Teachable Moments.

Logan emailed the other day:

To: Liss
From: Logan
Subject: Great News!

My company is paying for me to go to the How design conference in Chicago!

So I sent back:

To: Logan
From: Liss
Subject: Re: Great News!

Oh cool! The kids and I love Chicago!

He still hasn't responded. Gee, I wonder why.

This is a travel intense time for Logan and therefore for the kids and I.

I don't know if you remember, because I'm sure I've mentioned it many many times. In fact on Saturday night at a party to celebrate our friend's marriage, I think I mentioned it about as many times as I refilled my glass with Grey Goose vodka with a little lime.

Grey Goose is very good vodka but it still gives you a hangover if you drink it as much as you talk about your husband's upcoming TEN day photoshoot in Los Angeles or Arizona at an undisclosed time which may be next week, but could be this week. Not that the details are all that important to me.

The other day Logan came home from work and I was feeling quite accomplished at the end of the day and mentioned I got all the laundry done and folded and put away. Even his delicate underwear...which HE DOES NOT LIKE PUT IN THE DRYER! Jesus!

He replied, "Well, I finished a project today and my boss didn't come to say thank you to me."

And for a moment I thought, maybe that's true. But then I realized the one huge difference. Logan's boss says "Thanks!" every 1st and 15th when he gets a paycheck. I started to get angry, except fall of 2003 was the time of passionate arguing about these issues, now we have communication skills. About $1800 worth of communication skills via marital therapy. So I didn't get angry I thought to myself, 'This is a teachable moment'.

I told him I'd be expecting my paycheck next week.

He quickly said thanks for doing the laundry. (But next time..could I not put his jeans in the dryer for too long. He hates them bone dry.)

Comments

[Melissa]

My husband is going to the same conference!
If we lived closer, I'd suggest a momtini play-date to pass the time. Yep. As a stay-at-home 'mom' who left a high-pressure NYC job to color in pictures of Thomas The Tank Engine all day, I commiserate.

[Bente]

I would love an unsolicited thankyou once in a while myself...more then once in a while as a matter of fact.

[Lisa in Chicago]

Aw man! I *live* in Chicago! We could've gotten together to talk about living frugally. Oh shut UP, I know.

[Maia]

Sob! I want to be Logan... I want to go on fancy smancy trips and stay in hotels, get away, be respected AND have someone do my laundry to my exact specifications! Don't blame you for feeling a tad resentful.

[Shelley]

TRavel is rough on things - maybe sometime someone could keep the kids, and at least you could go? Or maybe someone could keeps the kids for a few days and you could have alone time at home ALL BY YOURSELF. Trust me - it's bliss, utter bliss.

[jenB]

wait. you air dry his gonch? i GUESS you are expecting a paycheque. and i would bone dry him with the jeans comment. regardless of how hot he is in a turtleneck sweater.

[Katrina Stonoff]

"The kids and I love Chicago."

ROFL!!! God, I love the way you think. And interact. Your children are lucky to have such a great example of a mom choosing to stay at home but refusing to be overlooked and taken for granted.

P.S. Logan's lucky too.

[Lynn]

Whenever I feel particularly pissed off or resentful, I like to throw away something that my husband holds dear. Last week, it was his favourite Garfield underpants (with holes for ventilation).
He's still looking for them.

[Sarah]

Some of my coworkers are going to that conference too. Am I going? nooooooo of course not. :p hang in there.

[Lil' Sis]

I want your new banner on a t-shirt. Because I SOOOOO agree.

miao.

PS- I screwed up (twice now, actually)& the show IS tonight. I will call Bonnie if you still want to go.

[SueFromOhio]

As one 'laundry woman' to another, THANK YOU! I have become a little 'rude' lately in my house due to the husbands 'needs'. He actually was mad at me the other day for having a $10 bill in my van because, 'you always have money. Must be nice to always have money'. Everytime I have money, he takes it. Case in point, this morning before he left for work he asked if he could have my $10 bill if I didn't plan on using it. I told him to take it and then on the way to drop my son off at school, realized the van needed gas. The Bastard.

Anywho, even though I'm not in your family (or know you for that matter), THANKS MELISSA! YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB!!! :)

[Stephanie]

Goodness, how I would love a thank you from my husband sometimes as well. I try to lead by example and say thanks for the stuff that he does, but for some reason "Thank You" does not come easy for him. Why is that?

[chris]

I have a husband with the same sort of laundry "quirks". He really wished I would line dry his pants so that they would be stiff.

After a few too many conversations about the quality of his clean laundry, he now does it himself.

[emily]

Yea,a thank you would be nice occasionally.

[Ninotchka]

Oh that is SO good. Once again, you've hit the nail right on the head.

Sorry about all the travel he's doing. Being in advertising is a ball-buster. Then people wonder why I left my career (and sizeable paychecks) to be a desk monkey. Ugh!

