Wine Humor.

Andrea hosted an informal wine tasting on Saturday. She set up a wine list at the market with the wine and beer guy.

When I went to pick up my wine for the party, just days after our viewing of Sideways, I was stunned to learn I was assigned a merlot. Brian, the wine guy, helped me choose the brand and he was very serious about wine. I am really not serious about wine so watching him stare at the Merlots, hand on his chin, "waiting for inspiration", struck me as riotously funny.

Finally, he was inspired and chose a merlot that "drank like a cabernet...." he also told me I would "...fool all the guests who would think it was a cab, but it's not! It's a merlot."

Then he dissolved into a fit of giggles. That Brian and his wine games! He is just such a card!

He went on to explain that my wine was from a vineyard in southern California, but it was extremely reminiscent of a napa vineyard.

HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

I fooled everyone!

I wish Brian could have seen us at the wine party Saturday night where everyone was just drinking and then drinking some more. And no one even cared that my wine was tricking them! Or which region of California it was from or even if it was a California wine.

Andrea's neighbors are the best. I sat there in the circle around a cast iron stove which was being used as a fire pit of sorts (!!!) and thought, "These are people like us!" Except that we have no fire pit and have no intent nor desire to have a fire pit.

Our neighborhood consists of "The Hippies Who Forget They Let Their Dog Out Before Leaving For 8 Hours", "The Suspected Pedophile" (by me only), "The Anally Retentive Audi Washer Who Sort Of Looks Like John Mayer and Makes It Into My Dreams Sometimes", "The Guy With The Car Which Can and Often Does Shoot Flames", "The Guy With A Boat Which Looms Over His Home". None of their names are even very catchy and I haven't even covered the "Suspected Drug/Ebay Addicts" next door and "Mullet Man and Family" down the block.

Once upon a time I dreamed about having a summer block party with our neighbors. How much fun we could have. There would be relay races and water gun fights and a bounce house for the kids and then we'd all put our kids to bed and do karaoke until Logan decided his vocal chords were tired (because once Logan starts, he can't stop and no one else would ever get a chance to sing).

Guess what? Andrea's neighborhood has a block party just like that except Logan doesn't hog the karaoke machine.

When we left the party, I could barely drag Logan out of the backyard (because he can never leave a party and I think I hugged all the neighbors and asked if anyone needed a live in nanny because I just really want to live there. Now.

In other really exciting news: John and Asa had their baby last night June 16th.

I'm posting these links to John's Flickr account without permission because it's 10:38pm and I assume he's currently trying to get the baby to sleep and in his sleep deprived state doesn't give a flying fig about a picture of his beautiful baby being on my website. I didn't even make her swear, but I will. Give me time and I will because I'm like that. But if he does care about me linking to pictures of his baby I hope he'll just tell me and I'll remove the pictures and he won't pinch me on my arm when we're out in public.

I like to call this one, Holy Shit this 13 year old has a fucking baby!

I like to call this one, Anzu! which sounds sort of like Anjou and I want to eat both of them.

Congratulations John and Asa.

Comments

[Marnie]

Ooh - I get to be first.

Congratulations John and Asa! What a beautiful baby!!!

[maia]

We have a cast iron fireplace in our back yard too. Hubby likes to have a few beers once in awhile and watch the flames (which is sort of a strange hobby considering he is a firefighter..)
I am SO going to have a wine tasting party, what a fantastic excuse to drink wine! And have people buy wine and bring it to my house!
The baby is precious, so tiny and sweet (and I can say that cause I am not getting up every 2 hours in the night ;)

[Phil]

Did she poop on the table?

Er, I mean: congratulations!

[Flippy]

Awww, the baby is so cute & teeny. Oh, and I think the dad must be 12, not 13. What's the baby's name?

I think red wine tastes like dirt. Is that wrong?

[momdotcom]

wow, your neighbor looks like John Mayer?? I think John of JohnandAsa looks just like him.

Beautiful baby!

Liss, glad to see you out having fun these days. Now to make it through the summer with the kids at home. All. Day. Long.

[maia]

Flippy, red wine is good! Give it another go.. I favor merlot's myself. And hey, GOOD for the body apparently :) (Or so I tell myself.)

[Phil]

Flippy, it's called "terroir", not "dirt". And the French go nuts to make sure you know just which dirt their grapes come from. Oh, and by the way, that wasn't me who commented about the yummy hair in the photo -- but thanks for thinking I'd have wanted to!

Melissa, I saw the end of a Malcolm in the Middle episode where the family discovers at the block party that their true neighborhood function was to give everybody somebody to hate.

[Flippy]

Alas, even French dirt tastes like reject sand to me. Ugh, don't even ask how I know about the reject sand. Phil, I was just commenting on the reason for needing so many bottles -- no one wants to ruin a fine wine tasting party with a bezoar.

Sacrilege - not only do I think red wine tastes like "terroir", but I hate the taste of beer. I'm a terrible drinker. I think I may also be the only person with three brothers, who love sports and hate beer.

Psst, Maia, my email isn't working (stupid Cox.net), but the answer is in my comments.

[Becky]

You know, I think I'd move into the most ghetto house in town if there was a John Mayer lookalike on the street, but that's just me. That might give me something to dream about other than cool block parties that won't ever happen here either.

Gad, those baby pictures make me want one of those. Somebody make it stop!

