I hope I don't get sent to the principal's office.

I just got a call from the preschool Max attends. I guess the Presbyterians are serious about pictures of their kids and captions on the internet.

Apparently, removing the offending picture and offering up a sincere apology isn't enough to put out the flames of agitated frenzy.

Instead I found myself on the phone speaking to a teacher about their school's rules regarding photographs of children. Since I am not employed by or a representative of the school I thought the picture was mine. However, I removed it from my website because I didn't intend to hurt anyone with my funny (to me) captions and planned on not using pictures of children from school again to avoid similar hurt feelings.

But apparently in the world of 'Mommy' we can't just ask each other to respect our wishes, get what we want and move along without hyperventilating. We rage and seethe and call school officials and refuse to have a discussion about things. What an odd place I am living in right now.

Today I'm on the kitchen floor scrubbing and telling myself, "You can't please everyone. You can't please everyone. You can't please everyone. Sometimes you can't even please people by giving them what they want."

Comments

[julia]

Nothing is more aggravating than a school official playing the CYA game. That principal doesn't give a shit about what was posted/written, but he/she'll play it SO earnestly, obsequious and placating (of the loudest bitcher) to the end.

I know, I sound bitter ... ex-teacher here.

Good luck! Sorry you have to deal with this ...

[Flippy]

And that, that is why I'm an internet recluse. Sheesh, people. I'll stick with my partner and my Starbucks barristas.

Oh, I wish I dealt with stupid people by cleaning. If I send you & your kids plane tickets, can you come over right now and scrub here? I have extra computers and your kids can teach my African Grey new things to say. I'll send you back when your husband comes home...and when the people near you are semi-sane.

[a]

You must have a seriously clean kitchen floor.

[MonoCerdo]

Isn't Murphy's Law done with you yet?

[MissWeeze]

Melissa, honey, you don't know me from Eve, but as an expatriate Toledoan well versed in this particular kind of bullshit, I feel for you, honey. I really do. Any time you want to come sleep on my couch in Brooklyn, you can.

[Ada]

Holy Shunt Bunt!

I am at a loss. You are having a crappy week Melissa. I admire your humor through it all, however. Good for you.

The In-law's seem to have some serious control issues.
(will that comment add fuel to the fire?)

Moms need to see the larger picture - no identifying names, LARGE internet, billions of photos... myself, I forgot about the picture the next day...

Be strong woman.
These people are wierdos.

[tracy]

Hmmm... I see an opportunity for a new t-shirt...

[Ada]

Holy Shunt Bunt!

I am at a loss. You are having a crappy week Melissa. I admire your humor through it all, however. Good for you.

The In-law's seem to have some serious control issues.
(will that comment add fuel to the fire?)

Moms need to see the larger picture - no identifying names, LARGE internet, billions of photos... myself%

[mango]

Oh dear. I hope there's no further school fallout from the rest of the website (ie cusswords). When people are on a rampage .... If I could photoshop, I'd redo your logo for you with dark sunglasses and a wig, so they couldn't find you anymore.

I'm truly sorry you have to deal with this. Especially when your DH is in Arizona.

[christy]

What is with people? Did that mom think you are somehow accountable to the pre-school teacher? Like if you don't, I don't know, bow down and kiss her ass you don't get your graham cracker after nap time?

People suck. Now I know for sure.

And I am not helping. Gah.

[ella]

What a buncha bullshit!
Obviously "mom" has a lot of free time on her hands.
Good grief!

I'd invite you to scrub my floors here in Texas but it's over-cast and gloomy today.
But it ain't snowin' either!

[efg]

I'd laugh at the absurdity of the situation that fell in your lap if I didn't have a sense of how stressful, bizarre and frustrating it must be for you. Sometimes the only explanation that makes sense is that they're probably crack smokers, and we should feel sad for them.

You're surrounded by freak shows, Melissa, and it must be hard to feel sane in that company.

[Sam]

ach, people have problems. I thought it was pretty damn funny, i'm starting to think that the only people who have a sense of humor are here online.

[Lisa V]

How about if we all send you pictures of our kids, and you can put the funny captions and call it Acme preschool. It will be like a re-enactment for dramatic purposes.

[Ninotchka]

You said: Sometimes you can't even please people by giving them what they want.

I say: AMEN SISTER!

[Nell]

Melissa, this link might help: http://wiki.photoblogs.org/wiki/Photographer's_Rights

[jez]

At this point, Melissa, you, like the rest of us, are merely an observer of this persons meltdown. You did what was asked.....what more is there?

Now, on the other hand, it is OK to point and laugh.

[kj]

Underneath her perfect posture, behind the organic fruit and the home-baked cookies, lies a womam with some serious shit going on. It's miserable now, but this at least you can laugh about someday. The in-law thing isn't so easy!

You can't write with anybody sitting on your shoulder. Do you think David Sedaris sits down at his keyboard and thinks, shit, I'm going to offend my sister again? Apparently not. Phillip Roth--whoops, the whole Jewish faith has turned against me!
That fatwa your mother-in-law has issued frees you. You don't have to worry about what she thinks ever again. Keep the peace with the blog. Leave her out. Put her in your novel, warts and all--but give her a really smoky sick sexual fantasy life, so that she can't complain out loud that the character is really her.
I admire your balls. You've already embraced the writing advice I find hardest: tell your secrets, tell the truth, be honest and brutal. That's why people read your site. Thanks for the role modeling!

