I Demand A Constitutional Amendment Banning Summer Vacation.

Tonight someone I know from Madison's school emailed and gave me a little update on her life. They're heading up north to their cottage for two weeks and in the second week her two girls will be going to camp from 9 until 5. When I read that I began crying because I actually think that might be the only way to save my children from me and me from my children.

I always hope when I write something about a situation I'm facing, like the never ending summer, that things will look different in the morning. Sometimes writing about things does help me to face them with a different attitude after I get it all out.

Unfortunately, this is not one of those times.

Tuesday we did attend Park Pals, and Max had a horrible meltdown so we had to leave after about 45 minutes. This was THE event of our week and he, not to blame him since he's just four and learning to control himself, but he ruined the entire God damned day.

I don't drive around muttering about things very much anymore, but I muttered the entire drive home that day. "All day you ask, 'what are we doing!?!?!' and when I take you to do something this is how you behave."

I think I still felt a little sore about how Tuesday's park date turned out and so today I decided to try out some of the recommendations left here earlier in the week. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what we did but I will say that I lugged the air pump and extension cord up from the basement. I lugged the giant pool out of the shed and opened it....finding a small colony of ear wigs. I squealed and sprayed and stomped and got them out. I filled the pool with air. Washed everything with bleach. Sweat my fucking ass off in this rancid humidity. Rinsed the pool several times. Noticed the air wasn't staying in the pool. Spent 20 or so minutes trying to locate the leak. No luck. Filled the pool with air. Moved the pool. Filled it with water. Filled the pool with more air. Got the kids ready for big fun for the fucking kids!

I have no other way to say this.

My kids, are incredibly annoying. When I think about the 20 minutes they spent in the pool today, not swimming, but rather standing in it. When Madison actually slipped and got wet....pool time was over just 20 minutes after it started. When I think about those 20 minutes they spent in the pool and the hours and hours they did staring at me all afternoon, wondering what they could do, I wince to admit this, but I hated them. For those hours this afternoon, I tried really hard to just accept that my kids don't know how to do summer. I tried to love them anyway.

But I fucking hate summer and I am trying really hard to remember what it is I loved about them. What did I love about them? Because I do remember loving them. I really do. I remember not wanting to hold them down in the wading pool screaming at them to have some God Damn Fun until they started to gleefully splash around.

I just hope I start to love them again. I know I will.

Madison's class assignment for next year arrived today. I am guessing that right around August 29th I'll feel madly and passionately in love with my children again.

I know it sounds just awful, and it is. It really is. It's not helping that Logan is gone from 6am until midnight each night. He does come home most of the time to eat dinner with the kids and for that I am eternally grateful.

He is physically exhausted and I worry about him. Not only that, he's so exhausted there is no room for anything else. I can't lean on him because he can't take one more commitment. When I explain to him how I hated them today. How I filled the pool and cleaned it and they spent 20 minutes standing in it and I just can't do this anymore. I can't face one more day doing this.

He says, "Yes you can."

Or I'll say, "Here's what happened I can't believe this! Who are these people we're raising?" and he'll say, "Well did you try a? Or b? What about c? You should just do c."

Which appears to be helpful except that a, b and c are always things I ALREADY DO and they are not working and the fact that he says that is so dismissive of the hard time I am having being responsible for these kids all the time. I crumble under the weight of that responsibility.

I tried tonight, before he left for work again, to explain it this way. "When you complain about a client, how helpful would it be for me to say, 'Well, did you tell him it just can't be done that way?' or did you try explaining to him it doesn't work that way? What about explaining your budget doesn't allow that? You should just tell him that." Because those are all things that really should work right? Those are the things which would diminish a lot of his headaches right now. But it's not how it actually works and for me to suggest these things would be a lot like saying "This is easy, figure it out. Here's how, why didn't you think of it!?"

But that is all he is able to give me right now because he's being pulled in 400 different directions. The effect is that I'm worried about him, I'm worried about me, I'm worried that I really am going to hate my children for the rest of forever and I feel emotionally abandoned.

I'm also worried this isn't PMS but is actual reality.

Comments

[Amanda]

I've read about a cure for hating your children - It was called VODKA. (No one can smell it on your breath!)

Every morning I just call each of my friends until one of them agrees to come over to my house with their children. Not being alone helps. A lot.

[julia]

It is so hard to be alone (i.e. w/o other adults) all day with kids. It just is. I'll be telling someone how soul-killing and mind-numbing and nerve-obliterating it is to be at home with my son all day and then I look at him and I think, "he's great. He's adorable. I love him." But you know? He's A KID and I am AN ADULT WOMAN and something about having him rely on me every second of every day just makes me want to spontaneously combust. Not every day. Some days are great. But some are rotten as hell.

Do you have any money in your budget to get a teenager to come over for a couple of hours, a couple of times a week? I know, I'm now the one hurtling useless advice, as if you hadn't thought of that yourself. But if it is at all possible, it may really help. $25 a week or so could save your sanity.

Last year my husband traveled for work and was gone from Monday 6am til Thursday midnight, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done -- there are no breaks, no one to talk to, no one, as you say, to lean on, or laugh with (or get me to laugh, which I needed!). So I know from experience what you're dealing with, having Logan be absent because of work. It was really fucking hard. I'm so sorry.

I think I'm supposed to add, "It will get better!" And well, it will, but I hate to sound all chirpy when you feel like crap today.

[Mir]

It's time to employ the sacred mommy mantra: "This too shall pass."

It really will, and that's not to say that something even suckier might not be next in line, but the great thing about motherhood is that whatever is causing your hair to go grey at THIS moment will be history before you realize it. You'll be on to the next crisis.

IN THE MEANTIME, get yourself the support you need, even if that support is 2 hours of babysitting a week so that you can come up for air. (If this is coming off like a "Well why don't you just do a, b, and c?" kinda thing, I'll apologize in advance....)

But for the right now? It sucks. Completely sucks. I hear you and I sympathize. And if you muttered in the van, you're a better woman than I am, because I would've RANTED and LOUDLY. Then I would have to put more money in the therapy fund and-- well, nevermind. ;) Hang in there.

[melissaS]

Best advice my ((((Gasp))))) mother in law ever gave me 'This too shall pass'. It always has, everything that has been horrible about parenting has passed eventually.

But right now, I don't want to go to sleep because I have to get up tomorrow and do this all over again and I don't want to. I want to feel differently but I don't and I'm seriously hoping once the pms passes I'll be able to think rationally and fix this.

