Entertaining! All the fucking time!

Between summer [fingers]vacation[/fingers] and Logan's job, we're all dying a slow and painful death.

Tomorrow is the weekly park playdate I set up for the summer with the preschool moms. I did it because last summer I fell into a pretty horrible depression. All the daylight which had to be burned overwhelmed me from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning to the loves of my life staring at me asking, "What are we going to do for kids today?" Right through to the minute I went to sleep each night, panicked about what I'd need to do to burn through all of that daylight too.

After this last weekend I now have back up to my theory that we didn't do anything for kids when I was growing up. We just played and if we didn't play we didn't sit around asking our mother to take us to the movies or out to lunch or to the bookstore or the library or to the zoo or to the nature center or the state park or to the science museum or history museum or art museum.

We spent the summer riding our bikes and skinning our knees and running through the sprinkler and if you were lucky your friend had a pool like my friend Kelly did because that killed a lot of the summer. And, if you were blonde like me, it also turned your hair green!

I know I'm a young-ish mother but I don't have the time or the energy to create field trips every God damned day. So a weekly playdate with Max's preschool buddies (and their older sister's who Madison loves) will hopefully keep me from collapsing under the weight of "What are we doing today? And after that? And what about tomorrow?"

At least today I could say, "Tomorrow we're going to the park. And if you ask me what comes after that I will splay your innards all over the dining room table. Ha ha!"

I was talking to a mother at the library a few weeks ago, just before school let out for the summer. She mentioned how she wasn't quite sure if her son would be ready for preschool in the fall. I said, trying to be supportive, "Well, it can never really hurt to wait can it?"

She looked me in the eye and said, "I know it wouldn't hurt him to wait, but it would hurt me. I am so ready for him to go!"

My mom-meter went off the charts at that moment thinking I'd found a fellow kindred spirit who understands how much pressure it is to be your child's 'everything' day in and day out. I moved into the summer vacation discussion. I was wondering if she had maybe signed her kids up for a very well run personal 5 days a week day camp which cost around nothing for the summer. Because that's exactly what I'm looking for.

But no, she hadn't found anything like that. However! She found that last summer when she broke each week into a "Learning Segment" it made the summer go by so much faster. For example, one week they focused on astronomy and they did art projects about the stars and even camped out in the yard to look at the stars late at night! Then they studied spiders for a week and next came the dinosaurs and they took field trips and blah blah blah.....my brain shut down and I realized I am not super mother, in fact I'm barely passing motherhood with a D+ (the + is simply because today I read a chapter book with Madison, wrestled with Max twice AND let them have ice cream at 3 o'clock in the afternoon).

I know a little more routine would help us survive this summer so much better, but I'm not seeing where the weekly lessons are going to come in. Maybe a "Mojitos For The Mommies" session? We can learn about fractions and we can draw pictures of the mint, maybe even grow some! Then we'll learn about Cuba! What other drinks come from Cuba? See, I'm too lazy even for this.

I actually almost can't believe how lazy I am.

Comments

[Lisa V]

You are not lazy. You are real. I am not a teacher, or a camp director, or a tour guide. I am a mom. I will occassionally do those other things, but they aren't my life's work. It's not my job to entertain my children. Entertainment should be a treat, not a given. Jesus am I bitchy today or what? It amazes me how much it has changed since I was a kid. My 7 year old has had more "lessons" than I ever had. It's weird because when I want my kids to just hang out or play they have no one to do it with because all their friends are "booked" with activity after activity. Sorry to hog your blog, but this really is something that gets me going.

[Angel]

Mojitos for Mommies? Oh man, I want to be in *your* playgroup. Heck, my husband would probably come too, he's a Mojito junkie!

And oh yeah, this time next year, I'm definitely going to be ready for my little energizer bunny to go to preschool! Even with my hubby working at home, and my daughter home from school, he's still a handful!

OMG I love this blog ;)

[sarah]

Cuba Libre!

[Sarcomical]

don't think of it as lazy, think of it as..."otherwise talent-ly inclined". i mean, your kids have this great, hilarious, REAL, open mom. just because you're teaching your kids all about cuba doesn't mean they have the BEST. LIFE. EVER.

you're doing so good. now I, on the other hand, shall be a lazy mom for certain. i've already tried to come up with ideas to make sure my kids get to school on time without me having to actually wake up and get them ready. and i have no children yet.

god help them.

[Poppy]

You could do a segment on the rum trade. History's educational.

Or you could just show them how to rim a glass with casting sugar.

My kid's 16 months and I'm already counting the days until preschool. I adore her but sweet Jesus. Some days I can feel my brain turning to slush.

Which reminds me ... daiquiris are Cuban, too.

[Tara]

Just buy an inflatable pool and be done with with it. That's what my mom did and I had a great childhood. It's your summer too damn it!

