Puppy Love

Whittier Elementary held their annual Fun Fair last Friday.

The term 'Fun' is, as always, subjective. But if you are 5.5 years old the Fun Fair is a whole lot of Fucking Fun! I kind of had fun....I at least had fun watching my daughter have fun.

I pretended like the hot dog stand was actually a sushi bar and I pretended the slushee machines were actually margarita machines. I pretended the moonwalk thing was actually a giant bed and I imagined myself sleeping on it (minus the bouncing children).

The visit to the Fun Fair had two highlights:

Madison has a boyfriend. She's had a boyfriend for a while but I never thought she'd mentioned the status to the actual boy in question since I'd never seen her actually talk to him.

After school last Friday she came bouncing down the stairs and she does not normally bounce. She's far too realistic for bouncing. On our walk home she told me she told Brian (who is, in our home, "Brian...with a B...not Ryan because for GOD's SAKE who would date RYAN! My God MOTHER!") she loved him.

And guess what he said?

HE LOVES HER TOO!

And guess what he gave her!?

A HEART STICKER!

HE TOTALLY LOVES HER IF HE GAVE HER A HEART STICKER!!!!!!

She told me this story and I don't want to raise a little girl who is all wrapped up in what a boy thinks of her....but if you could have seen her blushing cheeks and the smile on her face when she showed me that sticker....you would have started skipping down the road just like I did.

It gets even better than the heart sticker and the binding love the heart sticker represents.

I love Brian's (with a B, not RYAN for GOD's SAKE!) mother too! We worked in the classroom together once and I could tell it was making her want to jump out a window, the 20 some odd kindergartners talking all the time without even breathing and I could tell she wanted a cocktail and I wanted to give her one but instead I gave her a heart sticker and she totally knew what that meant!

So now I'm just hoping this love between Brian and Madison is the kind of true and binding love that lasts until they're about 26 or so and ready to take on a commitment as serious as marriage. Because I'd like to share grandchildren with Brian's mom. I really would. Of course, there's this Nicholas in our class and I truly have a crush on his parents. (More on that later.)

We saw Brian, with a B, and his parents at the Fun Fair and watching my normally reserved daughter march right up to a group of boys to say 'Hi' to her 'boyfriend' was rewarding in so many ways. Of course I only waved to Brian, with a B's, mother from across the playground. I'm just kind of shy.

The second wonderful thing about the Whittier Fun Fair was the Titanic Fun Slide. Because there is nothing more fun than a huge cruise ship going down killing 1,513 people! Hey! How fun! Let's recreate the tragedy of the Titanic as a FAIR RIDE!

"Madison, as you slide down the deck pretend you're just realizing there are no more life boats and you're about to plunge to your icy death!" WEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Also it seemed poignant given my recent metaphor about the Titanic. I tried to get Logan to mount the FUN SLIDE and yell out "I'm the king of the world!!!!"

But he refused.

Baby.

Comments

[briantologist]

Man, I remember my kindergarten/first-grade girlfriend. Her mom was my sister's and my piano teacher, so we totally had guaranteed quality time. Then she transferred to a different school. It hurt.

On an unrelated note, I hate trying to make friends as an adult! You meet people you're almost positive are really cool, and then ... what? You send them a note that says "Will you and your spouse be friends with my spouse and me? Check yes or no"? Things were a lot simpler back when Jem and the Transformers played a heftier part in our personal relationships, I'm telling you.

[Christie(kailey's mom)]

That is THE funniest slide I have ever seen. Ya know, soon you'll look in the book bag and see those notes...Do you love me? check YES or NO...

Ahhh...puppy love.

[Melissa]

Mr Briantology, are you implying one should not send a "Will you and your spouse be friends with my spouse and me? Check yes or no" note to potential friends?

Oops!

[jilbur]

Melissa sweetheart--you know this is not my usual kind of comment but: this one had me giggling so hard, and when I got to the SURPRISE Titanic slide I gasped and tears of laughter squeezed out of my pink, pink, pink eye. The glitter one with the hearts on it.

[Christie]

My son totally has a girlfriend, it's Alix with an I, and it's not short for ANYTHING, least of all ALEXANDRA, GOD MOTHER!!!!!!!

She didn't give him a heart sticker yet, but she did dress him up in a princess dress and let him dance around. And that's got to mean something.

Although I'm kind of thinking it might mean Jack might end up dating Max when he's older. ;)

[Tex]

Lis, is the dad with the MAJOR mullet the father of Brian? I would be forced to call social services if her first boyfriend was related to that...

