I have a new 'job'!

This morning I read this at Blogging Baby (I swear to God this is related to what I wanted to write about tonight). I read the piece at the New York Times and even as I read it I thought to myself, 'This woman is a bitch.'

She fired her nanny and wouldn't tell her why, but then wrote about it in the New York Times? She felt somewhat violated by posts she thought were about her and her husband. She felt uncomfortable with her nanny expressing her sexuality or discussing her non work activities. She was angry because (((((gasp))))) her nanny had the nerve to blog while the baby napped. I know that when my own children are napping I wait by their bedroom door just waiting for them to wake up! Ms. Olein mentions how the nanny crossed the line when she wrote she had "Contemplated sterilizing myself yesterday."

This one makes me laugh. Loudly. During the summer hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I'd sterilized myself before being over run with "The Bickerson's", and these are the children I love more than myself. It's hardly unacceptable that a nanny had a bad day and vented about it, she didn't suggest dipping her young charges in chocolate and eating them.

On the other hand, I once had a babysitter who asked me after a night of sitting, "What should I do if he doesn't stop crying?" That simple sentence left me feeling insecure with this babysitter and I didn't use her again. We all have different levels of comfort and that's fine, of course I didn't write an essay in the New York Times calling my babysitter a promiscuous alcoholic.

My theory is that Ms. Olen simply wanted to get back at her ex nanny in some way. That Ms Olen was hurt by the breaking of this "myth" (as she called it) that her nanny lived to serve her in a domestic way and did not exist in a human sense outside of their family.

I thought all of this before I even read the nanny's rebuttal which only confirmed my suspcions.

I kept hoping I'd come up with more than, "My God, that Helaine Olen is a heinous witch." I haven't. Although, I find it so ironic that Ms Olen's article was titled The New Nanny Diaries Are Online and her nanny's blog had only a miniscule amount of reference to her job as the Olen Family nanny. Now, though, in her rebuttal.....the shit hits the fan.

Ms Olen looks like a spiteful bitch, and in spite of myself I think it's well deserved.

UPDATED TO ADD: I found The Annotated Times and here are more blogs talking about what a moron Ms Olen is. Weeeeee!

==========================

I'm funny about fax machines. The fax machine is for me what 'Call Waiting' is to my mother. She doesn't understand it. The mechanics of it, the technology of it, she doesn't trust it: when she hits 'flash' she seems to believe she'll either hang up on someone or the phone will explode in her face.

I'm able to do some pretty technologically savvy things. I can set up a wireless network in my home, I can set up domain mapping for my website, I can pay bills out of our checkbook which is empty! Yet, when I attempt to use a fax machine I can't quite trust that when I type in a number and put paper into a phone-like contraption a document will be sent somewhere? Funny though, that I send a dozen emails everyday and never once question the mechanics of the process.

Usually I send anything I need faxed with Logan to the office but since Logan is now in California....I had to send a fax all by myself today.

I appears to have worked and a signed contract with WeblogsInc arrived in the hands of the correct party and I'm going to be a contributing writer at Blogging Baby!

Hey!

And Judith Meskill, editorial director with WeblogsInc. will be speaking at Blogher. I love the internet.

I do not love Helaine Olin though. At all.

Comments

[buffi]

Woohoo! Look at you, mommy with a job & all! Better not blog about your boss tho. Sheesh, what a bitch she was. Brings new meaning to "all about me!"

[Flippy]

Congrats on the Blogging Baby gig. That Olen chick, ugh. I saw the reference to the article at Bitch Ph.D., then ran to see what terrible things the nanny did. Imagine my surprise to find...nothing. I pity any poor nanny who ends up working in that household. Geez, she fired the nanny and she's *still* obsessed with reading her blog. Spooooo-ky.

Nonetheless, great news about the writing gig.

[Haley]

I totally understand about the whole fax machine thing...it blows my mind. You can type a phone number and it takes your paper and then sends the words on it somewhere else! How DOES it do that?!

Oh yeah, I understand about the call waiting thing, too...

[Theresa]

Congratulations on writing for Blogging Baby! That's wonderful news!

That Olen chick needs a life and a good smack upside the head.

