Updates.

There is a problem with my phone, no not the phone I keep under my bed for 'solo conversations', the regular phone. This is only a minor inconvenience because I hate the phone and avoid using it at all costs and I have a cellphone.

However, someone was trying to get in touch with me today about a job I really want. Badly. And I couldn't get her call since my phone isn't working and because of Lice Fest 2004 I haven't had the time or energy to call the phone company to come out and figure out the issue. Plus I don't want to give the phone guy a raging case of head lice.

Thankfully I have an inside person, my sister, at this company and pray with me that I'll get a call on my cell phone tomorrow. Please. And please don't let it come through while we're at Buca celebrating the upcoming holiday with friends. Because, part of the lice treatment plan is soaking my liver in lots and lots of liquor.

How can this adorable child have lice?

As an update to the Lice Fest issue. I haven't seen a live louse on her head since last Wednesday. I've been pulling nits from her hair 2-3 times a day. I find about 5 or so at each sitting. The number seems to be going down. Do I just keep focusing on getting the nits and then do the second (homeopathic) Lice Freee! treatment at the 7 day mark as the package recommends? I'll just change her sheets every day, wash her coat everyday and give her a fresh pillow each night?

I don't know though, look again. I mean maybe I'm missing something?

On Friday I got my favorite holiday card ever from a friend who is trying very hard to make me move to Atlanta. Given my feelings about Thomas Kinkade, I was surprised by my love for this card.

But, look. The inside is 3D for the love of God.

Be honest, you're wondering what those people in their front yard are yelling to the people in the carriage. Maybe they're thinking about how cold it is. I wonder if they'll have some hot chocolate when they get inside. That's the thing about a Kinkade image, they really make you think.

The best ornament on my christmas tree is the 'Melissa Ornament' my parents bought for me when I was quite young. They bought it because I was a blonde and I often had that look on my face. Odd how it still fits. I'm sure the MOMS Club would agree. Heartily. Also let's note how my parents totally believe in stereotyping their children. I am, in my family and therefore in life, The Bitchy One. Ah well if the ornament fits....

Comments

[sweetney]

rockin' the head lice, eh? yeah, that's *almost* as good as pinworms (there was a p-worm scare at my daughter's preschool recently, and hey, doesn't "p-worm" sound like some sort of crunk rapper?).

oh who am i kidding, they both suck eggs, man.

[ada]

yeah, i have a similar ornament - and my mother would tell me what to give up for lent too... like being a piss ant.

[LargeMarge]

Ewww, my head itches each time I read you site now. But, like lice, I just can't seem to stay away either. Hang in there.

[Sisyphus]

Good luck on the job front. On the lice front, yeah. Just pick the nits and in 7 days treat her head again. If the gods are willing, you should be lice free. Or, new motto: "No lice alive in 2005!"

[Lisa]

1. Love the ornament. It portrays my spirit of the holidays so well!
2. Cute little girls could not possibly have headlice. Are you sure that is just not snow?
3. Buca... yumm!

[Mir]

I heart the Melissa ornament, and wish I had a Mir ornament just like it, only as a brunette, of course.

[Jenny]

The ornament is awesome! Your daughter is adorable...did you ever find out where she got lice from? I am terrified of my kids getting lice. We haven't had it yet..knock on wood..and they are 12 and 7. The thought makes me shudder.

[Ninotchka]

That doctored up "lice" picture nearly killed me and it's too early in the day to die. FUNNY.

HATE that card. OMFG. But he's rich and I'm dirt poor so maybe I should get hokey like that and sell my soul to the devil like he has. Damn.

I love the ornament. Now THAT picture, just as it is would be a GREAT holiday card. Maybe for next year? The inside could read: "Still cranky after all these years." roflol

Good luck on the job!

[blackbird]

I think you should add a little horse poo on the inside of that card. A raisin would do.

[karyn]

I second the "no lice alive in 2005".

Glad to see you managed to work a MOMS Club link into your story!

