Christmas Card Hell 2004 Edition

This year the Christmas card shoot wasn't that hard. I was almost looking forward to it with the new digital camera but I yearned for the quality of my canon rebel. So I went with film after all and thankfully the kids mostly cooperated.

Lori sent me this option back in October and it's quite funny isn't it. Can you believe people send me these things? I can't help but love you Internet, even though you call me a lazy whore.

I don't know if I've shown this shot on my website before but I don't think you'll mind the walk down memory lane.

Here I tortured Madison by putting her on Santa's lap. For the first time, for the last time.

The inside of our holiday cards that year read:

Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?
Madison: I'd like off your lap....immediately. Also, new parents who don't think this is really funny.

I actually got a nice shot of the kids this year and I'm putting it below the cut so that if you know me you can choose to either be surprised when my card arrives or you can peek and ruin all the fun you impatient American. Why does everything have to be Now! Now! Now! With you? God!

Note the lack of a smile on Madison's face, believe me the cheese smile is much worse than the face that says...."My mother is wearing shoes from 1999, won't you help?"

Also note that Max is wearing his dinosaur costume and note that I don't care that he has a dinosaur head hanging from his neck. They're together, in the leaves, the lighting is right. Merry Fucking Christmas!

You can see the whole debacle over here.

Comments

[coolbeans]

Great pictures, Melissa. I've given up on Christmas card pictures. One year I used three rolls of film - all developed One-Hour - and the picture I sent out? The two of them not looking at the camera with their tongues sticking out. It was the best one, I swear.

Your kids are adorable.

[Alice]

In the 2nd picture: I actually thought you had Photoshopped Santa's head so that it looked like there was a gunshot wound to it.

But I guess, hmm, it's just a jewel of some kind. Not a gunshot. Okay then.

Also: jeez, your kids are beautiful.

[melissaS]

I think that's just Santa's brain hemorrhage showing.

[Becky]

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought Santa was suffering from a jolly old gunshot wound.

I think the picture turned out great. I can so relate to the cheese smile. My oldest is 9 and to this day is completely unable to be photographed without a supermodel pose. God, I can't wait to see how our pictures come out.

Merry fucking Christmas is right.

[briantologist]

You have GOT to give me the number for Max's dealer. That looks like some truly excellent shit he's been smoking.

[Liz]

Ok, so I peeked, because I'm a lazy, impatient American... but only because dammit! I KNOW I'm not on that list of card-recievers, and I'm a total sucker for pictures of kids.

I feel your pain with the smile thing... my 12 year old still does that crap. It's just not cute anymore. actually, it was never cute. Just smile nice, dammit!

I wish you Happy HoHoHo Fucking Holidays in response to your Merry Fucking Christmas. ;) ~Liz

[Mir]

That's an awesome picture! Very real, and nice and sharp. Ya done good.

My Christmas cards, on the other hand, feature two children who either A) are having a glue-sniffing good time or B) are at that very moment repeating "My Mama is a big weenie-head!" The fun is in the not knowing, of course.

[Judy]

You crack me up! No human kiddos for us but for some reason I insist on doing Christmas pictures with our dogs. This year I ended up with them on my bed because I could lock them in my room. They refused to wear the adorable santa hats but I at least got a picture of them both in the same frame! Judy

[cursingmama]

Loved the pictures - snort laughed with the comments from you -

[blackbird]

Excellent work. You could be a professional.

[mamaloo]

how could you NOT use the card from Lori?

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I love it! And I think that truly captures it. I mean, why be fake? Show how life really is...no smiles, dinosaur costumes and all!

[Lori]

Wow! Your pix are good...I love the one of Max in the leaves...and the one you are using is great too.

I was pleasantly surprised to see my photoshopped pix up there. :) I make my cards every year with us and our cats...(no kids for us...tried for many years, but it just didn't happen, now we're just too old, but that's another story) Here is last year's

http://my-expressions.com/expressions/page.cgi?id=810_1463848145;type=entry;tid=33645

I'll put this years up in a few days....so if you want to see it, check back.

Melissa, you're kids are really cute, but I'm sure you know that already! ;)

LORI

[Very Mom]

I have 174 pictures on the card in my camera. Absolutely none of them suitable. Perhaps I'll just send the one where Nathan is bawling and Jacob has his butt in the air. The inside can read, "It's the best we can do."

[Dana]

I love that you guys have such good senses of humor as parents.

And the pictures are absolutely perfect :)

[Beerzie the G-Male]

Only a lunatic or someone fishing for snarky blog entries would try to get a Christmas Card picture of their small children.