So briefly you're going to be pissed.

You might want to go look at my flickr photos from this weekend. Well, actually mainly you should look at the ones from last night.

Last night we attended a party at Andrea's house and it was an amazing time. Logan and I have decided to sell all our earthly possessions and move into Andrea's neighborhood. Where, not only are the neighbors nice and chatty and fun, they're also people you might actually want to talk to! This is very different from our little neighborhood, less than half a mile away, where if the neighbors talk to you...you might want to avert your eyes.

Unfortunately, we can't afford Andrea's neighborhood at this time, so we're going to become squatters.

I have more to say but holy mother of God. My kids totally kicked my ass today and since tomorrow marks our first day of summer "vacation", I must go to bed now.

Tomorrow, more. I promise.

(I'm amazed how much goes into buying and wearing a bra. I can't take this....we need to live in an apartment without undergarments because I don't have the energy for this.)

((Happy Father's Day to Logan. While I was in labor with Madison, I, you know, pooped on the delivery table and the thing that makes Logan an awesome father is how he mentions that fact, repeatedly. Also, he changed Maddie's diaper for the first 6 weeks while I was a ball of hormones and he fell in love with Maddie at least 6 weeks before I was able to do the same. I love him.))

Comments

[Phil]

Perhaps I'm drawing incorrect conclusions via your selective photo posting, but near as I can tell you had something like 10 bottles of wine for 6 people. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I hate buying bras. Last time I was at Victoria's Secret the sales girl was so appalled at how ill-fitting my current bra was that she called over the other employees to stare at my breasts and talk about my poor choice in undergarments. Evidently buying the right bra is right up there with nuclear engineering in complexity.

Not my favorite pasttime.

[hippiechic]

Hey now I was browsing dooce's slideshow and I see a picture of both her and Jon licking the Nikon lens cap. I couldn't help but think of you and wondered if they were in some way taunting you.

[Flippy]

Phil, you probably need a lot of bottles of wine to go with the hair eating. I mean, you just can't wash the stuff down with plain water.

[Strizzle]

I want a momtini thong-tank top set. heh

[Mir]

How does one bring up pooping on the delivery table repeatedly?

"Logan, could you take the trash out?"
"I dunno, could you not poop on the delivery table?"

"Logan, pass me the salt, please."
"Hey Melissa, remember when you pooped on the delivery table?"

"Would you like some lunch, Logan?"
"More than I'd like delivery table poop, yes."

I'm perplexed. Are these the conversations that take place in your house?

[jilbur]

For Jennifer: that low-down ho in Victoria's Secret should be keel-hauled. Their bras, by the way, are absolute shit. Overpriced and, generally, horrendous quality. No lingerie fitter worth her spandex would work in that place.

Now on to the more dominant topic: Every woman poops while pushing a baby out of her vagina. If anything's in there, it's coming out. Pushing a baby out is in itself, after all, just a very specialized form of pooping. I kid! but not really. C'mon. Is there anything that birth resembles so much as the taking of an enormous bloody baby-shaped dump?

[momisold]

I hate to bring up Oprah, but she recently did a whole show on bra fitting. The latest edtion of her mag has a layout about it, or you can see it on her website.

Funny, the man at Walmart who offered to help me find a bra that fits didn't have a nametag on. Maybe that's why I look so bad in my Playtex special.

I love your writings. I have just started with a blog, but haven't had the courage to myself out there yet.

[Andrea]

Where are the other 513 pictures from the party? Well at least that is how many Logan SAID he took, I would bet you can at least double that number.

And at final count, we went though 33 bottles of wine and a case of beer for the 20 guests. Not bad for a little neighborhood get-together.

[clickmom]

Loved the bondage Elmo, we have a chicken dance Elmo, who enjoys that sort of good time fun too.

Hope that really sad plant is not one you had high hopes for.

Regarding the party- Wish I was there. Looks like too much fun. sigh.

While, the aforementioned bras do come in my size, I have to have my two cents and say- Go for the good quality bras.

And about Logan, we are all in love with him, you got him, so do you really have to rub it in? Night feedings, diaper changes, rugged good looks, sheesh.

