Hey! I broke the vase!

The good news about Madison's unexplained fever is that instead of taking the time to melt the chocolate before dipping her in it, I can just place the chocolate on her forehead, it will melt and I can then swallow her. No messy clean up afterwards!

She woke up this morning, happy and fresh faced with a perfectly normal temperature of 98.6 F. So I rejoiced to the Lord and said, 'Thanks Be To God. I can now sell my plasma to pay for cocktails instead of doctor co pays!"

I decided to keep her home from school, even though it's a T day and we don't fuck with T days around here. Also, I'm such a good mother I wanted her to be completely healthy before being hit with the onslaught of germs all those small people carry while trapped indoors all winter. Really I just want to make sure I don't have to deal with this again, in the uncontrollably vomiting form.

All day the fever was gone! She was her usual crabby self! Fighting with Max and bossing him around! Our doctor's office closes at 5pm. Guess what time I found her laying on the sofa with watery eyes? 5:15pm. Guess what her fever was? 102.7!

Tomorrow is Wednesday, she'll be home from school tomorrow which will be the fourth day she's missed school since Friday of last week. Monday the 14th is the first day of some atrocity called "Mid-Winter Break"

ANOTHER WEEK OF ALL DAY TOGETHERNESS!

It's something to look forward to really.

I'm getting nervous about this interview. I revamped my resume in November and prior to that I'd not gotten a single interview. Since the revamping, I am actually getting interviews. You could even say several. You could say I did a nice job fixing up my resume to highlight my best skills (which would be swearing like a trucker and holding my weight in sierra nevada pale ale). I'm starting to realize I must be doing something wrong while actually speaking to these people. Am I spitting on them while I talk? Blowing snot out of my nostrils? Begging them on my hands and knees to please just give me a chance? It's my hair isn't it? My eyebrows? I haven't had them waxed in, forever. If I were interviewing me, my eyebrows would offend me too. In fact, I'm not even interviewing me and I am offended by my eyebrows.

I've read about interviewing and I've made up scripts and memorized acronyms and honestly, for the types of jobs I'm looking for, all I really need is a fucking pulse.

I'm running out of the funny here people. I'm trying really hard to just get through this. I can see how people get trapped in this cycle and actually I see how Logan and I have ended up trapped in this cycle. This is really depressing and stressful and anxiety provoking. It's easy to see how we peeked at this looming issue over the last 3.5 years and didn't want to face it. Because facing it meant feeling like this, and this really sucks.

So now the challenge is to not let it shut me down. It's easy to want to go to bed early, at say, 10am, and not peek out again until it's all over. It's hard to keep sending out resumes and keep going to interviews, only to be rejected. It's hard to face a day where something might break and need fixing. It's hard to walk out the door in the morning and realize you need gas. It's hard to face a day where you'll get an email from friends reminding you of your dinner plans for the weekend. A dinner you can't go to after all. It's hard to say no when going out with friends is the thing that gives you some of the best joy in your life lately.

Someone told me it was taboo to talk about financial issues and I never realized that. Maybe I did realize it. Maybe that's why we kept the curtain shut so tightly on the behind the scenes juggling we were doing for all these years since Max was born. We thought it would get better and we'd catch up. It always did before.

It always got better before and I'm still kind of grieving the fact that this isn't getting better. That it's all fallen apart on us. That the juggling stopped working and we're left with all these pieces which aren't easily picked up. (And secretly and mostly unreasonably, I blame GW.....I know, don't argue with me. I know I know I know. All I know is that when the president was getting blow jobs we were still paying our bills and were upwardly mobile. I know I know I know. That's stupid. Of course blow jobs have nothing to do with our financial situation but maybe if George just tried to get a few blow jobs every once in a while...I mean maybe it would help us? And if it didn't help us, it seems like it couldn't really hurt anyone? Right?)

The kids started saying this thing whenever they drop something or fall or break something, they picked it up on the Tee Vee I'm sure because I'm constantly trying to dumb them down by plopping them in front of the idiot box. Whenever something falls or gets broken they yell out, in a goofy, happy voice, "Hey, I broke the vase!"

I've adopted this odd saying myself. I walk around saying it all day. At least once an hour, sometimes more depending on how my grip on my sanity is holding up. Lately, I've been saying it a lot. And the kids keep saying, "No Mom! You only say it if you drop something!"

The thing is I say it when I balance the checkbook, or as I open the bills or when I answer the phone calls or when I think about the plumbing or anything else which is related to the storm of doom...."Hey! I broke the fucking vase!"