[maia]

My summer routine? Sleep till 10. Then they have their requisite chores (not unlike myself), eat, dress, tidy rooms (kills plenty of time if you are willing to nag about it.) Afternoons either spent with friends or an outing with parents (usually me). Evenings with a bit of outdoor time in the yard and then baths and bedtime. Routine, routine, routine! (Dammit.) This year going to institute a mandatory bed time (8 sounds good.)where they can play in their rooms and do whatever. Just don't disturb Mommy. Thanks. Mommy needs downtime or she becomes verrrry grumpy. Summers are fun, if everyone cooperates :)

My kids are 12 and twins at 7... And in one and a half days they will all be home with me 24/7! ;)

[Recovering Straight Girl]

OMG, I am so with you. It's Day 12 of Summer Vacation and we have already been to the beach where we went sand duning, went to the aquarium, ate out every day, then we returned to them going to the movies, spending the night with my mom and going to the zoo. Five minutes after they walked in the door today, they all looked at me and said, "There is nothing to dooooo, we're booooored." I'm ready to fucking kill them. Exactly why I mixed up a pitcher of frozen fuzzy navels tonight.

[Sarah C]

To hell wit' em. What is it they say about necessity being the mother of invention? If they get bored enough, they'll think of something to do

[Amy]

I am completely crushed under the weight of day-to-day demands for activity as well. It's very normal and the moms who say they "break the weeks into learning units" or whatever are either lying, tried it for two weeks and quit, or have a lot of relief from relatives or babysitters. At least that's my theory. Right now, I have the demands for activity all year 'round as my kids aren't in full-time school yet. When I pick my kid up from preschool on MWF, she says, "So where are we going now?" My blood boils just thinking about it.

[Nancy]

Once again, thank you for the free therapy session. My daughter's ONLY 22-months-old, and I'm also feeling dread about how to fill our days this summer. I have such good memories of summer as a kid. We played outside all day, swam at our friend's pool too, had Kool-Aid stands, etc. You know what gets me stuck even with that now? I worry about her getting too much sun - how much sunscreen should I put on? Will she get sunburned? (By the way, how come I never see any other toddlers/kids walking around with greasy bangs? I can't seem to put suncreen on her face w/out it getting in her hair.) THEN I worry about West Nile and whether I should put DEET on her, etc. I know I need to lighten up. This SAHM thing is the toughest job I've ever had! (And yes, while I'm complaining, I'm also thankful for the opportunity.)

[Jerri Ann]

My children are ONLY 2 1/2 AND 7 months. Not really a need for a lot of planning...I am 9 weeks out of having a major back surgery (plate and 6 screws). I'm not much into wrestling or anything that requires much movement. And, winter blended right into summer at our house. I have more help than most people even dream about, except those with nanny's that they abuse (not just use as nanny's) and I mean I have more than enough help that I could have logically had 5 more kids and still had help running over.

My problem: next week is vacation. Because of my back we aren't going anywhere. I have to fill a week, just 5 days with fun and activity for our family...w/o any of that help I mentioned. Just us, for 5 days, or 7 or 9, depending on when we get started.

Lucky for me my hubby has a full day of yard work to do before we can go anywhere and a then it will be another full day when we return...so at least the oldest one can stand in the playroom and watch his dad circle the house on the tractor..wahooo, lots of fun..he thinks so....FOR NOW!

Anyway, I don't know what I will do when it is a full summer to fill b/c like I said, this one week is tough. We would normal go to in-laws but she appears to be crack-ridden (ok, loratab and oxycontin) and acted a fool last time we were there...and damn it, she lives at the beach.

Anyway, hogging your blog but just wanted to offer my condolences and say, when I was a kid...we played in the dirt, we rode our bikes in the dirt, we made mud pies inthe dirt, we ate lunch on the front porch b/c we were too dirty to come inside, sometimes we played with the water sprinkler and usually we sat inside and complained about being bored.

Dr. Phil, God-love him, said that bored people are boring...try that line out on some youngsters, at least they might think for a few minutes before blurtint it out again....that'll spare you 5 good minutes of summer!

[Torrie]

Wow. You're right things ARE different today. I used to play outside ALL DAY.

[kim]

Field trips? Weekly learning units? Are they fucking crazy?

I have 3 kids - 11, 7, and 4 - and they're certainly not neglected but this isn't a freaking cruise ship. A couple times a week we'll venture out to the water park or the beach but other than that they're on their own, god damnit.

They have every toy and craft set ever invented, we subscribe to every family channel on tv, as well as own every children's dvd ever made. If they can't figure out something to do they'd better pretend. Quietly.

In the real world there is no Entertainment Director waiting to cater to their every whim so why set them up for disappointment early in life?

[jenB]

i will chime in on we played outside all day with the neighbourhood kids. what the fuck? field trips? who started this bullshit? also, my husband was asking me today, how long does a typical school year in the states run? in canada it is september to the end of june (in most places). your kids seem to be out early? no?

i have to admit, i spent a lot of time in the cool of the basement reading books as a kid in the summer. i was such a winner.

