and you know what will probably happen?? I'll be pissing my time away updating my blog and reading others. Yet, maybe I can do that on my laptop with my White Chocolate Mocha with whipped cream on the leather sofas in front of the fireplace in the coffeeshoop downtown. Hmmm, yes, that sounds divine!

[Anne]

I plan to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. The monsterling is headed to pre-school and his mama's headed for the sofa.

[AnneWhitney]

Oh yes! Me too! Me too! For the first time in 7 years I will get 2.5 childfree hours MWF and then only 2 kids at home the rest of the day! And I can't walk toward the exit fast enough! Yippee!