[Stacy]

Check your back for a 'Kick Me' sign.

Wha'fuck? Someday I'm going to be a teacher and I'm going to tell parents who do this to get a fucking life and handle their own problems. You want to know why the "youth of America" is moving home after college, can't handle real life? Because of situations like this, where Mommy made the school handle something that clearly has NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH SCHOOL. God forbid she model for her children the peaceful resolution to a conflict between two adults.

Here endeth the rant. Sheesh.

[Meganann]

what are they gonna do...spank you? Take your birthday away? Really, you already solved the problem, what is the bfd?

[Marnie]

Oh, for Pete's sake. She DOES seem to have a lot of time on her hands. Asking first would have been polite (unnecessary, but polite), and once you told her you'd remove the picture, she should have politely said thank you and that should have been the end of it.

And you know what the ironic thing is? If you had asked her before putting the picture up there, my guess is she would have smiled sweetly and said "Yes, I don't see a problem with that." But now she's just being pissy and petty.

I feel sorry for her kid's teachers in years to come...

[Lala]

I see, so we're basically not allowed to take photos of our own children anymore lest some other kid gets into the shot. These people are begining to piss me off.

[Poppy]

Are you 100% positive that the kid's mom isn't related to Logan?

[christy]

I have a feeling that MOMS Club is behind this somehow.

Sneaky bitches.

[Lisa in Chicago]

Geez. I'm sending you *all* the good vibes - not even keeping any for myself today, because it just sounds like you need them more than me.

This is why I could never live in suburbia...I feel so bad for you.

[Kismet]

You just can't win....ever. Stop trying.
~K!

[Lisa S (& Riley, Bella, & Adelyn)]

Bringning in the preschool was unnecessary, childish and annoying. Can't people have a disagreement anymore without bringing in reinforcements? Yeesh.

I'm sorry that you're having a rough week.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

sounds like some women need a time out. So uh, if they ask their children to stop doing something and the children stop, do they still beat them and send them to their rooms?

Or is the complete lack of social skills saved only for other women?

[Lynn Roberts]

If I lived anywhere near you, I would want you to be my best friend- you are so refreshingly honest ! Keep it up.

[coolbeans]

If you're going to be scrubbing floors and junk, would you mind staying at my house for a while? Just until you don't feel like scrubbing anymore. Thanks.

[MelissaS]

You know what's bothering me still?

I actually think this is a nice woman. It's not like we have a history like with the MOMS Club. I'm really upset that she's this angry and yet I feel angry that she's upset. Does that make sense?

[Very Mom]

Feel free to work out some of your righteous indignation on my kitchen floor. Seriously.

[Ken]

Nell and Lala, I should point out that the issue is not with TAKING photographs, but with PUBLISHING them. Re: http://library.findlaw.com/1999/Mar/1/127089.html

That being said, Melissa took all the right steps, and now the mom of that boy is just being a jerk. Sorry, Melissa, that you have to endure such high-strung people.

[mango]

Melissa, if you do feel that way, and you have proven to have very good judgement, then maybe ask her why she felt the need to call the school, after you responded to her email, took the photo off, and apologized. I'm not giving you advice, I know better, LOL. But if it happened to me, I'd really want an answer to that question. I'd be thinking, Hey, we're both adults, our children are classmates, I totally understood your POV, I complied, I apologized. So why did you need to take it further? (My personal guess is that she involved the school because after her initial freakout, she didn't know whether or not she was justified, and was seeking confirmation.)

Either you're right, and she is a nice woman, and she'll apologize for overreacting, or she'll prove that she's really not all that nice.

[Stephanie]

Boy, when it rains, it pours, huh? Here I thought that the whole "small town mind-fucking" thing was regulated to up here in the sticks of Michigan! :)

[mango]

There is also the possibility that she's running from an abusive ex / spouse / BF and hiding her and her son's location for safety reasons.

I know that happens. But somehow, I don't think that's the case.

[Nicholas]

Being devil's advocate here. Maybe the mother saw the pictures, then asked the teachers about the "policy". She then asked you take them down. The teacher knew that you did it, so she called to discuss it. I can't tell from your post how the teacher was. Lecturing, bitchy, punative.

Thanks for mentioning it though. Our kid goes to a Southern Baptist preschool. They wouldn't like it at all. I'm always terrified that they will find out that we are athiests.

[chris]

I'd want to know why she chose to involve the school, after you had apologized and complied with her request. I'd have to confront her about it. I can never just let things go.

But I'd also be the one snapping away, taking lots and lots of photos at the next school function, just so I could see the mothers who have nothing better to do checking my website to see if I posted the photos.

That would be why no one likes me.

And they say all the crazy people are online...