[Marnie]

The Thomas Kinkade thing . . . very "middle America" as someone else put it. I have my own hell that I go through each time I visit my mother: Longaberger Baskets. My mother sells them (she's a "basket consultant"). They're all over her house. They have to remove them from the guest bed just so we have a place to sleep when we visit.

Even worse: I've been to Dresden, OH - the birthplace of Longaberger baskets. Talk about hell on earth. I have even stood in line to get a basket signed by one of the Longaberger kin. Finally, to make it completely horrendous, it's completely dry. Not a drop to drink of anything that might make one actually like the place. Or at least make it look fuzzy.

People still occasionally burn books they find offensive. I find overpriced, over-hyped, middle-America kitcsh offensive. Maybe we can have a Thomas Kinkade artwork/Longaberger Basket burning.

[Susan]

Thomas Kinkade lives behind one of my friend's parent's house, no too far from here. He is reportedly a real a-hole, and is trying to buy up all the houses around him to make McMansion. We hate him.
I thin lice fest is almost ending- what a nice holiday tradition you started, Melissa!

[Susan]

Thomas Kinkade lives behind one of my friend's parents, no too far from here. He is reportedly a real a-hole, and is trying to buy up all the houses around him to make McMansion. We hate him.
I think lice fest is almost ending- what a nice holiday tradition you started, Melissa!

[amanda]

I got headlice every. single. year. of elementary school. Every time the nurse came in to check our heads, I just KNEW I was getting the afternoon off. It was a given.

Having long, tangly hair + smelling good (like Strawberry shortcake dolls) = easy lice target.

I can assure you I am only partially scarred by the experience. Your daughter will be fine (keep in mind she can't actually SEE the bugs or the nits). It's you I'm worried about!

[briantologist]

OHMYGODILOVEBUCADIBEPPO!!!!! Some friends and I went there in Kansas City, and it was one of those experiences so transcendently good that I totally didn't even mind that we were at a chain restaurant! I was gobsmacked by its goodness.

Also one time I was at the mall and I licked a Thomas Kincade painting and it didn't taste like anything.

[Nicholas]

My 4 year old loves the book Scritch Scratch. It details a school lice infestation. Makes it all humorous. Can I get in trouble for linking this?

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0439368359/qid=1103663780/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-4835847-9651117

[Rebekah]

I just started reading your site and I think I'm in love... with you of course. Keep up the good work... I love the Moms Club linkage... Tee Hee....Rebekah

[jilbur]

I lurrrrrve the photo of Madison's headlice imagined as little sparkle fairies. Imagine if we really thought headlice were little sparkle fairies. Everyone would want their own! Their own personal little sparklefairies that made their scalps itch because that's how they're spreading good fortune and magical mojo! Falalalalalalalala.

[Phil]

If I had a Christmas tree, I'd print out the Melissa ornament and Madison lice pics, tape them back to back, and hang it as a decoration. If only to remind me if there's anyone grumpy or licey in my house, I'm the only one to blame. (Well, maybe I can blame Thomas Kinkade.)

[Mary]

Your daughter is dang cute even with Photoshopped lice on her head. Glad to hear that Lice Fest is winding down to a close. Have you considered making commemerative t-shirts for it?

As for your bitchy Melissa ornament, well...that's just awesome. :)

[jill in nc]

But what does that card SMELL like? Was it the "Glistening Snow" or the "Gingerbread Spice"?

[Heatheranne]

She really is too cute to have lice. Or, maybe she's just so damn sweet they love her! I have no idea what lice looks like but I figure that if my son ever gets it, I'll just shave his head because you can do that with boys.

Love the ornament. I'm stereotyped differently on different days in my family. It all depends on if they're drunk or not. Sometimes I'm the "good one", other times I'm the "bad mom who shelters my son" but most of the time I'm the "bitch".

[kalisah]

holy cow...the Melissa ornament...when i was a kid, my parents sent out a Christmas card to everyone they knew with my smiling sister, happy brother, and whining me, with THAT look on my face...
look, here's a picture of it http://overdressedconfessions.blogspot.com/2004/08/thats-me-in-background-with-scowl-on_01.html
Yes, my parents actually sent that out as their Christmas card...