Max and Lice Fest 2004

Max storms into his bedroom in the midst of a Late-In-The-Day-I-Could-Have-Used-A-Nap-But-My-Mother-Wants-Me-Asleep-At-8pm-For-The-Night Tantrum.

I'm sure you know the kind.

He slams the door and screams "I HATE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!"

Then, a minute later he says, "Mommy.....can you turn my light on?"

I'll be back soon. We're in the midst of Lice Fest 2004....which if you're making plans for your next big family trip, I'd say skip the Lice Fest because this is probably the worst thing I've ever endured in this parenting thing. It's disgusting and maddening and I'm so tired of vacuuming and washing and scrubbing and picking.

Seriously I think I've fallen off the deep end and I have to tell you. Remember how I said Logan's perfect? But I don't talk about the ways he's imperfect?

Time out.

He's absolutely stunned that I"m irritated with him today. You know since I spent all day cleaning every item in this house, after staying up until 1am doing the same thing the night before. Since I've boiled everything twice now and I had to slather my daughter's hair with Mayo yesterday and then scrub it out (not easy) and then I spent 2+ hours going through her hair and getting every god damn speck out of her hair and then this morning, finding more of those fuckers in her hair.

I know he has to work and that's fine. Except today there's an office party and he's so excited to go! I can't help but feel really resentful of the fact that he's going to a party while I sit here picking FUCKING NITS out of my daughter's hair.

But wait it gets better! After the office party, there's another party! So he's staying out all night too!

So that means I have one more day of insanity with no break and I know I said I wouldn't use this website to tear down my loving spouse.

But you know, as much as i understand how hard it is to be the Dad and to have to be the breadwinner, but not just the breadwinner....you have to be a great father and a supportive husband and that's a lot of balls to juggle and I know it's not easy.

But today I wish I was juggling the social balls while my wife was at home picking nits out of my daughter's hair and boiling all the sheets and brushes and combs.

God help me survive this.

**Update: Internet, I love you. Logan called moments after this was posted and he's staying at his first party for an hour and then coming home to help with the evening routine and continued delousing before going to his second party. I still rule. Who's husband gets to go to two parties (plus we're going to another party this weekend! And another a week from today!) but nonetheless the act of Jackassery has been amended to only be slightly agitating.

Also agitating? After the THIRD chemical bomb I set off on my daughter's head. (The second was an all natural Mayo Bomb) I FOUND ANOTHER LIVE LICE ON HER HEAD!!!!!!

What the fuck! These are Lice of the Apocolypse and I am going to die before they ever die. 1.5 hours of nit picking (literally) and her head is clear. I swear to God there are no more nits on her head. Please let this be the end. Please. Please. Please.

Please let my husband bring me a lovely six pack of Sierra Nevada....or maybe a Bell's. Or maybe I'll just drink Rid straight from the bottle.

Comments

[Lauren]

I had incredibly thick curly hair and I had lice when I was 12, and I remember my mother sat there and picked every last nit out after none of the shampoos worked. More power to you, it's disgusting.

[RisibleGirl]

(((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))

))))))))))))))lice((((((((((((((((

This, my dear, is why I'm so glad that I had kids really really young and now have no children at home. ;)

Yikes...

I think it's time you go on strike. ;)

[Sue From Ohio]

OH MY GOD! I think we share a husband...I totally don't blame you for being a little resentful, I know the feeling PLUS, is it me or do they just NOT get it?!! I don't know...

Love the Christmas Card Hell...I haven't even started mine yet, BLAH

Love the site, hang in there....

[Lisa]

Lice was one of the worst things I have ever been through. I thought I had it whipped and then 3 days later we found it again. I openly wept in Walgreens while trying to decide which shampoo to use the second time.

Take all those friggin stuffed animals and pillows and put them in garbage bags in the garage. Leave them until its warm again. Don't forget to vacuum the car. I know you have done all this, but its the stuff I forgot the first time around.

My husband was gone the week this happened. I was pissed. 4 kids to delouse. If it happens again, everyone gets their head shaved.
I bought the electric lice comb. I don't know if it was worth it or not.

[hez]

my SIL went thru a pack of beer in no time, when spending two hours a night picking out nits from her daughters' hair. Lice sounds absolutely DISGUSTING.

So, cheers!

I'm all in favour of shaving my kids' heads if they ever get it.

And Logan, I know you're nice and everything but you SO owe Melissa. Melissa, book your spa day now. You earned it, honey.

[Jamie]

My advice is to call in reinforcements. I recall our household's battle with lice when I was 10 and my sister was 13. Looking back, I know it was a bad spell b/c my mother called in both of the grandmothers to pick, shampoo, comb, delouse, whatever you want to call it. What a horrible time- hope things turn around soon! If I lived in Michigan, I'd be more than happy to stop by with an industrial-size case of Rid for you. My head is itching, just thinking about it.

