The Current Hair Situation.

Most of this year has been made up of a string of bad hair days.

In February I had a bad haircut. I felt very self concious about it and it made me look like someone else. Kind of like an exuberant soccer mom preparing to take over the PTA via any means necessary. It was a mushroom cut and everytime I looked in the mirror I was startled by the mushroom on my head.

In an attempt to fix the bad hair I committed a senseless act of violence on my hair. It was so awful I still tear up when I think about it.

Then throughout March I talked about my hair as I waited for it to grow a little so it might be fixed or made better. Somehow I survived into April with this horrible hair. At that point I was at 47+ bad hair days in a row and not happy about it.

I can't believe this is true. I have had perhaps five good hair days since that time. I haven't mentioned my hair because, Jesus, that's annoying. But it totally stopped growing at some point between May and August. During this summer I was in such a shitty mood almost all the time I think my hair rebelled and doomed me to live with it looking this stupid forever.

Now that I'm medicated and taking a daily vitamin it's finally started growing again and it's long enough to get it fixed up and make it look, decent and if not decent at least better than this.

But I still haven't made a hair appointment. Because I'm afraid. I am afraid to get my hair cut. I'm suffering with Post Traumatic Hair Trauma.

I don't want to go back to that mushroom headed place I found myself in February. I certainly don't want to find myself stuck in that massacre the second stylist committed. But then it's so bad now. It's lifeless and in dire need of a coloring but I don't want to color it while it's this lifeless and stupid looking and what if the color turns out wrong? I'm sensitive, I'm not strong enough to handle any more hair trauma.

But then I'm also finding it hard to live with this hair. Jesus. It's horrid...like I soaked it in a vat of dirty dish water.

Look at my family. My beautiful family. My metrosexual husband. My lovely children....and there's me hovering over them like a big ugly monster with dish water hair sticking to her head for dear life.

I'm also convinced that my dish water hair clinging to my head is making me look even more fat in the face than normal. Or maybe that's just all the halloween candy which keeps showing up in my mouth.

Something has to happen, I have two weddings coming up this month. I can't keep looking like this, but God I don't know that I can overcome my fear. I can't live through another year with the mushroom head.

Comments

[Fredette]

I totally understand your fear about getting a bad haircut. I know exactly what you mean. It's miserable. You suddenly feel like a monster and want to hide!

I've found men to be better stylists then women. You might want to try a man. Good luck!

[KDC]

Highlights, I am telling you, highlights can save any haircut. To me, your haircut looks totally fine. In fact I envy its smooth shine! A couple of well placed hightlights at the crown of the head will accenuate the cut really nicely and brighten your whole outlook, I SWEAR!

[kalisah]

don't be afraid to walk up to total strangers with great hair and say, "Who do you go to?"

[sarah]

I agree with KDC. Your hair really doesn't look bad one bit to me. I, too, envy the straight smoothness of it. I think a trim and some highlights are all you need to have a bee-yoo-tiful do. You probably shouldn't trust me, though, because I recently shaved my head and dyed the remaining scrub brush fire engine red in my frustration with my post-partum shedding shrubbery.

[WindyLou]

I have gone back to an old stylist. I left him after his drug and alcohol haze gave me flybacks AND bangs. 10 years and much rehab later(his not mine), I tried him again. That was the first of my mushroom haircuts. I won't go back to him. Too painful. I have had 2 more mushrooms, and now my hair is too short to do anything but a Fussy cut to fix it.

[p]

you have hair so similar to mine. i just went from a reverse mullet (long front/short back) to a shoulder-length whatever. it's annoying to grow hair out but stick with it!

instead of going lighter, have you ever thought of going a tad *deeper* with your hair color? you should try artec color depositing shampoos and conditioners. no peroxide! i have dishwater hair, too, so i use the coffee color [i'm pale but a tad more olive than you]. you might try the warmer brown [walnut?] or aveda's clove conditioner. no commitment hair coloring fun! good luck!

[alison]

I've found that with the new advances in color products from salons, you can actually inject some life into your hair by coloring it. A lot of them are just full of conditioner and my hair sometimes feels better after the chemicals than before. Talk to your stylist (whichever one you choose) and see what they can do. The other thing is, be very specific about what you like and don't like in a cut...take in a picture or print out all of your hair posts since Feb and take them in...until you truly trust your stylist with some artistic license.
Don't be afraid - new hair can do wonders for your outlook.

