Proof I'm Not Just A Floor Scrubbing Witch.

Logan called this morning to tell me he has what feels like the flu. When I told Madison that Daddy was sick in Arizona she said, "Hey! That means he's not a robot."

I LOVE HER.

Logan has been sick less than 10 times in the last nearly 12 years we've been together. It figures he'd get sick while away.

You'd think, since everyone appears to find me so offensive and horrible, I'd take some joy in Logan's suffering while he's getting a (relative) break from our home life. But instead he told me he was ill and I cried after I hung up the phone, feeling that much worse that we're both not enjoying this week.

We're not together, the kids are sad he's gone and he's not even able to have fun. I'd rather someone was enjoying this, and since I'm not enjoying our son getting up at 5am screaming for me to sleep WITH HIM NOW! You will! YOU WILL! (FYI: I've never slept with my kids in the same bed. Why is this happening to me now?) (Why at 5am?) I'd hoped Logan would have a nice week. Also, I feel a little guilty about the re-bubbling of the in law issue and he kind of deserves a relaxing week. Although I reserve the right to feel martyr-ish.

The other thing that made me realize I love Logan was something from a nice reader (Hi, Lily!). The "Logan Direct".

Take a look. My first thought was, "That looks like a kind of painful erection." Proof! I miss my husband! But then I thought, "It also looks like a flexing bicep."

Which is something Logan does ALL THE TIME because he loves himself. I'm not kidding. Usher said in an issue of "Men's Cosmo" that a 'Good body is a gift you give to yourself." So now, every time Logan returns from the gym I say, "Hey! Happy Birthday to you and your bicep."

Whatever the reason, the bus line to Logan airport from the Cape makes me miss my husband.

Tomorrow morning I have to drop off Max at preschool. Ask me how much I'm dreading this. Wait, don't, because I can't put it into words.

Comments

[Binsk]

Well the good thing about time apart is realizing how much you really love and miss your partner. The glass is half full...don't be sad Melissa.

[Phil]

You have a much better Logan Direct than the folks in Massachusetts. Then again, you probably don't have a Boston Flyer.

[anne]

april is doing what it can to show you that when dear mr. eliot said it was a cruel month, he wasn't fooling around.
may has got to be better... hold on. meanwhile, have a picnic dinner on the floor, since it would be wrong to let that much cleanliness go to waste, and picnics in the snow are not as fun as they sound.

[Bente]

I'm no good at being alone either. Hope the time goes by quickly for you.

[Susie Sunshine]

I am the queen of dreading stuff like your preschool dropoff tomorrow. THE QUEEN, I say!
But I have found that the horrible scenarios you create in your head while scrubbing the floors regarding THE DREADED EVENT are 99.98% of the time way more horrible than what actually transpires.

I remind myself this every time that I have A DREADED EVENT to face and honestly, it never really does me much good. I still have internal freakouts that will ultimately develop in ulcers that will take my life somewhere down the road, but maybe it will work for you.

(And I had a dream about you last night. How weird is that? We were on the same bus going somewhere, only I didn't know it until I was reading your blog on my laptop and you mentioned a bus trip with Oprah asleep on it. OPRAH WAS ON MY BUS! I looked around and there you were, blogging three rows behind me. I said hi and freaked you out by knowing who you were. And that was pretty much that.)

[Sarah]

Hi,

I'm kind of delurking to say that I don't find you in the least offensive. I know how it is to feel like the proverbial ox in the social china shop. There's nothing so awful as feeling like you can't just relax and be yourself with people.

Anyway, I've been reading your site for, what?, a year, a year and a half now? And I think you're lovely.

[Angie]

Hi Melissa, I'm delurking too and agree with Sarah- I don't find you the least bit offensive. I love your blog and appreciate your humor! Hang in there!

[Karen]

I refused to join the Board of Directors at my sons cooperative preschool because we all KNOW that in any group dynamic there is always a brewing conflict and always a fall guy, or in your case a fall-gal. They needed something to be pissed off about, and congratulations, You won!

Instead I chose to volunteer for the seemingly innocent job of "schedule mom". Quit laughing! Get up off the floor and quit laughing now. Actually I think I'll go blog about this...

