More Black Beans!

Ha! I'm kidding. No more black beans for all of you. But in this house, we're not done yet. Black bean pasta. Mexican black beans, corn and potatoes (apparently putting cumin on anything makes it 'mexican'! Ole!).

Tonight we picked up Logan from the airport. For those of you counting, he's been gone for 9 days. Those days could have gone a hell of a lot worse but I hate when he's gone on the weekends, and two weekends alone with the kids was two too many. He was in Redondo Beach and also Manhattan Beach and he loved it. I wish he had a blog so he could tell you about it, but he doesn't, so too bad. When Logan got off the plane he was completely stifled by the suffocating heat of Michigan. It seems backwards doesn't it? That my husband comes from California, which I think of as pretty hot in July, only to say that he wishes he could go back. Further evidence that Michigan is trying to kill me.

By the time we got to the airport, my eyeball kept popping out of my skull everytime someone asked me a question. Another question. Another story. ((((POP))) I held my eyeball in my skull while watching the planes taking off realizing that in less than a week, I would be on this road, with both my eyeballs in my head, going on my own trip. Thank you Jesus (or Fairy Godmother.)

I didn't tell you this before because my life is a fairy tale right now and someone is going to shoot me because I'm so ridiculously lucky but on Friday I'll be flying first class to Blogher. I'm flying first class thanks to my Fairy Godmother and also because the only award travel left was first class. I never wanted fly first class because I didn't want to know what it was like behind that little curtain they pull closed. Do they all sit around and laugh at the steerage behind them? Do they laugh over drinks? Because I'm willing to laugh at the steerage for drinks.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Blogher and I'm looking forward to California but honestly I have dreams of my flight from Michigan to California. In my dreams I'm wrapped in a down comforter and it's just cold enough it feels good to curl up and I snooze. This is what my dreams are, I dream of sleeping on an airplane.

This is going to be the best week of the summer by far. Because tomorrow I drop my kids off at Vacation Bible School/Satanic Day Camp for 3 hours. Yes, yes, I know. Satanic Day Camp? You're thinking, 'That just doesn't seem like a good idea.'

But no, it is. All summer I've been waiting for this and I don't care if my kids learn about Jesus or the Dark Prince. If I get four days of freedom from nine to noon, teach them whatever the hell you want. Judge if you want but I figure one week of Satanism never hurt anyone.

I'd like to tell you that yes, the content here will improve with the children away but Blogging Baby beckons me. You know how you could help me? Is there something you think is missing from Blogging Baby? Do you have a tip or a scoop or something you'd like to read there? I would absolutely love to hear about it.

Call me okay? Except I hate the phone! So just email it! melissasummers_at_wowway_dot_com

I almost forgot the most important part: What the hell do I wear to Blogher? I can't believe there hasn't been a post at the Official Site discussing clothing choices. Are we women?

I know this is so horrible to even bring up and every single person I know in this world reads this website at this point but can we all start praying my period starts early because otherwise it's starting at Blogher and I know that is the ultimate in 'femaleness' (my friend Leslie, a former teacher, remarked on how often I make up words on this website....there's another one!) but please save me from that.

Since I said that horrible thing, let's also just get this out in the open. I know I appear to be a certain way on this blob. I swear a lot and I say inappropriate things or "bordering on outrageous" (what the hell does that mean?) things. But in my regular life people generally think a few things about me.

"What a bitch. She doesn't even make eye contact with me."

or

"I guess she doesn't like me because she isn't talking to me."

or

"That whore ruined my family!"

or (on the phone)

"Wow, she must be busy with something because she barely talked to me just now."

I am feeling a lot of pressure to be witty and foul mouthed in California this weekend. I am neither particularly foul mouthed or witty in person.

Also, my Ass. He's very talkative and imposing and he may offend everyone I meet.

Now, I need to go to bed with my husband who is home after 9 days. When he left we had thoroughly masculine bedding and now, it's Candy Striper!

Comments

[mindy]

"Wear something... uncomplicated."

My favorite line from History of the World!

Honestly? I will wear whatever comes to hand that night, fits my current state of bloat, and offers the least chance of a breast falling out or thong showing above my waistband. Also? I will be swearing. Just like on my bog. Let it all hang out.

[mindy]

Also? I have a blog. Not just a bog. Though that would account for the smell.

[melissaS]

Wow, so you're bringing your entire wardrobe? Because I'm going to be 2000 miles from what comes to hand.

I'll be me but there's some safety in writing that doesn't come from face to face chatter. I guess we'll see.

[Lisa V]

Oh god now I wish I was going because I could yell across the room "That whore ruined my family." Normally I only say that about my Dad's second wife, but it would be funny. Drink. People think I am Mormon, a bitch or a simpleton. Then I drink and I am the life of the party for 10 minutes. Then they think I am a loud simpleton, with vomit on her shoes.