[sweetney]

yep, this is the FUCKING TERROR of my existence, tormenting me from the moment i wake up in the morning until The Papa mercifully comes home in the evening: how the hell am i going to kill this day without just plopping her in front of the TV and calling my job done? i mean, they learn shit through TV -- numbers and letters and stuff, right? (cough)

now we all understand just a little bit too well why SAHMs get addicted to "little helpers" and the like, don't we?

[lyn]

My mum had seven children, she used to give us our breakfast and then lock us out of the house all day except for meal-times. We used to have to shout through the letterbox (very loudly) if we needed the loo.
So there's your answer.

[Miss D]

Right on. My three year old has friends with moms (always a terrible situation when that happens) that are absolutely devastated that he isn't enrolled in some sort of baby boot camp for the summer. You know why he's not? Because I am not a driver or an event planner.

The flipside of that is that he's home. All the time. Like, ALL FUCKING DAY unless I plan something, so we are doing something similar. He has a friend nearby that he sees a couple times a week, and a few other little kids in the area that he swims with when it's warm, that's it.

Good to know someone else feels the same way. :)

[John C]

"And if you ask me what comes after that I will splay your innards all over the dining room table," Growled Conan... What have you been reading lately Melissa?

[carolb]

We're raising a generation that needs constant stimulation. They have to always be busy doing something, or they're in a panic state.
Who every decided kids need to be ushered from one activity to another? Where's their down time? They're losing their ability to think for themselves, or to RELAX!
It bothers me when I see people jogging with headphones on. (Sorry, if that's any of you!) In my mind, these people can't be alone with themselves and just THINK. We need to be comfortable with ourselves, and not be busy, or stimulated, every second of the day.
I think that means starting early, and letting kids figure out a few things for themselves, such as what to PLAY !!! Outing are a great 'extra' but every minute of every day????

[Adam]

Here's the next really neat idea-think homeschooling--that will truly make you feel like searching for cocktail. At 8:00 am. God bless my wife

[Lydia]

Man, you would have loved to be my mother in the summer. I was the biggest book geek, TV addict, and general doing stuff hating kid you ever met. The reason I loved summer was BECAUSE you didn't have to run around DOING shit all day. I would stay in bed late, read for hours, watch TV, eat cereal - bliss, i tell you. I do remember sometimes bugging my mom from boredom, but she sure as hell didn't set up a fucking itinerary for me. In fact it seems to me that whenever i'd start whining like that, she'd remind me of all the chores i could be doing instead. That shut me up right quick.

[Marcie]

You are so right on! My kids wake up each day and ask "What are we doing today?". I tell them this is not the Love Boat and I am not Julie the activity planner. By the way, what's the name of that little blonde ornament at the left of your posts! I love her face, she should be your alter ego!

[melissaS]

Marcie: That's the ornament my parents had on their xmas tree named 'Melissa' because it reminded them of me. So it's not my alter ego at all! It is me!

Carolb: I saw someone jogging while on the phone. Listening to music helps pass the time. Talking on the phone while you run is definitely indicative of a fear of being alone.

Adam: BITE YOUR TONGUE!

[kay]

Is this the shit I have to look forward to? My daughter is only 2 and thankfully is perfectly content with farting around the house all day (seriously, I haven't taken her to the park or anywhere except my neighbors pool so far this year. Of course, I'm 7 months pregnant and *really* bitchy so I fear for the general publics safety when I go out on a hot day.) If she started demanding to go places, I think I'd lose my mind. I don't remember my mother taking me anywhere. . ever. . unless it was a vacation. .and even that was rare. WTH?

[Sara]

When my first child was born, my father gave me one piece of advice which he said was the most important one he had.

"A little benign neglect never hurt anyone."

He clarified that he was talking about allowing children the time and space to figure out how to entertain themselves. "Don't always think you have to be playing with them every waking moment. A kid needs to know how to figure out how to fill his own time."

I think that was the one best piece of advice anyone has given me about parenting.

[Heather]

Unless you have the desire to be "cruise-ship director" i suggest you stop feeling the guilt of having to Plan-Plan-plan. Your opening a can of worms when you give them 100% activity this summer, because next summer, you have to give 105%, then the next summer 110%. They are kids and they are always gonna want more, more, more. I am with the lady that said, buy a damn pool. Set your lawn chair and your table next to it, put your feet in, have a drink and read a magazine. On occasion, splash them with your feet.......you care and you participated. Buy a slip and slide, (20 bucks-Target) turn on the radio outside. Throw in a rest and relaxation time. Without routine this summer, your gonna be a wreck, a national disaster. When it rains, send 'em outside to play in it (hence there is no thunder and lightening) I remember playing in the rain...... it was great. May not be the best idea in the world (colds etc.) but it sure gives them childhood memories like we have................ There are easy and cheap ways of entertaining kids. How about a ice cream party, after lunch, when they get up from rest and relaxation time, In the backyard, with the pool, and mom taking photos. Finger paints, outside. music is always a plus too.