========================================
Ed Note: If he was the son of Mullet Man I think we all know what the title of this post would be: "WE'RE MOVING....NOW"

[Jen]

Briantology has an excellent point. It's damn hard making friends as an adult. Especially as an adult with older kids, where the opportunity to leech onto people because of having kids' activities/accomplishments/own social lives in common diminishes exponentially.

I'm seriously thinking about implementing the "Check Yes or No" concept. Maybe an email form to add a grown-up dimension?

[jilbur]

The making-friends-as-an-adult question is the big dirty secret of maturity. It flat out sucks.

Fortunately, Melissa has vowed to be my BFF, and we are totally going to the mall together to get our navels pierced. Right, Melissa?

[shaunacat]

I particularly love the 'First Class Passengers Only' sign above the entrance to the slide.

Great thing to teach the little ones!

[Alice]

Hey, Jilbur: That's not what Melissa told me.

[Micheline P.]

Melissa, thank you for this hilarious post! The tear stains on my cheeks (from laughing so hard) are my heart sticker to you.

[Alice]

Hey, Jilbur: That's not what Melissa told me.

[alice]

I posted that twice to make you feel extra bad.

[Melissa]

Yes [x] or No [ ]

Girls girls there's plenty of me to go around!

Can we not do the naval piercing though....maybe we'll just have a few drinks instead?

BFF!

[beerzie boy]

Madison and Ryan
in a tree
Kay-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Enn-Gee

[Lil' Sis]

Oh, man, you're DAMN RIGHT she's not dating RYAN! Because when my niece starts stealing my 34-yr-old not-boyfriends, I will have to double up on my Cat Fancy subscription and buy a new bathrobe to complete the idyllic future i have coming. Because i don't have my heart sticker from Ryan yet.

miao.

[dayment]

Oh my god that slide totally looks like fun.

[AnneWhitney]

Making friends as adults is soooo hard - if only we could just slap a heart sticker on the people we like! I always end up babbling incoherently trying to find something we have in common instead of saying what I really want to say, "I think you're really cool, wanna go out and play?"
We've done the Titanic slide too - the kids just didn't understand it.

[jilbur]

*sob* Alice, I think you're mean and I want all my Barbies back and you'd better not have ripped any of their clothes or given any of them one of your hatchet job haircuts!

[alice]

I posted nude photos of them on the web.

[Nicole]

I LOVE THIS BLOG!! It makes me happy. :)

I never had a elementary school boyfriend because whenever someone supected I had a crush on a boy, they would tease me and I would start to cry.

But once Joey R. carried my books for me... in front of my DAD! Oh the horror.

But according to MASH, we were supposed to live in a shack, with a turtle, a hotrod, 10 kids and Honeymoon at Knotts Berry Farm.

Perhaps it was meant to be.

[Melissa]

((((GASP)))) Alice, I can NOT believe what I am hearing!

[Sam]

sank you.

[alice]

Whatev. You're not the boss of me.

Wait, I think I just slipped into sulky adolescent mode.

[jilbur]

Melissa could you please tell Alice that I will not be her friend any moreuntil she stops selling those downloads of my Barbies committing unnatural acts with her My Little Pony. The nudies were almost tasteful but this is going too far.

Also, do you know if it will remove their Malibu tans if I soak them in bleach for a while? Universal precautions ...

[myllissa]

Well, I came to comment on the horrific slide. (Why would you think of that when you think of a fun children's activity?) But as I read the other comments, I really think this whole barbie situation is way more interesting. Melissa, you should deal with this. The comments are starting to out-do the actual post.

[emily]

I'm right there with everyone on how hard it is to make adult friends.Lord knows I've complained about my lack of them since moving here.I wish it was as easy for adults as it is most children.

Oh...and would that Barbie be "Ghetto-whore barbie"?I think I lost mine..lol

[briantologist]

Yeah, y'know, looking back, I don't know why I haven't gone ahead and implemented "Operation: Check Yes" by now. Christ, none of us are getting any younger, just more friendless.

Speaking for myself, anyway.

[x]
yes

[jenB]

I think "Operation: Check Yes", will become the hot new trend of the double nots. But, may I ask, what is BFF? Blog Friend Forever? If so, I am so jealous.

And the Titantic slide is just fucked up, if I may be so crude.

===========================================
ed note: I think BFF is Best Friends Forever. I think....of course I may be assuming too much. You know how I've been searching for a new best friend and everything.

[Heather]

When I was 5, my boyfriend bought me a dime machine ring. *sniffle*

[Lamar Cole]

Just like a fig, puppy love can be so soft and sweet.