It's all over the place and I'm so sorry. I can't get it together.

Around March of each year I start to feel extremely tired of winter.

I know you're thinking I'm always tired of winter and the endless hours of disc spasming shoveling but I'm not. I've lived in Michigan for my entire life so I am mostly used to the Season Of Gray. The longest season where we have no sun and only gray skies and dirty snow for months and months. I've accepted winter as reality but near the end of the season I start to feel extremely angry about the lack of sunlight and the shoveling and the lack of sun and the fact that leaving my house is sometimes like an arctic expedition.

But it's not enough to be angry at this weather. I also get angry at Michigan all around. I start to feel like Michigan is letting me down. Frankly, I just want to be able to go outside. Max is going to gut me like a fish if I tell him one more time, "Well it's very cold out, I thought we'd just hang out here!"

He does not like that answer.

...

Max had a horrid tantrum on Friday as we left a playdate. It was as horrible as you might imagine. He threw a car at his pal. He gnashed his teeth at the other mother. It was purely horrifying.

When we got home I let him scream in his bedroom for a bit and then I came in and laid down with him. Which was a smart move because I saw, with my own eyes, the moment Max's soul returned to his body and he realized he was once again Bill Bixby, not the Incredible Hunk (that's what Max calls him).

"I think I'm ready to get it together now."

I really love him, especially after the fury of being 3 passes.

...

Maddie is learning how to use [fingers] quotation marks [/fingers] at school. The teacher is concentrating on the written version of the quotation marks to signify speaking. But Madison is working on the "ironic" concept of the [fingers] up and down fingers [/fingers] and I love it. Except that she, at this early point, uses the fingers at the most ridiculous non sensical moments.

I'm currently trying to teach her to use the 'Fingers' for things like, "Well yes George Bush is our [fingers] president [/fingers], but really?"

...

I'm feeling so very scattered these last few weeks. I apologize. I've no idea how to [fingers] control [/fingers] my brain.

All this 'working' is wearing me out.

...

Comments

[sweetney]

wait, they teach IRONY at school? what grade is she in?

i mean, is it AP or something?

do they explain how that alanis morrisette song completely gets irony wrong? because that's something that, you know, the kids should be critical essays about and shit.

[sweetney]

*WRITING critical essays about and shit.* sigh.

oh well. too late. the moment has passed.

[Liz (also in Maryland)]

Wow, I am having flashbacks to the tantrums...the backbending, full out scream fits. The time my oldest bit her cousin on the cheek for playing with her toys, the pulling the car over because the twisted crying had somehow removed her from the car seat. Now that they are 15 and 12, it's changed to lovely things like, "I hate her so much, you should have stopped at me". Nice.

I bought a t-shirt today. I bought the pink/salmon one. I was considering the green version, but was worried that the blue color in the martini glass would be lost, and I didn't find a picture of the logo on that color shirt.

Looking forward to seeing what else you come up with!

[jilbur]

oh my. you must lobby for that addition to html code ... but how to come up with a slogan? we want fingers!
I don't think so.

[Wayne]

I'm always glad when other parents' kids have temper tantrums. The worse the tantrum, the better. This is not because I feel superior for having a well-behaved child, or judge other parents and how they handle their kids. I don't, and my kid can throw down with the best (worst?) of them. No, the reason I'm glad is because I am so overwhelmingly relieved that, this time, it's not my daughter whose behavior requires intervention.

I'm thinking of ordering some of your cafepress stuff for my wife.

[buffi]

I like how you put it "when his soul returned to his body." That is exactly how it is w/ my 3 year old. And, I do the same thing- put him in his room to scream it out for awhile & then go lay down & cuddle him for a little while if he can't seem to calm down. It must be so scary for them to be out of control like that. G always seems relieved that I am there for him to help calm down. You are a good Mom, Melissa. Hang in there.

[Amanda]

I'm really not looking forward to the tantrum days. Really. Not.

I bought a tankini today in the hope that buying summer clothes will actually help the summer come sooner. If it doesn't, can I get a refund? ;)

[Bonnie]

Love the code for up-and-down fingers! Maybe there should also be a tag for word spoken while flipping somebody off? Like

[Phil]

Last week I saw a three year old knock some red juice onto an Oriental rug. His Mommy advised him to leave the dining room because she was about to have a melt-down. Pardon my lack of knowledge: but I thought it was kids who went into melt-down. Am I just now down on the lingo? Or is this just a case of Mommy being very empathetic?

Anyway -- I took the kid and we played Spider Man for a few minutes. Then I was done.

[Very Mom]

It's snowing in Idaho again dammit.

[blackbird]

Stress is exhausting. Probably accounts for that (fingers) scattered (fingers) feeling. You need medicine. Like vodka.

[Jen]

I just wanted to tell you I feel for you! I just moved out of MI and couldn't be happier. I loved the state, just not the Gray Season. Hang in there, you'll get your mind together soon enough. I love your site and hearing about Royal Oak! You really are a wonderful and funny writer. Take care.

[Nicholas]

I have designated the use of italics to indicate sarcasm while instant messaging. It can be hard for some people to get sarcasm via the written word.

For some reason I can't make my comment in italics, using Firefox.

[Sara]

Um, Phil, do you have kids?

I, as a mother, have meltdowns oh, once a day, maybe more, maybe less (in which case I pat myself on the back as I get into bed at night.) What is a meldown? To me, it is when I yell at them or threaten to pop the damn baloon if they don't stop fighting over it. Ahem.