[Mir]

Oh, you poor thing. I have so far dodged the lice bullet (in spite of my daughter's kindergarten classroom being nicknamed "Liceland" last year on account of they had so much trouble controlling a rampant infestation), thanks be to God. But I remember having it as a child and it still gives me the shivers. (Side note: apparently lice prefer brunettes. My daughter is blond.)

Hmmmm, delousing vs. parties... I just can't see why you're upset.... Oh, wait, suddenly I sense a STRONG NEED for Logan to buy you flowers and chocolate....

[bunny]

Hey, I went thru that when my kids were younger. Here is a tip that saved my sanity. There is a product (I bought it at wallyworld but I figure they have it other places too) and what this product does is detatch the nits from the hair. Kinda like a creme rinse...I used it on my kids' thick hair and it got every last nit out. No tedious picking and combing. Now it doesn't actually KILL anything, but if you are careful with it they all go down the drain anyhow.

Yeah, lice are crap. My kids got mine from people who forgot to tell us their kids had it till we were LEAVING their house. GRrrrrr.

[jenny]

Okay, first of all, you can make anything, even nasty nits, funny. Second of all, maybe Logan will pass the buggers out as party favors tonight and everyone will give him dirty looks at work in the next few days. Third, god love you, I'd be crying myself to sleep.

[Mary]

Oh no! Never had lice as a child but was worst fear was being diagnosed during the quarterly "lice checks" our school nurse performed. Now I have a new worst fear of having children bring home lice and being forced to delouse them all on my own while husband is out schmoozing at holiday parties. Logan owes you. Big time. You are a Delousing Goddess.

P.S. Did anyone else have to watch a cartoon movie at school about lice prevention? I remember these little animated lice marching around waving signs that read "L.I.C.E. (License to Infest Children Everywhere)"

Cartoon lice. Ew.

[Sheryl]

My head feels itchy.

[blackbird]

Sucks.
Should I mention that my husband was at an incredibly swank hotel in a foreign country, on business, living like a KING...
...the morning I found the dead RAT in the dryer vent hose?
Should I???
You deserve diamonds and a huge gas slurping suv for christmas.

[trudie]

i'm feeling for you! it's been one of those weeks for us, too--my husband's been working like a madman all week, and i'm going bonkers. the last thing i'd need is lice, oh just the thought of it makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide until after the holidays. not like i don't feel that way already...

i can't beleive your perfect robot husband is so shocked you're a bit pissy...doesn't he have some go-go-gadget nit-picker attachment he could lend you? that's the least he could do, come on! i'm not experienced with lice, but is it the sort of thing you can save a few dead things in some baggies or envelopes and leave some little surprises for him in places? or would that cause a reinfestation? you know, to even things out just a tiny bit? for the record, i'm kidding here. well, sort of. ;)

[WindyLou]

The good ol' days filled with lice! I can remember my mother finally cutting my hair short because I had it 3 times back to back. The girl I shared a locker with never got rid of hers (dog shampoo does't work, neither does Kerosene). It was winter. There were coats involved. I feel for you. I hope I never have to see another bottle of RID shampoo again.

[lunac718]

Hey on the bright side, you could totally test out Dooce's method for getting rid of the little suckers...

[beerzie boy the nitpicker]

Time for the Shave-The-Head Fest.

[shannon]

First off, I love your blog! I found it about 2 weeks ago and it has been a SAHM Godsend. Sorry to hear about the lice. I'm having flashbacks. My brother brought home lice from daycare when I was in highschool. At the time I had one of those super hot spiral perms. You can guess what happened next. Lice + Spiral Perm= Homeroom teacher outing me as the one to start the H.S. epidemic. It ends well though, my mom chopped off the offending-on-so-many-lveles perm and I'm still friends with my girls from highschool. At least your daughter isn't hysterically crying that no one WILL EVER ask her to the prom. I wish you a speedy delousing and a happy new year!

[Erica]

You made me laugh today when I really needed it!! I am sitting here with a Heather Ale ( Highlands Brewing company, here in Asheville :-) ) trying to decompress myself. My wonderful husband has to work late yet again and theres no doubt in my mind he will work another 60+ hour week. While I take care of the screaming kids... who just got over a stomach virus.
Cheers.

[RockStar Mommy]

Oh my God, you poor thing. You need a vacation, like now. Or at least a very long bubble bath (washed free of all lice, of course). Here's to hoping that all those little fuckers have been nuked!

[Zach Border]

Can't believe you missed the opportunity to use 'Lice-a-palooza!'

I am dreading this possibility once our son becomes school aged. Just goes to show that they are right, every age brings its own set of challenges! Best of luck!

[Becky]

I hear ya...it's time that we all got wives!!!

I'd commiserate more, but I'm sitting here at 4pm after a horrid SAHM day with a half bottle of wine on my desk. (complete with floating cork because I got home from Target~thank God they sell wine~and realized I don't have a corkscrew. WTF?)

If it were me, I'd tell my girls that bald is in and be done with it.

Hope the ickies are gone soon!

[SAHD!]

