This Summer Is Never Going To End. Ever.

If you've been noting the drop in my writing around here...it's because I have officially reached Summer Saturation and I'm considering eating my children (and not because they're so cute I could eat them up.) If I could dip them in chocolate, as my friend Emily suggested, they'd be goners.

We spend every single minute of every single day together. I don't spend every single minute of every single day with anyone. If I did, I'd want to eat them also. Dipped in chocolate.

Sometimes, things get so intense, I picture those fancy pretzel rods. Except it's kids and not pretzels under all that delicious chocolate. It's all I can do to keep myself from taking a big chomp out of them.

On the bright side. Max has been sleeping in his bed for the whole night because we found an elephant shaped paper lamp. That lamp saved my son's life.

On another bright side, school will be starting in 4 weeks and 2 days, but who's counting?

Yesterday, I asked the children (who go to sleep asking me: "What are we going to do tomorrow?" and wake up asking: "What are we going to do today?" and end each activity by asking: "What are we going to do next?") what they would like to do today.

Their answer?

"We'd like to drive you to the very limits of your sanity and make you fantasize about dipping us in chocolate like pretzel rods and swallowing us whole!"

And I said:

"But we've done that every single day this summer!"

So they decided they'd like to swim in the inflatable pool. Hey! That's easy enough!

So I drag the electric pump from the basement and I lug the extension cord upstairs and then I clean out the pool that hasn't gotten a lot of use this year because it's always raining or 69 degrees. It takes about an hour total to fill it with air, clean it, start filling it, find the pool toys they want, get them into their suits and get myself set up outside to get a little work done while I watch them playing. (Have I mentioned lately how I love my iBook? I would never dip it in chocolate and eat it. How can the stupidest thing I ever bought be the very best thing I've ever owned?)

We all settle into play and 10 minutes later!

They were done!

And do you know what they asked?

"What can we do NOW?"

I hate those moments of frustration. I hate thinking ugly and not nice things about my children. (Like I want to eat you.) But I spent an hour getting ready for the pool and they spent 10 minutes in it. I wish I was a nicer person, I really do. I try to be nice. BUT THEY SPENT 10 MINUTES IN THAT POOL.

The other day we went to the park. I brought a picnic! And a blanket! And my book! There was a big play structure, which children like! I thought they could play and I would lay on the blanket and read a book and I would look up and make sure they were playing nicely and not with kidnappers and then I'd read some more. On occasion I'd yell, "DO YOU HAVE TO GO PEE PEE????" It would be a nice way to spend a couple of hours.

After 10 minutes, Madison was sitting on the blanket next to me because she was bored and she wanted to go home.

I'm trying to remember what it was like when I was a child and my mother was home with us during the summer. I don't remember going to the nature center, I don't remember going to the pool, I don't remember movies and bowling and trips to the state park and the beach. I don't remember going to the park even! In fact I'm pretty sure we played with rocks and stared at blank walls and we were happy. Why can't my children be happy?

If you happen to see me at the store buying suspiciously large quantities of chocolate, be alarmed.

Comments

[Amy]

You will have to fight me for the chocolate, unless you are happy with the milk chocolate, and I'll take the white chocolate, and don't forget sprinkles!! I have 2 girls (3 & 6) and my oldest cries if she is without a playmate for more than 5 seconds. I currently have a quasi-son, who btw, is Chinese, so he doesn't look anything like my husband or me. He's been over EVERY.DAY.FOR.THE.PAST.TWO.WEEKS. Not that I'm complaining (much), for at least he keeps her occupied. My little one is the one who wants to know the itenerary for the whole day.

"What are we doing the morning?"
"We're having breakfast."
"What are we doing after that?"
"Brushing our teeth?"
"What are we doing after that? (repeated after the next 50 things I tell her we are going to do, in as much detail as possible in order to unsuccessfully convince her that we have SO much to do today).

School can't start soon enough.

