Will you call me Mommy?

Yesterday I shoveled the three square miles of concrete surrounding my home. I shoveled while my children smeared cold wet snow all over me. There may have been better ways to entertain the children but that was all I could come up with "Here! Throw snow at me. Just put it on me instead of throwing. Hooray SNOW DAYS!!!!"

Snow days mean: shoveling (really bad), no school (horrifying after 3 weeks of Lice Fest) and no bloody mary playgroup (THE WORST NEWS EVER).

I think our neighbor is gay and I think he wants Logan. I say this because the other day Logan took a spin at shoveling and our neighbor came over and cleared over half our concrete wonderland with his HUGE snowblower. Yesterday, when I was being smeared and pelted with snow while breaking my back, my neighbor cleared his tiny, non corner walk in about 3 minutes and then went back inside.

I'm taking it personally. But then I can't blaming him for wanting in Logan's pants. I just wish he was bi...lingual so I had a chance to get my walk cleared.

My sister used to use that joke with my grandfather all the time. "Grandpa, I'm bi [pause while my mother starts to choke on dinner]....LINGUAL!" And our grandfather would say, "Really? That's just wonderful dear." He'd say that everytime. (My sister is kind of bi lingual....otherwise I dont' know so don't ask because I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.)

Anyway, after shoveling was complete we headed to the market and I flung 5 bags of frozen vegetables onto the ground, spilling frozen mixed vegetables (NO LIMA BEANS Mr Marketable doesn't like LIMA BEANS) all over the aisle. Madison became hysterically convinced I would go to jail for this error, but I didn't.

The rest of the day I painted Max's room one wall at a time. In between the first wall I made a cake for Logan to decorate for his writing partner at work, Meg.

Paint some more.

Empty dishwasher.

Paint some more.

Make dinner.

Clean up from painting.

Wow this fell apart really quick. What I was trying to say is I BUSTED MY ASS YESTERDAY!

I'm not even done painting yet and the concrete wonderland could use another clearing but I'm not doing it.

Also I wanted to write because I tried to look up some cartoon images of lice or louse and I found a lot of pictures but none that I'd really like to have on this website.

This is nice but a little...primitive.

I like this one just because it reminds me all the hellish combing and picking I've done in the last 3 weeks.

This one shows the sinister nature of those demonic bugs, but still a bit primitive.

This one I like because it looks like that little boy is dreaming about lice. And God knows I've been thinking about lice a lot.

The look of horror here captures some of the emotion involved quite well.

Here is my favorite but those bugs almost look cute and cuddly and we all know they're not. They're evil!

Still working on a banner. Maybe when I'm done shoveling and painting and baking and cooking and entertaining children and celebrating birthdays.

Oh, by the way in honor of my nomination for Best Mommy Blog I'm now asking (demanding) everyone in the world call me Mommy. At first it was creepy but now I like it.

Comments

[krissypants]

Thanks Mom! Can I have twenty dollars to go to the movies?

[jenB]

b/c i am a pervo, all i can think of now is you getting paid to spank people while wearing shiny black thigh high boots. sorry.

[Amanda]

What about Dig Dig Head Louse:
http://www.mcphee.com/parasite/current/M6022.html

[momdotcom]

Well, I must say I wouldn't blame your gay neighbor for lusting after Logan. 'Cement wonderland'. Love the visual. We don't get snow where I live. (well, hardly ever. Maybe have to shovel a few inches every other year or so) So I still think of snow as soooooooo *pretty*. And---about emptying the dishwasher? That is my MOST hated household chore, and I can't figure out why. And, sadly, I actually have tryed to analyze this little quirk. But! Happily, I HAVE figured out a way around it. It's called waiting until your son is old enought to do it for you! Eight years old and he's my minion. My minion with lice. He sees me coming with the 'comb' and runs. Poor Minion.

[Pants]

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't *pay* her to do that to me. Nor have I *asked* her to, but she does anyway...

[alice]

I love you...Mommy.

[lunac718]

Oh, Pants... Naughty.

[momdotcom]

Mommy, please forgive me! I didn't mean to do it! I was thinking ahead to my next hardtospellinmyhead word: *analyze* (has a 'Y' in it, you see). So I...I...I...spelled TRIED incorrectly. Never did that before. Tried spelled with a 'Y' is kind of interesting looking though.

[Cori]

Can I call you Super Mommy? I would have gotten one of those projects done and called it a day. I can definitely bake a cake or paint (emphasis on OR) but I think snow shoveling would be more than I can handle. I don't know, doesn't snow here.

[cursingmama]

Thought of a banner:
Head Lice! Sooo Much better than PinWorm
Just kidding!
I'd totally let you borrow Mr. Motorcycles snowblower if you were my neighbor. I couldn't do it for you because I don't use power tools, at least not the ones in the garage 8-0

[cursingmama]

Damn - I forgot to call you Mommy -

[MollieBee]

Mommy, I totally like picture one, did you draw that? Why is he saying "po"?

[Catt]

Ugh lice. I always felt like such a bad parent when my kids had them (for weeks!) because of the nasty looks I would get from this other mother at church. Finally we figured out (after the kids got lice AGAIN) that they were picking them up from her kids. That was one of my favorite "Mommy Moments." But I'm not vengeful..really.

[Amy]

I *hate* when people call me "Mommy." My mother-in-law does it all the time and I almost go nuts every minute I'm around her just for that reason. The people at the pediatric dentist office do it, too. I just HATE it.

[Jenn (but not the one who commented above)]

Mommy, he's touching me (but I like it). MOMMY, I need juice (preferably with Vodka in it), Mommmyyyy I want something to eat (with lots of carbs). Mommy, I just peed on your couch (and it was after all of my Vodka juice, so I just may vomit too).

I can get used to this.

[shokufeh]

You ARE Super Mom! I don't know if I could do all that stuff in a week. And I must echo Amanda above - check out Parasite Pals.

[sarcastic journalist]

mommy...didn't last year...mommy....didn't they not even want to go in the snow....mommy...mommyy....mmooooooommmmmyy?

[Michele]

Have you seen this commercial? Tailor made for you! http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/157/

[domin8trix]

hi mommy,
we had a grade 7 teacher named Mr. Scrote (i shit you not!) and we'd all say "Mr. Scrote..um.." and then ask some banal question. then kill ourselves laughing! and we thought he had NO CLUE what we were joking about. man, now i feel really bad. poor Mr. Scrote.

[Patty]

So maybe lice are hard to draw.
How about the necessary tools for lice annihilation?
Chemical shampoo, martini glass, comb, martini glass, super size Costco mayo, martini glass, olive oil, martini glass...

[Jennifer]

I haven't been in a long time and now I'm can't remember why.
You have a gorgeous site and I LOVE your writing.

[mamaloo]

mommy, can I, uh, borrow your phone...?

[Kate]

You might not want to do this, but I colored my daughter's hair with Loving Care (the "washes out in 6 shampoos" color) and it killed all the lice and nits. I used a color a little lighter than her natural one and it just looked extra shiny. Can't belive it worked, but it did.

[Christine]

You know I voted for you, Mommy!

[Lil' Sis]

Solo hablo un poco espanol. No recuerdo mucho de mis clases. No estoy "bi-lingual" y no estoy el otro!

Okay, so they haven't made headlice yet, but I would bet they're coming soon (especially if we all request them...)and they're so cute! I like Ebola.
http://www.giantmicrobes.com/
(i don't know how to make links.)

And it is just too friggin' creepy for me to call you "Mommy."

Miao.