Excuses, excuses...

Last night I sat down to write and was struck with the worst kind of stomach pain. So horrific was it that I laid down in bed and prayed to throw up or die, because either option was acceptable at the time.

I have to write this sort of quick because Max's class is giving a mother goose presentation at 11:15 which means my T day is cut short. I am pleased to see him be Jack (the nimble one with the candle) but GAH! It's a T day!

However, I want to get something up before the day takes over.

Yesterday a very nice lady from the Detroit News came to my house and sat at my dining room table and chatted while Max went in an out of a tv coma in the other room. She seemed only slightly disturbed by the rather large plastic turtle hanging out on the dining room table.

She emailed me Sunday night about coming over and if Logan ever tells you I am not a very good housekeeper I want you to ask yourself how you'd feel about welcoming a reporter into your home with less than 12 hours notice (and almost 10 of those hours were spent sleeping).

Except for the Giant Turtle on the table, the house looked pretty nice if I do say so myself.

I met this reporter, let's call her 'Laura', since that's her name, last week and we talked about my blog and about writing a book and although our relationship is in the very early stages...I think I love her. I came home from our meeting with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and a much clearer sense of where I want to go and how to get there.

She's funny and direct and when we parted last time she said she was going to try to get someone at the paper to do a profile on me. Instead she decided to do it herself....as long as I promised not to give her the Mirror Treatment. Which I did because, do you smell that?

That is an unpleasant mix of hurt feelings, psychosis and a smoldering bridge caused by the 'Mirror Treatment'. What you might call a 'mess' and I created it by poking fun of a reporter and his unfamiliarity with my blog which he wrote about. A point of view the reporter TOTALLY disagrees with. Very strongly. Vigorously even. In many, many emails.

I learned my lesson. Thankfully Laura did a lovely write up and I couldn't be more grateful and I'm not going to make fun of the piece in a clumsy and misguided attempt to seem less than proud of myself or too big for my britches.

[Side Note: I've been trying to work this into a blog, but can't. So I'll put it in here. Logan started saying "Stinky Britches" to the kids with an english accent when they need a bath. Max has taken up the phrase but the R in britches doesn't come out quite right. There's not a lot better than being called "Stinky Bitches" by your four year old!]

So please go read Laura's lovely piece here. Unfortunately for you (and fortunately for me) there's no picture of my big fat face and the inside of my nostrils.

Yesterday while talking with Laura and the big plastic turtle on the table she gently suggested I try to proofread my pieces before I hit publish. I should watch my grammar and such, because this blog is a vehicle for what I want to do and it needs to showcase my talent but also my mechancial abilities.

And look, I'm flagrantly ignoring her advice and hitting publish with barely a glance over it, because I'm running from this coffee house to go see Max jump over a candlestick!

I'm a rebel.

Comments

[Robert]

Congrats on the article! So, how IS the book coming along?

[Maia]

Hey, darn good article about you and your blog!

[Em]

My friends kid used to be obsessed with saying "Dump Trucks!", which, with his lisp sounded a LOT like "Dumb Fucks". "DUMB FUCKS! DUMB FUCKS!" he said to everyone.

Okay, sorry for swearing in your comments. :)

[Nicole]

Did you know that there's a South Park song sung by Chef about stinky bitches and their stinky britches, which Alanis Morissette did a cover of? I'm pretty sure it's the ChefAid episode, in case you were looking for the MP3.

[Bill]

My 3 year old daughter loves Thomas the Tank Engine and we got her a train set for Christmas. The set came with a toy Thomas and another train named Percy. Unfortunately, my daughter has the same problem with pronouncing her 'r's, so "Percy" always sounds like "Pussy".

If she's playing with the train set and you say "Madeline, whatcha doin'?", she'll happily reply "Playing with my Percy!"

If she can't find her toy: "I lost my Percy!"

But the topper came last weekend when we took her to Greenfield Village to see 'Thomas the lifesize and, therefore, very creepy Tank Engine.' After we pushed our way through the hundreds of children to get a close look, she was so excited that she screamed "Thomas, where's your Percy?!?!"

I then found it necessary to reply just as loudly "Thomas's friend PERRRRRRRRCY isn't here today, honey!" She replied "But I want to see his Percy!" It was then that I decided to just be quiet and wait for child welfare to show up.

[Torrie]

Great article. I'm interested to see how many more hits you are going to receive today.

[Anne B.]

I was at Gymboree with Sam one day and he was pointing at the arch-shaped foamy block thing saying "bitch, bitch, bitch". All the kitten-heels-and-pearls moms there gave me the patented "What on earth are you teaching your kid" look. It took me a few moments to realize he was pointing out the 'bridge, bridge, bridge'.