The babysitter is a great idea, but I can't have everything I want you know? I"m going to California at the end of July and I just got a Rebel. Perhaps this is God's way of punishing me for having all the luxuries I really wanted.

[nicole]

is it too late to get them into camp?
your sanity IS worth the money, even if you have to go into debt.
lots of camps have scholarships, if you really don't have the money (that's how my mom always sent me).

[melissaS]

Oh God, no no no debt.

No. Debt.

No.

[Liz in Maryland]

You just took me back about 10 years. My girls are now 16 and almost 13, and when I look at young mothers, I try to remember what it was like to be there, in that moment. I think I have blocked it all out, but every once in a while I will flash-back to those times when I wanted to scream to the world how much I hated them and what the hell have I done?

I am now in the teaching to drive mode, with a driver's license test next week, and all I want her to do is go to her crib and take a nap, cause the thought of her driving all by herself scares the crap out of me. I guess it never ends.

[Jenn]

You know, it drives me batty enough when the *dog* stares at me for hours, as he does every night while I am working (he has himself on a schedule...stare at me from 10 - 12, or until I get sick of his staring and exagerated sighing and put him outside), I can only imagine the endless horror of facing "what are we going to do noooowww" day in and day out. I can't even take it from a dog! I'm sorry it completely sucks. I hope August 29th comes fast.

[Poppy]

My husband's a big fan of the "Did you try a), b), c)?" and it drives me fucking crazy. I tend to respond with, "Exactly how retarded do you think I am?" So irritating and so frustrating.

I've been trying to find a Mother's Day Out/Kid's Day Out program. They're usually operated through churches, and they offer a few hours of free or cheap childcare. The kids get some time out of the house to hang out with other kids, and you get some solo time without worrying about the money. I have myself convinced that such a program will solve all my problems. It's just a matter of finding one.

And I would have been screaming in the van, too.

[Kismet]

Our local parks and rec center have a kiddie camp every week from 1p-4p (for 4yos) and they have scholarships!!! He is signed up for almost every week!! Best 3 hrs of the day :)

~K!

[Amy]

"But right now, I don't want to go to sleep because I have to get up tomorrow and do this all over again and I don't want to."

Ah, yes, this is why I stay up until after midnight every night even though I require 8 hours of sleep to function. I stay up watching "24" DVDs and eating Oreos because getting up tomorrow is more of the same. I do find that getting together with other moms helps a lot, but getting up the motivation to call someone/chance being horribly rejected takes a lot of effort some days.

It's OK to hate them sometimes. I totally identify with that pool experience. I did something similar (without the earwigs - I think the pool was covered in slugs and I threw it out and dragged them to Target for a new one) and they just wanted to sit inside and look at the pool through the window.

[Lisa V]

Nothing funny, or even helpful to say. I have been there. I expect I will be there again. I am sorry you are there right now.
Do they have cheap afternoon movies? When I didn't have the damn 3 year old I used to take the older 3 to second run movies. My 3 year old won't sit through them though.

[maia]

Sigh.. If I could help you/trade off with you I would... My kids got off today and my plan is :

1. Mommy sleeps till 9.30. Do NOT wake her unless you are bleeding (profusely) or someone has stopped breathing. Or the house is on fire.
2. Each child responsible for dressing/feeding/brushing/making bed and feeding one of the animal (groups). Lounging. (My kids are 7,7, and 12).
3. Lunch. Outing. Cheap outings.. Parks, hikes, swimming, visiting friends and family. Getting OUT.
4. Dinner.
5. Free time in the yard playing with any of the 4 million kids who are just DYING to play at our house (see #3, getting OUT).
6. Snack, TV veg time and BED. Screw the fact they can stay up late. Half hour later and we will hopefully all be happy. (MOMMY NEEDS HER DOWNTIME DAMMIT!!)
When hubby is home (Ffighter who works 3 straight days/nights and then 5 off) try to get the heck out of here already...

My sincerest condolences to you with Logan working the killer hours. BTDT and it was brutal :( Perhaps making a do-able schedule for you and the kids will help. My mom (of 6) swore by our daily 'quiet times' (go to your room and do not make a sound and hopefully you will fall asleep) an hour each summer vacation. If she was lucky we all fell asleep.

Check out all the resources available BTW.. There is a summer program in the afternoons here offered by the community school. Free day program Mon-Fri from 1-4. The Y here also offers programs for children whose parents find it a stretch for $$. Swim lessons or what have you. Worth looking into. We also have a local Parents Place which was a GODSEND (and I don't believe in God) when my kids were really young. Free drop in/play center for kids and their parents, special stuff going on in the summers. Free. (I swear I would have lost my mind if it were not for that program when my son was a preschooler..)

Anyway. We hear you. Kids 24/7 is damned hard. Especially when the other half is not there for support. Hang in there Melissa, we are all rooting for you! (Pass the wine will you?)

[suburban misfit]

I am so sorry that you're feeling utterly backed into a corner right now.

Does it help at all for me to say that I've been there? And I completely understand? And that if I lived near you I would come and take your children from you for one whole day so you could nap and shower and read and drink and whatever?

I'm not going to add to the advice (though I think it's all coming from very well-meaning people who only want you to be happy) because I don't think you're looking for advice. I think you're needing to vent and needing someone to say, "I've been there, my kids are still alive, and you know what? I still love them."

I've been there, my kids are still alive, and you know what? I still love them.

[Wayne]

I probably say things like Logan that are meant to be helpful but really miss the point. Usually I get so wrapped up in the idea of having worked so many shifts in a week that I forget how insane children can drive you, how that's one everlasting shift, taking care of them.

I wish my wife and I could maybe share one job so that neither of us would be home all the time or working all the time. You know, I do twenty-five hours and she does twenty-five hours, and we get the same income, and the same job gets done. I think a lot of families could use something like this.

That's not meant as advice or some kind of social solution conjured to help you. I'm just saying, I read this post and sort of connected with it in my own way and thank you for writing it.

[mamaloo]

when i was similarly overwhelmed lately (with caveat, I only have one child, and my man comes home before midnight but falls asleep before 10) I actually wrote an ad for a boyfriend under Craigslist personals "Strictly Platonic" category or whatever the hell. It was cathartic. And I actually got some bites! Then fucking hotmail deleted them. Oh well, me and my man worked it out so I wasn't going to answer the bites anyway. I just wanted to work in the message, "Hotmail Sux!!"

