Still Lazy

I've been running lately. It's been 4 weeks of running and still I spend the entire time saying 'inspirational' things to myself like, "THIS SUCKS SO MUCH ASS" or "I feel like I might be dying." or "People do this for 'fun'?"

I'm running 8 to 10 miles a week (don't laugh....I am NOT a runner, this is huge for me) and still, I am lazy.

Yes, it's true. I'm running 4-5 times a week and I'm still lazy. I am lazy because I only want to commit 30 minutes to working out. However, I drink a lot of beer (though I have cut way back....thank you Financial Misery!) and in order to burn the most calories in the shortest amount of time....I must run.

There is no endorphin high. There is no camaraderie. The Runner's World magazine has no place on my nightstand. If I did decide to read it he is right, it would be a magazine full of nothing but expletives (or maybe a bunch of 'You're In Hell'). I totally do not get it (it being the 'running thing') even if I am actually running. I am not A Runner and I am still lazy at my very core.

It seems my husband believes this running thing is proof I am actually not a lazy person. The other day at dinner Logan mentioned his fantasy day.

Him: One day our kids will be old enough to do their own thing all day.
Me: Right, like clean the bathroom, mow the lawn, fold the laundry?
Him: Right. And we'll get up in the morning, run a 5K....maybe a few 10K's every once in a while.
Me: This is your fantasy?
Him: Well....yes.
Me: That makes me think we really could have had 10 kids since we were going to waste our freedom running around like a couple of jack asses.
Him: What?

In October we're going to Chicago.

By Ourselves!

Alone!

Free at last!

For 4.5 days!

Guess why?

The stupid marathon.

When I think of a little weekend getaway in Chicago...a few things come to mind. Breakfast at Ann Sather (on Belmont...so many memories there). Shopping at Uncle Fun. Shopping at the Paper Boy. Sheffield's. Guthrie's. The Green Mill. Hala Kahiki. Don't even mention Ikea. And then all sorts of things I don't even know about yet but I'm going to find out about once I get there. We haven't been to Chicago without children, together, since the summer of 2000 I think.

Never once when I think about a trip to Chicago without children do I think, 'Wow, a weekend in Chicago. I'd like to visit a Health and Fitness Expo on Saturday and then on Saturday night I'd like to eat a lot of pasta and then to top my weekend off...Sunday morning I'd like to wake up at 6am and run 26.21875 miles in a row."

Our first weekend away, alone, since June of 2003 and my husband will be running until he bleeds and quite possibly loses control of his bowels.

Since this is my only child free vacation from now until....forever. I don't see myself spending a weekend in Chicago looking at health and fitness related things and I certainly don't see myself eating pasta with the marathoners.

Although if I were the Wife Of Logan's Dreams I'd be running this God Forsaken event with him. But no, no I won't.

Sure I'll wave at Logan as he runs by, but I already warned him: if he loses control of his bowels while he's running....I don't think this whole 'marriage' is going to work out.

While I'm at the bar waiting for him to finish the marathon of I'll definitely raise my glass to him.

Here's a secret between you and me Internet. When he finishes that marathon I'll look at him with complete and utter awe and admiration. Then I'll trot him around all my favorite Chicago watering holes as the stallion he is. Then I'll roofie him and take advantage of his exhaustion in a most perverted kind of way.

I'm only kidding about the treating him like a stallion part.

Comments

[jenB]

I am revoking your "I am lazy" membership card. And if we ever manage to have a club meeting, you are not allowed in. Running. *scoff* I think Matt Groening should do a book called "Running is Hell".

That said, I do love me Chicago. Fabulous shopping. The Art Institute. The aquarium (sharks!). It is my favourite city in the US, which makes me sound so cosmopolitan, which I am not. I haven't been to NYC, so take that for what it is. I have been to Toledo though to see a Monet exhibit. Went to a Big Boy, had a burger.

I am too lazy to continue.

[Renee]

I like to hear of another woman who drinks beer. Maybe I need to try this running thing you speak of - I've had a few too many myself.

[Wendy]

I've found that running only stops sucking ass once you reach a good level of fitness and have more muscle than fat on your body. For me, I didn't get in that shape by starting out running. I biked my way to fitness (read: parked myself on a stationary in front of the tv) and then found running to not be nearly as painful or torturous as before. That didn't mean I wanted to actually do it, though. Running is not my thing. I married a runner. It can work out.