It all feels overwhelming and the hardest part of my days lately is not crumbling right down with all the pieces, crawling back into bed and just giving up.

The other hard part is not eating all five boxes of girl scout cookies in one sitting.

It's not going very well so far.

Comments

[Flippy]

I'm pretty sure you'll find the Super Glue soon. I know exactly what it feels like (minus the kids, but adding 4 dogs, 3 cats, 6 parrots and an aquarium), but it has to get better. I mean, really, look at all the unworthy people with great jobs (the President, Enron CEO, the owner of the McDonald's down the street from me), so it's only right that you (and me) get great jobs too. Or hell, even halfway decent jobs. Well, in my case, coming up with a new halfway decent business from home. Anyway, it has to get better because there isn't enough chocolate left in the world to deal with the consequences.

No one can tell me any differently, all other things being equal, money buys happiness.

[JT]

Oh, have I ever been there. Wait a minute, I'm still there! I agree with you that, while our financial nightmares might not be directly the fault of Dubya, we too were doing well when Bill was doing naughty things with his cigar.

Hang in there. I really don't want to say something trite like "things can only get better," but I hope they do. Good luck this week.

[blackbird]

Well, at least we know for a fact that Madison will be perfectly well on monday, it's the following monday that she may spike that fever again.

As for the interview, I thought those gray pants were nice, and on your way there say a prayer to St. Martin, he works for us... and you could sacrifice a goat and drink its blood!

But seriously, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[21stCenturyMom]

I just found your blog - somehow. I'm not sure how. I have only read this post so apologies for not having the background on your unemployment. I have lots of background on my own unemployment which has lasted 22 out of the last 30 months. I know all about it. I know how fun it is to stay home with the kids for once and how nice it is not have to go grocery shopping at 11 PM because the slot from 11 - 12 is the only one you have open. I also know how degrading it feels to have to present yourself to a prospective employer, only to be passed over. It's worse than standing on the sidelines at a dance and having the boys always, always, always ask the girl standing next to you even if she is wearing a dorky outfit or has a big zit on her nose.

Anyhow, what you really need to do is what is known in this unemployment rich era as 'networking'. Talk to every single person you know and tell them what you would like to do and ask them if they know anyone who is hiring. It's the only way that really works. Well, that's not true but it is the best way.

There are lots of websites and books about it and it all sounds like such bullshit and like you have to be such an imposition but really, it works and for the most part people want to help you out - they really do. The economy is getting better so I'm sure you will have work soon.

Again, sorry if I have missed all sorts of stuff that makes my comment just a load of crap.

Best of luck to you.

[Leah]

I can relate with the cookies...Me, I would eat them ALL in one breath! Right now my 'financial curtain' is pulled tight over my eyes and I'M LOVIN IT!

[Kiki Dee]

It definitely is the fault of Dubya. I've been looking for a new job for a year, and it's harder than it's been in the 10 years I've been in the world of work.

Even factoring out the dot-com craziness years, I'd send out 10 resumes, get calls from 9 places, interviews with 6 and offers from 2.

These days? Not even a call. Dubya's creating jobs at Wal-Marts around the country -- nowhere else.

Hang in there... it's just taking longer than ever before, but you *will* find something!

Kiki

[Pam]

I am clicking on the Google Adsense ads all I can to help out.

Click. Click.

Click.

[Mir]

The darkness doesn't last forever. I promise. Keep hanging on.

[lesa]

I also think that GW needs a good drink. I bet he wsa a lot more fun back in his college days when he was doing beer bongs with his faternity brothers.

So, I found your site after the NYT article. It is great. I am feeling the need to post because of the job related grief and yes it sucks! I have a master's degree, have taught writing at the college level and have 8 years public relations experience - no this is not a brag list - but the point is I know that I have been more than suited for MANY of the 100 or so jobs I applied to in the last four years or so (yes, thanks again GW) and yet most of the time I didn't even get the courtesy of a rejection letter.

But in true Annie form the sun will come up tomorrow. After interviewing for over three months at the same company I feel like I have my dream job. It will happen. Don't get too down! Sory for my rambling.

[Greg]

I am not just clicking to help! It's "Easy & Powerful Blogging," for crying out loud! That's a headline that speaks to me on a very fundamental level! CLICK CLICK CLICK

[MelissaS]

What is with my lame ads? Remember when I got that job interview at the synagogue and all I could talk about was manischewitz and matzo balls? Those were good ads. Remember? Now all I get is blogging ads.

Boring.

