I can't wait until Madison has a blog.

Remind me not to leave the house for the day after writing out the pros v. cons of Blogher. I like to come home to 8 or 10 emails, but 85?

Things that tipped it over the edge: Logan heard about how it is a L E S B I A N event and also Alice mentioned Pillow Fights! There's a penis behind everything on the internet.

But what I wanted to write about was this journal entry I found amongst Maddie's end of the year paper work. I will share the image and then transcribe the text.

5/25/05 One day my fat cat [Gary] scrached my eyelid. It was bleeding. My brother was my only hope! [Drama?] I didn't need an eye pach I needed medasine that tasted like bubble gum. My mom was naked. She was screaming. My mom was in the shower. [Thank you for that useful tidbit!]

I'd wondered what it would feel like if Madison had a blog.

Now I know.

**The cat scratched Madison while I was in the shower. Max came and told me, I told him to send Madison in the bathroom. When she walked in her eye was totally covered in blood and I thought he'd scratched her eyeball and her cornea was laying in the living room. So yes, I was indeed naked (thanks for remembering that!) but no I did not scream.

Also, no I don't typically just hang out around the house nude waiting for one of the children to injure themselves. **

Comments

[jenB]

oh geez, i am sorry for emailing you multiple times! *hangs head* stop being so cool then.

[deborah]

Melissa, I'm noticing that Madison's "blog" appears to be illustrated. That wouldn't be your daughter's rendition of you naked and screaming in the shower, would it? LOL!

[melissaS]

I didn't say I didn't like all the mail. I love mail especially when none of it makes me cringe even!

[maia]

Wow, you look amazingly STICK thin naked...

Be afraid, be very afraid. Someday she just might blog ;)

[elisabeth]

Melissa, I am seriously concerned about the fact that you seem to have jaundice (that yellow is NOT a healthy color). I would highly recommend spending time naked in the sun, in CA, to remedy that.

[21stCenturyMom]

What a boring mother you are. I always hung out nude, lying in wait for a good injury when my kids were little. Try it - you'll like it!

[Chris]

It's weird sometimes to think about the cultural differences between or generation and our parent's generation...then a step further to our children's generation. No one has previously passed down a tradition of "blogging" or keeping a personal website before.

It's a new world. There are new traditions to pass down to future generations.

Wow, I sound like I'm writing a speech for a graduation or something.

[Léonie]

Were you singing in the shower perhaps? Sometimes a hearty rendition of a Kate Bush medley can be perceived as cries of agony and/or fright. I love your daughter's dramatic turn of phrase - maybe there's a mother-daughter blogging team on the way?

[Lyn]

When my sister was little, she drew a very detailed picture of a baby covered in blood, and underneath had written.

My brother is in prison because he killed the baby.

He wasn't and he didn't, honest.

[Melting Mama]

I've had a coupla papers come home *like that*... I always wonder what Mrs. ________ thinks when she's reading them over. What horrible naked parents we all are. . .

[Mir]

Did you ever find her cornea? Did you put it on ice, like a severed finger?

(I'm sorry. Life without caffeine is difficult.)

[Holly]

Well, at least she didn't write that you were naked and using your "phone."

[christy]

The good news is she perceives you with perfectly round, perky breasts. Those are some nice ta-tas.

[Michelle]

All of you people are so damn funny. I think I'll stalk you.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I actually sit around the house, nude, trying to hurt people. With my boobs.

[Annabelle B]

Non-sequitor...

Just wanted to say hey and thank you for such an entertaining blog (heartburn, anyone?)

You're my favorite blogger!

[Strizzle]

So....are you going? Because well I think I am!

[Strizzle]

OH! And that was freaking HILARIOUS!!!!!!

[styro]

Don't make me come up there and hit you upside the head with my PayPal frying pan, woman! I MEAN BUSINESS.

[RockStar Mommy]

I wish my boobs looked as good as yours.

[Torrie]

God help you when she gets her own blog.

Does she know about your blog?

Are your boobs really that round?