[christy]

Hey! I will be at that conference, too. You want me to make sure he has a miserable time? Eh? We can do the old laxative-in-the-drink trick. Mwah hah hah!

[Sarcastic Journalist]

We have this convo a lot in my house as well. This weekend my grandma asked me if I had a "job." I nodded towards ellie and said "I have a thankless job."

"OH That's not true! You get a thanks every time she smiles!"

Um. No. I want a thanks with a big ass paycheck.

[Phil]

Yah, mental stability is so boring. Then again, I wonder about the alternative. Like the Chinese blessing/curse: "may you live in interesting times."

Re: the underwear, I just called an ex-girlfriend from 2000-2001 to let her know that I have *finally* gotten rid of the last of the ratty underwear she used to find so annoying.

Re: the laundry. For some reason, I've been the laundry-doer in every single one of my romantic relationships. And, for that matter, I don't think I've gotten too many thank yous. Part of that, though, has been my eagerness to volunteer. My pledge for 2005 is to work toward more equity. Fortunately, the current s.o.s.o. (sort of significant other) is of the same bent. We cook well together, too.

As for the mental stability part, the jury is still out. For both of us.

[Molly]

I recommend: do the laundry as usual but each time his clothes are dry and ready to put away, squirrel them away in a bin bag somewhere. Hide 'em!

You've just got to have fun when teaching!

I like your style.

[mrs. holmes]

No, really. What kind of underwear is it that can't be put in the dryer? I mean, they're not boxers are they?

[carol]

I'm with Chris...I think he should do his own loads. Oh..and take you to Chicago, and pay you!

[Deborah]

Years ago when I first started doing the hubby's laundry I made two very wise mistakes. First, I washed a pair of his pants that had his antique pocket watch in them. It came out in parts. Then I bleached his favorite black shirt. Oh sure, he has never forgotten those giant blunders, but on the other hand he doesn't expect laundry perfection. I highly recommend destroying a few precious things, After that bone dry pants seem just fine.

[Texas T-bone]

How metrosexual is that to be a man and have fussy clothes? I won't buy anything that can't be machine-washed, dried, wadded up, etc., and still look good. How very strange. I think you deserve a "thank you" simply for putting up with that and not accidentally shrinking half his wardrobe.

[Zach]

Why DON'T you guys go with? It would be easy to justify yanking the kids out of school if you went to the Field Museum et al. My wife and 2 yr. old come with me on trips occasionally. Works great because then I don't have to miss them, and they get a change of scenery.

[Tammy]

Pretty new look!
I can't complain about Hubby ever again. I didn't know there even were men out there with "delicate" unders. What on earth is he wearing?!

[landismom]

Good god, I don't even do my own laundry to Logan's exacting standards. Once, landisdad complained about the way I laundered his socks. I think he got the message after having to throw away the 30th single sock (I don't know WHAT could be happening to your socks, sweetie!) On the other hand, he does all the cooking (which I never complain about) and empties the dishwasher and the cat litter (which I always thank him for).

[SAJ]

Doh! The HOW convention. I remember when I used to get to go to those.

[momdotcom]

ohhhhhhhhh, yes. Thank you's are hard to come by. And so are 'sorry's' for that matter. What IS it about those words that are so hard for the male to say?

LOVE the new banner!!

[MelissaS]

Oh Zach. That is the sweetest thing I've read all day: "I don't have to miss them...."

I assure you, Logan will NOT be missing us. He writes sweet books about how much he loves us but when he gets sometime away, as much as he tries to say it's 'work', he enjoys the break. And a conference? With a bunch of other people who love the same things he does? And Trader Vic's and The Green Mill? And some R&R with his pals? Nope he is not going to be missing us.

I did debate just going and doing stuff with just the kids, but frankly the only way that will work is if I can bring a babysitter to hang out with us so I can go out at night with all the anally retentive designers and humiliate Logan with stories of his 'delicate unmentionables'.

Oh wait, I already did that.

[christy]

Um - there is a daycare at the Hyatt. It's called "cable and video games." Oh yeah, you know you want to go. Dooooo it!

And I promise if I see you, I will not hug you akwardly. Unless you are into that kind of thing.

[MelissaS]

If I see you I'll try to hug you and not punch you in the face in the process.

[christy]

Oh don't worry. I can throw down.

Wait. No. I can't. Not at all. I would drop like a bag of hammers. But what a story for the blog, right? "I gave someone a concussion while trying to hug her."

It's comedy gold.

So now you have to go.

My brother lives in Chicago and he has a friend that's a nanny. You want I make a few phone calls? Eh? Eh?

[JT]

Go to the conference with him, take Studio Tour #2, and then plant pierced bags of moldy food into the fridge at VSA for me, okay?