But you know, click on them if you feel like finding out about 'Dynamic Blogging' and especially if you want a new stroller! Because I just found out at the Stroller Review website you can get a Maclaren for $135 and that's what I paid for my Combi for the love of Christ. These ads are useful.

And I'm not just saying that.

[Kathy]

I'm really sorry you're going through these hard times. Your blog is so honest about what's happening to you; I really have to admire that.

If you've ever looked at my blog, you know what I think about GWB. He's not directly or completely responsible for the economy; no president is, but he certainly hasn't been doing anything to make it better either. I think only military contractors are doing well right now.

I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I do understand enough to sympathize a lot. I am divorced, with a teenage daughter, and I am always on the brink of losing my home. I tottered on the edge of foreclosure about a year ago. I too have been unable to find a job, in a field I just got a degree in to make myself more marketable! Right now I'm working part-time in a Barnes & Noble, and believe me, $7.50/hour for 25-30 hours a week doesn't go far. Although it's better than no job.

I'm probably depressing you more, jeez. I'm sorry. I just want you to know, my heart really goes out to you. I hope things get better.

Kathy in New Jersey

[Jenn]

"Mom always said, don't play ball in the house." (If you got that as a Brady Bunch reference, welcome to my generation. If not, you're too young.) Sorry, but that whole broken vase thing gave me flashbacks to that freaking episode where they broke that vase playing basketball.

So anyway, no words of wisdom. It sucks. I'm sorry. I hope the situation turns around really soon. Or of course that Dubya gets a blowjob. Either way. Whatever works.

[Mieke]

Sweetgirl, sorry things are so hard. It will get better. It always does. I don't know your city at all, but I have some friends that live/work in the Detroit area. Email me your resume, tell me what you're looking for, and I'll send it around.

XOOX

[Suburbia]

I've been there and boy it REALLY does a number on your self-esteem if you let it. I let it, and it was a bad scene at our household for a while. I promise you, though, that you will find something soon. It takes about 6 months. Keep in mind that you never know the true motives behind a hiring manager's decisions - they could already have an internal candidate in mind, or they may want to hire their cousin's friend, or the position suddenly is no longer budgeted for. Hiring is not the science that it should be (skills + experience + education = hire!). It's more of a black art. Before you know it, someone is hiring you mainly because you share the same love of blogging, or scuba diving or whatever. You'll hit the sweet spot with someone soon. Stay confident.

[Phil]

Dude, I just clicked all holy hell through your Sears Portrait Center Google Ad. There are some horrible, tacky things there. My eyes and soul are still hurting, but I think it was for a good cause.

Observation 1: on many of the photo invitation samples, they include a date and time (Come to Erica's graduation party! Come to Jaime's birthday!). The times are almost always the same, but the dates are different. Thank God! I was going to have a hard time choosing. But seriously, I think it showed good awareness on the part of whomever designed their site.

Observation 2: Less to their credit -- one of the wedding photo cards has the caption, "thank you for your gift.' WTF? I send someone a gift, and they form letter the thank you without indicating how much they look forward to using my whatever-I-gave-them? How tacky. Bleagh.

Which reminds me, I'm behind on sending a couple of wedding gifts.

[Becky]

Have you thought about opening a Cafe Press store? That ought to bring in beer money at least. I'd be proud to wear a Suburban Bliss t-shirt. Or thong.

Off to click through the ads for you.

(I'm not going to talk about the fact that I know which cartoon episode the broken vase is from. I should be ashamed of myself!)

[Crystal]

A BJ wouldn't help his crazy ass, and I was much happier with our philandering saxaphone player prez. Anyway, I feel ya... I totally do. You'll find a solution, it's there, it will come to you.

[amy]

Will go clickin' :) All the best tomorrow, have an interview myself so will be thinking of you. MAY WE GET THE JOB AND THE JOB BE WORTH IT. Love your blog, so nice to find someone not caught up in pretense and other crap. The real deal.

[Cara]

I'm with Becky: I would totally buy a T-shirt, toddler shirt, or onesie with that pacifier+martini icon on it. It would be awesome. In fact, I would buy all three. Please go with the martini pacifier at CafePress. Not so much the lice. Love your site, sorry about the vase.

[Heisenburg]

Good luck with the interview, I hope you get the job and that it is what you need right now.

[Emily]

Hi, I am not sure how I found your site but I am glad that I did. Please send me your resume or post it on this site so that you can network with all your faithful readers. I will do all I can.