[Christie]

Yesterday I resorted to packing up EVERY SINGLE TOY IN THE HOUSE to prove to my son that if he didn't play with ALL OF THESE GOD DAMNED TOYS I was going to give them to a child who would. I even spoke in capital letters (and bold, underlined with exclamation points). I feel your pain.

[cursingmama]

Oh, the delights of summer vacation. I am currently a full-time working mama, which I am fairly certain was brought about by those very same kinds of questions, actually demands.
I remember (and it's not that damn long ago) spending my summers at home, with friends, playing in the sand box, or the dirt, riding our bikes (helmetless), picking dandelions, swatting mosquitos, playing kick-the-can, or jarts (the pointy ones), and if by some chance my mother decided we were going to have a planned activity, planning the mutiny. I know my mom reached her boiling point if it rained too many days in a row; but otherwise things went pretty smooth until mid-August when we'd used up all the dirt, fought too many times with the neighbor kids, and skinned up our knees just one too many times.
I blame the television for the way things are now, that and the quest to be the "perfect mom" - but mostly the tv. We didn't have cable back then (STILL NOT THAT OLD) and the only things on for kids after the breakfast line up were repeats of the breakfast line-up (Sesame Street, Electric Company and Mister Rogers)all at the lunch & nap hour. What else could you do, but go outside, meet some kids, and make your own fun. I'm becoming my mother.

[Ninotchka]

OK I just wrote this entry.

Hi, I just found your blog recently but have never posted. I love your writing style. As a former (human; read: SLOW) marathon runner, I nearly died LAUGHING at your post about the trots. I can't believe the big "I" didn't work. It was my lifesaver!

Anyway, I'm feeling the same way right now. I'm all out of ideas for "Mommy Camp." It never occurred to me to eat my children. And dipped in chocolate?

RUN KIDS RUN! ba ha ha ha

Nice to make your acquaintance.

~ Nino

[Jennifer]

I've always said we should celebrate New Year's Day concurrently with the first day of school. Isn't that when normal folks' year really starts? It sure as heck did/does for me.

[Lil' Sis]

For us when we were little, the Bonster made it generally unpleasant to be around & pester her, so we played with empty boxes & random trash in the basement, or with the neighbors' toys outside. Haven't your kids created a hotel/restaurant/bar in the basement yet? Why aren't your neighborhood's kids destroying eachother's self esteem with exclusionary clubs? Our mother didn't even plan activities when she was running daycare out of our house. How did your kids get so spoiled?!
Make them get jobs & start bands. Then they won't have any free time.

Miao.

[jilbur]

This was a brilliant post, so I kinda hate to buzzkill it with advice--but where Madison is concerned: if she's anything like my Jellybean, the only time she'll play extensively with little intervention is if she has a friend her age with her. So now that's become a big priority, scheduling those times. Don't know if that helps with Max, though--he may be too young for that level of sociality yet.

Oh--by the way--if you haven't guessed yet, I haven't got a witty bone in my body today ...

[Melissa]

Madison has these freakish emotionally charged relationships with her friends and they spend about 2/3rds of their time together fighting because; "You don't love me like i love you."

I have accepted Max is gay, however, could i have one straight child?

Sometimes the friends over works but more often it backfires because now I have 3 kids who don't 'have anything to do'. And in fairness, my house sucks if you're a kid. What with my anal retentivness and the lack of gobs of toys....they're screwed.

Unless they like to play with rocks and stare at blank walls.

[Beerzie Yoink]

Ah, I know this all too well. Around Stately Beerzie Manor, we call it Request Monkey Mode.

[WindyLou]

More useless crap spewing from my mouth:

There are three kids in my family.

Besides "adventures" which were planned activities (usually the zoo, a pic-a-nic or if we were especially lucky, a canoe trip or camping), our only source of entertainment was each other.