[Bonnie]

Wow, does everybody's mother-in-law use that line about "This too shall pass"? I know mine does. There's a lot of truth to it, but there's also a lot of truth to this one: "The days drag, but the years fly."

I can completely relate to the desperation I hear in your post, and I wish that I could think of that 1 magical thing that I could tell you to do and you could do it and it would turn your life around. I'm sorry, but I can't. Just try to hang in there.

Hey, I just thought of something--when the kids ask "What are we gonna do today," have you tried turning it back on them: "What do YOU want to do today?" Maybe they might be more invested in an activity of their choosing? As always though, your mileage may vary.

[PaxilMama]

Three words: VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL.

Don't know if or what religion you are, but these cool camps are FREE for all. When I am signing my kids up late, because I do everything late these days, I casually mention that I'm Catholic and they MAKE ROOM for us!

Let them thump the bible at your kiddies while you have a sweeeeeeet break.

Try it. You'll like it.

[Leslie]

Melissa - I cannot tell you how RELIEVED I am to read the last two posts as I find much comfort knowing that I am not the only one who sometimes hates their kids. There are days when I want to yell, "Go outside and have some fucking fun!" to my kids (5, and 3) when they're stuck to me 24/7. It's exhausting, draining, frustrating, challenging. You know how it is.....

And I hate to say it, but I had to laugh at your quote, "my kids don't know how to do summer." Everything you wrote hit too close to home -- so glad to know that I'm not alone!!!

Hang in there!

[Eulallia]

I totally hear you. It is so hard having someone need something from me every freaking minute. If it's not the kids, it's the cats or the house or the husband... Here's a newsflash: I NEED ME TOO! I need to take a shower sometimes! I need to brush my teeth without someone wailing at me like they're going to die if I don't get them a cracker RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE. I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I definitely sympathize.

[kim]

Here's my saving grace: I have a part time job. I work in an english pub two nights a week. Know what? Eventhough they're drunk, they're older than 10 and they talk....like adults (for the most part). And I have work friends - who may or may not have children the same age as mine - but that's not what our connection is based around.

Do you know how refreshing that is?

Even if your income is equivalent to your daycare bill, it's worth it for the non-child interaction. Really.

Your loony bin will thank you for not further clogging up their admissions.

[Maddy]

Do you or Logan belong to a gym that has childcare? You could pretend to work out (just read a magazine on a bike and don't bother pedaling)? Or do some research on super cheap day camps in your area? I understand the money situation, but you shouldn't have to be miserable all summer. August is a long way off and you need a break before then!

It's so hard to be the sole adult responsibile for the kids the entire time. And yes, my kids have also acted the way you described. It sucks.

[Dawnan]

I have an idea--turn the tables on your kids. Tell them that they have to entertain YOU. They need to plan activities that involve sitting on the couch and not being outside. Then tell them that if they can't think of anything (which they probably won't), then they have to give YOU a pedicure ( with clear nail polish).

I am not making light of your situation AT ALL. My daughter is 2 1/2 and too young to reason with (or make her give me pedicures). If you read my blog from yesterday, you'll see that my daughter had the biggest meltdown of her life at a playdate.

[Pants]

It's tough to remember that I don't have to *solve* things all the time. Listening and understanding and empathizing are all that are required most times, I know. I'm a work in progress...

Don't let Ms. Suburban Bliss tell you otherwise -- she's a great Mom. Even if her black decroding heart does hold nothing but evil contempt for our adorable children, her loving care belies her just-below-the-surface desire to kill them.

I am a little worried about how much time she spends talking to our cats lately though.

[Lisa]

This may be a naive suggestion, but why not teach them to find entertainment for themselves? That's what we did as kids--I don't remember ever asking my mom to entertain me. Yours are young enough that it doesn't seem as if it would be too late to make that the habit for them. Probably more easily said than done, but it's just a thought.

Fun to see a Pants appearance in the comments! Hi, Pants!

[melissaS]

Yes Lisa, that was actually suggestion b from Logan. Easier said than done.

Do I need to teach them to play? I mean I don't remember needing to learn to play. I had choices in my house and neighborhood and I just did something. It's like they don't know how to play and I don't understand how that happened.

[Paul]

Been there. Understand completely. Two things worked well for me: Neighborhood babysitting co-op and play groups. Both are FREE. In addition to the benefits for your children, both will also hook you up with other adults who need and are looking for exactly the same thing you are. And remember, you are responsible for things like feeding your children, teaching your children and keeping them safe. You are NOT responsible for keeping them entertained. That's their job. Doing it for them does them a disservice and is counterproductive.

[DarkoV]

Kids are sponges. They've absorbed all of your pool time efforts, your cajoling, your (I'm assuming) funny patter, and their own (ridiculous) in-pool standing of 20 minutes. In 10-15 years they'll release all these memories back to you. Based on all of the entries that I've read, I'm sure their version of events will be hilarious, off kilter, and loving. Fight the good fight here; your efforts will be exponentially rewarded. Trust me, my wife & I are enjoying our returns now.
p.s. LOVE da pool, especially those pseudo-panels that let light in. Nothing like looking at life through egg-white viscuous panels. Their interpretation of these summer events have begun. I'll keep one eye on the national news in case I hear of "Mom drowns herself in kiddie pool. Kids think it was just another of her summer activities."

[Amy]

I am a working mom so you'd think that just the evenings and weekends would be filled with the joy of them missing me and vice verca. Instead by 10am on Saturday, I'm right where you are - with the feeling that instead of going to college I should have gone to clown school. Then this past week we moved, to a neighborhood full of young kids and all of a sudden I am free. They just run in the back yards with all the other kids and the mom's periodically look out to make sure everyone is still breathing. If you don't live in a neighborhood like this, find a friend with kids similar in age, she's suffering too, and take turns going back and forth to each others house. It will truly change your summer.

[buffi- now with blog!!]

I am so with you. My daughter gets mad now because when she says, "I'm bored," I tell her "Hi, Bored, I'm Mommy."

As far as Logan needing to give you the "solution" to your rantings, that just drives me absolutely batshit crazy! Kids are cranky? "Maybe you should make sure they get good naps." Geeee, ya' think? Naps never would have occured to me, because you see, I am new here. If I ever got a divorce (which I won't) it would be because of that.

[buffi- now with blog!!]

I am so with you. My daughter gets mad now because when she says, "I'm bored," I tell her "Hi, Bored, I'm Mommy."