[Beth]

I'm with you, I hate running. I can't imagine why I keep doing it. For a while I thought I would train for a marathon, then it occurred to me that a marathon is just lots of running, which I hate, so I dropped it.

[Shelly]

Sheesh, I don't even run if I'm late. 4x a week, well you are a superstar!

[Jenn]

Running? As in choosing to put on running shoes, leave the comfort of your home to run...when no one is even chasing you? There is no threat of impending doom to your person and yet you are choosing to run?

I just don't get it. Better go grab a beer, sit on my couch and ponder this one.

[Charla]

Running? You mean people actually run for fun? I thought you were only supposed to run if, say, the house were on fire. Sheesh.

[Jen]

Running? No way. Although Hubby has taken it up recently and is up to five miles about 4 times a week. Yuck, I say.

But Chicago is a fabulous town. If it's his marathon that's the excuse to get you there...sans kids...then all hail the glorious adidas!! Run like the wind, baby! :-)

[AGK]

I run sometimes with the teen. The fun part of that is beating him and having that to hang over his head. The bad part is the heart attack and subsequent emergency room visits. But, you know, at least I beat the kid.

I was going to be in a marathon once. I chickened out, but kept the number so I can brag about the marathon I was in. (Hey, officially, I *was* IN it, you know?)

[Sam]

running is stupid -- please tell me why you do it. really. anyone who can stand to spend that much time with him/herself out and about with no purpose and in pain and in stupid clothes. please, enlighten me.

[Melissa]

Sam: wha? Did I not explain it above? I have to get some physical activity to keep myself from growing much larger than I currently am. Since I only want to spend 30 minutes...as I said above....I have decided to run.

Spending 30 minutes with myself doesn't seem ridiculously long and I thought the purpose was to keep me from becoming larger than I currently am.

And have you seen me running? Am I wearing 'Stupid Clothes'? Yoga pants and a tank top? Yes, stupid?

[erica]

My husband had a co-worker that used to run during every lunch hour. He'd come back, soggy with sweat and gasping. My husband asked one time, "Man, why do you do it?" He explained "It feels good when I stop."

[Michelle]

You're scaring me, Melissa. Seriously. Cut it out.

[Melissa]

You know, first it was 'living within my means' and then it was 'making dinner for my family' and then it was 'systematically keeping up with my house' and now running....

I think Logan has been doing something to my brain.

[Jen]

*rofl* Undoubtedly your brain has been altered by him over time. But equally, and reassuringly, you've likely done some brainwashing of your own.

[jilbur]

I used to run, a little. I don't think I was ever running as much as 10 miles a week, and when I was pretty near that (maybe 3 miles, 3 times a week--yeah, that sounds about right), I was really really smug about it. So I think that proves that I am about as far as possible from you, in terms of personality defects. Because you can continue to think of yourself as 'lazy' under the most improbably of circumstances; whereas I am apt to get inordinately pleased with myself for the most paltry of accomplishments.

Now about this marathon thing. It's not your problem, ultimately, that Logan has a popular form of insanity. However, I am gratified that it offers you a few choice benefits: a fency-schmency trip to Chicago, and a ravishable body that is your legitimate sexual chattel. Well done!

[aurora]

hey!!! i quit running when i realized that i took no pleasure in it whatsoever! i spent the whole time in agony, wondering what the hell was wrong with me.. i didn't find it fun at all.
so i joined kick boxing instead. now that is fun.
p.s. i'm drinking a beer right now. suburban bliss and brew. a perfect combination

[AnneWhitney]

I just started running in March and the only place I have to run is all hills - it is not fun - the only reason I am doing it is because I have ten pounds that just won't budge - I go out at six a.m. so no one will see me huffing and puffing trying to chug up the hills - the most essential element to my running successfully is good music but my MD player broke (too much bouncing for it), I don't have an MP3 player yet, so I am dependent on a radio -- but unfortunately I am now at the whims of the so-called radio programmers for music to get me up the hills -- when Outkast's Hey Ya comes on it definitely makes it better! Glad to know there is someone else out there suffering too!

[Deborah]

I think I get it! As a lazy person myself I can see where running for thirty minutes would be grounds for a thirty minute bath with a beer then thirty minutes on the couch with a beer while the husband does dishes and cleans up the kids! You say you are lazy, I think you are creative...surely this running thing is actually away to get more free time...right?

[mumsie]

Keep this up and you can forgot your exclusive relationship with Pants and start seeing Shorts again.

Just thinking of running makes me tired.

[Misty]

I actually love it when my hubby works out. He just looks so much hotter, and well....