[Mari]

You must have the cleanest floors in America! I'm glad you found an outlet for that, I'm not that productive when I'm ticked off. BTW, I'm a teacher, and am soooo confused about the principal's involvement. I hope you and the mom can find a way to move forward. If not, at least you'll have clean floors!

[Heatheranne]

You know, some people just aren't happy unless they're miserable and have something to bitch about. It sounds like the mom is one of those people. You took the picture off, you apologized and that really should have been the end of it. It sounds like the in laws are the same way. They must LOVE to hate you. I have a few family members like that too, so I share your pain!

[G.]

Hi, it's the genus tulipa. We have a few questions about the use of our image in your photos on Flickr during the recent Michigan snow storm.

Cripes.

[Kellie]

Well, at least it isn't a Catholic preschool . . . you might have received a spanking, too! Hope all of this drama subsides and you won't feel the iron hand of censorship any longer. If you're tired of your floor, you can hop on down to Toledo and scrub mine.

[Karen]

I don't get it! I can understand if parents don't want their kids photos on the Web, but what does the school have to do with it? Sheesh! Poor you. Enough already.

[kristine]

Long time reader...first time commenter.

I don't think I have laughed so hard in ages! the cafe press site you set up. OMG. I needed that today!

[Stephanie]

Melissa, I am so, so, sorry. And I don't even know what I have to be sorry about! I just can't believe it! How can this keep happening to you?! And why do I keep using exclamation points?!

I wish I had the right words...

[emma]

Oh Jebus.
I refrained from commenting on the in-law situation, cos I couldn't think of anything that was useful. I have nothing particularly useful to say now either, but had to let you know that I am just groaning with how awful a time you're having right now!
I loave your blog; you're one of the funniest writers I have ever read.
This too shall pass, Melissa. Just hang on in there.

[Paula in Jackson]

Melissa, I have a cousin who adopted a boy thru Foster America. He is only two years old at this time and she is forever looking over her shoulder making sure relatives don't try and find them. If for some reason his picture ended up on a web site she'd freak. Perhaps this mommy at the preschool has some issues she's not willing to share. Still, bringing in the preschool was so unnecessary. Hopefully the two of you will come to an understanding.

[Jen]

My god, where do you live? I'm sorry that there are so many people that have confrontation/oversensitivity issues there. You are NOT an offensive person. You are NOT crazy. You just happen to know/be around some especially sensitive people. I'm sorry Melissa. Good luck.

[Gerah]

Sounds like there's some preschool mommies out there that need a good boinking.

[Maia]

I seriously think you need to get on the next plane and join Logan, far, far away. What madness.

[Amanda]

My kitchen floor would be so fucking clean we'd be eating spaghetti off it. Poor Melissa. I post pictures from playgroup all the time. And I never ask the other moms if it's okay. THEN THEY'D KNOW ABOUT MY WEBSITE. I'd rather risk being chastised.

[jane]

Oh, Melissa...You just can't catch a brake, can you? People can be awful - I'm just impressed that you have the emotional energy to get on your blog and make light of the situation. You're an inspiration.

Things have been shitty lately, but things can only get better, right? Yes, of course they can - unless a giant fault line opens-up beneath your home and swallows the Summers' family whole, things can definitely ONLY GET BETTER.

I'm rooting for you. Thanks for sharing your wonderful blog with all of us -

[Newbie Blogger]

Here I thought I was excited to send my little one to school some day. It's probably the same politics I have here in my neighborhood with my annoying neighbors... there is no escape! You have every right to that picture and what the heck does the school have to do with any of this?

[Lil' Sis]

Clearly the stress of interpersonal relationships is handled differently by us, no matter how many genes we share.

My mirror of the In-Laws, The Drummer Situation, ended in me backing down and soothing her because, dammit, I just can't handle seeing a woman cry. (God I am such a boy.)But I know I am right and no boundaries regarding her criticisms have been set. Ugh.

My Landlord situation became a little more clear after reading this one. I started the discussion of my breaking a lease in a fairly... terse...way, with the not-landlord and now he won't give me my security deposit. I believe that my threat of a lawsuit might have closed the lines of communication between us, creating a more complicated situation than it would have been. Of course, he was an ass-pain to begin with, there's a reason I broke the lease & didn't move in, and I may be (probably am) giving him more credit than I should.
But dammit, I WILL get my money back. Because I am broke and need gluten free donuts to deal with all the other stressors.

-Miao.

[jp]

This makes me recall the tshirt I had a long time ago..."neighbors SUCK" (I had neighbors who used to look in my windows the second I left my house) Maybe it's time to get something of Cafe Press about "UPTIGHT Mommies SUCK"

Chin up...the weeks almost over isn't it?

[Mamacita]

Holy scheisse, I am so hearing you about the picture thing with the school. Details on request. Good luck with that. I really mean it.

[Zach]

All I can even remotely imagine about this woman's motives are: Silly enough to believe that her child was somehow 'endangered' by through internet depiction (you know, a red light starts rotating on the top of a console at the pedophile world headquarters, "We've got us a live one, Clem!"

Or, she is jealous of your website and associated recognition. As she should be. Please don't cave to this crap! "I sincerely apologized, and consider the matter closed." Is what I would say...
Good luck!