Random Things.

On Friday a piece of mail arrived in our home which made me drop to my knees thanking God above for saving our Christmas.

A lovely freelance check arrived on Friday and to celebrate we took the kids to our favorite restaurant, Royal Oak Brewery. At the restaurant our waitress fumbled our order and it took an hour and a half to arrive at our table. At first this had us fuming as our children cried out, "We're starrrrrrrr-viiiiiiing" But then when they paid for our meals and our beers, we felt much better and we're hoping this happens every single time we visit the Brewery.

(I must share my restaurant with child tips someday very very soon.)

While at the restaurant Logan took Max to the restroom, where Max yelled out from the stall:

"I see your hairy peeeeee-nisssss!"

Max humiliates and embarrasses me all the time, so I don't know, this made me happy.

We are going to be in a better place financially in the new year. This year was all about 'Debt No More' and that is happening. Not with out a painful severing of my former (irresponsible) self but I want you to know that all this talk about money and the struggle to come to terms with who I am and how I've created this mess is going to end this year. 2004 was about facing the reality of this situation and that has been harder than I ever imagined. 2005 is about picking up all the pieces and living within our means without credit.

I say this because I won't always be whining about money and no shoes and all of this. It's just hitting home right now as I transition to a new lifestyle which involves me being out of the house each and every day. Thanks for reading through all my whining.

Someone asked who designs my banners for my website. And I am very proud of myself that anyone thinks Logan designed my banner. He didn't! I did!

Using my primative Illustrator skills I've made each of my banners, minus the lovely Momtini. My friend Jerry, who recently had a birthday and I missed it because I am a horrible woman who can't look up from her own fucking life for two minutes to acknowledge anyone else's birthday. God, I hate me. No wonder I've gotten THREE pieces of hate mail this week!

But, did anyone notice the star of David on the Christmas tree? This is a nod toward my dreams of a particular part time position which is tantalizing me with it's inability to be mine. Logan made the star of David and put the gradient on it because that goes well beyond my Illustrator abilities.

Finally, this is really ludicrous to even have to type...however. Having someone leave a comment stating they can't wait until I "loose" that wonderful husband of mine....makes me feel weird.

You should know, Internet, that I don't use this website to air the dirty laundry of those I love. I've on occasion revealed a particular argument or stupid act of jack assery my husband has performed. But, really, I don't make it a point to use this website to reveal the faults of my husband to the world. Because I love him and he loves me and I don't want to hurt him. I try to portray him on this website the way I feel about him.

I love him and he is one of the most amazing men I've ever known. He's handsome and fun to be around and he makes women feel good about themselves because he truly loves hearing everything you have to say. He makes people laugh and he makes people feel a part of the joke and he is what one might call a dynamo in bed.

However there are a lot of really great things he might say about me if he had a website and there are as many not-as-nice things about me that he'd be leaving out because he loves me and he wouldn't start a website to tear me down.

I use this website to make fun of myself, to laugh at my failings, to take meaning from all the ways I'm imperfect. I don't use this website to do those same things about my loved ones. I know he looks perfect, but he's as imperfect as me and the lovely thing is: Our imperfections fit together perfectly.

I don't think of it as giving you half truths, I think of it as sharing what I'm willing to and expecting you, as a reader, to realize that I write about 1500 words a week and my entire life and soul can't be smooshed into that space.

Do you think we can have a 'nice' week this week? No hate mail, please.

***Also, Google Ads? "Alcoholism Treatment"? Just....don't. Do not start with me.

Comments

[panajane]

You know what? It's the Christmas Season, and what better time than now to say Fuck the hate mail and the nay sayers. It never fails to amaze me how people will go out of their way to leave a nasty little comment, or send a nasty little e-mail. What is the point? If they don't like what you have to say then why read it? Why not click the little X in the upper right corner.
Anyways, I wanted to let you know that although I'm not married and I don't have kids, I really enjoy your website. Happy holidays!

[Tara]

You have got to be kidding us with that explanation. There is no need for you to explain anything on your site. Fuck the people who are too stupid to understand that you’re a perfectly normal woman/wife/mother who is just sharing some funny stuff that happens when in your position. I love your site and come here everyday. Thanks for all the laughs you have given me.

[Dawnlight]

Hello there! I have been a lurky loo here for a while. I thought I was a good writer until I started reading your blog. You have talent, girlfriend! Don't ever ever change. You don't need me to tell you that. It is obvious you are quite head strong and I admire that.

Also, I know you have been looking for part time work. I am kicking myself for even daring to type this but I gave up my well paying job after having baby number 2. When we drained our savings, I had to make a choice to either leave my baby in day care or get a part time job. I took the latter and I am now working at Blockbus...ahem, a major video chain. Sure, I hear your laughter. I still giggle from time to time about it, myself. It is a little retail job that does not pay the big bucks, but it does help pay the bills. It is more fun than it is work. I do tons of people watching (I too, am not a huge fan of dealing with people but I love people watching!) We get to make fun of the rude customers, fawn over the firemen (regular customers at my store) and generally we all seem to have fun working there. Also, they do give us 5 free rentals a week and we get to see the new movies 2 weeks before they are available to the public (whoo hoo, I know I sound so nerdy!) I also get a much needed break from the kiddos & hubby gets to see that being a SAH parent really is WORK after all, lol!

This is way too long...just wanted to share my experience with you. If you want to swap sob stories about what life was like when the money was pouring in, vs. the SAHM budget, I have a ton of 'em!

If I didn't say it already...I Love love love love your blog!