As far as Logan needing to give you the "solution" to your rantings, that just drives me absolutely batshit crazy! Kids are cranky? "Maybe you should make sure they get good naps." Geeee, ya' think? Naps never would have occured to me, because you see, I am new here. If I ever got a divorce (which I won't) it would be because of that.

[Psycho Kitty]

Oh, boy. I think "This too shall pass" is the only thing that's gonna help, short of "Hey look! A big pile of money!" or "Free nannies!"--neither of which, sadly, I can say. Wish I could.

[Andrea]

One solution I've found is...get them sick. Yep, it's amazing how 103.5 degree fever will shut them up. I've had two days of Julia sitting on the couch just wanting to doze off and watch TV. Now the other two have it.

Good news, Julia and Max played together on Tuesday so this might just be in store for you too!!!!

[WindyLou]

VBS! YAY! Once the novelty of the garden wore off, my mother sent us to every free vacation bible school in the greater Memphis area. I had almost forgotten. She didn't care what church it was or what religion they decided to teach us for those three days. I guess she figured the damage control of un-saving my sister from the Born Again Baptist church (we aren't Baptist) was worth a few hours a day with no kids. The plus side is that we learned about alot of different churches too.

[melissaS]

last week of july....vbs through the church where Max attends preschool. Hopefully Marnie isn't sending So and So.

[christy]

Is your yard fenced? Try throwing them out there with some water and trail mix and locking the door. They'll figure it out.

OR! Tell them every time they ask what they are doing today, you will give them one chore to do.

"What are we doing today" *bing* "Sweep the floor!"

"What are we doing today" *bing* "Fold this laundry!"

"What are we doing today" *bing* "Scrub the bathtubs!"

I know Max is probably a little young for this but he may get the idea. And Madison is definitely old enough for a little pre-ball Cinderalla treatment.

[christy]

And now I realize that giving more suggestions may be exactly the wrong thing to do. So sorry if I am adding to the annoynace factor ...

[styro]

aww. *hug* Man, if i lived down the street I would SO babysit for an afternoon.

[Priscilla]

I was going to suggest Vacation Bible schools but see that others beat me to it.
I only signed my kids up for one and they did that two weeks ago. I thought about signing them up for more because I see the church's signs everywhere and the VBS are spread out over the entire summer!!
Good luck and hopefully you'll feel better soon.
As far as mumbling...I scream and I scream loud in the car on the way home from parties, stores, outings, etc. My kids probably think I am nuts at this point.

[Steph]

Been there and done that.....every day I wake up and choose to entertain all the kids in my house....my secret for keeping them busy is playdough....it's worth the hour of peace!!!

[ann]

melissa, does your public school system offer rec camp for kids? the program is typically 9-noon, home for lunch and then meet back in the afternoon for a very marginal fee. can you check and see if your town / school system / playground system / recreation office offers anything like that? i know in PA they do and also here in NJ ..... hoping for your sake it's not limited to my area! just an idea. :)

[Kate]

I hope your summer gets better! I watched the movie Spanglish the other day and and I think you look like Téa Leoni...:)totally random comment, but I couldn't get over the resemblance.

[Melting Mama]

Doingthesamethisrightthisverymomentandtryingnottogonuckingfuts.

:-D Fun. Summer fun, 24/7! Fun, fun, fun, now stop crying, damnit kid!!

::running away::

[SuzanH]

I know exactly how you feel--it's certainly not easy. I've tried to maintain my composure and end up muttering in another room about how I hate my fucking life and I hate my kid and I hate my husband.

I agree with the comment that said just call everyone you know until you can make a playdate. It doesn't have to be structured or anything, just come over and save my sanity is generally enough.

I've been debating VBS for my daughter and I'm thinking it'll happen. She likes to learn, so why not.

Hang in there. I know this MI weather sucks ass and doesn't help. Thank god for A/C.

[AMG]

That just plain, well, sucks donkey balls. But I really like Christy's suggestion:

"What are we doing today" *bing* "Sweep the floor!"

I recall my mother using a similar tactic on me when I was younger, and I quickly learned to entertain myself.

Another thing, and this is small and you may have done this already, is to go to a grocery store or furniture store and get some boxes. Big ones. Then give them some tape, markers, and scissors (or you use the scissors) and let them go crazy. Rockets, houses, boats - we build tons of shit out of just boxes. And best yet, it was free!

And I know several people have suggested getting a neighborhood teen to come over, but really, it doesn't have to be an older teen that you feel obligated to pay a lot of money to - a 12 or 13 year old is plenty old enough to help entertain them when you're around, and they'll usually do it for close to nothing. Like $10 a week.

[karla]

I am so there with you. My eight year old is constantly rolling his eyes, sighing and moping around complaining about how bored he is only to complain he is bored after 10 minutes at the park,zoo,etc. I am so jealous of my friends who have parents and big families to send their kids to in the summer. I would literally kill to be able to send my kid to a grandparent, aunt, hell even a distant cousin for a week.

[karla]

Did I say a week. I meant a month. The monster in question just moped by complaining that there's nothing on t.v. 127 channels and nothing. God help us all.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I'm sorry. Its hard to get the husbands to understand what you go through...

Do you have storytime at the library? We used to do that when we were little. That was pretty much the only thing we did.

Okay that and handing out cookies at the old people's home. Because we were cool like that.

I hope you feel better and they learn to PLAY soon!

[Lori]

Ah yes ... the lament of a young mom with young children. You are NOT alone. Everybody goes through it, whether their perfect asses would admit it or not, and it does pass. But the trick is surviving it. Although, in my personal, over 40-5 kids of my own between 23 and 4 1/2 years old, the problems just change. Have you tried MSN groups? I know they help me. If you want a recommend to a good one you can email. If not, I will be thinking of you and hoping you know you are NOT alone girl.

[notdonnareed]

You just totally validated my decision to not have any more kids. See, for a long time I thought the reason my son was so annoying and bored all the time was because I didn't give him a sibling to play with. But now I see that, if I had, there would just be two of him annoying the crap out of me, and that would really be unbearable.

You shouldn't feel bad for hating your kids. You should only feel bad if you actually tell them you hate them. It's lucky for me that I speak so many foreign languages. I can say "I hate you" in German, French, Spanish, and Russian. Believe me, it comes in handy.

I'm not going to give you any advice, because you've been doing this long enough to have heard it all. Just know that you're not a bad mother, and this really is the hardest job in the entire world.

[tex]

Did you write this post because you know I'm coming to town this weekend and are hoping I'll sign up for mutiple days a week with your babies while I'm there? OKAY! Enough! I'll take them!! You are sooooo pathetic that I'll probably just have them spend a week or two with me. Can you hold out until Sat. night? But I can't take Gary. I'm afraid he'll eat my dog.