[maia]

Congratulations Melissa! A perfect position for you. Please link when you write of course :)

[Sarcastic Journalist]

Good grief. The Mom was just happy because this got her a byline in the Times. What an idiot.

[Lisa]

I think Helaine comes across as a headline-grabbing ass, but don't you think it was stupid for the nanny to tell her employer about her blog (more than once, if Helaine is to be believed)? I don't see any benefit whatsoever in sharing that information. I write things on my blog that I'm willing to share with the semi-anonymous internet world, but I would never tell my employer about my blog. NOT saying the nanny deserved it, just sayin.

[Becky]

I have to admit that I felt some sympathy for Ms. Olen, but that sure as hell didn't last once I read her nanny's blog.

Congrats on your job. You deserve the best!

[Nancy]

Congratulations on the new contract! I didn't know about Blogging baby so thanks for the introduction and can't wait to read you there. Ok, I'll probably be the only person who didn't think Helaine Olin was a bitch after reading her article. Granted, it's late Sunday eve and I have a lot on my mind (read the "OT" rant below if you wish) ...so I just did a quick read of both her article and the blogger's response/rebuttal. I'll try reading both again in the morning and see if I have a different perspective.
(OT: My sister's coming back from Iraq for a two week "r&r" in August and her ex-husband is threatening to keep her son in Japan with him. She gave us temporary custody of her son while she's at WAR, and we saw him off after school got out for a 42-day vacation to visit with his dad who's in a NON-COMBAT military assignment there. So I'm beginning to work any legal, congressional, journalistic angles to help make sure he comes back and that my sister who is IN IRAQ IN A WAR DUCKING BOMBS and MISSING HER 10-YEAR-OLD BOY LIKE NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD will get to see her boy for her precious two weeks back home in the USA before shipping back until November or December!! AND, my sister-in-law is leaving Glasgow, Scotland as a nurse in the British Army this week to go to Iraq for three months! Thus, my perspective is a bit blurred right now. Melissa feel free to edit out my OT venting. But thanks for listening. Can you tell I don't have a blog of my own?!

[maia]

Any chance you want to do some of your Momtini shirts here? Some of us are white challenged.. like myself. (White equals whatever I am eating falling on a boob and staining the shirt for life..)

http://www.spreadshirt.com/index.php?affiliate=9692

[Crouching Hamster]

Congrats!

And thanks for the heads up on poor Ms. Olen. Let's hope she doesn't read the latest entry in MY blog.

[Melting Mama]

I think Mrs. Olen had the hots for the nanny. JMO!

[BabelBabe]

I'm with Lisa - why would you point out your blog to your boss? I have even stopped giving out the URL to friends. If they find me accidentally so be it, but the blog is my creative outlet and I don't want to censor myself. I do the blog with a friend, but Gina hears everything anyway : )

[melissaS]

Melting Mama: Seriously! Did you read on the nanny's blog where she said, she was once topless while sick and having the nanny care for her. (Because I guess she wasn't just the nanny but the family nurse?)

Ha haha. I'm still laughing at the irony of Olen being so defensive about being mentioned on the blog....the gloves are off and the shit is on now. What a moron!

Lisa: Yes, I do think that was the nanny's main mistake. Once you tell specific people about it you have to be more careful about what you say or face the consequences.

Which she did. With tact, when she was fired she mentioned a disappointing day and that her "worst fears about other people were confirmed". (A tactful way to mention being fired by idiots)

She didn't use her blog to spill the secrets of the Olen family. She moved right along. Ms Olen is the witch who couldn't move on and so wrote a nasty essay about the nanny in the NYT's.

So my long winded point is; she shouldn't have told her employers about the blog but since she did she accepted the risk and moved on when she was fired. Ms Olen did not and now, thankfully, she looks like a mentally unstable loon.

[M]

as a nanny I find this mother's behavior appalling but typical. I myself am very lucky but in the "nanny world" many mothers, despite having chosen to let someone else be the primary caregiver in their child's life still resent that fact. I read some of the nannies blog, and if she thinks HER nanny was wild... then some of the ones I know should be arrested.
and now for a nanny gone good story and a score for those ridiculously priced strollers we talked about a few months ago http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/07/17/babysaved.ap/index.html I still think $600 is crazy for a stroller, but for the life of your child?