Oh, so it's only WIVES who stay home with the kid(s) and all that it entails?? Guess I should take a break, then! :)

[Lil' Sis]

SO SAD! I'm sorry!
I can come help pick, but not until Saturday afternoon at the earliest. And I am wearing a friggin' shower cap the whole time. I, too, am getting an itchy head just thinking of it.

miao.

[Phil]

When I was in Boy Scouts, a fellow scout named Penn Farr offered up this quiz:

Q: What's the best way to get rid of pubic lice?
A: Shave off half of your pubic hair. Light the other half on fire. And when the lice run out to the shaved side, stab them to death with an icepick.

Mostly, I reckon that if your kids have lice, DON'T TELL ANYONE YOU WORK WITH. That way, if they get lice, you can just have quiet satisfaction, and maybe even YOU CAN BLAME THEM for the lice you seem to have discovered on yourself, as well.

[momto1]

I am lurker to your blog. LOVE to read everyday.

FOr lice, tea tree oil shampoo. you can get it at a natural food store...WORKS WONDERS. You can wash with it once a week for preventive care, for some reason they little BUGGERS don't like it!

[Kate]

YOU POOR THING....you deserve sainthood for this one...I have been reading your site for months now, and this entry put me over the edge so I had to comment...YOU ROCK and don't let anyone tell you different!

[Eyes for Lies]

How can anyone not love your down right refreshing honesty? It's priceless.

May you forever be rid of those nasty, nasty nits! It sucks, I know!! (((hugs)))

[kalisah]

make sure you're using the right comb.

If you're using the little plastic comb that came with the chemical bombs (which, BTW, will put your child in the pediatric ER so please do not use them again...)they will not work.

You MUST buy the really, fine metal comb made specifically for nit-picking. And it will take many, many hours of delousing. But eventually it will pass and one day you will have forgotten this creepy time even happened.

I promise!!

[KB]

ooh lice, that really sucks! I'm just waiting for the day one of my kids come home with it. They better not, oh how they better not. Good luck hopefully they will be gone for good. By the way great blog, I only hope mine can be as cool one day :)

http://anotherbubble.blogspot.com/

[Dollymama]

Hi
So sorry to hear about the lice. I just wrote a long post a few days ago about avoiding and dealing with lice. Go check it out if you have time.

Please don't use any more Rid or Nix. The ingredients are extremely toxic and dangerous, plus as you've seen, they aren't very effective.

Go get a RobiComb and the metal egg and nit combs. Meticulously go through their hair 1-2 times a day until you aren't seeing any more lice or eggs. Then still keep at it once a day for another week. You should be free after that.

Good luck!!

[karyn]

Dark Chocolate Turtles will make you feel better.

Scratching head in sympathy.

[Shelley Divnich Haggert]

You have my utmost sympathy. We've been " nit free" since 2001, but the kids and I still have nightmares about it.

[Shara]

I can only laugh now because i haved lived your hell. Picking nits for 8 hours a day on 3 kids. I say if you ever want to wish something bad on your enemy, wish that their kids get lice. I couldn't even stand to sit on my own furniture. I would sit in the middle of our cold hard wood family room floor to watch tv for weeks. The worst was when I had to call everyone that had been over in the past week and let them know about our infestation. You could just imagine the looks on their faces and could hear them begin to itch.

[Jaelhouse]

I swear to god I have been through this exact thing. Like six times!!!

First they caught it from some eclectic church goer. Nobody told me that she had a chronic case and not to sit on the padded pews. I mean.

Wouldn't you know it, my kids are the ones who feel sorry for her because she's obviously an outcast. EEEEEW!!

Last year, we had a kindergarten lice fair...My third child had it nonstop for four weeks. We went to three different stores, used every comb and solution available. I nitpicked for five hours!! My head split off my neck and rolled down the highway from craning it so long.
My husband actually bought a flourescent light fixture and put it up in the kitchen so we could see. I had taken to going out on the front lawn to pick the nits so I could see better. Of course every time a car drove by I pretended to be caressing her hair- how idyllic!!
I find myself constantly checking everyone's hair- even people I'm not related to... and no, I don't give out hugs anymore. It's too risky.
My husband threatens to commit me because I ask him to check my head all the time. He thinks its a phsychosymptomatic disorder. Men!!
This too, shall pass.
Yeah, right. After three hundred bucks and three weeks of sleepless nights.

[Anne]

Thank you so much. I just went through this a month ago. I am still fearing a comeback. Three kids, thick hair. Devastating. I still can't believe my husband and I didn't get it. I feel irrational fear and am having a hard time getting over this. It is comforting to know I am not the only person who flipped out as a result of this disgusting pest.

[Lori]

Oh great...what I have to look forward to. The school nurse just sent my little LONG LONG blonde sweetie home yesterday. In my attempts to read all there is to know, I came across your blog. Why is it when we read or talk about this stuff...our heads truly itch? My saga begins... pray, please, all who read this, pray for me! ;)

[Carol]

I've found the miracle cure! After weeks of pure insanity a school nurse suggested going to the "www.xpelheadlice.com" web site. I purchased the non-toxic shampoo and after a 10 minute treatment the lice and eggs were gone!