T days.

If I ever start a religion the Holy Days will be Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Tuesday and Thursday mornings Max goes to school for two and a half hours. At drop off the teacher shoots a starting gun and I sprint from the building and peel out of the parking lot to go and do things. I race to the coffee shop (vroom!) or the bookstore (VrooM!) or to the gym (VROOM!) or home to lay flat on my back eating cookie after cookie right on the rug and while I do this no one asks me why they can't have a cookie on the rug at nine o'clock in the morning.

They can't eat cookies on the rug because they're not home on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Only I am. Alone.

Unless a disaster happens.

"Mommy. I think I threw up."

"But honey, it's Tuesday, you couldn't have thrown up."

"Mommy...I think my spleen is hanging from my body."

"But honey, it's Thursday. Isn't it show and tell day? Why don't you put your spleen in your back pack. There, see? You're all set for school, bye!"

T Days are sacred. Do not threaten my T days. I spend every M, W, F and both S days dreaming of T days.

I told Logan how my whole week was ruined because on Tuesday 'I have to go to the doctor to care for my fragile mental health! And on Thursday I have to work in Madison's classroom! Ruined!'

He rolled his eyes when I implied working in Madison's classroom was ruining my week. He's a Robot.

I want to work in Madison's classroom. I want to see what happens there and I want to see who her friends are and how she interacts with all the kids. I'd also like to see what they all think of her spleen.

But come on, those cookies aren't going to eat themselves on that rug.

I have an internet friend who lately ends her emails to me: 'My God this is my life....' [She then lists her latest discovery of torture in motherhood.]

My ending for today: My God this is my life....waiting for T days. Not even T days, T mornings. And this week they're ruined. Ruined!

Comments

[jenB]

i often have cookies for breakfast in my ugly teddy bear dressing gown while charlotte watches Boobah. AMEN sister!

[Heatheranne]

Yep, I know. I was so happy when my son went from his over priced pre-school/kindergarden to real school. It's free day care!!

[emily]

Watch your back!I had to give up my T days this fall because I was planning to go back to work.Then the damn hurricane happened and that got put off again.I need my damn T days again!

[kelley]

Thanks for brightening my days with your blog - I discovered this site recently, and I have been amused, touched, horrified, and reduced to bladder-emptying hysterics (sometimes simultaneously!). I will be praying for the speedy reinstatement of obligation-free T days, so you can resume worship of the almighty Oreo from the makeshift pew/rug (God knows you deserve it!).

[sarcastic journalist]

I'm starting to like going to the crazy doctor. You can talk and talk and talk and talk about yourself and nobody gets mad! As for cookies,I eat them, but not on our nasty apartment ground. You mean when my kiddo gets older I can't just eat what I want in front of her anymore???

[Lil' Sis]

Hey- got my new email now.

Also, on Howard Stern this morning, there was a mini-tirade about breast-feeding, so I thought of you. Apparently, Leah Remini doesn't breastfeed, and they were joking it's because she can get her hoo-hahs off from nipple stimulation, and it's just not right to have the big O from something your child does. I think that should be your explanation if ever asked again. It's something that both disturbs the questioner AND they can't argue with it!

miao.

[Robert]

OK, where are all the other T mothers out there? I expect to see 500-600 of you in my bookshop on alternating T days! All I'm getting in here are cranky old tightwads.

[Shelly]

Damn straight!

[Lili]

I found your site when googling San Antonio Zoo - monkeys
;)
Ahhh two children only?
Plans of more?
I think there should be sacred temple hours in each day -- moments where you are not at the beck and call of the children and where a shut door is not an invitation to the husband (who is supposed to be watching the children at the time) to come on in and "see how your doing"...unless there is a beverage in his hand the shut door should be obvious and sacred.

Space and time for mothers is beyond quantum physics - its a whole seperate reality.

[patti]

Aw man! I want some T days. Mine are spent toiling away next to a real estate attorney. As a result, my at-home-mom days feel like T days, even if they are spent with a 3-year-old question machine.

[Photographer Lori]

I just sent you an email with your 2004 Christmas card! There is an attatchment, but no viruses, so I hope you open it...feel free to share it, if you like it. If you don't, feel free to throw it in the garbage! :)

Love your Blog and your wacky kids. They are too cute and look just like you.

Let me know if you like the card. :) LORI

[Photographer Lori]

PS Wanted to post here too, so you would know about the email...:)

[Marcia]

I'm your T-day sister. That's tomorrow, baby!

[Rebecca]

If you're starting a religion and T days are holy days, can I be your alter girl? I'll bring the wine.

Bless you my child, it's Thursday and both my kids are gone.

[RockStar Mommy]

Husbands never understand why even 20 minutes of alone time is so sacred to a SAHM. They need to be punched in the face when they roll their eyes.

[Jenn]

Amen! T-Days are SACRED! You *know* I am right there with you. In fact, you are the only person who most of my conversations revolve around the scaredness of T-days and how people REALLY need to understand the exteme holiness of such days.