A near miss.

I guess David Hochman doesn't have the magic touch Meredith O'Brien does when it comes to deciphering my odd human like noises.

I'm mentioned with my actual real name, in a New York Times article about Buh-Logging. Unlike my friend Alice Brady (also known as Alice Bradley) and my sometimes editor (when I get off my ass and give my submission) Julia Moos (also known as Julie Moos) who were mentioned by made up names.

I'm absolutely flattered and Max will one day be totally horrified to be mentioned in this article as being GAY, but I was kidding....sort of. I'm also a little stunned by the tone of the piece. But then I shouldn't be surprised. This thing called 'Bah-Logging' doesn't make sense to a lot of people.

I guess I find it vaguely insulting to have this site called an "online shrine to parental self-absorption." Because all blogs are not lessons in self absorption. We, as parents should be condemned for indulging in writing about our experiences as parents since SURPRISE! Parenting takes up 200% of our lives.

This line from the article has me laughing, "How will the bloggee feel, say, 16 years from now, when her prom date Googles her entire existence?"

How will Max feel when his prom date finds out HE'S GAY!!!!! This is brilliant.

In the end what this article shows me, once again, is that we can't win no matter what we do. If we aren't worried about our kids we're neglectful. If we think (and write) about the things our kids do we're called hand wringing obsessives.

Hooray New York Times for capturing the essence of mothering!

Like Alice Brady said, the article is vaguely damning.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm happy to have the mention and people heading to my site to see what Buh Logging is actually about. At the same time I think traditional media is somehow insulted by the blogger and therefore insults this form of communication when reporting on it.

Update: Here is a well written and thoughtful response to the Times piece.

Comments

[H.E.R.]

Since I can't think of anything particularly intelligent to add, I will simply remark that your last line is right on target. I've been studying media criticism lately and it seems like the New and Traditional forms are definitely at odds nowadays. And, yes, frankly, the article sucked. My respect for the NY Times went down about 20 notches because of it.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

Meredith totally rocked. I had to say that first. Second? After I read that article? I felt sad. Depressed. As if I am stupid and horrible and self absorbed and how dare I write a book because I'm just another STUPID BLOGGER.

I plan on posting about it sometime this week, when I can stop being so self-absorbed and come up with an entire entry about this.

[buffi]

I have been lurking for a while now, but need to comment just to give you a "non-blogger's" perspective.

I read the article & came off with the same impression of their attitude that you did. However, I want to let you know how much I admire (and appriciate)all of you who take the time to chronicle your lives. I think that when your kids are all grown up, they will enjoy reading your accounts of their lives- especially after they have kids of their own! Personally, it is just good to know that someone is experiencing the same things I am. I wish that I could get it together enough to write about my life as you do. Sorry about the length of this post. Hope you know that most of us don't agree w/ the NY Times!

[sarah]

I, too, was more than a little disturbed by the assumption that if a mother wants to express herself as a person she must be a narcissist. No matter what we do, we're bound to do something wrong, and somebody will criticize it in the New York Times.

Congratulations on your name being spelled correctly, though.

[blackbird]

I'm with Alice. And so far I pretty much blog in obscurity.

[Helene]

I'm with you on the tone of article, but as an acknowledgement for blogging parents world-wide, you can't beat an article in NYT.

As for Max, if her inherits even a small amount of his mom's scarcasm and humor, he'll get a huge kick of it.

[Helene]

OppS! My sloppy fingers were to fast on the Post button and I missed removing an unwanted "r" - as result I turned Max from a "he" to a "her" :0

Hope he can forgive me :)

[Lisa]

I hate to say this, because it's such an overused argument, but part of this is sexism. I still think a whole bunch of people, either concsiously or subconsiously , see raising children as not as valuable as "paid work"- and women end up doing it. I know he mentioned Zeno too. I just got the impression from the article these ditsy women can think of nothing but their kids and want us to think about them too.
I said it before on the last entry. You are a writer, you write what you know. This is your life right now. You are also an entertainer- otherwise you and the others mentioned in the article wouldn't have such a large loyal readership. Does the NYT think we come to these sites for tips on potty training? Jesus, we come to laugh, to identify, to empathize and sometimes offer assvice. How are you different than Bill Cosby, Erma Bombeck, Anna Quinlen, Rosanne Barr and anyone else who used their life and family experiences as material for their creative endevours? I think Mr. Hochman is completely jealous and smug. My guess is there aren't many who can't wait to see what he has to say everyday. There are plenty of us who want to know what you all have to say.