[Sue From Ohio]

I would hope people aren't serious when they write mean things...I would never write mean things. I don't understand why they don't just remove you form their favorites and never look again. I LOVE your blog...also, how can I turn my 2005 into your 2004? We need to get off the roller-coaster of debt we're ont oo!

Keep a stiff upper lip and tell everyone to fuck off!

[DaFFy]

I agree with the previous posts. Fuck the hate mailers (figuratively speaking of course, as the other way would open a whole new other set of issues).
If you ask me,and I know you didn't, but here you go anyway, they are usually jealous, small mminded people who have no life to speak of themselves.
I love your site, and the way you write. So there.

[blackbird]

I'm with Tara. You don't have to explain any of it to ME.
Happy Christmas.

[Jenny]

Some people just suck ass...I love your website, it's hilarious..and I have never taken anything you've said seriously. You can tell by the pictures that your husband loves you...I think you guys make a gorgeous couple. :)

[ann]

melissa, we are so hanging out if you're ever in nj. (she says as she sits at work in a skirt from 1998).
seriously, my favorite line?: "our imperfections fit together perfectly"
amen, sister.

[tracy]

Perhaps when Janis said she can't wait until you "loose" your husband, she was using some new slang that means "turn him loose." Because she's hoping to snap him up herself. On the other hand, now that she knows his penis is hairy, she may not be interested.

[Caracao]

Melissa, you haven't missed my birthday at all. Yes, Jerry's Birthday is on the 4th but Jerry's Birthday observed falls on the 13th this year so you're right on time. Thank you! By the way, anyone who sends you hate mail this week will be visited by the Ghost of Jerry's Birthday Past.

I did notice the star of David on the Christmas tree. Which is just too fun!

HAPPY HANUKKAH!!

[Ninotchka]

Love the new banner.

Think you're hilarious.

Hate mail is stupid.

My husband is perfect too :::wink, wink:::

:)

[veg4me]

My husband to my parents shortly after we were married:
"She's everything I ever wanted in a wife...and some things I didn't!"

Take the good with the bad, in marriage and in cyber space.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

To whoever said that to Melissa about her husband: You suck.
To the person who sends hate mail: Get a life.

You're both jealous. Go get your own blog, have something remotely interesting to say and MAYBE, just MAYBE, people will want to read you.

But? I doubt it.

[mamaloo]

ummmmmm, yeaaaaaah, I read your blog and, um, could you please adjust it--oh, and your REAL LIFE, to my liking? because, as you know, it's all about ME.

why don't you loose them kids while you're at it too.

(whatevah!!)

[cursingmama]

Since it's the holiday season (hanukah for the job, christmas for the family - seemless blending of two holidays)I won't suggest that you publish the e-mail addresses of the hate mailers so those of us that like you can send them hate mail...... oops, just did that!

I promise not to send you any hate mail ever!

[Lunasea]

1. VERY impressed by the banner.

2. You're my hero with the debt stuff. I'm about a year behind, so my 2005 is going to be Debt-No-More for me too. I love it when you write about it because it inspires me.

3. I've always gotten the impression you adored Logan. Write what you want. You've got lots of fans.

[Sam]

hey, you rock.

Also, if you weren't so sensitive about the haters, you wouldn't be so real, which is why we all love you. Who wants to have their feelings hurt? what a bunch of "loosers"

Congrats on your debt-no-more in 04 success.

going back to lurking... just wanted to wish you all the best. you really are a gift to all of us.

[Carrie]

I just find it so confusing when people take time out of their lives to purposefully hurt someone through an e-mail or comment. Like the others have all said, why do they even bother to read? I hate small people like that. I really enjoy your blog, though I am not much of a commenter. It feels very authentic and there was never a doubt in my mind that you totally love your husband and family.

[brit]

I wonder as I wander out under the stars (of David, and others) where people get off? I realize this is a free forum and you never know who is reading your blog, but your not forcing anyone to read your blog either. I just don't get it. If you don't like what someone is blogging. GO TO THE NEXT BLOG!!! NO REALLY JUST GO!

Sorry the bah hummers are fixated, I really enjoy your blog, keep up the good work.

and thanks for taking the time to do it.

[alice, uptown]

Life is too short to waste on the hate-mailers. I'm with the person who suggested they get a life. Any life. So long as it's far away from me and out of the blogosphere.

And "reasonably merry and bright" is quite above average. Hey, I stopped asking for miracles a long time ago. "reasonably" sounds about as good as it gets, at least for now.

[Holly]

Oh man, people need to get a grip! I LOVE your website and what you write and how you tell it etc......you are absolutely hysterical and I get the biggest kick out of things that you write.........WHATEVER to those who can't handle other people being "who they are for themselves".....keep it up!

[Kiki Dee]

Congratulations on the freelance check! Your writing style is just spectacularly funny, and I check your site every day hoping for a new entry.

I don't know where you freelance for, but if you haven't already, please consider contacting some of those high-paying women's/fashion magazines to suggest a monthly column you could author, because you are *that* good.

Really. And I'm not just saying that to be nice.

Have an excellent week.

[emily]

Lovin' the new banner.You did good.

[Dana]

Like others have said, no explanation needed. I recently started reading your blog and absolutely love it.

[dee]

I am planning, as a personal goal, to use the phrase "stupid act of jack assery" at least one time in a sentence. Since I work with children and parents in distress I may not use it at work BUT I will in my personal life:) How funny we went to the Brewery last week and we got our meal free because of the poopery service.