"Drunken Galavanting"

I suppose what I write on this little website puts me in a position to be attacked for whatever reason someone attacks another person with a personal website which she chooses to read.

It doesn't make sense to me to expel hateful bile at another human being you really don't know. It makes no sense to me spew all sorts of horrid spelling mistakes and sweeping statements about my mothering abilities and my ability to care for my small children without exposing them to a "...totally fucked up...." mother.

But then there are a lot of crazy people in this world and I can't even begin to understand those people so, for the most part, I let these vicious attacks roll off my back. I must tell you I've been shocked to find the internet so full of angry and unhappy people who have to tear at another person to feel better.

Better about what? Themselves? Their choices? Their own shortcomings? It's really unclear to me at this time.

I mean, I knew the internet was full of perverts and quite honestly, at this point, I'd really like a pervert to take a shine to me and send me erotic stories starring me rather than all this mean spirited hatred I've been reading this last week.

This seems like a nice place to give you a reminder about how this 'Weblog' thing works, because it seems some of us have recently had a little communication breakdown.

Most importantly, this website is 100% non-obligatory reading. I really don't want you to read it if it offends your eyes in anyway. I really can't change for you is the problem, so only you can change you. If it offends you to read about me and my life and the things I choose to do, then you really should stop reading and take your delicate sensibilities somewhere else.

I write about things here and sometimes I come up with themes that fit my sense of humor and my sense of who I am. As a reader, I assume you have a certain amount of intelligence. So that when I use a bit of creative flourish, you will realize that perhaps just because I write about cocktails and playgroups this does not actually mean I'm getting "totally shit-faced" with my children on a regular basis.

More specifically, let's say I have never found myself "galavanting about in [my] liquor-induced blissful parental state" Though, someday I would love to do just that.

As I start to comment specifically on this particularly unpleasant commentary from a total stranger, I realize there are very unhappy people in this world. People who fill themselves up with food and hatred and envy and general unpleasantness so they might feel a little better about those things which are missing in their own lives.

It's easy to come to my website and listen to me "brag and brag" about my wonderful life and maybe the good parts of my life make you feel uncomfortable with the unpleasant parts of your life. Instead of trying to do something about your own life, it feels good to tear me down and pass judgement on me. It's easier to do that.

Of course, it makes you the kind of person who sits at a computer screen obsessively reading about me and my life all the while feeling ready to explode with the audacity I have to live a very small part of my life in this public forum.

I share a small part of my life here with you Internet. I like to laugh at myself. I like to make myself cry. I like to be as honest as I can. My life is pretty fucking awesome sometimes and it's also pretty fucking shitty sometimes and I think I share both those parts with you to the extent I am comfortable.

I think there will always be unhappy people around me on some level. I've gotten rid of quite a few unpleasant people in my life since October of 2002, but this website attracts a whole other breed of hatred and ugliness. When the unpleasant people were a part of my life, I could at least see how my existence would annoy them so.

I mean, yes, it hurt and caused me far more heartache than the insane ravings of an internet stalker, but the ugliness of someone who doesn't know me at all, makes me feel far more victimized by someone else's baggage.

In reality it has nothing to do with me. I've come to represent, for whatever reason, something this person can't stand. I must accept it for that, simply someone's misplaced anger and hate.

My goodness how I wish they'd misplace it elsewhere.

Comments

[mad]

Alas, there are far too many who take refuge from their own misery by condemning others for perceived shortcomings, failures, and errors. They are the same sorry folks on whom irony is utterly lost. For those of us who get it, please keep writing. Both the honesty and the creative embellishment you produce with a unique and delightful flair make my day on a regular basis.

[Rubber-Sol]

Melissa-
Your unhappy, disgruntled reader (I'm sure there's only one of them out there), can just take her/his comments and just shove them where the sun don't shine. Because dagnabit....people like you!
I enjoy reading your site specifically because you communicate some of the feelings/thoughts that I have EVERY DAY (Yes! even the ones involving mimosas). You bring laughter to this challenging job called "motherhood," and each time I read your site I am so thankful and I whisper to myself, "Thank GOD I am not the only one!"
While it's hard to erase the negative comments made by one (1) unhappy camper. . . I'm hoping that your fans will fill up this post with nothing but positive, happy thoughts/comments.
You were right about this being a voluntary read...so many unhappy camper should skedaddle and avert his/her eyes elsewhere.

[Rubber-Sol]

ooops..typo.....should read: *maybe our unhappy camper.....

[Christie]

Fuck em.

[Anne]

Yikes -- remind me never to get on YOUR bad side.

Don't change a thing, dahlink. I love you just as you are.

Seriously, don't let the noise drown out the music. You've got a lot of folks singing your praises here.

[no name yet]

There always has to be at least one asshole out there trying to make him/herself feel better by shitting all over others. Pay the idiot no mind. If you're a shitty mother, then we all are. I need to hear what you write.

[jilbur]

I'm really glad you blogged about this--and brilliantly, of course, as always.

