The Perfect Storm.

My mother's name is Bonnie. When I heard the tropical storm coming into Florida had been named Bonnie, I wept for Florida.

If this tropical storm is anything like my mother....Florida is really in for it.

Bonnie will reduce you to an eye rolling teenager no matter how old you are. Anything Bonnie does or says will make you roll your eyes and say, "You are so embarassing!" You'll ask Bonnie to pick you up around the block from school because it's totally uncool to have your tropical storm pick you up from school. Duh! But then, even though you don't want to you'll ask the storm to drive you to the mall. But don't drop me off at the front door. God!

Bonnie might horrify you with her love of John Tesh (she will actually see John Tesh live and proclaim him 'Phenomenal') and maybe even worse....Bonnie will love Josh Groban. Which might just cause you to have a horrible seizure where you swallow your tongue and die of embarassment and also strangulation.

On the other hand, if this tropical storm is anything like it's namesake, it will not have a clue how to operate 'Call Waiting'. So if Bonnie gets a little overly enthusiastic, two people just need to call the storm on it's cell phone. When the second call comes through....Tropical Storm Bonnie will be stopped dead in it's tracks.

"Hold on, I'm getting another call. Now, where is that button.....hello? Oh, it's still you....hold on.....Hello?"

Tropical Storm Bonnie will be totally distracted by call waiting and will be unable to wreak havoc on Florida. Catastrophe diverted.

Comments

[Marcia]

Aren't all mom's like that with the call waiting? No? Just yours and mine then. *sigh*

[Julia S]

Giggle.

[Michelle]

Ooo, the call waiting thing is sooo true!

Michelle

[kalisah]

hey...I like Josh Groban...

[Jenny]

lol! Your posts are so funny! But hey..wait...I love Josh Groban and I am nothing like "Bonnie"! :D

[Melissa]

Oh Kalisah and Jenny...I'm so sorry. He's gotten to you.

Pardon me while I choke on my tongue.

You know I'm kidding...I mean to each his or her own. He does have the voice of an angel....a dark angel sent from the depths of hell!

[emily]

Thanks for the tip on the call waiting...worked like a charm.'Ol Bonnies didn't know what hit her last night.lol
We didn't have any bad damage thank god.

[Heather]

*snort* Can't wait to pass this on to Dana. Do you know Bonnie's cell #?

[madame sosostris]

Josh Groban is utterly, utterly heinous.
Have you ever attempted with Bonnie the old tried-and-true trick of making a crackling, static-y sound and then saying "I can't hear you--you're breaking up! What? What!?" and then hanging up? Used sparingly, it works every time.

[Terri]

Hurricane Isabel hit shortly after I had my daughter. And I remember all to well the screaming and shrieking and utter fear of her wrath.

[Lil' SIs]

Come ON! You know the Bonster is afraid of cellphones! Haven't you ever tried to get her to use yours?

We all know that the way to stop Hurricane Bonnie is to take her to the salad bar at Big Boy. She'll be... ahem... tied up for a good long while until her intestines start working properly again. HA!
(love you, mummy!)

miao.

[jenB]

My parents got a NON ROTARY DIAL PHONE at the very last minute the phone company would allow. Do not talk about call waiting, my mom's head would explode

[AGK]

I was thinking Hurricane Pam would definitely be much worse, but she already lives in Florida, so she's more like a daily climate headache. Which is why I live in Georgia. I ain't afraid of no hurricane, even those named Bonnie who embarrass ya ;) Too funny!

[Sarcomical]

My mom WILL NOT get an answering maching. Or call waiting. Scratch that, her phone HAS an answering machine built in but she has it set to not pick up, because she likes to screen and thinks if people leave messages then she'll have to call them back, and this way they can just think she's disappeared. Oh, and the call waiting - same thing. She doesn't want people to be able to tell the difference between when she's on the phone and when she's taken the phone off the hook. Wha? Huh?

[Sarcomical]

Oops. Machine. Machine. Machine.

It's a good thing no one in the family has had to make an emergency call from a burning wreck yet.

[Rubber-Sol]

Oh I can't wait until they get to "M" -- I would LOVE to know what Hurricane Max or Tropical Storm Melissa would do!?

[Texas T-bone]

Having a weather pattern named after you is the sincerest form of flattery, so mad props to your tropical-depression-momma. I don't wish for a hurricane season long enough to get to "T-bone," but that would be sort of cool. I'd have T-shirts made up, at any rate: "I survived Hurricane T-bone and all I got was this sopping wet T-shirt."

[Alice]

You make me laugh, which I will indicate by typing this: HAHAHAHAHAHA. See?

But what happened to tropical storm Bonnie? I just read about "Hurricane Charley," which if it's anything like my dog will terrorize the west coast of Florida by licking its penis and humping away at the air.

[Melissa]

She got distracted by the call waiting...or else, someone turned on the a/c in her car and she became convinced the car would explode....

[Elizabeth]

This is absolutely hilarious. I HAD to link to it back at Corporate Mommy.

Thank you for writing this!

[briantologist]

"BONNIE HITS FLORIDA COAST; MILLIONS BERSHON"

[Gary]

Why couldn't she have been named Charley? I'd have bought three cell phones and called her on all three every ten minutes as I evacuated Tampa and headed for Orlando, right into Charley's eye.

He didn't even blink.

[Patty]

Hello, 1st time visitor to your site, saw URL in local paper this morning, thought it sounded interesting. It was plus entertaining 2 fur one! I'm 50-something, have always been a full-time mommy; currently have two grown sons (23 and 25) still living at home. Don't cry, they're productive, considerate, law bidding, Christian men, just love being at home w/mom and dad, and earning degrees. Off track here...what I wanna say is this...THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. Ya, hard to believe, huh, my mom said the same thing to me too, when I had two in diapers w/ear infections and I wanted to bludgeon her. Guess what? She was right. The boys are too big to sit on my lap (even if my lap weren't covered up w/my tummy), their reading material is way beyond One Fish, Two Fish, and they're able to run off in automobiles and not even wave goodbye. You can't hear me, 'cause you're not 50-something, just like I couldn't hear my mom. If you could, I'd say, slow down, notice the little things, enjoy the moment, savor the sounds, they'll be gone before you're ready. Trust me.