*****Photos are always needed to prove to their future therapists that they did, indeed, have a good childhood. (i.e. "See- See, see Dr. smith, they were smiling in this one!" )

[melissaS]

My kids HATE the heat like I do. Also they HATE bugs like I do.

Max can not STAND the water. We bought a slip in slide ($12 at Target!) and Madison will use it but not Max. The pool would work except that Logan won't let me keep it out all the time because of the lawn. He appears to think we live on a golf course. Someday I'll show you our lawn, it's a suburban atrocity. The pool is HUGE and a pain in the f-ing ass to set up fill then drain and let all the air out all the time.

Max refuses to ride his bike. Maddie will only ride hers in circles on teh driveway.

I'm having another cocktail.

Prediction: I'll be a gutter drunk by the end of this summer!

[Feelin Groovy]

you need to get one of those $6 baby pools - nothing to set it up - you just throw it "over there" for the day and drop a hose in it. Then, dump it out and move it somewhere else for tomorrow - saves the lawn from turning 8 shades of brown.

I loooooved Lyn's comment above about her mom locking them out of the house all day - damn, that was funny.

[styro]

I'm pretty sure summertime was when I wore the wheels off my bigwheel and spent all day in the park with the other neighborhood kids, having stick sword-fights, but I'm also the girl who had her name sharpied onto a coffee mug in the emergency room, so maybe I'm not the best person to offer summertime activities. "Hey, Max & Maddie! Try jumping off the shed roof into that pile of sticks! Swing on the rope swing and jump off at the highest point! Climb that ladder up onto the roof! WOO HOO!!!!" They'd end up wearing eye patches and having hook-hands. Although, that could be cool too...

[melissaS]

Styro, my kids are sooooo wimpy they would just stare at you if you suggested any of these activities.

Seriously.

[Rachel]

I am so like you Melissa! I hate the heat and I hate the bugs (and we live in FL). I only like to go outside to swim (thankfully, we do have a pool). But I hate to take the kids out to play because then we have to take showers when we come in--either because we are all dripping in sweat or they are covered in mud. Mine are almost 7 and almost 2, which makes it a bit harder. The 6 year old can play outside by himself, but the 1 year old can't and she wants to be where he is. They're at such different levels of activity and ability that I sometimes wish they had been born closer together. But then I remember the reason they weren't (I'd have gone totally nuts with 2 babies at once!). I agree with the statements about allowing your kids to self-entertain. I didn't do that with my oldest--always thought I should play with him and such--and now he is terrible about asking me to do things with him. Trying to be better about letting the youngest play alone but she gets into everything and it's very hard to try to do something else (laundry, internet, reading, etc) while she plays because she's much more interested in what I'm doing and everything takes 3 times longer to do than if I just let her watch some tv for a few minutes.

[Maddy]

Hi Melissa, This is not for my kids, but mostly for my sanity. I have a superorganized neighbor who argues that routines are key, so I get thru the summer by following my minimal routine which includes a bit of house straightening & everyone dressed by 10 am. I try to get the kids out of the house everyday to exercise in some way. And I try to go to the library a certain day, etc. While my neighbor is no doubt polishing her silver and arranging her children's clothes by color, I just try to avoid toxic trash buildup and aim for enough laundry so everyone can have a clean outfit the next day. My housecleaning goals include dirty dishes in the dishwasher and an entryway that is not too embarassing. I am a beginner and that's all I seem to be able to manage. Every day I try to do at least one thing with the kids (yesterday we made silly things out of pipecleaners). Sometimes we go somewhere like the zoo, but most of my "activities" are things like playdough or a simple board game. My organized neighbor has a fabulous playground area and trampoline in the land mass that is her backyard. Her kids seem to play happily out there. I have a crap yard and my kids are 100% crankier than hers, so she has some big advantages there. (I love the locked door and communication thru mail slot idea that someone else posted.)

I also try to figure out what we are having for dinner sometime in the morning. You could also plan your cocktail hour.

Having a minimal routine has really helped me out. No one else in my family realizes we have a routine. I guess because it's such a pathetic routine. But it's all I have.

Sorry ...I am rambling & willl stop. Bring on the mojitos!

[Maddy]

Hi Melissa, This is not for my kids, but mostly for my sanity. I have a superorganized neighbor who argues that routines are key, so I get thru the summer by following my minimal routine which includes a bit of house straightening & everyone dressed by 10 am. I try to get the kids out of the house everyday to exercise in some way. And I try to go to the library a certain day, etc. While my neighbor is no doubt polishing her silver and arranging her children's clothes by color, I just try to avoid toxic trash buildup and aim for enough laundry so everyone can have a clean outfit the next day. My housecleaning goals include dirty dishes in the dishwasher and an entryway that is not too embarassing. I am a beginner and that's all I seem to be able to manage. Every day I try to do at least one thing with the kids (yesterday we made silly things out of pipecleaners). Sometimes we go somewhere like the zoo, but most of my "activities" are things like playdough or a simple board game. My organized neighbor has a fabulous playground area and trampoline in the land mass that is her backyard. Her kids seem to play happily out there. I have a crap yard and my kids are 100% crankier than hers, so she has some big advantages there. (I love the locked door and communication thru mail slot idea that someone else posted.)

