Don't Over Do It.

Today in the crowded doctor's office waiting room/petri dish of dark illness waiting to infect me, a young dad held a tiny newborn in his arms and an older man asked him how old she was. (Actually he asked if she was a girl, because the head to toe pink clothing didn't tip him off.)

"Is she your first?" the older man asked.

"No, I have another daughter at home," the dad answered.

"Well two is nice, maybe even three but, you know, don't over do it," the older man said.

Whenever anyone asks me if we're having more children I'm saying that from now on:

"No, we didn't want to over do it."

Comments

[Lisa]

We ended up with 4 by circumstances way too crazy to explain. Lets just say we weren't the ones having careless unprotected sex, but we are the ones who ended up raising the unplanned pregnancy.
Let me just say this. No matter how much I love these children, and I know in my gut that we were the only chance for the unplanned one, 4 is too many. 3 was pushing the line, but doable. 4 is chaos and stress with no one (including me) getting the attention, time, money and love they deserve. I longinly think of the days when we had a smaller family. I honestly would advise anyone thinking of #3, and definetly #4 to reconsider.
2 is good.

[MelissaS]

What I think I loved most about his comment was how it made having children sound similar to....I don't know....pulling a muscle. Like he was an aerobics instructor advising his student not to push too hard.

[Janine]

Phew! Relieved that my decision to have # 3 makes the grade of not overdoing it.

[Alex]

I always wanted 4 - and ended up with 2. I saw what my choices were - have 4 kids or stay married. My DH with all his wonderful qualities would have cracked years ago if we had gone past 2 kids. Our marriage barely survived 2 babies. I think the last time I brought it up he said - "Sure, go ahead you can have 2 more - you will have to find someone else to help you create them and raise them." The next week he had a vasectomy. Huh, he was serious.

[Elizabeth]

Oh, come on, isn't anyone going to say it? Big families can be wonderful, and fun, and amazing! It's just as intolerant to say that small families are for everyone as it is to say that big families are for everyone. You have to do what is right for you. (I want eight, and have none so far, so it's probably easier for me to say this than it would be if I was chasing two kids around, like poor Melissa. But I still think big families can be great.)

[Mir]

Such sage advice. Because I'm sure that man was sitting there, pondering how many children to have, and this old man equating breeding to, say, pigging out on cheesecake was just the reminder he needed not to overtax the world with his selfishness.

[Deena]

That is funny. My sister just recently found out she is pregnant with her 4th. I don't know if she has stopped shaking yet since she was really very done with 3. I sometimes wonder why I didn't stop at one but oh well 3 works, but just barely.

[emily]

Well,you know...three is overdoing it for me.Oh,wait.I do have three.Yes,still overdoing for me.
Where was this little old man when I needed him?

[CursingMama]

There are days I think 2 kids is 2 kids too many! Honestly we decided that 2 was enough when Princess appeared in all her pink wonder...really how could we ask for and expect more?? But, when I was home all.by.myslef. with those 2 I had strained a lot more than a muscle!

My mom's "sage" advice was/is "I can understand when you've got one, why you'd have a second. But why someone would ever have a third I'll never know!" AND
"Two kids isn't twice as much work it's six times as much work" She came from one of those large Catholic families! ;-)

[chris]

Well I guess I went and overdid it. Glad to know I am an over achiever in at least one area of my life ;-)

And to the person above who commented that 4 is too many, maybe it is too many for *you*, but wow what a judgemental statement. My children, all seven of them, are loved, cherished, and well taken care of, right down to their little polo socks ;-)

[kara]

Don't overdo it.
Useful advice applied to SO MANY things, but certainly NOT the reproductive capabilities/desires of complete strangers.
Yet another example of just how weird people can be when it comes to handing out advice.

[Katherine]

My manager has 8 children (6 girls, 2 boys). I guess you can all him an over achiever!

[patti]

Over do it? Ha. My husband is an underachiever. At one he is "so one and done". And if I get one more email this week from yet another friend announcing her (1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 3rd, I kid you not)pregnancy I will, in Melissa's words, punch myself in the face.

Now that I'm done with my bitter ranting: I cannot believe anybody would advise anybody on how many is too many. So wrong. What is hell for one may be heaven for another, so can it. (I thought I was done with my bitter ranting?)

[Rebecca]

"No, we didn't want to over do it."

Love it.

[kalisah]

yes, me too! In fact, that's what I'M going to say from now on when people ask me why I only had one.