Dirty Words.

Logan's office email has a device meant to prevent potentially offensive emails from being sent through to employees.

I first found out about this scanning program many, many months ago while discussing my husband's recent vasectomy. As I recall, the email said something along the lines of,

"Your poor testicles have been through the wringer."

The email was sent back to me claiming my 'message contained potentially offensive material' and would not be sent to my husband. I was livid. My email response to 'Mr Interscan' was:

"Dear Mr Interscan, If I want to discuss my husband's tortured testicles, I will do so as his lawfully married wife. Thank you."

'Mr Interscan' bounced that message also!

I edited my email, explaining to Logan that his office does not allow anyone to discuss t*e*s*t*i*c*l*e*s. However, because I tested it, 'balls', 'scrot', 'nuts', 'nut sack', 'hairy nutsack' are all okay.

I think Logan got 147 emails that day with the subject line 'Testing', as I tested all potentially offensive words in email to him.

'Vagina' is forbidden, but all other nasty slang words for vagina (I'll let you think of them yourself) are allowed.

'Breast' is forbidden, but all other names pass. 'Penis' is forbidden, but even the most nasty names my dirty little mind could come up with made it through. 'Prostitute' is forbidden...but again all nasty slang for prostitute is gladly patched right through!

Imagine Logan's glee that day when he received a hundred emails with every dirty slang word I could think of.

He was beyond thrilled!

As far as I can tell via my exhaustive research: Logan's agency wants everyone to speak in a crass and dirty manner. Anatomical names are not okay, dirty slang is what they're all about.

I don't get it.

Comments

[Sarcomical]

That is truly hilarious! I am so glad you tested it all out, and now understand the system. ;)

[Texas T-bone]

Nice to know his e-mail is safe for sending rap lyrics back and forth.

[annie]

OMG I'm cracking up here. I found your site thru another. Glad I did this gave me a big laugh...thanks!

[kalisah]

his email system is MUCH more lenient than ours. The guys in IT showed me a list of about 750 words that are blocked, as well as blocking photos whose percentage of skin tone (just the color) is too high. Of course, my HR dept believes its entire reason for existence is to protect the org from being sued, so this makes sense.

[emily]

The company my friend works for has this filtering system.It bounced one back to me one day for the word hell.I mean really folks.Do you know just how many emails I have sent him with worse words than hell.lol

[Jennifer]

I had a legal document stuck in email hell because a paralegal had typed LUST instead of LOST. Ridiculous. Why is it that I'm not feeling comforted by whoever the 'Them' is responsible for protecting us from ourselves?

[Ron Southern]

The persons in charge of such filters or censorious software are always fucking assholes who should have murdered in their cradles or, at the least, in later life been set adrift at sea in a very small boat (if they ever reached land again, they would have a better sense of human priorites).

However, I must admit that if you or your husband were working for me, I'd object mightily to the amount of personal emailing and blog-reading that goes on these days. So, I'm not as liberal as I sometimes sound. Just a curmudgeon and irritant.

Your post was hilarious and delightful and well-done, though!

[Melissa]

Oh he'd email me on his own time or read my blog on his own time except he's at the office at 6 or 7am each morning and doesn't arrive home until 6pm. Then, at least once a week he goes back into the office after the kids go to sleep for a couple of hours.

All this without a raise, bonus or promotion for at least 18 mos now.

I don't know, it seems to me they should gladly let him read my blog or talk about his tortured testicles so he doesn't find a better paying job!

Heh!

[pinky]

God, that's funny. I have a friend who always writes any "questionable" words l*i*k*e t*h*i*s, because of a filtering system that someone else she knows, uses. Once I asked her why she did that, as we don't have a bad-language filter. She replied that it is now a permanent habit.

[nicole]

That's hilarious! I always put a * in the middle of a questionable word, or $ in place of a 's'. I do this even if I'm chatting on AIM since I'm not sure if they can monitor it. That should control those crazy a$$holes. :)

[Misty]

That is just hilarious. You are your husband kill me! Do you think he was really loving it? That is so funny.

[the sarcastic journalist]

How about big floppy donky dick?? That's a personal favorite of mine.

[The Snide Cupcake]

Well, you could test for "big floppy donky dick", but you might have to test for the correct spelling of it, too.

[The Snide Cupcake]

Well, you could test for "big floppy donky dick", but you might have to test for the correct spelling of it, too.

[redgie]

fuck all of you and give me a blowjob

[DertqueemiDot]

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