Evaporated Milk

One day many years ago my brother and I were searching for something to eat and the cupboards were pretty bare.

Among the offerings was an inexplicable amount of evaporated milk.

At the time my grandfather was very sick with cancer and had a full time live in nurse. My brother called my mother at work and said, frantically into the phone:

"Mom! The nurse just called. She says grandpa needs evaporated milk right now! What do we do?"

And my mother, bless her gullible little heart, immediately, without ever asking why on earth a man dying of cancer would ever urgently require evaporated milk, said calmly and with authority, "Okay, go into the cupboard next to the stove. I have evaporated milk in the upper left hand corner. How much do they need? I have 9 cans."

It was as if she'd always known, someday grandpa would require evaporated milk to save his live so she stockpiled it and this, this was the culmination of all her dreams.

But then we laughed hysterically and my mother, my saintly mother, had been plunged into another of our jokes.

God bless her.

Last night was Buca night, and someone is impatiently waiting for me to write about it. I have two words for you: Hang and Over.

Saturday night where I had claimed I wouldn't talk about lice, but then, the minute I sat down and Cari asked me, "How are you?"

I said, "OH MY GOD!!!!! LICE LICE LICE!!!! And then! LICE LICE LICE!!!!!! You would not believe the LICE!!!!!"

I'm a wonderful conversationalist.

Last night I made it about 23 minutes without the subject of lice coming up. And Meg asked me, I didn't bring it up. The best part though was when Rebecca, bless her lice free heart, suggested I use a chemical shampoo. And then she took the beating I gave her quite well.

I don't really even know what I'll tell you about last night. You should know I consumed several beverages and I am about 50% embalmed at this time.

So for more you'll just have to wait. Sorry, I have nits to pick.

In other news: Does anyone want to babysit Thursday evening for my two adorable and incredibly well behaved children in my formerly lice infested but now unbelievably clean house?

Interesting, neither have the other 3 sitters we've asked. I can't believe we're going to miss a party. It hurts my soul.

Comments

[Amanda]

Forget about the booze, please tell me you ate the cheesecake! Going to Buca and not partaking of their cheesecake is a sin worse than talking about lice.

[Very Mom]

Not having my laptop for a week left me sadly behind on SuburbanBliss. I'm now all happily caught up on lice and Moms Club adventures. Wheee!

[Pam]

Here's my vote: Tell Logan that for being the very best husband and father in the world, the best gift you can give him is time with the beautiful perfect children he created. That time is on Thursday night.

Then you can go to the party with a girlfriend!

[-erica]

Yah, sure, I'll babysit, just fly me to your part of the country, along with my bronchitis and intestinal flu. I can't possibly be made any more miserable than I already am this holiday season. Grump grump.

[melissaS]

we could do that pam, and this is sad and silly but I just don't see the point in going to a party without my favorite partner in crime. Plus really these are all his pals, yes over half Logan's friends are women.

Attractive women.

[Pam]

Yeah, I know what you mean Melissa. Every party I ever went to alone, I mostly stood in the corner both hoping and fearing someone would talk to me. I think I married my guy because he's so gregarious and I knew I'd never have to talk at a party again, as he would do it for me!

[Amanda]

Lice? Did you say ... lice?

I've been dealing with my own licecapades over the past 2 1/2 weeks. I just stumbled onto your blog tonight and stumble onto a post mentioning lice. Ugh.

Here's to a louse-free 2005 for both of us!

[Mel]

Stopping by to wish you a Merry Christmas!

[Marissa]

I say call up the family whose children infested your little babies in the first place, and ask them if they'd like to take over for a nit! Ops, I mean a night. :)

[Marissa]

I say call up the family whose children infested your little babies in the first place, and ask them if they'd like to take over for a nit! Ops, I mean a night. :)

[perl]

bwwahhahaha! the evaporated milk story makes me *laugh*!! reminds me of my sister and i when we were young - my mom worked in a dr's office so we'd call and ask for her directly. she'd get on the phone and we'd say "Pat?" in a funny voice and she'd say (all serious-like) "Yeees?" and we'd say "I need to schedule a rectal." We'd get her every time.

[Dana]

I guess that means the Buca night was fun!