Reindeer Games.

Wow, my head was spinning last night when I first tried to write this and I don't think it was just the two bloody marys I had yesterday with Chrissy.

Chrissy would like it noted that we do not 'Galavant', rather we like to call what we do 'Reindeer Games'. Also, Chrissy may or may not want this noted but you should always go to the potty before you partake in the Reindeer Games because childbirth can often weaken you bladder muscles. You know, since the whole gig isn't a big enough mind fuck we also need to piss our pants!

I love reading all these comments, except the ones from people who enjoy being judgemental and ugly and post anonymously. Who said this? I don't remember I've been reading so many things today and yesterday this may not have even been in my own comments but someone else's. Someone pointed out that apparently 'Judgement' is a family value. Hooray!

I have new books to read and more things to think about and I think all of this thinking can only lead us to better places. Hopefully places where I'm not stealing quarters from Madison's piggy bank to fill up my gas tank!

A few things have been on my mind lately besides mayonnaise and the parenthood/self/work/balance dilemna. One is the fact that this website's look is now terribly outdated and once again I'm stuck unsure what to put up. I guess I could go with the irish theme since St Patrick's day is right around the corner and as we all know I'm a raging irish lass. So until I decide, pardon the pinky theme.

Another thing is I really have to update my about page, Max is going to be four on March 20th for christ sakes. I've tried to update it but I guess at first I had a lot to say about myself and now I don't have very much to say about myself. I'll keep working on it I guess.

The final thing is, you should know that I read all my email and I love it (except if you call me a bitch or reatarded [sic]) but sometimes I don't respond to it right away. Sometimes I leave it in my inbox as I try to come up with a witty or clever response and this usually takes quite a while because I can often be slow with the witty emails and then a few months goes by and there it is, your email sitting lonely and dejected in my inbox. By then it's been so long I'm embarrassed so I don't even respond. I'm sorry.

For example, this gem from my nicer, funnier sister in law, has been in my inbox for two months now. I laughed when I read it and then, when I tried to respond....all I could say was 'Uh. Funny!' And that's not witty or clever is it?

The Setting: Our kitchen as we're getting ready for work. Your brother walks in with something in the pocket of his shirt [remember, he's a fireman.]

Me: 'Is that a ziploc of bacon in your pocket?'
Him: 'Yep.'
Me: 'Okay, have a nice day.'
Him: 'You too.'

Finally Logan and I have made a pact to work on some cafe press stuff this weekend. My friend Jerry gave us the go ahead to use the artwork he created for me so we're going for it. I've also been looking for a place to get a car decal made. You know those white ones the soccer moms put on their rear window? I want one that's the martini glass and binky. I'm not having a ton of luck but I'll keep you posted in case you want one too. I think it will be perfect for my minivan.

Oh and also, Logan is the nicest guy in the world, I think too nice for his own good. I mean he married me and now he's trapped! But a kind reader emailed me about the clever note pad Logan crafted for me as a Valentine's Day gift. She wanted one for her upcoming anniversary and wondered how he made it.

I forwarded it to him at the office and instead of just giving her the directions, he offered to make one up for her. I love him and so does the Internet! Hooray!

Comments

[pinky]

I like the pinky theme, for obvious reasons :-)

and when I get emails from funny friends, I will often just think "hee hee" but would a reply that said "hee hee" just be...lame? I am mostly unafraid of lameness, so that's usually how I reply.

(and I would be more than happy to purchase merchandise with your logo on it, despite the lack of binkies in my world)

[Sam]

Melissa,
I've been lurking (hate that word, makes me feel dirty) your site for a while, but I had to post to say please please please please find a way to make the decals. I live in the capital of soccer mommydom and would love to stick it to all of them with the martini decal! I love your site, btw, thank you for making me laugh daily. You're a treasure.

[Heather]

For decals, try a T-shirt making place.
I would love a decal too! I'm willing to pay for one......

Your golden!

[Chris]

I would buy about 20 of those decals. Good luck getting them made!

[viktor]

Decals? To hell with decals. I want one of those notepads. You guys should sell those a la cafe press. Especially if you came up with a template for customizing by adding names and whatnot. That would be great!

[Amy]

De-lurking here to say that I would LOVE to buy any t-shirt you have to sell and would certainly adorn my toddler-toting minivan with a decal! Thanks for all the laughs and good luck with the money situation. I know where you're coming from and totally feel for you. BTW, I have to agree that drugs, the legal kind are, A GOOD THING!