[mamaloo]

Love the "Neighbor Subtitles" and don't you just hate it when people tell you, "it could be worse!" But it could be worse. It could be *our* neighborhood, home of Crack Hotel that Everyone in the Neighborhood Hates and Cannot Wait for It to Go Away which Unfortunately, is Kitty Corner to My House. Feel the terror of Sketchy Nightclub Up the Block, at Which a Shooting Occurred the Night Before We Brought Home Our Newborn! Thrill to the majesty of Huge and No Doubt Rabid Rottweiler House, featuring Back Yard with Decaying Fence that Cannot Possibly Hold that Monster In When it Decides to Maul Me and My Baby as We Walk By.

Ah, life in the hood. (God, it sounds pretty bad, doesn't it!)

BTW what is up with Sideways, I can't understand why everyone liked that movie.

[hippiechic]

Sideways must have been above our heads, we didn't get it either. Although the previews were good!

[Sarcomical]

babies always look a little like they just ate something sour at first, don't they?

cute pics, and you with the wine tomfoolery. it's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out by a cabernet *er* merlot.

you guys always have so much fun. and the neighbors? i really need to start naming mine, too. that was great.

[Heatheranne]

I think you may have started a new trend with the naming of the neighbors. I'd start with my next door neighbor's boyfriend and call him "the fucking retard" because the night before Thanksgiving around 3:00 am, I heard my neighbor yell that outside. She said "Chris, you're a fucking retard." And now everytime I see him, that's what I think.

There's always a block party in my apartment complex but it's never a cool wine tasting party. It's more of a Bud Light tasting party.

Be thankful they leave the dog inside. I have four different neighbors with little dogs that bark at everything and they all leave them outside. All night.

[clickmom]

My friends live on block party type of block, they are always getting together and having a great time, while my block is more of a "hermit in need of social anxiety medication" type of block, and the folks might occasionally get as friendly as waving briefly at the neighbors through the safety of their SUV's heavily tinted windows. We have to memorize license plates because all you see is the hand.

It's funny, as cute as that teeny tiny little baby is, I didn't feel the pull. Could I be over IT? Could I finally be done? Could I be so down to the bone, to the core of my being tired that another baby has lost it's appeal? I think maybe.

[clickmom]

My friends live on block party type of block, they are always getting together and having a great time, while my block is more of a "hermit in need of social anxiety medication" type of block, and the folks might occasionally get as friendly as waving briefly at the neighbors through the safety of their SUV's heavily tinted windows. We have to memorize license plates because all you see is the hand.

It's funny, as cute as that teeny tiny little baby is, I didn't feel the pull. Could I be over IT? Could I finally be done? Could I be so down to the bone, to the core of my being tired that another baby has lost it's appeal? I think maybe.

[Lil' Sis]

Naming neighbors... Hmm. Could be a fun game. I have the Muslim Drug Front ("barber shop" where nobody gets a haircut), the Eastern European Drug Front ("Internet Cafe" in Hamtramck?! Please...), The Rock N' Roll Liquor Store (where one of the owners plays electric guitar while sitting outside all night each summer and really wants me to come "jam."), Mr. "My Ice Cream Truck Burned Down Last Night" and family live below me, across the street is "The Death Trap," a senior fixed-income apartment building that might as well have an ambulance permanently parked in front because it's there at least twice a week, and I'm not sure exactly where Captain "My Car Alarm Is INSANELY Oversensitive" lives, but it must be nearby. I hate him most of all. That's not even mentioning the ones who live on my block but don't have homes. Mr. "I-Rub-My-Head-And-Clap-In-Patterns" is fun, when he's not screaming at the air in a schizophrenic fit.
I am so organizing a block party.

-miao.

[Lil' Sis]

Naming neighbors... Hmm. Could be a fun game. I have the Muslim Drug Front ("barber shop" where nobody gets a haircut), the Eastern European Drug Front ("Internet Cafe" in Hamtramck?! Please...), The Rock N' Roll Liquor Store (where one of the owners plays electric guitar while sitting outside all night each summer and really wants me to come "jam."), Mr. "My Ice Cream Truck Burned Down Last Night" and family live below me, across the street is "The Death Trap," a senior fixed-income apartment building that might as well have an ambulance permanently parked in front because it's there at least twice a week, and I'm not sure exactly where Captain "My Car Alarm Is INSANELY Oversensitive" lives, but it must be nearby. I hate him most of all. That's not even mentioning the ones who live on my block but don't have homes. Mr. "I-Rub-My-Head-And-Clap-In-Patterns" is fun, when he's not screaming at the air in a schizophrenic fit. He lives behind a flowerpot. Seriously.
I am so organizing a block party.

-miao.

(I double posted because I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS! to John & Asa, and that the Audi Washer doesn't look like John Mayer, he's creepy and compulsive and last time I was over I swear I heard him muttering that there was still a little paint left on the car and that it was mocking him.)

[Design Bitch]

Thanks for the comments!

My wife rules! and my eyes are heavy :(

I saw how many times the photos on flickr have been viewed. I was like " Holy Shit! Perverts are fast!" Then I realized that it must of been Liss and felt just a little better.

Now Logan and I have yet another thing in common with each other which will only help fuel the fire!

[Renee]

How does the wine tasting party work exactly? Can you explain more?

[MollieBee]

Oh wow, he's so proud and happy, I wonder if he's stopped smiling yet?

Aww, congrats John and Asa!

[DM]

Do you think Brian the wine guy would have a heart attack if I told him the only wine I ever liked was called TJ Swan's and it was $3 a jug back in the 80's?

I don't get wine. Or beer. And if I'm going to drink, there had best be chocolate or ice cream or fruitiness (mudslides, brandy alexander's or pina coladas).

That baby is dang cute. And I think he is 12. And looks a bit like Topher Grace.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

This is only relevant or helpful if you are a fan, but Tori Amos loves Merlot. Sideways be damned :)