"...or you'd be dead!"

I don't like a lot of people, but then, there are a lot of people I do like.

My weekend was full of a lot of people I like.

We spent Sunday at a friend's parent's cottage on the water.

Stephanie is my friend with all the lovely furniture. She also has a set of lovely parents who I try not to lick when we're together.

I had to try really hard not to lick them at this barbeque because it was a pretty nice way to spend a Sunday. Our kids played so pleasantly together, although Max is unable to walk without tripping and he believes the tripping is related to his shorts so WHY DO I MAKE HIM WEAR SHORTS?

The adults played nicely together too, although, when the girls gave me a yellow necklace and named me "The Queen" Stephanie was understandably overwhelmed by this turn of events.

Mr Gillette makes a lovely fire and also makes the most delicious, fall-off-the-bone ribs I've ever tasted. He also makes a delicious vodka/lemonade drink, which he claims is a secret recipe.

It's a secret I now possess, but I won't share it. Not now anyway. You'll wish I would. You'll beg me to, but I won't.

Really the only bad thing about my weekend was this odd creature from the parade we attended on Monday.

Oh and the 8 year old who yelled off a float in a Memorial Day Parade (you know, the holiday which honors SOLDIERS and veterans): "I'm glad you weren't aborted, or you'd be dead!"

I erupted into near hysterical laughter at that point because what the hell? What. The. Hell?

I'm not even discussing the validity of the argument. Yes, he's happy we weren't aborted because we'd be dead now. Hooray for him.

It was all so....."festive"!

Comments

[TK]

I am forced to de-lurk by the HILARIOUS comment by that 8-year-old. I am hysterically laughing just hearing about it second-hand.

What. the. FUCK??!!!

Anyway, you and your blog are utterly awesome!

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I wish I could have yelled back "I wish your mother had aborted you, you little prick!"

HA!

[Mabissam]

I'd be dead? I wouldn't exist actually.
Ah, to be 8 again, when I knew everything.

[Camera Obscura]

Not to be freakin' philosophical, Mabissam, but as the twig is bent...

Anyway, sounds like a much better time was had last weekend for thee than me. And ok, I'm begging:

Gimme, gimme, gimme the lemonade and vodka drink recipe. Please? Pretty please? I was allowed to drink nothing but Margaritas-from-a-bottle and bad fake Australian beer all weekend. And I missed the ribs I'd been looking forward to for weeks.

[Michelle K.]

Dude, I think that blue ape-y thing might be one of Choppable's relatives. Way the heck creepy!

[Regina Walker]

I just found your blog and I love it!!

[amy]

Sounds like a great weekend!
When the hell did anti-abortionists become a fixture in parades? Same crap happens here.

[Tuesday]

What an odd 8 year old.
Gotta love parades.

[briantologist]

That's like shouting, "I'm glad nobody crapped on you, or you'd be covered in crap!" Technically it's true, but ... good god. Remember our descent into a national dark age. Or just drink away the brain cells in charge of remembering it.

[clickmom]

I'm glad your mother didn't abort you too. You make me laugh often and hard. Y'know the apple never falls far from the tree, so watch out for the 8 year old's parents, probably really really scary.

[styro]

God, there's a reason granpappy always told me, "Don't'ch'all never go to no damn parades without yer BB Guns, gawddamnit!"

*puff*puff*puff* PING! "ow!"

YEAH MOTHERFUCKER THAT ONE WAS FOR YOU! TAKE IT, YOU LITTLE EIGHT YEAR OLD PUSSY!

Your weekend looked fantastic. I especially liked the green sunglasses. HAWT.

[ninox]

Oh damn... laughing too hard already, and then styro had to put me right over the edge with that "TAKE IT, YOU LITTLE EIGHT YEAR OLD PUSSY!" line. If it just wasn't so *wrong*, I'd go find an obnoxious eight year old and use it on them. Now I'm just doomed to have the line tickling away inside my head, begging to be used.

When I get arrested for harassing some poor, innocent child, I'm *so* calling you for help with bail, stryo.

[Nicole]

I really like how Max is blaming his tripping on his shorts...which sounds scientifically impossible to me, unless he's running around high-stepping like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader...

[Phil]

"cottage." That even *sounds* comfortable.

[L.]

Is the secret in the secret vodka/lemonade recipe something awesome, like club soda? Or is it something even better, like slightly "Whoa...that's intense. But I'd like another" crazy. HERE'S HOPING IT'S HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE!

"I'm glad you use a catheter! Otherwise we'd have to find you some new pants, Uncle Bo!"

Maybe Max has phantom pant legs ala phantom limbs, like amputees? In which case, I think that's awesome and Robert Rodriguez should develop an action movie around that because I would see it, even in 3-D.

You're still Blue Ribbon quality!

[mamaloo]

I am glad I drink. Otherwise, I'd be sober.

[Anon]

Ok. What is it with the anti-choice people and the "be glad your mother didn't have an abortion" thing.

Would they say, "be glad that your mom didn't decide to call her friend Judy, instead of getting friendly with your Dad, that one night or YOU'D BE DEAD"

or "Be glad your Dad didn't fall asleep watching the baseball game that night or YOU"D be dead"

Guys, conception is just a lucky chance. None of us might be here if it were not for the oddest of chances (hey if your mom misses her bus one day, maybe you'd never have been here)

What exactly is this argument all about?

[DM]

I think that purple thing is even scarier than clowns.