[tracy]

So, you get paid for each click-through? If so, call me a clickin' fool. :-D

Other sources of funds are Epinions (http://www.epinions.com), where you would probably do very well, since you're such an excellent writer, and MyPoints (http://www.mypoints.com), where you can get "points" simply by reading your e-mail and viewing some ads. Points add up to GCs. Also, you often get the opportunity to get, like, a $20 Lowes GC just for joining one of their "buyers clubs" for three months (you have to remember to cancel before your trial period is up, but a $20 GC is a nice little bonus for paying $1 for a trial membership, and if you can't use it you can sell it on eBay for almost retail value).

[landismom]

If only I were in charge of hiring for my company, I would hire you instantly. I wouldn't even care if you were qualified, as long as you promised to bring the martinis every Friday, and wrote long, bitter memos about the other staff. Good luck with your interview (tomorrow?).

PS--Why is it that I can remember when your next job interview is, but not remember what time I have to be on a conference call today?

[RockStar Mommy]

With 1 daughter, 2 stepdaughters, and another child on the way, money is constantly an issue around here. I don't think talking about it is taboo. Talking and trying to make jokes about it all is sometimes all that keeps me from drowning. And when you talk about it, you realize that so many other people are in or around the same situation you are. It's easy to break the vase. And while, GW might not have directly done anything to your household to make you drop the vase, I haven't seen him or anyone else over on Pennsylvania ave. offer to help put things back together.
So, the blame doesn't fall on you. It will get better, even though that is no consolation right now. Good luck.

[ChickenFlicken]

I'm so sorry you're going through a shitty time. Along with everyone else here, I understand the frustration and uncertainty you're feeling. Hold on, Sister, it will get better.

I'll click on your ads, too, just to contribute my little bit! *hugs*

[MelissaC]

Just chiming in to second (third? fourth?) the cafe press idea.
Alrighty, I'm off to click on some ads.

[sarah]

Hey Melissa,
I used to be a recruiter and I would be happy to give you a bit of coaching on how to interview well. If you are interested I don't currently do IM, but my very techie husband could help me figure it out, or we could just email.
Sarah

[Paula]

Our household was better off before the dubya days as well.
I have to admit that every job I ever got was done thru networking and someone I knew. In fact, with one promotion I got I knew I was up for the positoin but HR said they had to run an internal posting for the job as well as a public posting. Here's the kicker...I worked in the mail room and sorted all the resumes that came in for the positon. After several hundred resumes and jumping thu the formalities, I got the job. Then the company was purchased and the new management cleaned house. So, chin up!! Post your resume on your blog. You never know who's surfing and may hand your resume to the powers that be. Best of luck on your interview.
Paula

[Marissa]

Ok, with all these people offering to help you with a job need to create a web page where they can help everyone desperate for work - call the web page "Networking." We can post our resumes with all our stupid work experience, and include a section called "But I really want to be..."? For instance, I would say "I'm a burned-out administrative assistant, but I really want to be a copy writer!" We could get all these people offering us jobs from all over the world!!! Come on people, start the web page!

[Stephanie]

I wish I had magic words for you... something to just make it all better. We've been through this... I constantly fear being there again. I live and breathe and shop that fear. I wish you --- though I'm pretty new to you and your fantastic blog --- all the luck in the world. Hopefully your interviewer will be smart enough to snap you up. Or today will be the day you find out about some age-old inheritance worth millions. *hugs*

[Bill]

Got to tell you, that Google has software to track if you are getting an unusual amount of clicks from the same isp's. From what I understand, if they believe that the ads are being misused, they can pull them from your site. Not good for you, not good for the advertisers that pay money to google to have their ads on your site. I know several small business people who pay for ads hoping to get legitimate business for the advertising money they are spending.

[MoMMY]

I with you. Really. I could have written most of this post. Except I just started the job search and have had NO interviews. Financially we are in the same boat. It's a scary place. Things get better eventually. I'll be thinking good job getting thoughts for you.

As for your eyebrows? I can't afford to have them waxed, I pluck. I swear I don't know how people have the time to keep up with the plucking! But I will make the time if I ever get an interview.

[kerewin]

I've had this great feeling all week that tomorrow is going to go really, really well! Remember, you had a job offer, but it wasn't what you needed, that is at least something. I know it isn't much. But, the reason you didn't take that job is that it wasn't right. There is something around the corner that is JUST perfectly, perfect.

Since I was just receiving this advice from siblings and relatives and it really didn't do much to make me feel better, but ended up being true, I am passing it on to you. Dream job......just a little ways away. Meanwhile, I will click on a google ad or something so you can at least have a cocktail while waiting.

[MelissaS]

Gee thanks Bill. I'm sure the people at Google ads aren't retarded. They realize there will be some meaningless clicking. As I said before, Please don't just click to give me .02. Click because you want to see what Blogging EVOLVED is.