[Elaine]

I'm just going to come out of lurk mode to say that that was a great article about you and good luck with the writing (it's a struggle, isn't it?). Also, the mom-tini onesie was the hit of my SIL's baby shower. It was very, very her.

[Elise]

Congrats! That's a great accomplishment :)

[christy]

Ethan used to say "clock" as "cock." Like "look at daddy's cock!" "I hit the cock!"

Wow. I can't wait to see what search terms bring people to your site now. You're welcome.

[Michelle]

"...it needs to showcase my talent but also my mechancial (sic) abilities."

Nah. No need to proofread. Publish away!

[Ninotchka]

What a great write up! If I didn't already, I would instantly love you (not THAT way - ha!) from reading it. Way to go, Melissa!

[MelissaS]

Oh dear am I going to have a legion of proofreaders from now on?

Eeeeeks! That would be so "helpful".

I'm actually less concerned about inverted letter typos and more concerned with choppy sentences and sloppy word choice.

But uh thanks?

[P]

I think the article is great, and screw proofreading... Besides she made a mistake in her article, and someone else gets PAID to proofread hers.

"Like other bloggers, Summers downloads her inner life onto the Internet..."

Isn't it technically uploading your inner life?? Just being picky... Congrats on being written about for the Nth time... Lucky!

[Bari]

Great article - I had to look up the meaning of proselytizer. That's not the easiest word to throw into a converstation.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

Okay, I haven't read the article yet. I totally understand why the reporter would be mad but #1--why email? and #2 he should have done his job better.

This is coming from a former reporter. Such is part of the life.

Also, I think you are doing fine without "proofing." Keep up the good work, okay?

[Paula]

As soon as I saw you mention Laura's name I knew exactly who you were talking about and I'm not surprised you love her! She has been a friend of of our family for years and she is a good contact to know in the writers world. congrats on the article.
Paula in Jackson

[jenB]

you do stand out in the "often insipid" world of mommy blogs! :-) great piece. too bad she couldn't work in the big beaver somehow.

[Heatheranne]

Great article, and well deserved!

[Another P (Pam, the Queen of Indiana)]

Heh. I was going to point out the "downloads her inner life" error, too.

Even with that boo-boo, her article is far better than the choppy Q&A profile I was awarded by the Indianapolis Star.

I'm going to tell you this again: DO NOT LET THESE OPPORTUNITIES SLIP ON BY!

[LisaV]

Really nice article.

[Monica]

What a great profile. Can't wait for the book!

[kate]

I feel like I've told this story a thousand times, but . . .

So, while a grad student I experienced a horrible, hysterical adult mispronounciation that will go down in history. Very long story short, my colleague, when asked to do an ellision activity (remove a letter--"c" in this case--from a word) transformed "clock" into "cock". She was so confused! :-)

And, Melissa, at the risk of sounding like a kiss up or patronizing: I truly appreciate and am entertained by your blog. I can only hope I am able to develop my own marginally as well. Furthermore, the "momtini" ROCKS. Just ordered a tee for a gal pal expecting her first!

[mrsmogul]

I will read the piece. I came by through Christine. I am TTC and hope to start adding pregnancy posts. for now, I got my own stories to tell!

[Zach]

Congrats on the publicity! I do have to say that I read the other guy's article and thought it was pretty decent. I just assumed he must have looked like somebody you didn't like, or something.
Also, lover your house. Looks just like our old 1911 bungalow in Portland. Aren't old houses FUN! (except when they SUCK!)

[Zach]

Oops, I forgot a comma, that should have been, "Lover, your house!" WTF? At least typos are topical today.

[AmyinMotown]

Woo-Hoo!! She's sort of their "token liberal" it seems, and I think she's a very enjoyable writer. And funny that the guy from the Mirror got on your case. Way to make her point, pal....

[mamaloo]

please don't edit yourself too much. I'd like to say "at all" but I can kinda see where she was going with her gentle direction. but you have such a fresh voice and I would hate hate hate it to be lost or lessened because someone else's values were (however well-meaningly) painted on top of yours. and that's all I'm going to say about that.

[Tammy]

When he was 3, my son was so proud to tell everyone we were going to visit a friend in "Penis, Arizona"! Whoa!

[jeff]

Amy,

I'm not sure it's fair to say that Laura Berman is the News' "token liberal." While the editorial side of the News is obviously very conservative, that doesn't seem to overly influence the reporting or features.