[Carol]

Just saw a book i thought you might have written, "The Three Martini Playdate." Maybe it has some ideas... I am home with three kids and a husband who works 7 to 7. I can relate. ugh. I don't want to suggest anything because that would be like a man or someone saying you should get a job at starbucks. My mother in law always says "It's just a phase. A worse one will come along."

[jewelly]

I can't make it through all the above comments right now, so I don't know if anyone is suggesting this. And I know that you don't want to spend money BUT BUT BUT when I was younger and still too young to really baby-sit kids alone, a neighbor paid me just a small amount (I think it was $3/hour; this was in the early-90s) just to come over and supervise playing, usually outdoors, while she had some time to herself.

Meaning, she'd have made me clean and set up the pool and then watch the kids... which sounds like it would have been perfect for you that day. HOURS! For $6–$9!

So if there are any 11 year olds or so that in your neighborhood, talk to their parents! Its a great age for (some) kids to take on some responsibility (I loved that and the pocket money) and you can rest easy knowing someone is there to put out the small fires and come get you only for the big ones. I took my first Red Cross baby-sitting class at that age, you might see if any of those are offered in your area and look for potential candidates there, too.

[Linda]

Years ago this was sooo my story. I had 4 kids in 6 years.

"I've been there, my kids are still alive, and you know what? I still love them."

It is soo true. Hang in there and "this too shall pass."

You are not alone and I will not give you the abc's of what to do! (so irritating)

[robin]

i am a similarly CRANKY COMPLAINY ungrateful mommy (see my blog for details of a trip to boston), and can only offer this. it seems like i have the best time with my kids when i don't plan something majorly kid oriented. the best times i've had that come to mind (and please keep in mind that i am truly a really unhappy being at home kind of mom) are going to a botanical garden (lots of running around, no other screaming kids), riding the subway in Boston (again, see my blog under CRANKY post), and, um, let's see, swimming in a heated pool. after seven years, that's about what comes to mind. my kids are in camp/daycare, and i see you are averse to that, but you might think about giving a week of it a try to see what it feels like.

i'm a new reader and applaud your courage in ranting to the fullest extent. you sound exactly like i feel, but i always feel too guilty and ungrateful to get it all out on the table. i'll keep reading.

[necole]

I so know how you feel. I am divorcing and have joint custody so I get every other week 'off'. On the weeks I don't have them I miss them and think of all the great things we could be doing. Then I get them and they act like they are the spawn of the devil and I get so mad and I cry cuz this is the only time I get with them. My son is 4 and my daughter is 6. Don't feel alone and know that those feeling are not abnormal. Things are not like they were when I was a kid. We played outside from morning until the street lights came on. Now kids need constant entertainment, tv and video games. It SUCKS!

[Alexis]

Reading the above comment, I remember doing much the same when I was about 10 or 11. A neighbor paid me $5 for an entire afternoon of "watching" her children while she did what, I don't know. Probably beat her head against a wall. I would have been playing with the kids, anyway, so getting money PLUS afternoon snacks was a bonus! Now to find a loser neighborhood pre-teen with no friends her own age, and lure her in with a bag of Oreos...

I'm not a mom, so I can't say I know what you're going through. It does sound awful. After an afternoon of pool-scrubbing and bug-killing, I'm pretty sure I'd hate my kids a little bit, too. I've been a full-time nanny before, though, and hated other people's kids at times, so if you need a surrogate kid hater, I have experience!

[melissaS]

Robin, Oh My God...I am NOT adverse to daycare or summer camp or day camp.....at all.

Even though Logan works every second of every day we don't have disposable income generally speaking and we don't use credit.

Also I must have accidentally sold that money tree we used to have in the basement in the yard sale. Oops!

[Torrie]

We live in a different world than our parents did. Usually families lived in the same neighborhood, if not the same block. They would all help take care of each others' kids.
This whole idea that the mother should be able to handle the kids by herself is bullshit.
Also the majority of husbands back than worked 9-5.
They weren't working 60 hours a week AND going on busuiness trips all of the time.

[Sioban]

Melissa:
My oldest was (is) a "spirited child!" Which is a nice way to say she melts down at anything that overstimulates her! Family reunion...this is a guaranteed meltdown! Movies...the sound level would cause a meltdown! Girl Scouts...running around and being with kids would cause a meltdown!
The good news is I learned to anticipated it (most days) allow her to emotionally vomit and then once she is done and I have "cleaned up".....she is fine. She is now 15 and has an occasional teen meltdown! Fun!
I know you didn't ask but I found this book to be very helpful....Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic -- by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
Hang in there...sending hugs!

[melissaS]

Read it! And also The Highly Sensitive Child (really really helpful.....)

[M.A.]

Hi, Melissa -- I'm new, and wanted to say I love your writing! It's fun, too, because I'm (somewhat) local (Plymouth), so I feel like we're neighbors. Your outlook on mommyhood is refreshing and real. Not a parent myself -- but I do feel your pain. I remember bugging the crap out of my Mom all summer: "I'm BOOOOOORED..." Hang in there... eventually I discovered boys or books or something and got out of her hair!

[amy]

Long time reader, first time poster.

Can I offer a bit of assvice from the other side? I'm a working mom (part-time, but still work pretty long hours some weeks) and it KILLS me not to spend gorgeous summer days with my kids. I just spent this morning with my one-year-old (dr. appointment), but then had to drop her with the sitter (who already had my 4 year old). They were headed off to have lunch at a cute little neighborhood restaurant with some other sitters and little kids. It was miserable to drive off, leaving them there, and head to my office.

That's not to say that I don't hear your complaints or think they are valid. Since I spend 2 days a week home with my kids, I know all too well how long and tedious a day can become with two small children. I dread those days when its too hot/cold to play outside and we're left stuck indoors, with only my limited imagination to entertain all three of us. I count the minutes until nap time and practically cheer when my husband walks in the door at the end of the day, and I feel like I can respectably pour myself a drink.

What am I trying to say? I have no idea. But I have to tell you that sitting here, at my work computer with my kids off in the park in the care of another woman, I'd much rather be there with them, heat, humidity, whining, and all, than stuck in this damn office on a beautiful summer day. Try to enjoy it, as best you can. It doesn't last long.

[Kelly]

Didn't you write like this exact same post last summer?