Oh and the gay quote, completely out of context. There was no anxiety in that entry.

[Jenn]

Melissa, I really wanted to comment on this article, but I am too narcissitic and self absorbed to bother. I must go wring my hands and "complain and marvel" about my own life on my own "online shrine to parental self absorbtion" while ruining my children's future in hopes that they will be humiliated when they are googled at 16.

[Jennifer]

All bloggers are narcissistic. It's part of the package. Where's the 'scoop' in that? It was a mean-spirited piece, I thought. But then, already made less relevant by cable news, blogs threaten wilting institutions like the NY Times in a very real sense. A suspect and somewhat beligerent tone wasn't wholly unexpected. In the big picture, it scarcely matters.

You're still Queen of the Mommy Bloggers.

[nicole]

maybe you can't win with the nyt (who does?), but you win with the regular people everywhere. now that i type it, it sounds more pathetic than i mean. i can see the tagline now-- 'WINNING WITH REGULAR PEOPLE'.

[LOD]

Nice title, too. Apparently writing about parenting is a penis-free zone.

[Lauren]

The blogs he mentions in particular are not even primarily about motherhood in a straightforward sense. Motherhood is really the lens through which many other subjects come into view.

And he makes bloggers sound so earnest. The ascerbic wit and wet-your-pants-laughing humor fly right over this poor hack's head, more's the pity. As the misspellings indicate, even the proofreaders fled from this article.

[y]

this is why I don't CARE what ANYONE, especially the Meeeeedia thinks about Ma'blog. It's mine. ALL MINE. All about ME and MY kids and MY vagina and MY boobs and MY tittymilk!

Fuck da press.

[veg4me]

I took a gay guy to my senior prom instead of my boyfriend. He was WAY more fun and he didn't want to have sex at the end of the night.

[landismom]

What I like best about this article is his assumption that people will still be googling in 16 years.

[Anita]

I've already written a letter to the editor at the NY Times and wrote a (self-absorbed) response on my own blog.

As a psychologist with a feminist bent, I perceived his article to be a clear backlash against women. We are not supposed to ever be more than mothers. Once a human pops out of our bodies, that's it. Our brains are supposed to be focused solely on the children. No work, no lives, no squat except children.

The good news is that it's lead me to a few more good blogs besides Dooce!

[y]

but it's ok if women CHOOSE to "just" be mothers, right?

[MelissaS]

But no one is "just" a mother is the point I think Anita and everyone else is making. No matter what other choices we make, to stay at home or work out of the house. To devote our entire days to our children or to carve time out for ourselves....we're still not "just" mothers.

[y]

Ok. I totally agree. I guess I just get a little sensitive at the term "JUST" a mother since I recently quit my job to be a "full time mom", because, you know "being a mother is the most important job on earth" thing and all. (I'm TOTALLY NOT INSECURE, am I?)

But you're both right, we are so much more than mothers.

For instance, I am also and EXCELLENT cook for my husband.

I kid.

Because chili cheese dogs are NOT excellent.

[Mir]

Gosh, I hope there's a follow-up article on altruistic, selfless bloggers! Cuz there's so many of those!

My unicorn is really looking forward to that article, too.

[Anita]

Gosh, I hope I didn't say or imply "just" a mother.

That's not at all what I mean. We are all "Ands": Mother AND woman AND daughter AND whatever else we are.

From my time as a SAHM for 6+ months, I certainly don't (and didn't) see that as being "just" a mother.

It's just really bugging me that talking about my monkey makes me self absorbed. I always thought it just made me boring to folks who didn't have kids!

I'm still glad to catch up with the good (mommy) blogs.

[Emily]

I am not a mother yet, but I am a lot of things and I vent about those things on my site daily. I am a wife, a social worker, a child of 2 parents with cancer, a sister with 6 nieces and nephews and a women considering taking on the title of Mother. I love my blog and use it as a way to vent about my many hats and to come to grips with them. I love my site and others sites. This guy has totally taken the wrong approach on this subject. I believe, because I do get negative reponses at times from my site, that what people don't understand they criticize. Melissa, your site is awesome. I read your site and Sarcastic Journalist site each and every day. Both have given me some good tools to use when understanding the reality of parenting, the things people just don't talk about. It really angered me that this schmuck put that one liner in about you. Your site is so much more than that, he obviously missed the point and should be fired as a journalist.