[Ninotchka]

Love, love, LOVE the decal idea. I also think it would look uber-cool on a t-shirt.

I'm thinking on the Cafe Press thing too because: I'Z PO'! (I'm poor)

:)

[landismom]

please provide me with a martini glass decal as soon as humanly possible. I don't like to beg, but I will if I have to.

[Amy]

I agree with "viktor" above - the notepads would be cool to sell, as would the decals. Between the two of you, there really is so much potential - Logan isn't the only one with marketable skills. Combined, you're a powerhouse of creativity!! OK, maybe "powerhouse" is a bit over the top, but whatever. I'd buy your stuff in a minute.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Yup, I want a decal, too, and a t-shirt. To wear at your next sex-toy party.

[Kate]

I have been a lurker for a long time, just wanted to say I love your blog...I can't wait to read it each day, and think you are doing a fantastic job...don't be so hard on yourself, and I love the Cafe Press idea...I know I would be shopping there....good luck with it...:) Kate

[e$]

moving away from the decals for a moment, I would like to give a "yea" for a St. Patrick theme. In fact, I may even spend tomorrow making my own site ready for the wearin' of the green! COPYRIGHT, WHATEVER.

and also, my friend may be able to make your decals. He works at a place where he has access to all manner of artstuff and he is quite talented.

[Lisa]

I would wear a martini glass shirt in a nano second. Not to Al-anon, but everywhere else. Likewise I would put a decal on the back of the van. It would be one more way that I could tell myself people were honking and pointing because of my bumper stickers and not my driving. You'd have a happy home next to "Mommy wants a new president."

[mango]

Selling these delicious items were probably not what you had in mind when you started looking for a job. But sometimes you look for something, and something else looks for you, and bites you in the butt.

If Logan is cool and generous enough to make those notepads for free, maybe he should make a handful (5? 10?) so you can give them away to a few chosen people, and then you'll have dozens hankering to PAY for them. The idea of a template for them is a good one.

Good luck, Melissa. I delurked the other day under "mom of four" but I didn't like the nic (even though it's true, lol), just so you know it's the same person. It sounds like you're feeling a bit better, and I'm glad for that.

[kelly]

Pleeeeeeez! Do the decals and the t-shirts and the notepads and the coffee mugs and shot glasses and anything else that you can think of!

They would be wonderful shower gifts!

[Jenn]

I understand the whole needing to update the blog thing. My website told me it was going to crash and refuse to load if I don't update it soon. Can I borrow your martini/binki making friend Jerry for a few hours? ;-)

You KNOW I would buy one of those decals. Go for it.

[Kismet]

Count me in for a decal and/or notepad.
Glad you are smiling today ;)
~K!

[Lisa]

I wanna t-shirt. One of the sexy baby doll ones. That way I can walk around the more "Trixieville" neighborhoods of Chicago with it on, and with my adorable baby in his stroller wearing his black onesie with the skull and crossbones. Har har! Anything to make those damn trixies gasp in horror.

[Lil' Sis]

I think I once slept with a screenprinter. I can check & see if he'll give you a discount. I have a few people who will want anything with the martini glass/binkey logo, but personally, I want something with Choppable on it. PLEASE!

(I'll come help make notebooks too, if you need evening/weekend help on that.)

Miao.

[LL]

HI!! yes! I want a binky/martini decal (or 10!)!!! You know I'm serious!! because! of! the! exclamation! points! I'll even pay you for them! Actual money, and not something weird like a dirty envelope full of grocery receipts. Unless you're into that.....

[Cheryl]

Yes, Valentine notepad instructions that end user could personalize to add own names and relevent sayings...cool! I would get me one or two of them darn there things.

Cheers!

[Jerri]

Count me in for a decal and/or notepad.

[Amanda]

I'm not entirely sure you'd want to be associated with my little shitcar and it's geeky star trek stickers. But I'd gladly buy a decal if you made it.

[Laurie from Maryland]

Good grief, woman! Not only is your husband EXTREMELY handsome, but he made those adorable Valentine's gifts, AND he offered to make a note pad for one of your readers?! I have a crush on you and your husband! I love your blog, and I wish you and your family the best. Thanks for making me laugh each day.

[Liz]

www.ovalstickers.net

looks like they might make one for you from your design.