[momisold]

Can I tell you something I am trying concerning my child's behavior? Well, I guess I will whether you say yes or no.

I won't go into the LONG history of his behavior problems, but I read a book called "Transforming the Difficult Child, The Nurtured Heart Approach". Also went to a seminar about it. I am just now starting to implement the total approach, but I've been using parts of it for a month and am seeing some improvements. I won't go into the details. You can see more at www.difficultchild.com. Email me if you would like more info.

Having to deal with misbehaving children is draining, tiring, depressing and de-motivating (is there such a word?). I find my son and I have more fun together when we are both "behaving".

We also are on a limited income. Right now I can't recall where you live so I don't know what is available to you. But in Houston there are lots of free things to do. The museums have one day a week they charge no admission. The library has weekly story time and extra things to do in the summer, like craft afternoons, movies, etc. We even have a free live theatre that presents children's programs. The Loew's by me has a free movie every week for kids. I just pay for myself. I've put myself on all kinds of email alerts, mailing lists, etc to get notified of all that is going on in the city.

You know, raising children gets romanticized just like most other things like love, marriage, etc etc etc. When you are in the trenches daily, it doesn't always look so pretty. But I can tell from your writings that you have alot of creativity, passion, humor and love. Don't be so hard on yourself, and find ways to help show those wonderful qualities to your family. They are lucky to have you!!!!

[Bettsi]

Here I am-comment 65 and I doubt you'll thank me for my unsolicited advice. My kids grew up in apartments and there was always a pool. We would pack a big bag of juice and snacks and spend all morning there. You could do the same thing with a lake. Don't entertain them. Bring a book for yourself and expect them to entertain themselves. Bring shovels and stuff and ignore them. They should wear themselves out by lunch time. Go home, eat lunch, have "quiet time". It worked with my kids. Good luck. It does pass. Before you know it they will be teenagers and they'll be too busy for you!

[melissaS]

Uhm, Kelly? Yes, yes I did. And I'm writing it Every. Single. Summer for the rest of my life. At least last year I made it to Mid July.

[melissaS]

Oh my God, I really did write the exact same thing last year. But look, last year it didn't strike until July 30th!

Which is great because it has struck within the second full week of summer vacation. Which means I'm having a breakdown now....and I can keep having a breakdown for TWO WHOLE MONTHS! Instead of the one month of meltdown I had last year.

Great news!

[Camera Obscura]

Oy. That sounds like I used to. Except that #2-Son is autistic and I couldn't even go hide in the fucking bathroom. I'm very much glad they're older now, and I told Daughter the other day that if I found out I was pregnant again now, I'd probably sit down and cry for a month. (Hell with that, I'd probably terminate. An autistic and an almost-Aspergers is enough for one family, I think.) Seriously though, find somebody who can take those kids for a couple of hours and not hand them back just because they've had a meltdown.

And if Logan gives you shit, announce that you've made an appointment with the psychiatrist and you hope he doesn't recommend a facility... (grin)

>1. Mommy sleeps till 9.30. Do NOT wake her unless you are bleeding (profusely) or someone has stopped breathing. Or the house is on fire.<

(grin) When #1-Son started babysitting his sibs, he would occastionally call because of something obnoxious (like, "I can't get the timer on the stove to turn off, and I'm going crazy" -- he's a "Highly Sensitive" too). We refer to the above comment at "The Four B's": Bleeding, Broken bones, Burning, or Burglary. He and Daughter are under threat of death if they interrupt a "date" for any other reason. Tossing-of-cookies was deemed acceptable, tho. I don't expect an 11-year-old to clean up her own mess.

[wookie]

Hooray for vodka?

Okay, since alcoholisim is imminent at least in my family, I can't drink. I think our kids are similar in how far apart the siblings are in age, I'm a year or two behind you (so I've got one who isn't walking, but is still breastfeeding every two-three hours :p). We found the splash-pad (wading pool at the park) worked pretty well. Mine won't get in the damn water either but begged for water-wings (Hooray dollar store). Basically, anywhere we can go with sand, a lawn-chair, and a cooler full of water at least kills an hour. If there's other kids around to play with, bonus.

There's also the library, which is air-conditioned and free. Ours even lends out videos and leap-pad books. I've even walked mine through the mall in endless permutations, just for the AC (we're on some bizarre energy conservation "alert" that states we shouldn't use power until 8:30pm. In the middle of this heat-wave)

It is just burning the daylight though, isn't it?

[Becky]

Sorry -- hit a wrong button. But how we kill time is:
1) Take a ride on the city bus to anywhere -the library, the hot dog stand, etc. They love it.
2) Summer reading programs at the library
3) Find one of the pop-jet fountains that outdoor shopping centers have and run around in it
4) visit every public swimming pool we can find
5) drop in daycare at the local rec. center
6) Some movie theaters show old kid movies in the summer for $1
7) Get moving boxes at Home Depot for a few bucks and have them build a playhouse in the basement
8) Hit the garage sales on Friday morning. give the kids a dollar or two and turn them loose. Cheap entertainment.

Good luck!!!

[mrsmogul]

I never got to go to summer camp! I was deprived!

[amy]

I love the suggestions from Bettsi and Becky. My mom always suckered me and my brother in with a couple a dollars to spend at a garage sale or the Dollar Store. I have to agree with Bettsi about letting them entertain themselves. Too many stay at home moms agonize over finding something to do or interacting with their children ALL the time. My mom wasn't a stay at mom (neither am I), and she still expected that we find ways to occupy our time on our own. This is not to say that she never played with us; she did quite often. She just expected us to use our own imagination, too. Your kids won't hate you or die if you plop them on the floor with some craft supplies, flour and water dough, cornstarch and water (the best!), glue and wood, etc. You might try setting a timer when you do this, and tell them that they ONLY have ______ minutes to work, then they HAVE to go onto doing something else (you know, reverse psychology and all). I used to make my own books - your daughter might like that from the looks of her school journal:)

[amy]

I love the suggestions from Bettsi and Becky. My mom always suckered me and my brother in with a couple a dollars to spend at a garage sale or the Dollar Store. I have to agree with Bettsi about letting them entertain themselves. Too many stay at home moms agonize over finding something to do or interacting with their children ALL the time. My mom wasn't a stay at mom (neither am I), and she still expected that we find ways to occupy our time on our own. This is not to say that she never played with us; she did quite often. She just expected us to use our own imagination, too. Your kids won't hate you or die if you plop them on the floor with some craft supplies, flour and water dough, cornstarch and water (the best!), glue and wood, etc. You might try setting a timer when you do this, and tell them that they ONLY have ______ minutes to work, then they HAVE to go onto doing something else (you know, reverse psychology and all). I used to make my own books - your daughter might like that from the looks of her school journal:)

[Sarah]

I'm not a mom but I could only imagine how I would feel with two kids looking at me to entertain them. I get stressed out when I have to entertain myself for a week. I'm a librarian and we have tons of families coming in just so they can get out of the house for a second. They are sometimes annoying kids and they get on my nerves. But today after reading your post I made and effort to make sure they had coloring sheets and quiet toys to play with and I tried to stay close by the kids area so the mom's could get away for a second and read the paper or a magazine. So see your cry for help is helping out moms in Georgia. I'm gonna be a little nicer to moms and quit griping about their kids. Good luck with the rest of your summer.