[Kimberly]

Hahahahhahahaha - THAT was hilarious!

[suburban misfit]

You look GOOD naked!

Wish MY boobs were that round and perky.

[coolbeans]

With huge round boobs and a stick-thin waist and thighs, you should be hanging out naked. Maybe waving your hands about your breasts and waist like one of Barker's Beauties showing off today's Showcase items.

[kristine]

If you don't go to BlogHer, please send your daughter. She has a future in it. She has all the elements:

1. drama
2. action
3. nakeness

[CursingMama]

All those comments that are so funny - I second them all! Now - go to school and ask the teacher about the things she's said about home. We were once informed that Princess was telling people how Mr. Motorcycle "likes the beer" - - fortunately CPS didn't show up. Or maybe that unfortunately, I guess it depends on the day.

[WannaBeMom/Katie]

Logan found out it was L E S B I A N conference?

How come *I* didn't know that?!?

(I hope you're going to Blogher, and even though we have no money because we need to buy a baby (ie, IVF), I might have to get a tee shirt and help support your trip. But only if you tell the truth about the showers and pillow fights.)

[clickmom]

Oh man, I live in fear of the dreaded journal. Every time I go to a parent teacher conference, my heart is in my mouth until I review the journal. Nothing is sacred. Stuff happens, and they see and hear all. Nothing gets past 'em.

[clickmom]

Oh man, I live in fear of the dreaded journal. Every time I go to a parent teacher conference, my heart is in my mouth until I review the journal. Nothing is sacred. Stuff happens, and they see and hear all. Nothing gets past 'em.

[Fred]

I don't know if I am more shocked that you think you are witty or that some of these insipid fools think you are. I need to vomit.

[Lil' Sis]

Wow. Fred needs to get a real email address and shut the hell up.

"Your message did not reach some or all of the intended recipients.
Subject: I don't think you even bothered to use
your real email.
Sent: 6/23/05 5:58 PM
The following recipient(s) could not be reached:
'Fred69@yahoo.com' on 6/23/05 5:58 PM
There was a SMTP communication problem with the recipient's email server. Please contact your system administrator.
"
I heart people.

I need copies of Maddie's drawings. I would totally frame them and hang them all in my living room. Would she design an album cover, do you think? She can write the liner notes...

-Miao.

[Amy]

I've never laughed so hard in my life. At least not at a blog entry.

[Helene]

LOL- At least she drew you with stick legs and no butt! :)

[LadyBel]

I was just wondering if Fred has a wife and if so, is her name by chance Stephanie and does she have a problem with feet? Just curious...

P.S. We should set up a PayPal account for Fred so we can all donate money for him to go get laid and lose the fuckin' attitude. Asshole.

[Heatheranne]

I don't think I want Andre to have a blog because as often as he tells me I'm mean, the world would think I'm a horrible person!

[Heatheranne]

Fred - If this site really makes you want to vomit, why are you here and why did you take the trouble to post a comment?

I don't know if I am more shocked that you think YOU are witty or that....No, I'm sorry, I guess you're the only person who thinks you're witty.

[DM]

Great journal entry, Maddie.

And obviously Fred has missed the point with this post. It's not about you (and us) thinking you're witty, it's that your child is witty! Get it right, Troll Boy.

[Flippy]

I wouldn't worry about it, guys who use "69" in fake or real email addresses are generally 12.

So, in the picture, where's Max, Maddie's savior?

[maia]

Shit, here I was hoping for my nightly fix and nothing. GET MADDIE ON PLEASE!!! ;)

(Hey people, don't waste your energies on a certain F... Just SO not worth the second of your day :)

[Bonnie]

My 9-year-old daughter just started her own blog. I keep waiting for something really embarrassing about me to show up on it.

[jilbur]

I'm envious that your daughter draws boobs on her stick people. Mine draws hers with ponytails going off the side of their heads, but no tits yet. She's still got me wearing triangle dresses.

[lyn]

I don't mind being called an insipid fool, I've been called a lot worse.