[melissaS]

Blech. Oh God, please! Please!!! Don't let the hate mail over the fact that I hate this stroller and everything it represents. I can't take it. I couldn't take the anger then and I can't take it now.

I will say that any child riding in the stroller I cited, would be dead on impact most definitely...hanging out there in the open.

The lifesaving stroller costs $100 less and is far more pleasing to look at.

Someone emailed me about this last night and we both agreed it would be great if the copycats (graco, combi) can create a stroller with the same life saving technology for about half the price.

[momdotcom]

LOLOL......But, Melissa, 'THE STROLLER' "gives baby a new outlook on the world...."cleaner air" and "visual stimulation"....LOLOLOL!!! All for the low, low price of $749 U.S.

Nanny diaries? Huh? The woman is a fruitcake! Why is she at home when the nanny is there taking care of her children? From reading that article is sounded like she was there frequently 'catching' her nanny doing things. If she's going to be home why not care for her kids herself?? Not being judgemental or anything...*smirk*

[Psycho Kitty]

Hey! Yay for you!!

[Sara]

Well, I think she has a home office which usually requires childcare just like working in an off-site office.

ITA with most of what has been said. Why did she give the employer her blog address? But in the end, the employer sounds like she was aiming to write a trendy article that would make her look good but really just made her look really, really bad.

As a mom with a part time job that requires me to have a sitter for my kids (at 20 hours per week is it considered a nanny? that always sounds so pretentious), I can usually see both sides of the issue when it comes to this. Thank goodness I have the Worlds Best Nanny. She is wonderful and I wish I could afford to pay her more - she deserves it.

[melissaS]

yes, she worked very hard at home...."obsessively" checking her nanny's blog! Ha!

No I don't fault her for having help. If I could have help at home while I wrote I would. I don't fault her for that.

Sara, when you say you can see both sides of this, what 'this' are you talking about.

The issue isn't (for me) whether Ms Olen had the right to fire her nanny for whatever reason she felt like. The issue is how she twisted things to create a trendy article, like you said, to make herself look good.

Totally stupid of her and totally stupid of the nanny to share the blog to begin with. It seems though (why is this bothering me so much? Jesus) that the nanny didn't cry "I've been fired because of my blog!" She went along with her life and onto new employment. She didn't call herself a victim until Ms Olen victimized her in her NYT's piece.

[Figlet]

I think they're both idiots with vague narcissistic disorders. Why oh why oh why would you even contemplate telling your employer about your blog? Especially if you write about your job. Ever. Unless you adore your job and all your behaviour is beyond reproach. I thought yesterday's Times piece was typically annoying Sunday Styles section fluff.

Congrats on your new job!

[Heather]

Amen, MelissaS.

I love that once Mrs. Olin put the nanny's business "out on the street" in a NYT article, the nanny kicked back with "She exposed her breast"--- I bet ole mrs. Olin is cleaning up the shit in her panties about now.......

Her little plan of " I couldnt handle the nanny and her blogging so justify me as to why i fired her" backfired into "The whole world thinks i'm a spooky bitch"

I'm absolutely loving it. Think they would mud wrestle for my hubby? He would enjoy that. And hey, I might too.......

[a]

Ya'll have actually read the blog right? Her entry to counter is great

http://subvic.blogspot.com/

[Paige]

Oh wow that is amazing, thanks for sharing it. And congrats on the "job"!

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Good commentary over at Bitch PhD. about the Olen article, plus the nanny even came over and left some good comments.

[a]

whoops, you did share the URL. duh.

[M]

Melissa! Oh no ..not hate..never hate..merely sarcasm ..apparently bad sarcasm, Sorry! I could never send you hate ..I love love love you and your blog, Im tempted to come and be your nanny for the summer your kids are adorable and you are fun! if it werent for that whole money thing I've come to depend on... *L* congrats on the new job btw

[mrs. holmes]

I'm gonna go read the article now, not only because I want to see what a bitch this woman is, but I really want to see how to spell her name, dammit. Olein/Olen/Olin, which is it?? Who's the bitch now?

