The bride was radiant, but the groom was just so pretty.

First, this: Massive Black Hole Stumps Researchers. (Link from Angela)

They won't tell you in this article but the black hole on the top of my head continues to defy explanation. Since I'm not a martyr, why else would I have a big fat black hole on the top of my head where a $75 highlight should go?

We may never know.

Onto the wedding.

Logan has a very special relationship with John, I've mentioned that before. In fact, I think John helped to create the metrosexual monster I live with at the moment.

I can't really blame Logan, have you seen this boy? He's really very pretty isn't he? I think maybe Logan suffered an inferiority complex having to be around someone so pretty day in and day out and so he decided he wanted to be pretty too.

Now they're both pretty. But if they were in a pageant, I'm sorry but John is totally winning the Pretty Pageant. And this is very good news because I never signed up to be married to someone prettier than me, and I'm not starting now.

I was anxious to see the bride of course, I knew she'd be stunning. (And also cute enough to plop in your pocket to take home and play with later.) She did not disappoint.

But really I was anxious to see John because, just between you and me Internet, not only does my husband have a secret love affair going with this friend of ours, I have a maddening crush on him as well. Can you blame me? He's so pretty!

When we spotted him at the church Logan broke down into sobs and I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Look, he combed his hair. He's never done that before."

He was right, John never combs his hair. It gives him that 'I just got out of bed and I barely touched my hair and would you look at me? I am pretty!' look everyone envies.

He did comb his hair and it brought a tear to my eye as well. All that combed hair up there on the alter waiting to see his bride. While most people cried at that part when the bride walked up the aisle with her father. Logan and I spent more time admiring that hair. That hair that has never before encountered a comb.

We had been told the reception would be dry. I'm not talking dry as in ironic and sarcastic. I'm talking not a drop of social lubricant in the place and since Logan and I are really only acquainted with the groom and his hair (which we barely knew anymore what with all the combing), we were dreading this.

Also, it's very difficult for me to perform my drunken galavanting without actually being drunk.

We decided to whine and complain about the situation to everyone not involved in this wedding but we also decided to just suck it up and act like mature people who can make conversation with total strangers at a social event without a drink or two.

We decided we would act like that after we stopped at a pub on our way to the reception for a cocktail. A Stoli Vanilla and Pineapple for my metrosexual companion and a Bloody Mary for me. A horrible Bloody Mary that had no business calling itself a Bloody Mary...but then it was an Irish pub and I don't think the Irish are known for their Bloody Marys so I let it go and moved on to the Stoli and pineapple and was much happier after that.

Imagine our warm and tingly surprise when we arrived at the reception and there it was: an unexpected (even by the groom) bar!

Then we sat with a writer from Logan's work and a girl about to give birth any moment and a few other people and it was lovely because as I've mentioned, I forced them all to listen to my potty training adventure and I assure you, they were positively dumbstruck with my entertaining conversation.

As we said our good byes, John assured us he took his vows seriously and truly understands what marriage is all about:

"Hey, now that I'm married, let the wife swapping begin!"

Oh....well, well, well....[mad blushing...my not so secret crush and all]

You know I'd be game except Logan wouldn't like me stepping on his turf and that would be terribly awkward.

Now they're married and I'm just thrilled for them and all their cuteness can now spawn and they can populate the world with little children you want to either tuck into your pocket or chase after with a comb in hand.

Love really is a beautiful thing, but it's certainly not as pretty as John.

Comments

[jenB]

way too pretty for me. john too! hee. dry weddings are for chumps. you need a hip flask - add it to your amazon wishlist baby.

[Melinda]

Loved it! They should really be models for your vintage cake topper collection--they are too cute!

[jilbur]

So very timely: yet another tribute to metrosexual marriage. Stoli Vanilla and pineapple sounds awesome. And that bridal couple is 100% sugar-frosted edible.

[Pants]

Same sex affairs don't count as adultery do they?

[mumsie]

They'd make a great addition to finslippy's sex party club. Don't ya think?

[emily]

I was wondering how ya'll made out at the dry reception.Guess you skinned out of that one!

[alissa]

Curious to know... when you took the picture of the fit-in-your-pocket-bride walking down the aisle with her father, where were all the guests?? The pews are all empty..

And what's up with the dry reception plan? Other than a great way to save alot of money, but still...people talk. Hell, even I'm gonna talk & I don't know the pretty man.

[Melissa]

It wasn't a money thing, let's just say that.

The pews were empty because, sadly, John is too pretty to have friends.

No really, it is a long narrow church and were in one of the last rows filled. Plus it was a smallish wedding, like my own.

I like smaller weddings..more face time with the groom that way.

[jean]

Thought I'd just post to tell you that I so enjoy reading your blog. You write so well and so "entertainingly". I look forward to checking your blog in the morning after a stressful, traffic nightmare drive in to work - I actually SMILE for a minute - then I head into another boring, sucky day at work. ;>)

[Katy]

Geez he is pretty...in an adorable Kutcher-y kind of way. Mmmmmm.

[jilbur]

Melissa, I assume, by 'face time,' you mean 'sucking face time.'
*ducking, hiding*

[Melissa]

Well, of course that's what I meant! Nothing I love more than sucking face with someone else's groom.

I find that way I don't even have to send a gift and I always make an impression with all the guests!

[pinky]

I highly recommend the Stoli Vanil, especially if you combine it with an orange slushie. A few of those, and all your troubles seem to float away on an orange-colored cloud.

[Melissa]

Sounds like an orange creamsicle....yummy.

Also dangerous...if your alcohol tastes too good, you can drink too much.

[Kristine]

My favorite thing about this post was the picture of Pants "admiring that hair" because I envisioned you squatting down in front of your pew in your wedding attire and heels aiming the camera up at him during the vows to take it.

[AnneWhitney]

Sounds like a delightful wedding - and yes he is a *very* pretty groom indeed :) I like the idea of shrinking them both down to be wedding cake toppers - So Cute!

[Sara]

I think the most important question is....what is the bride doing in the picture where we're supposed to be looking at the pretty boy groom? She's flashing her wedding guests??? Are you sure this was a dry wedding?

[Melissa]

I think it's her napkin...it was fun, but not that fun.