Smallish Whoopie Cushions

I had lunch today with someone I met through ((((Gasp)))) MOMS Club®!

I've been meaning to give you all an update on the MOMS Club® situation. The situation is: it appears to remain true that anyone can link anyone they feel like linking. Even if a large organization threatens you with legal action and says, they "will consult" their attorneys if you do not comply with their demands. Then, they'll change their story when you refuse to comply and will say something annoying like, "It's unfortunate you won't comply with my request. I'll be turning this matter over to the president of the MOMS Club® and it will be up to her if legal action will be taken."

Because, really, the truth is.....the person who contacted you was just really pissed off you had the nerve to say unpleasant things about people she likes and she had nothing better to do but email you with empty threats. Also, she never turned anything over to the 'President' because the entire thing was a big fat ball of annoying bull shit! Weeeee!

Lunch was lovely but I realized while we chatted, if someone I am talking to reads my website....we have very little to talk about because I only have about 5 stories to tell at any given time and I usually tell them on this website first. So conversation is seriously limited. But then on the way home from our lunch date I thought to myself, "Why don't you do more listening asshole?" Ha!

Let's see, something more pleasant. Last week I shoveled the Concrete Wonderland until I died. The amusing part of that is the part where I woke up in the morning and it was 55 degrees and also rained so all the snow and ice I'd methodically removed not even 12 hours before had melted anyway. God, that made me laugh....maniacally.

This morning I shoveled the Concrete Wonderland again and I have to tell you, I rule at shoveling. If it was something I could put on my resume, I would and I'd get an awesome job with that. Logan shovels the bare minimum. For example, we see the children in our neighborhood walking to school single file because The Robot shovels a narrow strip off the sidewalk. And that's all. He also shovels a path from the house to each of the cars and that's it. However, he does brush off both the cars before he leaves each day and also he sold $5000 in girl scout cookies today at work. I don't even want to know what he had to do to get that one $4000 order.

Logan sometimes complains about the way I do laundry. People, he doesn't like his jeans "TOTALLY BONE DRY!!!!!!!" When he complains about the way I do laundry I reply, "You should care for your delicate clothing yourself Princess."

And he generally does. So in that same way, really I have to suck it up and shovel the walks myself and I did...for an hour and a half I did. God bless my spine tomorrow morning.

Funny Conversation With Max:

I'm fully dressed and drying my hair in the bathroom post shower. Max knocks on the door and peeks in.

Max: "Why do moms have breast-ez?" [breasts I assume he meant]
Me: "Max they're for feeding babies, although I'm a horrible mother and never used them for that. But I do love you. I love you so much and I think you're so very smart. You're not gay because I didn't feed you from my breasts are you?"
Max: "Please stop oozing your mental instability all over me. Jesus."
Me: "Right. Well when a woman has a baby a mom's breasts make milk to feed the baby. [I left out the recreational part because I'm open minded, but what the fuck?]"
Max: "Then after you have a baby they're full of water?"
Me: "Not really."
Max: "They're full of air?"

Yes, Max, like smallish [in my case] whoopee cushions.

pbbbbbtttttthhhhhhh.

Comments

[Cori]

What is with our men and their laundry nueroses? At the beginning of our marriage, my dh asked me to hang all of his clothes on white plastic hangers. Not the blue ones, not the wooden ones, and we both hate wire ones. On a honeymoon high, I agreed. That lasted about 6 months.

[Dawnlight]

I nicknamd my DH "Martha" because he is quite anal about his laundry. In fact he even irons better than me, so that is now his chore too!

I too, hate shoveling snow. That is what my 8 year old son is for. Fortunately, he LOVES shoveling and does a damn good job at it too. Once he realizes it is a chore, I am sure he will stop, drop and run. In the meantime I am happy with the fact that he is so oblivious, he thinks it is "Fun", lol!

Max sounds so friggin cute! Loved your response! In my case I breastfed my last baby until he was 18 months (about 8 months longer than I had planned!) and I wish I would have kept him on the damn things. Once he stopped nursing, they deflated and even though they are small now, they actually are empty droopy things...not a pretty site. I wish someone would invent a breast pump (like the penis pump) where you can choose how much "air" you want in your breasts daily...that would rock! :) - Tamara

[minty]

Full of air. Heh. Don't kids just say the darndest things?

When my older one was 3 and I was nursing the younger one, big sis would sometimes also nurse her Big Bird doll. She'd pull up her shirt and ask him which side he wanted: "This one's milk, and this one's Pepsi!"

[StephC]

Ah! Can I buy some girl scout cookies?! I'm serious! I know not ONE girl scout in my area! I'll pay postage!

Email me. Seriously.

[Mir]

I think someone snuck in here after I gave birth and deflated mine. Bastard.

[Leah]

I love your conversation with Max! Esp. when he says, Jesus! I swear that is going to be my son's first word ;)

[Psycho Kitty]

Or if you've nursed a couple kids, they're full of navel lint. Not that I'm talking about myself here, oh my no.

[Texas T-bone]

"Whoopee cushions." Har!

We men have laundry issues? My wife won't let me do any of her laundry because I'm not allowed to stick any of it in the dryer. If I do, the world will end and hell's fury will crash down upon me. I, on the other hand, wash and dry everything of mine. If I'm quick enough, nothing even needs to be ironed.

[The Robot]

Tex, you sound like a person who really knows how to do laundry. Unlike my lovely wife...

On a side note, Liss, I got my shoes!

[melissaS]

Dear Mr Roboto...if I put your underwear in the dryer....my head would be in the dryer later. Do not *even* try to tell these innocent people you are as 'easy going' about the laundry as Mr T Bone is.

As for the shoes....DEAR GOD THANK YOU FOR SENDING THE SHOES!!!!!!!!

Hey there New Shoes! Would you like me to take a picture of your new shoes for the website?

[Heatheranne]

I wish my hubby was more anal about laundry. He just throws everything in at once. Jeans, towels, my scrubs, underwear, reds, whites...You name it.

The only thing my son ever really asked about boobs is once when he was two and we were taking a shower together he pointed up and said "What are those" and trying to be a good mom (I do try that sometimes) I said "Well, they're called breasts." Then he smiled and said "Are those your boobies?" That was the last time we showered together.

[Meredith]

Fortunately, most of my friends and family don't read my blog so I don't have to repeat the only things I have to say in one day but I like your tactic. Listen more. Must employ, must employ...

And the husband and his damn laundry. How am I ever supposed to know that some t-shirts are stay-in t-shirts and are therefore folded in quarters and some are going-out t-shirts and should only suffer three folds? Seriously. I don't think they look different as a result of their folds but IT'S VERY IMPORTANT to him!

Sigh.

[Lisa]

After I finished nursing my daughter my son saw me after a shower and asked me "Why do you still have those if you don't use them anymore?" I really didn't have a good answer for him.

Lisa

[Lil' Sis]

Lis, I will pay you $400 if you come shovel out my car. Seriously. I think I will have to call in until spring because my car now looks like a Toyota Aztec and is buried (I swear to god) up to my mid-thigh when I am wearing my super tall platform boots. Please don't ask why I would wear stilletto boots on a night like this. I couldn't even get a cab to come into HamSandwich to get me OUT of the 3rd World for an evening. It's that bad.
(PS- the new woman started, and she reminds me of Mitchell Mom. She's that old, so we can hope she dies soon... sad. she is really nice, but she will probably quit pretty quickly because she was an office manager for like 145 years before, and I am incredibly inept and pretty quick with the crying jags these days. I just know she's laughing at me.)
miao.