[Lori]

Hey! Hair trama is the worst! I also have had a mushroom cut...and worse. I had one (when I was much fatter) and the husband described me like this...."your head looks like a pea on a a cantalope!" I think that one was grounds for divorce, but he's so cute I kept him around. Now I"m 40 pounds thinner and growing my hair out. IT'S TAKING WAY TOO LONG!

But the point of my comment is, go to http://www.clairol.com. They have a virtual hair salon and you can upload your picture and see some haircuts on your very own head! (and color too) Then print it up and take it to your stylist. I've done this several times and they always to a good copy. And I know what it will look like before hand. It's cool.

[Lori]

And I agree about the going darker...I'm a natural blonde and now I'm a redhead....I love it!

[Veronica]

Hi there, I'm a hairstylist, and your post caught my eye.
I have a bit of advice.
A picture speaks a thousand words.
A lot of stylists know what will suit your face and the texture of your hair.
Colouring adds a lot of body/volume/shine, even highlights. Stylists usually know what will suit you.
I like the advice of one of your readers about the colour shampoos, like Artec, if you can find it. Drew Barrymore uses it! I use it, to keep my red bright, twice a week. They have lots of different colours available.
Bring a picture to your stylist, or at least a few of what you like. Any picture.
I do my best cuts when I make them up.
Tell them what you DON'T like about your hair, that helps a lot too.
Tell them what you do to style your hair, what you are willing to do.
Sometimes a new shampoo can add a lot of life to your hair, or bring it down, like build-up removers (they can really dry out your hair if you over use them, but once a week is optimal.)
Idea: lowlights (some darker highlights, if you will), plus some highlights is really nice, a bit of both dark and light, very nice on everyone.
If you are in your 40's, it might be nice to go into warmer shades...
About the Halloween candy: throw it out, avoid the temptation, I have to do that myself! It's horrible having it around, I'm overeating it every day. Ugh!

If you like a haircut on a stranger, I like the advice someone gave you earlier: ask them who cuts their hair. Same with colour!

Take care, wishing the best for you.

[Veronica]

I should also mention:
It's very popular to get extensions done (but DO NOT get the glued on kind!) while waiting for your hair to grow out, they cost a lot, I find, but are very cool. You might want to ask around in salons about these. Human hair extensions are the best and worth every penny! You can even colour over them if they are human hair.
More advice: LONG layers are in, or layers near the bottom, shorter ones are a bad mistake. Keep the layers long. And don't let them razor your hair too much (a little is fine, but you'll regret a lot of razoring with your fine hair, I bet.)

Hope this helps

[Bari]

I have never commented, but your post really touch me and I live near you. Yep, slient stalker = me. I have a place for you to go. 6 Salon on Washington. George. He's the owner, and suprisingly, not gay. But you HAVE to make an appointment for Thursday night, they are open until midnight. You get free wine! Red or white. Believe me, it makes the whole experience much better. I went there for the first time, 5 months post baby, so my hair was crazy falling out and just bad. He worked miracles. It's a busy and super trendy space, which is very interesting to people watch. But what I especially liked was you don't have to chat with the person that's cutting you hair. I just sat with a magazine and read and watch people or I watched TV. I just told George I wanted to have fun hair that wasn't going to take me forever to do...and he delivered.

Good luck!

[Michelle]

Choppable cracks me up. Hilarious!

Anyway...I, too, am in hair hell. I haven't had mine cut in five months. The last cut I got was a tad questionable anyway. (I used to go to someone fabulous who gave me adorable cuts and amazing highlights. Now? Supercuts. I'm serious. Why? I was trying to save money.)

Now it has grown into something that looks a lot like when Phoebe cut Monica's hair on Friends and she thought Monica wanted it to look like Dudley Moore's hair when she really wanted it to look like DEMI Moore's hair only mine is longer and poofier and so much....erm... stupider.

As you can see, the stupid is leaking into my brain forcing me to ramble and use badly written run-on sentences. ;)

[Alison]

I don't know what metrosexual means exactly, but he is definitely hot! And what cutie kids too!! By the way, your hair looks perfectly fine!

Cheers!
Alison
:)

[Lil' Sis]

OOH OOH! Lis! Let's go to that "6" place (it's right there where Repeat the Beat was) a week from this thursday & get our hair did together! I love wine, and I haven't had a haircut in 3 friggin' years. For the love of god, can do the Lady Godiva thing now. I'm spending a fortune on shampoo & conditioner for all of it. I can't do it this week due to band practice. Call them & set it up for after 8pm and let me know how much they charge. Email me- my cell is pissy and I don't have a machine for the home phone.

miao.