[Angel]

You don't know how much better this made me feel. Between summer already being half over, and a health problem I'm having, I'm feeling the same way. My kids are great, really, sweet and loving, but they are driving me insane (and this is with my husband working at home too!). And now they are at their grandma's for 4 days THANK GOD. And thank you Melissa, really, I was crying about this yesterday. You so totally rock. I owe you a Godiva chocolate martini.

[Alecia]

I'm a mean wicked mama. But this has worked for me since we adopted our kids 4 years ago...the word bored=chores at our house. Sooo if a kid is "bored" they get to weed or sweep or whatever age appropriate torture I can think up. This also goes for friends. :) I know, I'm evil. So my kids have trained their friends to NEVER say they are bored. If a kid is moping around the house I try to coax the word bored out of them. Sometimes I even beg them to say it. Sometimes they laugh and go play and other times they give me the kid equiv of fuck you--the eye roll...which get this...also equals chores at our house! It's a win-win for me.

Basically, it's taught them that I AM NOT A CRUISE DIRECTOR. I plan a couple of activities a week, they can have friends whenever (which is easier as they get older) but THEY HAVE TO COME UP WITH THE FUN! They are kids...it's ALL they have to think about on a given day. That and vodka/cran with lime twist and I'm good most days.

[julia]

Hey, yeah, what was I thinking yesterday? How about a childcare swap? Do you have any friends with two kids anywhere near your kids' ages? If so, take hers for three or four hours one day -- with kids as old as yours maybe that won't even be such a bad thing because they'll entertain each other -- and then the next day you drop yours off at her place.

I occasionally do that with a friend of mine, but ours are toddlers and I must admit I sometimes think it's more wearing and that the day ON just makes me wiped out and lazy on the day OFF.

[Jenn]

God, Melissa, I am sorry you are going through this right now. I've BTDT and we know how that turned out for me.

I won't offer advice or suggestions. You've gotten tons. Just know I am still around if you ever need to talk and unload on a friend.

[elizabeth]

I have no idea what you're going though and can only imagine it. From all the comments though it seems like you're not alone.

My sister must be going through a similar summer slump. She's a teacher and a single mom with a 7 yr old. Lately, my niece has been freaking out during thunderstorms and they had a doozy in Dearborn yesterday. So what did my sister do? She had my neice call me at work. We talked for almost an hour while my sister watched Oprah. And by talked I mean that every third question was "So what are you doing now?" Even with me on the phone my sister couldn't get away. My neice kept asking her if a tornado was coming yet. It's at times like this that my sister threatens to send my neice out to Cali on her own.

[Lori]

may be assvice and other people have suggested it, but some ways to fill in SOME time (well, maybe an hour or two) --
Borders and Barnes and Noble have free story times
probably the library does too
swim classes at the Y? Are they expensive? I know we did them when we were kids so it couldn't have been that expensive...
good luck. I feel your pain, and I just need to get through the weekends since I work during the week.

[lindsay]

No advice.

Just: SHIT FUCK DAMN
(Repeat, repeat, repeat.)

[christy]

I love whoever said "I am not a cruise director." That's hilarious. Make t-shirts.

[Pam]

Might I suggest a new t-shirt design or something for Cafe Press? Perhaps one with the slogan, "Buying this t-shirt bought Melissa one hour of peace in the summer."

Or something.

[S]

I don't guess you'd like to work outside the home? I don't go back far enough to know what you studied or did pre-kids. Anyway, that way you HAVE to put them into camp during the summer, AND you have the money to pay for it. No?

[karyn]

Oh Melissa, I'm sorry it is so hard for you right now. I can sympathize with you about just wanting to love your kids and have them happy and enjoying life. It is so hard to parent, especially when your sig. other is away most of the time.

Right now I am listening to my kids scream at each other. The oldest (3) lets the littlest (1) play with her until some perceived slight, then all hell breaks loose. I just read about a kids' t-chirt someone saw that reads "My Mommy drinks because I cry." It seems terribly apropos at the moment.

Anyway, just rambling and have no assvice for you, but wanted you to know that I relate. ALso, we have had 100mm of rain in the past 3 days. So I get to be INSIDE all day! Whee!

[sunny]

I'm so sorry you're drowning right now. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, or some magic fairy powder sprinkle to make all the days of the summer about 1 hour long, or something.

All I can think of is my mother (no kids here, and not for a while, I think), and how my mother would have handled these feelings. And really? I'm not sure how comfortable you are about scrunching up your face and yelling at your kids to "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, JUST GET OUT OF THE FREAKING HOUSE UNLESS YOU WANT MOMMY TO HAVE A STROKE. AND DON'T COME BACK IN FOR 3 HOURS!"

I know it sounds harsh, but we are pretty good at entertaining ourselves now.

[lyn]

remember, they are only young once. it goes so fast. i agree with whomever said, give them the tools and then let them entertain themselves. picnics in the park. always worked for me. let them help make the sandwiches... how about the book store? there were once story hours. are there still? there is so much free stuff to do, you are the MOM, figure it out. it sucks sometimes. i hated being the cruise director, but the summer passes much too quickly. goodluck

[Cara]

Oh god, me too.