[pinky]

I saw one of these recently, and thought of your beloved robot, too.

[kristine]

*gentle hug*

You'll do fine.

[WannaBeMom]

Melissa-- Have you seen this:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369735/

I about dropped when I saw the trailer last night. Of course it will probably end all sappy and nice-nice, not at all like real life and I would pay to see that film.

More good wishes for you. You are having a time. I was very angry on your behalf last night when I read about the school phoning you! Someday in this godforsaken state the sun will come back... I promise.

[Kismet]

Want me to go give Logan some TLC since I am closer than you are at this moment? No? Thought not, damn.
~K!

[stillheidi]

I am soooo waiting to hear how the drop off went!

[Michelle]

I have to agree with Phil....you DEFINATELY have a much better Logan Direct that we do here in MA! Hoping the drop off went smoothly and the day you are reunited is coming SOON!

[Em]

Ha! The robot comment is so cute.

Good luck tomorrow. I'm sure you'll do great and be as PC as the stupid situation calls for.

[Theresa]

I have to agree with Susie Sunshine about the preschool. These situations are almost never as bad as we imagine they are going to be. Just try to remember that you are not the one being unreasonable about this. If that mother and the school still have issues about the picture, that's their problem. You've done your part.

Hope things start to get better and the time flies until Logan gets home.

[Pam in Indiana]

At least you didn't have to go into school after getting into a physical altercation with a PTO wench the day before on your doorstep. My poor friend Shelle. She broke her finker, too!

[dummy pam]

finger, that is!

[coffeegirl]

teehee. the robot thing killed me.

Have you ever seen 'My Life as a Teenage Robot'? There's a song called 'I am the robot' that my little guy will start singing on occasion - if you've never seen a four year old do the robot, then you dunno what you're missing!

[Alice]

I'm just wondering how you managed to give Logan the flu when he's all the way over there in Arizona. Because we all know that EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT.

At least that's what your in-laws told me.

[a]

It looks like the bicep of The Grinch!

My DH is out of town for work all this week too. I am just now starting to really miss him. We had a new KING size bed delivered the day he left so I have been sleeping sideways in this gigantic thing all alone since we got it. I feel like Lily Tomlin sitting on that huge chair. I feel your pain.

And of course Logan has the flu in AZ! Being in HELL can do that to one's immune system.

Love,
A devoted So Calif resident who doesn't care for the suffocating claustrophobic desert :)

[reenie]

OMG! Susie Sunshine - I had a dream about Melissa last night, too! Only in mine she had lost something and I showed up at her house to give it back to her. (I think it was a palm pilot or a cell phone). She was kinda wary of me until I was about to leave and I said, "Oh! By the way - I'm Reenie!" And she remembered me! How weird.

Melissa - We all know you're not a floor-scrubbing witch. I mean really - how often do you scrub your floor? I don't think something so seldomly done can define you as a certain type of person. HA! Totally kidding. It's hard to see you go through this...I hope they go back to just being satisfied that you don't talk to them soon. Hard to imagine someone you love so much could come from a family like that. (Take THAT, In-laws!)

[mrsmogul]

Cute post! Today I went to the gym and said, "Happy Birthday to my BellY!"

[Darlene]

Good Luck tommorow at the school, and Logan will be home before you know it!

[-erica]

Wait, if we asked you how much you were dreading tomorrow's drop off, you'd be what - speechless? That is hard to believe, Mrs. Prolific Poster :-)

[BugsMom]

But wait...Just think of all the good blog material you can get from one drop off gone awry! Doubtful it will be as horrendous as you imagine, but this does seem to be your week (month?), better to just get it out of the way.

[Becky]

Kismet beat me to it...

I was totally going to offer to drop off a care package for your sick robot since I'm right here in Arizona. I'm sorry he's sick, he's missing out on some beautiful weather.

[Michele]

"Melissa-- Have you seen this:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369735/"

I suggest a Christmat gift in the making, I'm sure the DVD will be out for purchase by December! Does 'the agreement' cover gifting?

Michele