I'm not one who likes to refer to people, however troubled and in pain as your charming correspondent apparently is, as 'scum' or other such words. But, it's gratifying to me to do so at least obliquely, by saying that I won't. Hey! It's occupatio!

Of course whatever that person's problem is, it's not your problem. We all love you to bits--that is, when we're not gallivanting about in a drunken stupor while neglecting our children.

[fred]

I love reading your parenting stories. It makes me feel a lot more normal. I have the same thoughts sometimes and if I didn't know that there were people out there like me, my child would have an insane mother. I like to think of myself as "creative."

And, to your Internet stalker -- there are a lot more of us out there. We are corrupting the future....aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

[mumsie]

Holy crap. I can't believe anyone would take some of that stuff so literally. Where is their sense of humour? Their sense of irony?

Your blog is brilliant. BRILLIANT. You are constantly making me laugh. Please keep it up.

Kisses.

[Jill]

You know I was re-reading the blog that this person wrote about you and I'm not sure if this person has a sense of humor at all. It seems she finds things funny that most would not and takes offense to things that most would find funny. It's odd how some people take everything they read on the net so literal and yet when reality is slapping them in the face they fail to see the seriousness. As far as I can tell Melissa this drunken behavior is really becoming and I will let it slide as long as you continue to write about said behavior.

[Coralie]

Melissa-

You are amazing, and your willingness to talk about motherhood honestly is refreshing and wonderful and Just. Plain. Funny.

Keep it up, all of us who appreciate both humor and heartache are standing with you.

Oh, and where else would I find out about sex parties for parents and cocktails at playdates if you weren't getting the word out?

========================================
Ed Note: Alice at Finslippy is your source for all Sex Party related information. I don't know anything about any Sex Parties. Alice is down with the sex parties. It's totally crazy how much she loves the Sex Parties.

[Amy]

Feel the love, shun the morons.

I'm sure that your children will grow up to be well-adjusted, happy, healthy adults, whereas this woman's offspring will grow up to make the evening news. In the end you will win and she will drown her sorrows in a big bottle of bourbon because she never learned how to relax and enjoy life.

[Shelly]

Melissa, I've only been reading for a few weeks now but already I'm a fan of your writing and insights on parenting. This "reader" needs to get a grip. She most likely has her own issues and should probably spend less time on her computer and more time in therapy. It's sad that there are so many bitter parents out there ...

[receptionista]

you tell me who they are and i'll egg their house. and give a good old fashioned toilet papering as well!

xoxoxo

[psquared]

yo sista....

it's clear whoever sent you that trash is in dire need of a good stiff one (drink...whatever) maybe they can navigate over to finslippy to find a good party

take care, keep up the writing...it's great!

[AnneWhitney]

My one-size-fits-all response to intolerant, humor-challenged, pole-up-their-you-know-what people is "Get a Life!" Comes in handy since I try to not swear in public in front of my kids when confronted with "challenging" individuals.

[Dana]

Melissa,
Now lets consider the source here! This person has been offensive to many, so don't take it personally. Jealousy and envy is what made you the target this time, dear.

[Liz]

What everyone else said - fuck 'em. You're funny and honest and real, and anyone who doesn't like that can go elsewhere.

[alex]

Your stuff is great!! Fuck-em! Your site is great! They don't have a sense of humor or just don't take it so seriously! It makes me mad that people feel the need to do that....their life must must really suck!

[AGK]

I was once told I Blogged too much. I've also been accused of being fake because in my previous online life, I was an editor who revealed very little. So when I was coming out as a real person, it took some people by surprise. Let it roll. Ain't worth the time and energy, though this entry was fun to read :)

[Julia]

See? See how much the cool funny intelligent people love you? Who was it up there that accused this person of having no sense of humor or irony? Dead on. I read as much of her page as I could bear (not much) and then clicked it shut forever. No nuance, no spark, no verve...

Still, I can understand how irritating it is, mosquito-in-your-ear irritating, to have this person sniping at you from her barely seen corner of the blogworld. I hope she leaves you alone.

Kiss kiss hug hug pat pat, Julia

PS Sex Parties! Finslippy! Ed. Notes! Bwahahhahahaha!

[beerzie boy]

I'd advise you to tell them to take a flying fuck, but I'm sick of your drunken galvanizing too.

[dayment]

Crappy. So sorry. Consider how lucky you are that you don't know them in person.

[panajane]

Twenty-three messages later and it's all clear: we all love you and your rants and your kids and your life. Some people just don't have a sense of a humor and they're way too uptight. As stated previously, fuck'em.

[z]

I think you're wonderful! And it's your humour in the way that you deal with the day to day dealings of married life with kids that makes me think I'll actually be able to cope when it happens to me. So thank you, you are inspirational.

[patti]

Melissa,

I would've responded much sooner, but I was gleefully busy downing shots of tequila while hosting my 3-year old's playgroup. I guess things got out of hand, because I passed out and had to be shaken awake by six terrified 3-year olds and two mothers. Two mothers? Yes, only two. The other 4 were also passed out from the standard (and very strong) Bloody Mary's that are served during my playgroups. But don't worry, the toddlers got over the terror. Juice boxes laced with vodka always do the trick in calming those little creatures down. That and the X-rated films of toddlers in tankinis I force them to watch.