I also try to figure out what we are having for dinner sometime in the morning. You could also plan your cocktail hour.

Having a minimal routine has really helped me out. No one else in my family realizes we have a routine. I guess because it's such a pathetic routine. But it's all I have.

Sorry ...I am rambling & willl stop. Bring on the mojitos!

[Steph]

I am a real cruise director!!! I have a daycare and every day am blessed to be home with my 5 year old and her sassy 10 year old brother. :-) Not to mention about 4-6 other sweet angles aged 2 1/2 to 9. We go to the park almost every day , jump in the trampoline, play in the pools that have caused crop circles in our lawn, play tetherball, go on the zip line, play video games, watch movies, have french fries at Carl's Junior and use their play structure, sometimes paint. Oh yeah did I mention how I do all this? PROZAC!!!! Cause let's not mention the fact that my home gets TRASHED every day, boogers in my car from other people's children, urine all over my hall bathroom cause the little boys can't aim, crumbs all over the floor in the kitchen, the fact that all the boys LOVE WWF wrestling, I have to have multiple toys for all the kids cause they can't share....should I go on? ;-)

I'm thinking of getting a 15 pasenger van and just never being home. We would eat fast food each day, the parents could drop them off at a local park where I will be waiting every day, my home would never get trashed. I could even get a porta potty to hook up to my van for those moments!!! It's a traveling daycare!!! My home will be pristine!!! lol

[Robert]

You didn't meet a kindred spirit; you met an Ubermom--the kind of parent (it's not exclusive to moms) who's worried that if junior's not in the right kind of pre-school his shot at Harvard is already over.

Not that you have extra time, but read David Brooks' book, ON PARADISE DRIVE, for a horrifying but hilarious look at what we're becoming as a society. If every reader doesn't see himself in there somewhere, he's fooling himself.

[karyn]

My kids are suffering from some 'benign neglect' at this very moment. But they are both happily playing beside me, with me occasionally glancing over and trying to care. I wish I was better at kids games. I am so not a cruise director. If it weren't for the fact that the mosquitoes here are as big as my fist and full of West Nile, we would be outside all day.

P.S. Watching my 18 month old try to ride a 6inch tall stuffed horse is damn funny. (That just happened. See? See? I'm watching!)

[Lil' Sis]

We NEVER had "activities" when we were kids! We would plan for WEEKS for when Bonnie would take us to the "train park" that was 3 miles away. But then again, I had Cruise Director Melissa telling me what I was (and all the other neighborhood kids were) doing every day. And if we didn't like it, I guess we could go play in traffic, because we WERE playing Annie, and Melissa WAS going to be Annie because she was ten or had a heart-shaped necklace or whatever, and Teri would be Molly because she's short. And if it was too hot, there was always the Lakeside Inn and the Polar Bar in the basement. How did I only ever get heat exhaustion at summer camp?
It will be easier when Maddie is old enough to go down to the park on her own. They need more neighborhood friends. That was the thing, we played with kids on our block. They don't have too many kids their age around you, do they?
Ugh. I miss summer vacation.
-Miao.

[Melting Mama]

Summer " vacation " begins officially in this house in about 14, no 13, minutes. :::curling up in the fetal position in the corner::: I've already got the newly-graduated kindergartener at home, the preschooler at home, the bonus (daycare) 20 month old here 4-5 days a week, now, the new on-the-way to 2nd grader will be home in 12 minutes.

We have ABSOLUTELY NO PLANS WHATSOEVER. No camp, no vacations, no day trips, NO NOTHING. I looked into camp, can't afford it, not for at least two children, not even a WEEK. Then, there's the fact that my husband has been out of town for work for over a week, and isn't getting home for 11 days, which leaves me less than excited about dragging four children out places. Then, he comes home for two weeks, works his normal hours, and goes back to east buttfluck USA for another 11-12 days.

You see? You're not alone, and planning that weekly play-date at the park is a lot more than many of us would even consider. That makes my brain hurt.

I hate to say that money would help the situation in my house, but at least I could send the little punks away to camp for a couple of hours a day for a week, or two, or six (!!) so they're not ALWAYS bored with being at home. I don't deal with "I'm bored" either, though. Play, damnit. Have fun. We didn't do stuff all summer when I was a kid - we played, swam and drank Kool-Aid.

[WindyLou]

You could always plant a garden. Our summer routine involved working in the garden, doing our indoor chores and then getting kicked out til supper or dark. We weren't actually locked out, but if my mom heard one peep out of us complaining about being bored, she'd threaten w/ more chores or kick us outside and tell us not to come home til the streetlights came on. This usually resulted in us making up games to play so we didn't have to do chores. (Like the tomato game where we threw tomatos from the garden as far as we could just to see them explode.)