[sarah]

I had two awful hair traumas and I found that what set the new stylist from the old was that when I told my hair story she got it--she got how awful it was to have crap hair. Make sure and let then know you are traumatized, everybody likes to be a hero.
Sarah

[Sheryl]

I agree with your lil sis. Go to the 6 salon, drink wine, spend more than you can afford to. If you're trying to let it grow out, just have them shape it with a few layers, and spiff it up with some highlights.

[Sarcomical]

i am still thrown by the fact that someone thinks you just might possibly be 40. huh?!?

i think you just need to be as clear as possible about your fears. i've had this same trauma you are speaking of and a trim and some highlights or slight color change is the easiest way to slowly get back into the game. you will look awesome!

[Sabrina]

I think the lowlights or going darker is the best idea. I've doen it for years and it can really make your skin and eyes pop MUCH more than going lighter. I have a great stylist and she is very expensive so I did something similar, I went to her forever and then just stopped. I went back because I LOVE what she does to my hair and I just explained that I don't have the money to do upkeep like before I had my son. She was soooo cool. She and I worked out a plan where I only go every six months because that's what I can afford. Give your old stylist a chance. Be honest, she'll appreciate it and you may be surprised!

Good luck!

[lindsay]

i don't know you at all, but i read your site all the time ever since i saw you posted something about being from detroit on someone else's site (i think dooce's)
ANYway... i get home from the bar, and need some cheering up... so when i'm perusing my daily blogs, i look at the choppable pictures, and they TOTALLy cheer me up. go figure! (i know, totally unrelated to this post.)

i want to be you when i grow up!

[Very Mom]

Okay, thanks. I just snorted my lemonade up into my left sinus when I saw Choppable's face over yours. Lemonade in the sinus HURTS.

I've been living with bad hair for three years now. THERE ARE NO DECENT HAIRSTYLISTS IN UTAH. And now I'm moving to Idaho where someone shall offer to perm my hair and tease my bangs into a five foot wall.

[RockStar Mommy]

You have to do what I did when I was trying to grow my hair out.

When you're sitting in the chair, ready to get your hair cut, hand your cell phone to the hair stylist and have your husband threaten them with their life if they cut more than an inch off. It worked. Every. Single. Time.

Or, you can bring Choppable and have him threaten the stylist. That would probably work better. Because that thing? Is terrifying.

[melissaS]

Oh Bari and my little sister....how I would love to drink wine and get my hair cut and Bari, when you said...no talking, just cutting. YES! I hate making small talk.

My hairdresser just went through a divorce and she has MS and I never know what to say to these things.

Dry and impersonal....how I like my religion AND my hairdressing (also my dental work and gynecological procedures).

[Texas T-bone]

I keep telling my wife that her hair is NOT her defining feature: it's her selfless heart and spirit of giving. After she clobbers me, I come to my senses and realize most people don't see her heart. It's the hair, stupid.

If my hair gave me fits, being the guy I am, I'd just shave it off. Or wear a hat. Nothing says bold like no hair.

[andrea]

Melissa - your hair looks sleek and sexy to me, but if it makes you feel better highlights might be the route to take. And when you feel good, you look good ALL OVER, no matter how much candy you've been snacking on.

My hair: perpetual bedhead. No matter what. I need saving!

[patti]

Okay, I am so incredibly retarded that I thought that you and Logan had somehow rustled up a "Choppable" mask (with Logan's graphic skills and your craft skills), and that you were wearing it in the first pic. I then thought, "How incredibly amazing that Melissa's family has the EXACT SAME expression in both pictures! SO photogenic, they are!". It wasn't until I studied the photo for a few minutes that I realized some the "Choppable mask" was the result of some fancy Photoshopping. Melissa, I need help.

Anyway, I wish I had hair advice; I do, after all, live with a hairdresser. But I have "shoemaker's children have no shoes" syndrome: Yes, I always the worst hair in the room.

[Veronica]

I never wrote that you are in your 40's. Just some advice, as usual, me running off with everything in my mind.

Please delete my last post. I feel stupid, now.

I won't bother posting again.

[GG]

Veronica! Don't be so sensitive! You gave some really good advice and I totally got that you were speaking to all the readers, too. Lots of us who are in our 40's! Although I have done what you've suggested many times and never actually had a good haircut...for more than a day anyway. Listen to your fans, Melissa. A little color goes a long way...