Don't go changin'. Ever.

~Patti

[Jen]

God, thank you for saying all that, more eloquently than I ever could. Coincidentally, I got a comment today that shook me up and pissed me right off. It was basically a "get over yourself" comment, but it was clearly spit out of the keyboard. Oh, and anonymous, too. For a split second I felt somehow guilty or in the wrong for putting myself and my current state of mind out there on my blog. And then it hit me. MY blog. Go away if you don't like it.

All a long winded way of saying...I don't know what. But keep doing what you're doing. Yours are the kids that will end up being happy, well-adjusted and still believing that their Mom is da bomb when they would otherwise be old enough for therapy. I think you rock. And I'm glad I stumbled upon your little corner of the web a few weeks back.

[Helene]

Well said as always. The next time I want to rant about the same, can I just send them to your post?

[S.]

Don't worry about some idiot thinks, not even for a second. No, being Irish isn't a 'get out of jail free' card but you should react the way a Costa Rican woman I met, with very limited English, once did when unfairly criticized: "You know what? Fuck you!" It was beautiful.

Keep going...

[Karen]

I'm sorry this happened to you but glad you seem to be taking it in stride. I hope I will be as level-headed and gracious when my turn comes to deal with some wanker with an attitude -- which it undoubtedly will. Keep up the good blogging!

[Nicole]

Just stopped by for a first time visit and wow what timing I have :) Like I've always thought, some people just aren't happy unless they are trying to make others miserable so the best advice I can give is exactly what you are doing. Just ignore ignore ignore *grin*
Cheers

[Michelle (Bitch #1)]

Well, well, well, look what we have here.

Melissa, how DARE you do something as irresponsible as have a glass of wine with your dinner? Why in the world would you think it's ACCEPTABLE to slam back a few beers while hanging out with friends and eating pizza? And who EVER gave you the idea that it would be fine for you to brag brag brag all the time about how rich/perfect/beautiful/lucky you are, and how perfect and well-behaved your children act?!?!!? Geesh...no wonder this person attacked you. I mean, where do you get off acting like that and then actually having the nerve to write about it in your own blog, for Christ sake?!?!?

You are a horrible, horrible person and in dire need of an immediate intervention. Put down the Bloody Mary and call your local AA chapter. You need a 12 step program like I need to gain another 20 pounds, girl.

Fuck 'em.

*Disclaimer for those of you with no sense of humor. This is called irony. I am NOT attacking Melissa. She knows how I feel about this. Now excuse me while I go pour another glass of Sangria!

[Renee]

I'm in the dark about what happened exactly (a point in the right direction would be greatly appreciated!) but I just have to say that I love your blog - I love your humor and honesty.

I think some people strike out at those they do not know because they cannot do it to those they do know. It's very sad and pathetic.

[Terri]

My husband and I actually had this argument over my previous blog becuase he didn't like what I wrote about or how I wrote it -- he would piss me off and I would try to make it funny. Or I would be down and out (as ALL mothers get) and he decided I was depressed and needed therapy. Geez, we all need to vent sometimes!

So I started a site for my daughter and a separate one for my rants (which he doesn't know about). It's fun watching him squirm!

[Lizbeth]

I'm not aware of what comment you are speaking about, but I'd hate to see what this person would call me if she ever visited my blog. I hate when people who don't understand blogging make stupid comments. If they aren't regular readers then they should shut up. Unless they have something nice to say, of course.

[katie]

Don't worry about the 1% of your readers who are mean. I for one love reading your site. You always make me laugh. :)

[alice]

Wow, it's hard to read these comments when I'm so wasted. Not to mention sore! From all the you-know-whats!

Melissa, now this person's going to come after me and my sex-party-having ways! So far I've been lucky and have mostly attracted the invective-free commenters. That's because I'm not as popular as you. Comes with the territory of being a blog celebrity, I'm afraid. The nuts gravitate to you, like crazy moths to a purty flame. But you know how hard you rock.

[aurora]

ditto everything posted above. except - *i wish* i could say ditto about the sex parties. sigh.
this is your blog. and we love it just the way it is. i think your writing is hilarious and it keeps us all coming back for more.

[LittleMissCan'tBeWrongEver!]

This hasn't happened to me on my blog yet, although I've had a few stray young boy readers...

Just ignore the Idiot...He/She sounds like a Real Ass-Hat.

Yer funny...keep it up. Now where's my fecking martini--it's noon!?

LittleMiss

[perl]

you are my IDOL!! i just stumbled (quite drunkenly, i might add) upon your website very recently and have thoroughly enjoyed every second of reading pleasure. as i do not have any children (except for the one currently kicking around in my womb) i am looking to you as a source of wisdom, guidance,& inspiration - (no pressure there). don't let the assholes get you down - yer the bestest!!

ps - i KNEW that "finslippy" was a sexual term! i just KNEW it!!!!!

[Tim]

Hi Melissa,

I really like your site and find you quite hysterical..... You really know how to put the insanity we all feel daily into words....:)