[Amy]

Sara, I totally get what your father said about "benign neglect". That is a theory that we, too, subscribe to in our house. We are currently and unfortunately shacking up with my mother while we look for a house of our own, and she subscribes to the notion that someone must be playing with my 2 year old ALL THE TIME. She won't even eat dinner with us because she thinks that we need to eat in shifts so as to assure that he has someone to play with at every moment. I reminded her that I was an only child and there were many times when I had to entertain myself. Do I remember her down on the floor with me constantly playing and amusing? No. WTF happened between now and then that she is trying to ruin my child???

[Eulallia]

I love how the Google ads on the right said "Positive Thinking Tips"

[Amy]

I am 29 and had no planned activities during the summers when I was a kid! Well, Mom did take us to the library quite often. I read a lot, watched a lot of Nickelodeon, played in the baby pool, rode my bike. My sister and I did a lot of pretending. Oh yeah, just remembered, for a few summers my parents had a membership to a public pool nearby, and we'd spend the day there. But then they ran out of money for that kind of stuff.

I'm curious--what would happen if you said to Max and Maddy, "You have to entertain yourselves for the next two hours. I'll be in the kitchen reading." Would they just keep whining at you? Could you ignore them, and then maybe they'd go fend for themselves? I don't have kids, so I honestly don't know how this works...

[reenie]

Nancy – My kid has greasy bangs, too…along with the rest of his hair. I’ve wondered the same thing. I long for the winter when I can get away with bathing him every other day (or every other two days…or so).

CarolB – I jog with headphones…when I’m not jogging with the stroller…simply because jogging is so hard for me that the music helps me keep my tempo up. I would love to be able to jog without the distraction, but I would never jog then…and I NEEDS me some exercise.

And we used to just play outside all day, too…usually at a friend’s house. But I had a working single mom, so she wouldn’t have been home to bug anyway. I remember thinking recently (about people shuttling their kids to this class and that game, etc.) when do these people live their lives? They’re always so busy! Keep the Mojitos flowing…I'm too lazy even for weekends with one kid.

[Rachel]

My kids are upstairs as I sit and belly laugh at your blog and reader comments...I just heard the door SLAM (my 3 yr old) and a piercing scream (my 16m old) and the voice of the surrogate mother (my 5 yr old) trying to bring order to the whole thing. They are all screaming and crying now. I could give a rat's ass. When someone comes downstairs I'll check for blood...

I let them watch tv for 6 hours one day, then none the next. Keep 'em guessing. On the days there is tv, they are angels and I get lots of stuff done. The days there is none, they are extremely annoying, but DO eventually figure out how to make up games that all three of them enjoy.

This summer we have no plans. Ain't goin' nowhere. I don't even brush my kids' teeth most days. But they seem to be pretty well adjusted in spite of their mother.

When it's nice here in the Pacific NW (did I mention it's June and my kids are still in JEANS???) which is about 3x week, they play in the cul de sac and yards with the neighbor kids while the moms look on. I get out the playdough when I feel "motherly."

I want to be best friends with Melissa.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

Forgive me if this has already been said 4o times, but there is always the Cuba Libra. That's if you like rum. It's not my shot of tequila, but whatever makes you happy.

I am dreading Jack actually wanting to be entertained.

[kara]

Inflatable pool & a refridgerator box.

[Heather]

Okay- so the pool is out.
At this point, i'm just gonna have a drink in your honor every Friday night.

"A toast to Melissa who made it another week through the summer"

I see arts and crafts in your future, lots of them.
Lucky you! lol

[Sarcastic Journalist]

YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS FOR THE KIDS IN THE SUMMER?

No man, I can't do that. It will mess up my SCHEDULE. I'm all about handing them glue, glitter and uh paper plates. then they can get naked and "play" in the sprinklers and by "play" i mean cover themselves with soap and run through.

Our idea of the summer was to make "newspapers" about our grandma who watched us. The big story was when she farted while watching "The Price Is Right."

I'm all about Mojito Week. Can babies come too?

[Gretchen]

For what it's worth, my three seem wildly entertained by large cardboard boxes. They are forts, space ships, etc. The bossy eldest one art directs the action. Go to the park--your kids are old enough so you can sit with a book on the bench. Celebrate that your years of following them around the jungle gym or negotiating the sand throwing are over. That burns several hours, then go to the library or video store and let them pick something out that will entertain in the late afternoon. I guess, like lots of other posters, I'm more about giving them the resources and environment to entertain themselves. Hey, it's making their creative juices work a little harder. (I think I'm mixing metaphors...)

[a]

Can't you put them in some day camp? That could take up like 6 weeks!