[jenB]

i have also asked about wardrobe and got very little helpful advice. i mean its hot and its california and yes, we are women! blogher owes us some freakin' guidelines. motherfucker (for i suspect people will also expect me to be foulmouthed. wait. i am.)

and i already love you. just as you are. you, and bridget jones baby.

[maia]

Bring whatever makes you comfy. And try to remember that most of us online are more 'ourselves' than we are in person. (Meaning slug down a couple momtini's and be yourself silly.) Can't wait to hear about your adventures!

[mindy]

OK, this should help: it is hotter then Hades here. It's almost one a.m. and I am still sitting in front of the fan wondering if it's ok to lay spread eagled in bed yet. *erase erase erase*

It has been 90-100 degrees for a little while now, so bring layers. It will be hot in the day and may be cool enough for a sweater at night. For sure, if we are inside, the air conditioning will make you wish for an extra layer.

And we brag that we don't need A/C in our homes. We're morons.

[Phil]

"Are we women?" or "Are we Gloucestermen?"

Have a Funyun. Er, I mean a fun one.

[melissaS]

I always thought California was hot as hell? But Jesus, it's been 97 with a heat index of 105 for a few days here in stupid Michigan. We don't even have an ocean or mountains to make this worthwhile.

[Jen]

I can clear this up for you. California is hot as hell where we are (and lots of other places). It was 103 here yesterday. MB and RB are beautiful places right on the ocean with basically perfect weather all year round. But drive inland 1 or 2 hours and it's way more extreme.

[Kismet]

Carry a white board and just write what you want to say (like a hearing challenged person) and then it'll be like blogging face to face! ;)
But personally? I like the 'slug down a couple Momtinis' option.
Have a great one.
~K!

[Amy]

Just anecdotally, I grew up in Michigan and the summers were way more miserable there than the summers here in CA (Bay Area, where you'll be going next week). We don't have the oppressive humidity that you guys have and the temps (with the exception of this past week, which was in the 90s) are usually in the 80s. Nothing unbearable. The weather is generally perfect in our area, IMO. I hear it's even more perfect where your husband was.

[Feelin Groovy]

As it is your first time travelling in 1st class, I thought I would offer some First Class Flight tips (gee, I guess, there is some advice that a working mom who flies 100,000 miles per year can offer!):

1) Drinks will come before take off - it is fine, and *expected* for you to order something alchoholic. Order two. Make sure you down them right away b/c they will take the glasses away before take off.

2) This is place where your inherent aloofness will be a help, not a hinderance. If you maintain the air of indignance, you will get better treatment from the crew.

3) The bathrooms in the front of the plane are for your use and your use only. Please immediately report any of the plebs from coach who try to come up there b/c the line at the back of the plane is 10 deep.

4) Bring your laptop. Relish the fact that you can continue working on it long after the flight attendant's have told everyone else to close up shop. Just nod at them and say "uh-huh" when they ask you if you are closing up. Close the lid just before touch down.

5) You will get a meal. It may actually be edible. If it's United, you will likely get a Mrs. Fields' cookie or Edy's ice cream for dessert. Wait for it....

6) Did I mention you can drink as much as you want? Order another drink.

7) Since it's a long flight, you may be on a big plane (i.e. a 777 or a 747 on United). You will be able to recline the seats pretty far and kick up your leg rests. It's OK to take off your shoes (but, please put them on again before going to the bathroom!) and wiggle your toes! A down comforter is a long shot, but you will get an upgraded pillow and blankie :)

8) Wear pants. I hate how my legs stick to the leather seats in First..

9) Bring all your luggage on to the plane. You will get to board first so you take what you need in terms of overhead storage and you won't have to wait in those horrendous baggage lines upon arrival.

10) Be sure to tell Logan all about this experience, because I am quite sure he never gets to fly first class (or maybe he does, in which case you can compare notes!)

Enjoy. No one ever forgets their first trip in first class. IF you mention it to the FA's they might actually get you some extra Champagne.

And did I mention - you can drink as much as you want? For free??? Cheers!

[elisabeth]

I'm sooooo jealous it is killing me......blogher & 1st class??? You deserve it, and you will be fine, just keep a drink in your hand at all times. Booze is always my answer to awkward social situations. Heck, for me booze is always the answer, no matter what the question was. Don't get so drunk though that you can't remember the gory details to share wtih those of us not cool enough to be there!

[susan]

My husband came home from the grocery last night and announced, 'Guess what I bought! Organic black beans! They sounded good! But I don't know what to do with them.'

And I said, 'Oh, but I DO.'

Thanks for the recipies (who knew they would come in so handy?). Enjoy first class--just keep asking for MORE OF EVERYTHING!