From the mom who didn't sleep through the night for 10 years straight. (Am I just a little bit jealous of your post partum help?)

[clickmom]

Loved the bondage Elmo, we have a chicken dance Elmo, who enjoys that sort of good time fun too.

Hope that really sad plant is not one you had high hopes for.

Regarding the party- Wish I was there. Looks like too much fun. sigh.

While, the aforementioned bras do come in my size, I have to have my two cents and say- Go for the good quality bras.

And about Logan, we are all in love with him, you got him, so do you really have to rub it in? Night feedings, diaper changes, rugged good looks, sheesh.

From the mom who didn't sleep through the night for 10 years straight. (Am I just a little bit jealous of your post partum help?)

[DarkoV]

Regarding Phil's comment about the relationship of 10 bottles of wine to 7 people, is it a possibility that these 7 people were the only ones standing? The balance of the group, say an additional 5-7 folks, were probably laid low and admiring the sealant work done on the prch.

[Allison]

I think I have to buy Andrea's top even though I wouldn't look half as adorable as she did in it!

Andrea, spill the beans...where did you get it??

[Torrie]

I am so terrified of pooping on the table.

[MollieBee]

Hey Torrie, pooping in the table is not that bad.

What's bad is your mother shrieking: "it looked like your asshole turned inside out!"

Yeah.

[Torrie]

Wow.

[Phil]

"Nice porch sealant, Andrea! Oh, wait -- or is that poop from the delivery room table?"

1.5 bottles of wine per person, beer not inclusive? Wow -- that's a lot of alcohol for a lightweight like me to consider. One night my best friend was painting at home in his studio. Next morning he woke up with a massive hangover, an odd painting, and two empty bottles of wine nearby.

[T]

This whole shitting part of childbirth is fairly recent and highly disturbing news to me. One more thing to worry about if I ever have kids, and one more reason not to let ANYONE watch (not me, not husband, not doctor, not nurse, no one)!!!

If there's any other secret information--like the pooping--that somehow doesn't circulate in the whole "childbirth/motherhood is beautiful" discourse, please continue letting inquiring minds know about it!!

You and your blog rock!

[kelli]

Yeah, I never pooped myself. But I do have two kiddos. I always worried about pooping but actually if it happened I wouldn't give a crap at the time. You just wanna get that watermelon out of your punany! Cool MOMTINI shirt BTW. I might just have to purchase one. Like your blog too. I'll be back FO SHO!

[Lisa]

Speaking of bras (in your last post), the new O magazine (my guilty pleasure) has a "Bra Bible" article about buying the right bra. Check it out!! :)

[Leslie P.]

You know...I thank God daily (literally) that my body gave me enough sense to go #2 during the "labor" time. (meaning the contractions made me go... before I delivered) I remember vividly (all four times) being in the bathroom and Tom walking in and me yelling at him..."leave, please leave the room!" (you'd think he would have known after the first two..."wife in the bathroom...leave her alone or die!" Once I felt like I gave birth in the toilet...but hey...I was happy as hell it wasn't a 5-6lb. poop!
Pregnancy,labor, your body, let's just say you'll never look the same after giving birth to four kids under four...I feel bad for my husband.

[leslie p.]

Hello...you promised!

[patti]

So proper am I that after pooping on the delivery table mid-push, I, in the midst of a foggy, semi-conscious state induced only by the insane pain of labor, said to my midwife, "I'm sorry". She said, "Sorry for what?" And I, just in case it had gone unnoticed, politely pointed out, "For pooping. On the table." You know, just in case nobody saw it.

Party looked like a blast, Melissa. Did I see cleavage? I didn't know small boobs could do that. If you're small then I'm a "C" cup. "C" as in Concave.

[Rachel]

I'm late to comment on this, but I have only found SuburbanBliss! I suppose it was fortunate (?) that I had my first two kids while living in Mexico where they STILL GIVE YOU AN ENEMA when they admit you for labor. An enema ain't great, but then again I didn't poop on the table! I'll have to ask my husband what happened with number three, born in the States...(It's so good to be home!)