[Liz]

I would buy a decal for my minivan as well. It would look real cool next to my Grateful Dead one. (I can't wait to retire the minivan, by the way...I am saving it for helping move my girls into their dorm rooms).

How about wine charms? Bibs? Coasters? Magnets? The possibilites are endless with that logo.

[Maia]

Woman you should be marketing the notebooks, the stickers, getting a place on cafepress with your stuff. Really. You have a following! Perhaps you could make some $$ at home while you decide what the next step for you is... ?

[jenB]

t-shirts with choppable would be wicked.

[Becky]

Can't wait to buy my Suburban Bliss t-shirt!

[karyn]

Oooo!! Oooo!! ( waving hand wildly in the air) I want a shirt, too!! And I live in Canada, so you could charge me $15US and I would send you something like $800Cdn. It would add up to the same amount, you'd still be poor, but you'd have tons of pretty coloured money in your wallet.

I guess I'd have to stop wearing the shirt when my daughter figures out A) how to read, and B) sarcasm.

[Sarah]

Yes! Decals!

And I think that writing is a marvelous skill that is wholly marketable. I think you should pitch your blog to your local paper and see if they want to run your writing in a column. Of course, this may have been suggested a million times to you before, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

You're terrific--keep up the good work!

[Chantal]

Add me to the decal/notepad/whatever I can get list!

Several of my friends would also be interested. You're a frequent topic of conversation at our get togethers.

Like Karyn, I'm Canadian, so you could make a fortune on shipping alone and I would be too nice to do anything but pay.

[Jill]

I absolutely must have a decal an I want it now! My crazy SIL is coming to town and I need it before her arrival. Aww the joy in irritating a family member.

btw, are you thinking of putting Suburbanbliss on the decall/t-shirts or just the image?

[Ma]

You guys are all barking up the wrong tree - stickers and notepads and t-shirts are all so ... small potatoes.

Clones of Logan - that's where the big $$$ are.

;-)

[Laurie in MD also]

Delurking to agree that the notepad is adorable and I would love to give one to my homey! The decal is classic - it looks like you have your new job right here!! Get started! :) Good luck!

P.S. Love your site and witty style.

[SueFromOhio]

MELISSA, I WANT....NO, I NEED A DECAL!!!!! Sorry to yell but I'm not sure if you could hear me screaming with glee from my front door here in DOH-hio.....I am soooo excited, keep us posted....

WOOHOO!!!!

[Laurie in MD also]

Delurking to agree that the notepad is adorable and I would love to give one to my honey! The decal is classic - it looks like you have your new job right here!! Get started! :) Good luck!

P.S. Love your site and witty style.

[Kathy]

I just started reading your blog, and it is great!
I think you need to start a home party business - a girls night out kind of thing, you could sell custom note pads (ever hear of Just Write - I spent an obscene amount of money at a home party before Christmas for gifts for everyone!) You could sell the martini/binky logo stuff and have the hostess serve martinis and fun things to eat - just like a Pampered Chef party, but with more FUN!! If more moms just got out and had some good ole fun once in awhile, maybe "those moms" wouldn't make the rest of us feel so guilty about everything :)

[Liz]

I'm holding out for a Choppable decal. I want people to be frightened, frightened I say, when they look at my car.

[MonoCerdo]

I think you're missing your obvious target market, which is clearly the shot glass/drink shaker/beer stein market.

[Sarah]

I'm the reader who will be the lucky recipient of Logan's notepad! I was completely stunned when I got an email from him offering to make this (I offered to pay, but he suggested I buy some stuff from cafepress once it's up and running - sure will!).
You guys are incredible - thank you again! There's so much talent here, can't wait to see your wares!

[SueFromOhio]

MonoCerdo has it going on, Melissa!!!! PUH-LEEZ don't forget the shot glasses...hehehehe

[Very Mom]

Are you not writing me back because you think you have to be witty? Or is it because I called you a bitch? I was KIDDING. I know you deserve your gold plated toilet seats, okay? OKAY?!

Actually - totally guilty of the same. I just deleted all the emails in my inbox. Again. I was so far behind and it was too much effort to a) think of funny things to say, and b) think of stinging come backs to the "reatardeds" out there.

[bird]

I love the martini glass/binky car magnet idea. I would totally buy one from you. The jaws that would drop in the preschool parking lot - priceless. I can't wait.

[moxie baby shower.com]

I'd love a decal, or a t-shirt, or whatever else your creative mind comes up with! Carla at moxiebabyshower.com