I can't really control what ads people do or do not click on. I can't control whether or not someone is interested in your product once they do click on an ad. I can only provide the links and if you want to, click on them. That's what they're there for.

Does Google do a brain scan Bill? You know to see if someone was *really* interested in the link they clicked? Eee Gads!

[toni]

Babe, I wish I could send you a big jar of happiness and money you could wallow in and feel better. Wish I could do something that useful.

[misokitty]

I'm sorry things suck so much right now. Have you ever heard Dave Ramsey's radio show? He has a step-by-step program called "Financial Peace" and it's about getting on a budget, getting out of debt, etc. He can be pretty heavy-handed with his conservative Christian leanings but if you can look past all that (or not, whatever), he does offer hope that you can work your way out of a financial hole.
You can listen to his call-in radio show at http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/index.cfm?strMode=listen
I was tens of thousands in debt (not counting my house) and was going to those paycheck advance places to make it from week to week. Now for the first time in my life I have a Savings Account for emergencies, and later this month I'll be debt-free (except the house). And this is on an annual income of approx 40,000 gross.

Well, that's my 2 cents. Good luck on the interview! XOXOXO Michelle

[Texas T-bone]

I thought chocolate was supposed to melt in your mouth, not on your kid.

What can be even worse than not having a job is having one and still finding it hard for the ends to meet. One end is so far away I can't even see it.

[Kismet]

You didn't break the vase, George did.
And if I knew where to send it I'd pass along a big ol bottle of vodka and some Godiva chocolates. Yeah, that's how helpful I am (I know, I know, don't spend the cash, mail it).
Chin up.
~K!

[Tammy]

I am just figuring out, too, that finances are a taboo subject. I wonder why? I'll tell you flat out....I am sick thinking about the bills this month. Who gets paid? Which service can I afford to lose? How long can a person live with their tooth crumbling in their mouth? Hang in there, it's got to get better. In the meantime, keep ranting, and we'll keep listening.

[amy]

How did the interview go?? Mine went OK but for the 4 min. it lasted (we will call your references and let you know). I guess we shall both see huh?

[elisabeth]

Absolutely everything that goes wrong in my world is directly the fault of W. We are out of toilet paper? Blame the president! $2K to fix the car? Georges fault! I am sure all your woes are because of him, also. And, hey, who wouldn't be happier with more blow jobs? Maybe then he'd quit picking fights iwth other countries. So change the quote to "hey, George broke the vase" you'll all feel better about it then.

[Tammy]

I have been using the phrase from "Saving Nemo" quite alot lately as my mantra. Try it, it goes "Just keep ______" where, in the movie Dory says "swimming", but you can fill in whatever word you like. It especially helps if you do it in the same lilting voice she uses...

"just keep smiling.. just keep smiling.." See, you're feeling better already, aren't you?

hang in there!

[Tammy]

just thinking, "Breaking the vase". Is that another euphamism? tee hee.

[Antonia]

Oh man do I know what you're going through. Don't give up hope though, because you're a great lady. If it's obvious to hundreds of faceless people across the internet it'll be obvious to someone who wants to throw you a job one day soon. You just haven't found the perfect one yet. If you were in one of the mediocre ones, you'd never know the perfect one had come along and passed you by.

[hazelblackberry]

Good luck with the interview, Melissa. If you must break a vase, at least make it a Ming.

[tracy]

Not fair... I don't even *get* the Blogging Evolved Ad. Mine are for the stroller comparison site (way cool; too bad it wasn't there when I was stroller shopping) and the massage chair, and the Google ads are for Sears and valentines cards. Gimme some cool ads to click!

[Paula]

Hi there. I'm really sorry things suck for you right now. I'm also sorry if any of my comments offended you in any way as they were never intended to. Just wanted to wanted to share some positive advice that has worked for me and other people I know. My comment was not to be taken as telling you what to do. I really do wish you the best in your endeavors.
Paula

[Nancy]

Hey, the massage chair ad is cool. It doesn't pay per click though. I would've donated, but it isn't an option on the site. People helped me when I needed it (two dogs w/ emergency surgery within two weeks of each other), so it's only fair that I pass it on.

Signed,

Massage Chair Ad owner

[kalisah]

I know you're getting tons of advice and my comment is late b/c I've been out of town and I haven't even READ a blog since last Tuesday...

and so I did not read all 49 comments ahead of me...

but have you considered that you may be applying for jobs that your OVER qualified for?

because they won't hire you for those either.