[tracy]

Okay, the nanny did some stupid things. She shouldn't have given her blog address to her employer. And once she did that, she shouldn't have complained about her job. I mean, she basically told her employer "your children made me contemplate sterilization today." Is that something anyone wants to hear? Of course not. We might say it ourselves, of our own children, but God help anyone else who says it - especially someone who is getting paid to take care of the little darlings.

But still... Helaine? Bad move. Very bad. Taking her posts completely out of context (Three pages about your argument with your husband? Whatever gave you the idea that all of that was about you? A little self-centered, are we?), exposing her in a very public way (while whining about how she had "exposed" details of your life on her little private blog that didn't mention you by name at all, or even as "Tessy's boss.") Very, very bad.

[Sarcomical]

yay! how cool is the internet? ;)

also, what that lady did is completely dirty and nasty. i hope she realized that a large amount of public opinion won't lean her way.

[Susie Sunshine]

Congrats on the job!
If you get all fancypants and hire a nanny, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DON'T READ HER BLOG!

[Ada]

The thing is, when you read someone's blog and it's vague and you can't discuss the blog with the writer, you tend to read into things. The fact that this mother checked her nanny's blog is completely normal - at least it was while she employed her. The nanny was in charge of her children. Perhaps what she saw as irresponsible pill-popping wasn't what it was, but there was no communication between the two of them.
The nanny gives her a snapshot view of her life (not smart, but at least honest and straight forward) and then has no opportunity to explain it. In my view, this caused the problem. Although we like to believe we are best friends with our child care providers, we aren't - even when it's our mothers. There is a myth there and this incident shows how large the gap really is.

My problem is that there are actual idiots out there who use their blogs as weapons to get back at people. This nanny clearly wasn't doing this. Why fabricate a story when you can find the real thing just a couple clicks away?

This mother read too much into this blog and felt betrayed. I tell you, man. Come into my life and take a look at the yahoos I've had to deal with in blog war. This was nothing.

[PapaCool]

Parenting is a job. Don't ever let them tell you otherwise! That lady's comments are uncalled for.

[Crouching Hamster]

Re: the stroller

'Cause you never know when a building's gonna fall on your kid.

Even safer: just keep your kid at home. Of course, wearing protective head gear and all.

SB - It's nice to know there are some regular old-fashioned moms out there. If you ever come to NY, you can gawk at all the obsessive compulsive mommies.

[John C]

It never ceases to amaze me that the formally published don't understand that the internet has opened the world of publishing to everyone. It reminds me of the time when People magazine opened voting for the 50 most beautiful contest to everyone on the internet. They were stunnded to discover that America chose Bob the angry drunken dwarf the most beautiful person in the world. Formal publishing has no idea what to do with us.

[kerewin]

Congrats on the new job!!!!

Big boos to Helaine, she did all the things she accused her nanny of doing.

Blah.

[Sara]

Tracy already said what I was thinking, but I didn't want to not respond to Melissa's question. Yes - it is ok for me to bitch about my children. But it is NOT ok for anyone else to do it. I feel the same way about most everyone in my family. I'll bitch endlessly about my brother, but defend him to the death if a friend says something.

I know my sitter has days where the girls drive her crazy. I can see it in her eyes, what she says or doesn't say when I come home. But would I want to read something like that? No way. Do I think it is funny when you (Melissa) write things like that? Yes, because you are their mother and I know that you love them. Truly, deeply love them. You are writing somewhat toungue in cheek, laughing at your own fleeting moments of hysteria when faced with the very normal actions of young children. But you are bonded with them. You are connected. And you would never hurt them because of that deep love. But a nanny who doesn't have that deep emotional connection? Who knows what she might do on a bad day. So who wants to think that they have bad days - days *that* bad. It is fear on the part of the mother, I'll admit it. We place a lot of trust in our caregivers.

[melissaS]

I do see your point and that's part of the reason I've never been able to truly consider daycare.

If *I* feel this frustrated by my kids on a regular basis and I do love them so much it hurts, how can I expect someone else who could never love them like I do to not get frustrated by them?

It's too much trust and I don't see how I can expect someone to be more perfect than I am. But you're right, like I said, it would make me uncomfortable to hear someone complain about my children. But that's one of the reasons I don't have a sitter.