In the summer we were sent outside to play and not come home until dark. If it was raining, mom said go play outside anyway! Rain won't hurt! but mom our clothes will get all wet. WEAR A GARBAGE BAG AND GO OUTSIDE! Cruel? perhaps Dangerous? maybe; we were never kidnapped or seriously injured or molested and she seldom had to hear our cries of "I'm Bored" because we knew if she heard THAT too many times she would call dad and we would have to clean the house all day. And if we fought with each other too much, we had to stand in a circle and hold hands and sing a song about love at home and loving one another. And that is SO MUCH WORSE than having your mom dip you in chocolate and eat you.

[Jenah]

You know..I work and my son spends his days with a very active care provider. He also takes karate 2x's per week. And now he's started soccer. He has a tv in his room that I let him watch now and again. He had more toys than any child should have. A Leap Pad. Books [he loves to read]. A bike [which he refuses to learn to ride] And still. . . when we're home he's always asking me "what can I do?"
It's a sickness I tell ya..........
And you're not alone with the ugly thoughts...however, I've never been lucky enough to have mine involve chocolate.
Cheers!

[Caracao]

This story sounds suspiciously like Hansel and Gretel to me. Be on the lookout for a trail of pretzel crumbs.

[Caracao]

This story sounds suspiciously like Hansel and Gretel to me. Be on the lookout for a trail of pretzel crumbs.

[Susan]

My mother used to lock us out of the house(I swear this is true) with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and a pitcher of water and not let us in until lunch- in the steamy jungle that is NJ in the summer...she made us stay out one day until I learned to tie my shoes..I was 5 or 6.
I haven't resorted to that so far but it could happen!

[briantologist]

Dear god. I mean, on a scale of one to twelve, exactly how illegal is it to, say, give your kids the adult dose of Nyquil every morning, then enjoy your day? It seems like the choice is either that or infantcide, and I'm pretty sure that's much closer to twelve than a little over-the-counter medication.

Just saying.

[Melissa]

Briantologist- That's very true....sometimes you have to weigh your options.

[Gen]

I think WindyLou's post has the answer. If kids want something to do, give them a chore. If you can make it into a game, then everybody's happy. Otherwise, if they don't want to do a chore, then they'll have to come up with their own ideas. I don't remember that my parents EVER suggested to me how to play; I either read books or made up my own games.

[Texas T-bone]

Oh no! No I want an inflatable pool, an iBook, a pretzel and some chocolate! Thanks for nothing!

[emily]

So far,I have managed to only dip their limbs in the chocolate.But I'm nibbling slowly,so I can savor it.Do they really need ten fingers and toes?
Oh...and so you can hate me further.....the girls start school in 8 glorious days!Woohoo!!!!

[Shelly]

This summer we've already taken two (count 'em two) vacations and the kids have spent two weeks of camp and tomorrow is the day when I turn into Julie McCoy, cruise director. I have actually been looking forward to spending some time with both of my kids (together) doing some fun summer stuff (going to the beach, the county fair, etc) ... but then what do I do for the next 3.5 weeks???? I like the rock and blank wall idea.

[coolbeans]

We hit this wall this weekend. We had no plans and no money. We were stuck. I made the children stay in the basement for a couple of hours yesterday for their own safety.

I like to give them three options. Play with this, read that or go there. If they can't pick one, I have a spray bottle and a rag and a lot of dirty walls, chairs and cupboards.

Muahahahahaaaa!

[RockStar Mommy]

You're still a nicer Mommy than I am.
Had it been me and my kids asked 'but what can we do now?' I would have tossed them right back in and yelled "You're gonna swim until you're eardrums fill with water and the chlorine bleaches out your hair! You're going to wrinkle up like a California Raisin in a geriatric home! You're going to do it and you're going to LOVE every minute of it! And then when I say it's okay for you to get out, you're going to thank me and kiss my feet!"
Okay, maybe that's a teensy bit harsh.
But only maybe.