[Alishia H]

My question is this: if you JUST got a queen size mattress what the hell kind of puny bed did you sleep on before? No wonder your bemoaned early motherhood! Holy cow?! I feel spoiled on my king. I don't even have to touch my husband all night long. You're a saint. And I like the PB sheets better. And I think they go nicely with the wallcolor.

[clickmom]

Beware-once you go first class, it os soooo hard to go back! They really treat you well, when we went to France last year my 6'7" husband knew he would not survive a coach trip so we went first class. It was heavenly. They actually give you a real menu and let you choose EACH of your courses. They also gave us little cosmetic bags with toothbrushes, toothpaste, hand creme, tic tacs, eye mask for sleeping, etc.... It was adorable- (but don't use the crappy toothbrush more than once or you may damage your gums.)

Also, like Alishia I was wondering about the bed, a full? Did you guys really sleep in a full? OMIGOD, woman, you have a new goal now, GO KING. Make it a priority, there is only one bad thing about a king and that is that sometimes when you try to punch him for snoring in the night, you'll miss, but then you'll realize how far away from you he is while snoring and drooling and fall back to sleep with a big restful smile on your face.

Have a great time a Blogher.

[Flippy]

Also, in First Class, the bathrooms, while still tiny, are a smidge larger and have free good smelling lotions/soap to use.

I've only been in Business Class in a 777, but I imagine FC has the same thing. Cool seats with lots of buttons to move this way and that. Play with them. And a teeny little light that's attached to your seat and moves wherever you want it to move. Even rich business folks will be playing with that stuff, so you won't look out of place.

And the cookie on United...awesome.

I flew in First/Business class a lot, but that's just because I was a plebe working for United Airlines. I couldn't afford it or anything. If you see people dressed uncomfortably near you, they're either airline employees or have a meeting right when they land.

Wear jeans and an "Awkward Hugs Ahead" t-shirt. You won't have to talk, people will talk *to* you. Same goes for JenB, only with a different shirt saying.

[pinky]

you are very charming and just the right amount of foul-mouthed in real life. i know it seems impossible to relax and let everyone love on you with an awkward hug (tm), but I bet after a cocktail or three, it might be easier.

(note - there is no advice in this comment :-))

[Lil' Sis]

I can vouch here- Melissa really DOES have a dirty mouth naturally, but it only comes out properly when she drinks. Therefore, I recommend a Gatorade fund for the hangover mornings.
Oh, and Lis- I'm housesitting for 2 weeks for a friend who has a pool, so if you wanna bring over the kids tomorrow... I work so it will have to be after 5, but you're welcome to it. Hell, I brought home the most adorable rock band from New York with me on Saturday, I think the kids would be okay at this point...
-miao.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

I wouldn't worry too much about what the weather's going to be like, we're going to be in air conditioning most of the time anyway, or having naked pillowfights.

[Pam]

Okay, first, enjoy the first class and watch all the movies you can. On Delta, at least, they had games you could play like Tetris, Hangman, Trivia, etc. And cookies are served WARM. Heaven.

Also, how can you get past the smell of cumin? I've tried it in some dishes, and my husband and I both agree that we can't get past the smell of serious body funk and have given up on the cumin.

[Phillip]

We flew Chicago-Honolulu first class on our honeymoon. Drinks before takeoff. Drinks during the flight. Real silverware and tiny salt and pepper shakers. Entree choices were chicken and fish. My wife and I asked for one of each and we got it. More drinks. Hot towels after the meal. More drinks.

Since you're flying to California there may be a famous person on your flight. People will think you're the one who's famous if you cop the proper attitude!

More drinks!

[jenB]

hugging first. naked pillow fights second.

[Amanda]

I, for one, cannot WAIT to meet your ass and hug it awkwardly.

[patti]

Melissa,

Don't do it! For the love of god don't fly First Class! Trust me when I tell you that, unless you plan to fly First Class the rest of your life and not just this trip, you will be ruined for life. Really, you will. Stay ensconced in Pauper Class where you belong. The fleeting taste of what could be is far too torturous.

I'm only telling you this because I care about you.

~Patti

[Lil' Sis]

Amanda, is there any NON-awkward way to hug a stranger's ass? Or anyone's, for that matter?

-miao.

[nicole]

the weather here is cooling down a bit. it's about 80 during the day and low 60's at night. it's really nice.
i think i'm only going to the fri. night dinner (lagged on getting my ticket, now it's sold out!), but i'll probably wear jeans and some sort of non-cotton t-shirt (cotton, of course, dressing down the outfit). we are pretty causal out here.
and i just flew first class for the first time a few weeks ago, and was actually disappointed. sure, it was nice, but it wasn't THAT much better than regular. the extra room was the best part.

[fatbutcute]

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8702723/

have you read this yet?

[Jenny]

I'm looking forward to meeting you!