[Theresa]

I'm confused - but maybe I just haven't delved far enough into this story. Did the NYT's article link to her website in the paper? I read through the article on-line - and yes it was pretty horrific seeing as how she exagerated the poor girls rather tame website. But I didn't find reference on the on-line article to the Nanny's name or website address. How did everyone know who's website it was??

[Theresa]

I'm confused - but maybe I just haven't delved far enough into this story. Did the NYT's article link to her website in the paper? I read through the article on-line - and yes it was pretty horrific seeing as how she exagerated the poor girls rather tame website. But I didn't find reference on the on-line article to the Nanny's name or website address. How did everyone know who's website it was??

[Sara]

OK, I hope I'm not starting to look neurotic, here, responding again. Anyways...

BUT, when you have found the right person for the job, it can be wonderful. "E" does love my kids (not like she would lover her own, I know, but it is still a love.) She hugs and kisses them, plays with them like I can't (I just can't play ponies for longer than 2 minutes), has had them to her house for overnights (I had no hand in asking for this and actually missed them, though I knew they loved it) and, when she got engaged on Sunday night, she called her mom first and then my daughters to tell them the news (at 3 and 5, I don't think they get it, other than that they will be flower girls again.) I don't think *I* could ever feel so close to kids who weren't my own, but I thank my lucky stars that I found someone who has that ability.

E left us for about 4 months about a year after we hired her and it was awful. I never had a warm fuzzy feeling with the replacement nanny. For her, it was a job. It was such a relief when E came back. I've got a third baby due in about 2 weeks and I can only hope that she stays with us until this one gets to preschool.

[melissaS]

I was planning to just google the direct quotes from the article to find the website, but someone did it before I had a chance.

[corrine]

I can't believe people read that entire rebuttal. She's the perfect candidate for the victorian novel.

[tracy]

Melissa, if you ever use daycare, I can assure you that your children will be much better behaved there than they are at home. It just works that way. It's not fair, but it's true.

And Theresa, people found the nanny's blog easily because Olen quoted large chunks of text - all you have to do is plug that into a search engine and voila, link to nanny blog!

[The Zero Boss]

My boss knows about my blog. but then again, I have perhaps the coolest blog in corporate history.

Great to have you on board BB. You're gonna rock, girl.

[Lil' Sis]

Post something new, dammit. I'm bored at work. ENTERTAIN ME!!!

-miao.

[jenB]

i agree with your sister! sheesh. at least some photos. :-)

[coiltesla]

Well said, although in the nanny's final post she says she is not seeking a book deal, is ending the blog and will not identify herself in her new blog. She also says the conversation should move from the essay to the issues behind the essay. It's a really classy response, as opposed to Olen.

I suspect Olen only had the guts to write this hit piece because, as she admits in the piece, she continued monitoring the blog and saw the nanny is leaving town and the nanny profession. Olen rightly assumed this would make her would be less likely to fight back against borderline slander. I'm willing to bet Olen was reading the blog in hopes of finding more mentions of herself to justify retaliation. So very classy.

[reaj]

Evenyone who is all up in arms about this please read! I used to live with this blogger. Yes, the boss is a bitch, but the nanny is a psycho. A psycho that killed her cat and who has major major problems. Yes, killed her cat. This girl has problems. I moved out very early on the request of my friends and family who were afraid for my safety. This girl did not give her boss her blog address out of stupidity or just so she could read a little poem about kids. She wanted to be caught. She loves that becuase it makes her feel important. Most of the things on her blog are false except for watching Gilmore Girls. She has supposed relationships with men, who in reality she was stalking and it got very bad and they have cut off all contact with her. This girl is well educated and may sound intelligent, and she is, but she is also very very deeply troubled. Perhaps the bitch boss picked up on this but is too full of her own craziness to see the situations for what it is. This is not about sex or liberalism or classism. It is about a sad sick dillutional girl and her bitchy boss. I'm sad it has gone this far.

[amysue]

Once again some overly entitled affluent mother wants to feel as though she doesn't have an employee but has a "friend" and is shocked and hurt when she realizes she isn't the center of the poor girl's universe. Sigh.