[y]

Funny. I just re-read your comment and you never said "just" a mother. So, where in the hell did I get that from? I think "someone" I "know" was reading your comment with her paranoid "stay at home mom's ARE IMPORTANT, DAMMIT" filter on.

Sorry about that, I get what you're saying now. TOTALLY get it and agree. :-)

[Laura]

I was really ticked off at David for that article, so I sent off a letter to the editor at the Times about it. http://11d.typepad.com/blog/2005/01/letter_to_the_t.html#trackback

[Very Mom]

"The baby blog in many cases is an online shrine to parental self-absorption"

Mimi Smartypants said it best (in regards to something totally different)

"smartypantsmimi: Like getting email that tells you your diary is self-absorbed.
arielmeadow: Yes!
smartypantsmimi: I'm still so in love with that comment.
arielmeadow: Yes, thank you. My diary is self-absorbed. I am a sponge of myself.
smartypantsmimi: Maybe I should start keeping someone else's diary. Just to balance out the self-absorbed."

[Very Mom]

in regarD - am idiot.

[hazelblackberry]

I guess if Max's prom date is a bloke who is also gay, then everything will be ACE.

[Gary M.]

In my opinion, what he was writing was JUST his opinion, and not news, NOT facts.
The point that he missed is that there are some really good writers out there. It doesn't matter if they are self absorbed, narcissistic, or even boorish, if they write well, they are worth reading. His article, with all of its mistakes, was, in my opinion, not worth reading.

[Donna]

Hi Melissa--I just found your blog through the NYT article. And aside from all the other comments that have been made on the story, I have to say that the article seems yet another slam on Gen Xers, now mostly in their 30s. (I don’t know how old you are; I’m assuming you’re in this category, based on the article, but given the reporter’s inability to get names right, maybe I shouldn’t make that assumption.

Anyway, I love how the media continues to focus on how self-absorbed Gen Xers all are, because of course no other generation has ever indulged in introspection of any kind. ("Thirtysomething" and "The Wonder Years" were just, you know, examples of how unabsorbed the Baby Boomers were/are.)

But as someone posted here, the good thing is that the article has given me a whole bunch of new cool blogs to check out. Like this one!

[Angie]

I just read the NYT article and found this site through...I don't even remember now - another blogger who spoke highly of it.

Let's be blunt. Hochman's a dick. He's selling a story. And if he's inflammatory it creates hype for the paper.

And self absorption - it's an online diary for Chrissakes, what are you supposed to write about? I agree completely with the previously posted comments that any number of TV shows and books have been geared toward the same observation and musings on one's own life. Maybe you can OD on it - but stop reading if you don't like it and can't identify with it. As someone who hopes to be preggers later this year, I'm really starting to get interested in reading about other people's experiences. It's a scary thing - all this talk of ripping and tearing in relation to one's most sensitive parts! Ring of fire? Great. This makes my brow furrow and my nose wrinkle. So sue me if I get some comfort from the writings of people who have been through and lived. And pardon me if I don't sink into the role of Mommy so thoroughly that I no longer feel the need to express myself or regard myself as a human being as well as a parent.

In short, fuc'em. Thanks for being there you guys.

[Carrie]

I don't even have kids, and I found that article totally insulting and outrageous. I read almost all the blogs mentioned in the article and couldn't believe how everything was twisted around. I don't understand the thrill some people get from thinking that mothers (and women in general) should just simper quietly in a corner. The more I know about this big, bad planet earth, the more I'm ready to hop on a spaceship and get out of here. I'm going to start some kind of Amazon women society, only we will invite nice, modern men to join us. Or maybe I will just start a revolution right here, but I don't own a gun so I'm not sure how that will work out. Blather blather! Anyway, just wanted to say as a regular reader, I felt that you and the other bloggers were totally misrepresented and mistreated.

[Betsy]

When Bill Cosby and Dave Barry write about children it's wickedly funny and even merits monetary compensation. But let a mother, and a damned funny mother at that, do it, and it's narcissistic. And really, isn't all writing to some extent, narcissism? The idea that people wish to read that which we write? Hello Pot, meet Kettle.