[suburban misfit]

Things I thought of while reading the comments:

1."Painting" the house with paintbrushes and water.
2.Homemade play-dough (recipes abound on the interweb); it's cheap, you can throw it away when they're done, and if you don't add food coloring, it won't destroy floors, carpets, or clothing.
3.I second and third the huge cardboard boxes ideas. If you call Best Buy or someplace that sells fridges, they could set aside some boxes for you. They don't even have to still be box-shaped (what the hell is duct tape for, anyway, if not to make a box back into a box?).
4.Again with the seconding and thirding: library storytimes and Borders...I'm sure other bookstores do them. Sometimes with crafts! Ones you don't have to prepare!
5.Sprinkler in the front (or back) yard, but set on really, really, really low speed. Barely shooting water is what I'm talking about.
6.If there's no thunder or lightening, let the little shits--I mean--darlings play in the rain. Barefooted, even.
7.Treasure hunts are marvelous. Make them as easy or as difficult as you want. I even make up the maps at night when I'm watching TV. Have the prize be something like ice cream or a movie (at home, of course).

Hang in there.

[hippiechic]

Dollar store....water balloons and water guns. Dollar Tree here has them for a buck each. NICE guns, too! My kids have been playing with them for days. And these are kids who normally sit in front of a tv playing video games all day. I think most kids have forgotten how to "play"...it's not just yours!

[Nicole]

Oh My God! You just told the story of my life! When did you peek in my windows? Was I nude? Sorry.....LOL!

[Jackie]

Oh my God, I have so much to look forward to with my one year old, don't I?

One thing, at least for your daughter--I know you've mentioned her shyness before but she might still be up for it: check out your local Girls Club or Girls Inc. I was the computer, science, and leadership teacher at one a few years ago. It's relatively inexpensive and really a great environment for the younger kids. Also some parents can get a discount...I know you have gotten eight million suggestions but I didn't see this one anywhere.

I am so glad to see that I am not the only "evil mommy" out there. Some days when I am home with Leila I feel like I can conquer the world; others I'd like to drown myself. Your blog and others like it have helped me so much!

[leigh]

I'm in the same boat with my 3 year old twins. not sure if they off in your area but it's worth a shot - How about free movies for kids at your local movie theater? I stumbled on this the other day. The "big name" theater chains in our area (United Artists, Showcase Cinemas, AMC) have kid movie days every tues or weds at 10 am. All the movies are free and you get to zone out in peace and air conditioning.

[Debbi]

Oh Dear God, it's in my house too!! The kids won't go outside to play because "It's too hot!!" My dh won't let us HAVE a swimming pool, even the baby ones, because of his precious lawn....

We did plant a pumpkin patch though! And we have blossoms! I also use the "Clean up your room!" as a break.

When I was little, my mom had a square tissue box (empty of course) that she filled with little scraps of paper she wrote random words on. Toilet paper, alien, panty hose... whatever. if she ever heard us say we were bored, we had to pick a piece of paper and write a story about it. That'll get them to never say "I'm bored!!" around you again. Fyi- I actually had to write a story about those words above, it wasn't just off the top of my head! How do you write a story about toilet paper?!?

[Suze]

Not to be redundant to all the other great comments you've gotten, but I totally hear you. I called my husband at work yesterday to tell him that I couldn't do this (be at home with Toddler D and Baby A) anymore. It's not good for me. It's not good for them. Of course, then I would need to find a job. Heh. I probably will -- part-time, though.

The worst is when things aren't going well and you do something to try to make it better and that doesn't work either. I've wanted to scream at the toddler for things just like that.

[Debra]

I just bumped into your site tonight and can't get off of it...it's great. Just read about how you are hating summer. Well, my NINE kids are finally almost all grown but they all remember (and harbor a bit of resentment) at how I used to make a big smiley face on the calendar in late August, first day of school...and write "happiest day of the year"....

Then in late May, last day of school, I'd draw a big frowny face....and write "saddest day of the year". I HATED summer....mostly because they were all home, or at least all the ones still living at home were home...and all BORED... or sleeping. You'd think I'd be glad to have them sleeping, right? Out of my way and all that, and yeah, I was, but it irritated me at the same time.

oopps back to the subject at hand. Summer. It gets better when kids get grown. I almost like it now. Only one kid left and she even drives herself.

[Miranda]

((Melissa)) It's going around. I took in an extra kid for the last two days so I had five kids ages 11, 10, 9, 7, and 3 running amok WITH A BIG ASS THUNDERSTORM SO THEY HAD TO MOVE THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THREE BEDROOMS INTO MY LIVING ROOM AND SCREAM FOR AN HOUR. They couldn't understand why I thought not being able to travese one side of my house to the other was a problem for me.

The problem is that we are supposed to be so blissfully fullfilled with cooking, cleaning, and kinder all the f*cking time. Naturally, because we are all smart women who have had lives at one point or another, we don't feel fullfilled by endless rounds of entertaining the wee babes. Thus the soul crushing guilt. My grandma notes that she at least had a support network. Most moms I know today don't have one. Somehow, I think we have become distrustful of others and are afraid to admit our frailties to others and try and get that support.

I'm near you (F. Hills) and can empathize with the lack of viable affordable options. Star Southfield has free movies for the kids on Wednesdays at 11pm. Next week is Shrek. I second VBS although I've always had to pay a nominal fee to get my kids in it. I belong to local mom's group (not affiliated in anyway with the one you were in) and they sometimes have play groups. Otherwise, I'm on my own.

My youngest is still awake. I've broken into my stash of three buck chuck to try and get through the evening.

[Anna]

Melissa,
Not trying to be rude here but I was wondering about your California trip.

Is that a total vacation or is it combined with something you have to do anyway (visit relatives etc...) or is it free or really cheap.

If its not free or really cheap or a compulsory visit with relatives, is it worth it to have one week of vacation vs the kids in camp for the summer? I am not trying to be snarky, I just wondered if it is just so worth it to you that you can suffer through the summer to get the big reward?

[elisabeth]

first off, I am sorry. It will get better in the years to come, but for now....well, I know it just sucks ass. We termed the 4 yr old year "the fucking fours" because it was SO much worse than the "terrible twos".

Tonight at dinner I was telling a story but my crapassed day and Tim interupted saying "what he would have done differently" and I shot straight back to him with "I WAS TELLING A STORY NOT ASKING YOUR GODDAMN ADVICE" and that shut him up. ahem.

To everyone who has great free ideas, I say eh. They are work. With kids who may or may not cooperate. I often think the idea of a museum visit or a storytime is great, but better yet is kids playing happily in the yard together while I dip my coffee and read the paper. I'm guessing Melissa may feel the same way. The ONLY thing that works marginally well here and involves v little effort from me is when we invite kids over who are the same ages as my kids, so they each have a playmate. Not a playdate where the moms hang out and chat mind you (although those are good also) but kids over to play, then the next time it is her turn and *I* get to leave my kids at her house. I love that. That and beer and vodka slushies on the porch.