[a]

oh sorry. somehow i missed that you had already covered that. carry on

[Flippy]

When I was a kid, we never had a planned schedule either. But then, my brothers are all between five and ten years older than I am. I also had a same aged best friend (oooh, my first bf) move next door when I was five and I spent lots of time with him. We rode bikes, played Cowboys & Indians (I know, no longer PC), made mudpies, played doctor (not the dirty way), painted pictures that we tried to sell to neighbors for a dime, etc. With my brothers (and the five boys who lived on the other side of us), we played basketball, and football and baseball in the street. I also read *a lot*. It bugs me that one of my brother's kids are scheduled with stuff constantly. They've never learned to be alone and use their imaginations. The other brother's kids, one plays baseball and the other plays video games, but since he's a single father, they otherwise have to figure out to occupy their own time and have since they were little. Mostly, they liked to draw, so that took up lots of time when they were little. Whatever you do, don't let them watch that little bastard, Caillou, on tv. Gah, hate that child.

[laura]

When my kid gets bored, we fire up the lawn mower and he gets to work. Our yard, the neighbors' yards...it's all good. When Max and Maddie get a little older, you can hire them out as an adorable yard maintenance team.

[Pam]

When we lived overseas in Amsterdam my son was too young to take my eyes off of him while playing outside. There was a Swiss family living in our neighborhood and I was absolutely AGHAST that she locked her two kids out of the house on the weekends and during the summer. Now years later I totally get it. Oh and the Dutch women would put their children down for a nap and go grocery shopping. In America you would be featured on the 5:00 local news if you tried something like that.

[Tamara]

Melissa -

Did you write this post about my life? I have just spent the last couple of days marveling over how bad I am as a SAHM (which I have been for 7 years). Today I would get a just a D because even though I did serve ice cream for snack at 3:00, I did not read any books to my children. We did, however, watch 3 episodes of Macgyver season 2 together. I also washed some t-shirts for potential tie dying, but each time they ask, I say, not now maybe later. Can I get through the whole summer saying that?

One thing we do that may give me a bit of + is that we listen to books on tape in the car. (actually - it is a really easy way out - someone is reading to them and it is not me and they are not bickering when they are playing.) Anyway we just listened to Diary of a Fairy Godmother and one thing that we learned from that is that being best is only temporary - it is a false goal. The only thing you can hope to achieve is your "personal best." So to apply this to SAHMing - would the goal be to set the bar low at the beginning of the summer so that you have somewhere to go to get to your personal best? I do think so!

Thanks for the entry,
Tamara - a long time reader, first time commenter
P.S. Also thanks for mentioning Netflix - I never heard of it til I read your blog and now have subscribed for a few months and love it!

[l]

SuperTarget sells industrial sized vats of cocktail mixes. Just add vodka (or whatever) and freeze. Oh, yeah, and they say to add water but I can't figure out what this water is of which they speak. Wait, is that the stuff you turn into ice?

It's five pm somewhere...

[Ellie]

My 7 year old has been playing outside in the shade (it's 95 here)with his neighborhood friends since 1:00pm. I was gonna take him to the pool, but his friends rang the bell (always a happy sound!)and they've been pretending and playing ever since. My 13 year old is having a sloooww day (he "accidentally" slept till noon-hey, I used to do that,too.)Right now he's enjoying a 'Vacation' movie,(although I do not hear him laughing) and his mom's online so, no IMing for him! The bonus is my neighbor has been hydrating the kids (water and freezer pops) which is what I usually do. So, today is a good day,damnit! Sorry, I'm gloating. There's been plenty of bad days in my career.And, hey, what do you know the little one just came in to fight with big one over the TV. Karma is a killer!

[Dawnan]

PLEASE don't think of yourself as lazy--or else I AM IN HUGE TROUBLE!!! If you haven't already, please read the fabulous book, "The Three Martini Playdate."

You know, I distinctly remember that my parents NEVER played with me or entertained me in the summer. It was "get your ass outside, and I don't want to see you until I call you for lunch/dinner/bath time." TV? Forget it! We had one TV in the house and it was for Dad's Cubs games and Mom's "Edge of Night" soap operas. Had I demanded to be entertained, I would have seen the back of my mother's hand...

[maiji]

"benign neglect"

love that phrase... makes me feel less guilty about leaving my child to her own resources while my co-worker rushes to enroll her daughter in a summer swim class...

[Dollymama]

Heck--get a sprinkler, stop catering to them and beating yourself up. Curl up with a good book and let them figure out how to entertain themselves. Call yourself a retro mom. ;)

[mamaloo]

although I love them, I am too lazy to read 61 comments.

[vanessa]

you RAWK.

that is all.

signed a new addict to your blog.

[Anne]

I set low standards. We go to the library on Tuesdays. If anything else happens during the week, it's gravy and they should be grateful. Astronomy, my ass.

Anne www.tinykingdom.typepad.com

[lyn]

there must be something wrong with me, as much as i neglect my kids, we love sitting at the beach for hours on end. in fact we have been doing it for 14 years straight. sadly, the kids do not want to be with me these days. they are more interested in their friends, which is fine by me, i get more time with my friends
good luck to you. it goes really fast

[Phil]

Cuban drink recipes at: http://www.habanarenta.com/cocteles/cocteles_ing.asp

Re: kids -- when I think of childhood play, I think of rocks, sticks, and trying to stay out of the mud. Later, I added bicycles, darts, and the occasional BB gun. And always, always, "the woods" (which were maybe all of six acres big near my house, but that was plenty.). Oh, and then Legos.