Anyways, it sounds to me like that mother handled it very well - she removed the child from the situation so she could deal with the problem in an adult manner, ranting to herself instead of him. Had he stayed, her fury would have resulted in major screaming, due to *frustration*. Yes, he was only 3 (or whatever) but that doesn't mean you don't feal FRUSTRATED when your stuff is ruined, even if it is kind of your fault for serving something that stains to a child.

[MelissaS]

Oh yea Phil I'm the queen of the Mother Meltdown. There have been some ugly ones.

The teeth gnashing tantrum on Friday, I used Lamaze breathing techniques to get through and as we drove home I was able to leave my body. But there have been other times where things have been much more ugly.

In fact I have so many 'meltdowns' I"ve refused to read the book "How to behave so your child will too."

Sometimes I just can't keep it together and hey! neither can he!

[Valerie]

Melissa, you and your family can come down here to coastal North Carolina and thaw anytime. I am a stay at home mom and we can have bloody mary playdates everyday. I grew up in Indiana, and I hate the gray season.

[patti]

My mom has a friend who inserts nonsensical "irony fingers" throughout her conversations. Combine these nonsensical "irony fingers" with the fact that she sounds like an Argentenian Charro and - boom! - instant material.

I'm glad Max's soul returned to his body. Nobody tells you about the soul-less children until it's too late.

[patti]

Phil,

Soul-less children cause mother meltdowns. It's cause and effect, you know. My friend once literally flung a carseat across the living room in the midst of a mother meltdown. Thankfully, her child wasn't in it. ;o)

Patti

[christy]

Liz (also in Maryland) - I ordered the green one, I will report back once I get it to let everyone know if the binky is fully visible.

Also, I am the master of the mom meltdown. It's where you're sitting on the couch with that far away stare after screaming "LEAVE THE DVD PLAYER ALONE!" for the 12 millionth time and considering, truly, what's the worst that could happen if you just left the kids in the house long enough to go to a bar, down a margarita and take up smoking again. Really - what's the worst that could happen?

:: christy ::

[Sarcastic Journalist]

for some reason, when I saw you use "quotation marks" I had to use my own finger version when I read along.

As for winter? Here in Texas we'd actually like to have a winter. You know, weather where we need to wear a jacket.

[Stacy]

Bwaaa haa haa, Christy!

As a former Michigan resident, I have to say... neener neener neeeeeeeener! Of course, you get to say it back in August when I cannot breathe outside because it's 99 degrees w/95% humidity.

[Milly]

I'm dealing with the winter blues too. We just had another snow storm last night. I need some sun and green. Don't worry, spring will be here soon!

[Sarah]

I moved FROM California TO Michigan. Duh!!! And I can't afford to do it in reverse! Turning the calendar to March this morning, I am greeted with a nice spring-like image. I wish.
It will come soon, and there is one good thing about living here - when spring does finally get here, you'd think everyone just had multiple orgasms - all giddy and delirious! It does make you appreciate it though (as you would a multiple orgasm!).
Hang in!!!

[christy]

Living in central Illinois ("Land of the Breath Sucking, Bone Chilling Wind" - really, it's on out license plates), I want one of those spring days from a Disney movie where winter is just suddenly over - the sun comes out, the flowers bloom and everyone can go swimming. Is that too much to ask?

[Lil' Sis]

I am so looking forward to spring this year. So tired of cold & snow. I miss having coffee on the roof of my not-boyfriend's house. Plus, this spring it's even better.

Coffee on the roof + matinee shows of Phantom at the Masonic + a paintball gun = a very happy Teri.

I can only imagine seeing Phantom whilst covered in orange paint splatters would make it even more [fingers]phenomenal.[/fingers] I suppose I need to clear up the [fingers] bench warrant [/fingers] before spring really hits.

[Texas T-bone]

I'm going to have a similar-yet-opposite post in July about Texas and the fact that I'm tired of the oven-roasted person I've become in the heat. We've had four whole days of winter this year (and a few dustings of "snow"), so at least you're blessed with seasons.

Some days I wish it was acceptable to have out-of-body tantrums as an adult. Just to lock myself in a padded room for about 20 minutes and go berserk. I'd be a much better driver and calmer at bill-paying time.

[cursingmama]

Winter "Sucks"!
And you still haven't really told us what kind of "working" you've been doing...

[WindyLou]

I have been wearing flip flops here in Memphis. Are single girls that kiss the wrong men allowed to have meltdowns?

[Liz (also in Maryland)]

Christy, thanks. It's not so much the binky that I was worried about. I think that will be OK. It's more the blue liquid in the glass that I was wondering about. I'm sure it will be fine, but I decided to play it safe and get the pink one. I'm very excited to get my shirt, and can't wait for the decals and whatever else is available in the future!

[Phil]

The things I learn by reading this blog! And indeed no, I don't have kids. And hope not to have any. I hope to be a beloved Uncle/Godfather type until the day I die. But not a parent. Nor husband of a parent if meltdowns are as common as they have been described here. My God, throwing a carseat. I wonder if my Mom would have done that when I was little? (Excepting for the fact (?) that there weren't any car seats back then.) Thanks for the responses. I now await my soul's return to my body.

[landismom]

Phil, I guarantee that if you call your mom and describe the mother meltdown to her, she will laugh out loud. One of the things that I find surprising is how often my mom will cop to bad parenting, now that I have kids of my own.

For example: "Oh yeah, I remember when you fell down the basement stairs in your walker." Huh?! Shouldn't I have been reporting this to doctors as part of my medical history or something? Why have you kept this from me for so long? Incidentally, back in the day I think it was the martini playdate, but the concept was the same.