Re: Logan and the golf course -- how about the pool as water hazard? Then Madison can be your own little Michelle Wie.

[Beth Purdue]

Hi Melissa, Would love to see a post on your new camera. We are thinking of getting one but I'm not sure my photography skills warrant anything beyond my Sony Cybershot. How do your new photos compare with the old ones? Just curious how you're liking it so far. Thanks.

[suburban misfit]

In my own personal, non-expert opinion, if your kids can entertain themselves, even just a little bit (because they're still pretty young, right?) you're doing your job. Since when did "Mother" mean "entertain me every single second of my waking hours"? You won't be doing them any favors if they NEED you to keep them occupied. I'm not saying ignore them completely (I tried that and it backfires somehow); it's great to do the occasional craft or take them somewhere now and then.

But seriously, most of my friends have expressed their jealousy of me because my kids NEVER tell me "I'm bored!" They play by themselves very nicely, they play alone very nicely, and all because I've expected them to do so. Of course it takes years, but the payoff is that I get to sit here and read blogs for hours, uninterrupted. Sure, the laundry doesn't get done, but my kids are happy.

[tracy]

You're complaining because they don't want to go outside, or ride their bikes in the street? I would rejoice! Over here it's all "Can we go for a walk? Can I ride my scooter? Can I do *something* that requires you go outside with me to supervise?" and I'm like "It's 95 degrees, can't we play something inside?" Anyway, I agree with whoever said boxes. Or get one of these... should take days to finish coloring it: http://store.platinumgalleria.com/my-very-own-house.html

[kristine]

FIVE...FIVE KIDS HOME FOR THREE MONTHS.

They don't make Xanax strong enough for me anymore.

[Lori]

Try adding to everything above a child who is developmentally delayed socially and you are stuck at home with him whether you want to be or not. It's just too damn risky to put him in situations that will cause meltdowns. But does he want to play with other kids? Ohhhh sure he does ... but it only takes about 5 min. before they figure out that he's an 'odd duck'. lol

Oh man I have never seen such a huge gathering of real moms. You guys are AWESOME!!!!

[Anon]

OMG. How do you all do this.

I went to summer camp, my mom went to summer camp, heck even my grandmothers went to summer camp.

I could NOT survive without my kids going to summer camp!!!!!

My mom told me when I was maybe 10 and wasn't sure I wanted to go "Jews send their kids to camp and you are going, my dear" So maybe its my cultural heritage (I mean its not a religious thing, nothing in the Torah about Camp Wananjaba) but I could not survive without sending my kids to camp!

[AmyinMotown]

Can i come to Mojitos for the Mommies? I even grow mint in my back yard for just that purpose (I tell people it's for tea. I have made exactly no tea since moving in here and planting the mint. Many Mojitos though).

[jenofiniquity]

Hey, Flippy, I hate Caillou, too. If my child whined the way Caillous whines, I wouldn't be as understanding as his mom is. Jaysus.

But as for summer activities - my kids are in a couple of summer camps apiece, but most of the summer is completely unplanned. I like the thought of two lazy, do-nothing, out-of-the-ordinary months. I send them out to play, let them read or watch TV, go to the park or library every week or so, have their friends over. That's it. Super-scheduled people scare me.

[julie]

Melissa, honey, forget about doing anything for your kids. At their age parkday once a week is enough. If you think they need more, invite a family you like over to hang out and play.
Be at home, hang out, watch tv, let them play with their toys. Play with them sometimes....I like benign neglet myself. Get more computer games.
Don't let those *over-scheduled "obviously on happy drugs"gotta-keep-my-kid-busy-every-fucking-minute-or-they will-be-dropoutsworkingatwalmart* type mothers make you feel gulity. Kids just want to play.
They like being in the AC. Go to Goodwill, get dress-up clothes and old sheets, you'll be suprised how far these things will go.
I have a 13 yr old that I ~gasp~ homeschool and we seldom take feild trips, nor are we doing tons of expensive activites...he likes hanging at home or seeing freinds a few times a week. Summer, so far has been the water park and wall-to-wall video games.
I refuse to feel gulity nor do I think he will be harmed by the lack of "intellectual pursuits" all the time.
He's a kid. I want him to remember his childhood as fun, not wall to wall activities with no time to dream and imagine.
I was another kid who was kicked out after breakfest, allowed to come in to eat lunch and pottey then shoved back out till later during the summer. I turned out fine...I think.

[Theresa]

When my sister was pregnant - my Mom was very big on reminding her that sometimes you will hate your children. Sometimes you will think things that you probably shouldn't. You may feel like you are going to hurt them - even though you know that you won't - you feel it nonetheless.

The important thing is to recognize it. Recognize it and don't feel ashamed to ask for help. If you need an hour of alone time to scream and cry and punch a cushin - ask for it. Your children are very important - but so is your sanity!!