Anniversary.

Today was the best day of the entire summer even though last night at 10pm, Logan came to bed and said, "I have really bad news. Shit...."

I said, "Ha ha. What?"

He said, "I forgot I have a nighttime photo shoot [with hot models] tomorrow night. Fuck. I'm so sorry."

I said, "On our anniversary you'll be having a late night photo shoot [slash orgy with hot models]? Seriously?"

He said, "God I'm so sorry. I didn't forget, I got a sitter so we could go to dinner. I just forgot this photo shoot was scheduled."

Last night, after he told me this news, I felt really sad. It was a kind of sad I have experienced before but have usually been so sad I haven't been able to think about the physical sensation of that sadness. But last night I was just vaguely sad and sometimes sadness feels like small adrenaline bursts starting at your heart. Of course that could have been a mild panic attack and maybe I feel panic as sadness. I need a therapist.

It's odd I felt so sad because I'm not the type of person who's particularly romantic about events. I prefer romantic gestures to be on a non descript day. I prefer chinese food on a Wednesday, for no reason other than I like General Tso's chicken from Peking House and Logan thought to pick it up for me on the way home from work.

Logan went in to work early this morning (as usual....grrrrr.....) and told me later he'd expected a particularly biting post to be left at my website about the anniversary mistake. This website is way too much power for me to possess, someone should be editing me. But I didn't write anything because I quickly realized I wasn't upset with Logan I was actually really PISSED at Logan's stupid fucking job. But then as I write this I realize, Logan's job is the only thing keeping my family out of a van down by the river, so what the hell am I complaining about?

Why was this day the best day of the summer then? My children were gone all day. This morning at 10:30 they were picked up by my favorite friend ever. She took them to Mexico where they were sold into the slave trade, but just for the day, so relax. I didn't see them again until 5:00pm. Sweet Mary Mother of Pearl.

Frankly, I feel uneasy with this much 'good stuff' happening to me. But, if good things would like to keep happening to me, I'm totally fine with that too.

With my day of freedom, I browsed a box of my wedding photos and found some unrelated memorabilia.

Then I met Logan for lunch, at a very romantic coney island where he took two calls from work in the 42 minutes he had to give his wife on their 8th anniversary. I also went fabric shopping, which is a guilty pleasure of mine you may not know about. God I love fabric. Logan stopped by the house at about 1:30pm on his way to the first part of the photo shoot. Of all the days of this summer for a co worker of Logan's to stop by, this is the day they chose. The day I was laying on my ass on the sofa reading a book without a single child in sight. The day which is unlike any day I've experienced in the last six months. But now Logan's coworkers will think this is what I do all day. Sit around whining about my husband's job while I read books and send my children far, far away.

But this is all beside the point. Today I'd like to relive my wedding day.

On my wedding day I was really happy and also really skinny. When I look at the pictures from that day, I wonder how it is I prevented myself from gnawing the mayor's (who officiated) arm off whilst screaming, 'PROTEIN! Give me PROTEIN!' Because I must have been really fucking hungry.

My wedding day was the most purely happy day of my life. The days of my children's births were the most profound days, but the day of my wedding involved no forceps or removal of my uterus. I was just happy. I was also hungry, but I didn't realize how hungry I was.

I'm not unhappy today, I'm also not at all hungry, but I am feeling a lot more, exhausted, by the pressure of life. I didn't think Logan and I would ever feel this way. I remember when we bought this house we would play basketball on the driveway and our neighbors laughed and said, "We used to play together! Ha ha ha!" and I couldn't imagine a day we wouldn't have so much fun together.

The sad thing is, we want to have that much fun together and when we have the time, thank God, we do have that much fun together. But those times we have the time, are just so far apart. Logan's work life has taken over. It's absorbed the basketball on the driveway. That makes me really sad.

I don't know how to do it differently but I keep telling myself that we had these children early. That we did things backwards so that we have to work our asses off when we're young and in our 50's, the children will leave. On my flight to San Antonio in May I heard a couple in the row ahead of me discussing their children with another passenger. The husband said, "Well, our kids don't have to move out when they're 18, but we're leaving. They can pay the mortgage if they want."

I have faith, which at times gets shaky, that Logan and I will be off and running once we get our kids through college. We'll just have to make sure we do enough maintenance through these hard years as Logan builds a career and I figure out where I fit in, so that we still know how to have fun with each other.

Tomorrow night we're celebrating our anniversary, it better be fun.

Comments

[Phil]

Amen, dearie.

[maia]

Happy A Day! Hope it is everything you hope for.

Anniversaries for us are usually remembered the day of. We kiss, say Happy Anniversary and carry on. Can't blame the 13 years, has been this way since the first kid made his surprise appearance 12.5 years ago! However this past year when my 7 year old daughters caught wind of it (amazingly enough a few days before) they insisted on a special dinner, cake and gifts. Heh, about TIME! ;)

Your wedding shots are beautiful. And you two still make a very lovely couple, here's to the next 8! Cheers :)

[Flippy]

You guys look so happy in those pictures, it almost makes me want a wedding of some sort. It'll be our eighth anniversary this year too.

By the way, my parents are 76 & 80, and they still can't get rid of their damned kids. So, don't you worry, Madison & Max will be around to bug you, even when you're old & retired.

You know, you may not see it all the time, but those of us who look at your current pictures can see that you're still having fun. Really, go back and look at at the pictures and you'll see. Um, ignore the one with Maddie crying in the pool though.

Anyway, happy anniversary and have a fabulous time tomorrow!

[Nicole]

You do look happy, and hungry. But a beautiful kind of hungry.

My husband works all of the time, too. 80 hours, approximately, and that's because there are new rules regulating it. I miss him a lot but look forward to the times we do have together.

Happy Anniversary!

[buffi]

Happy Anniversary! Flippy is right, you & Logan do look so happy in your current pictures. It's hard to see when you are in the middle of it, I know. But even when you are angry at him your love shows in your posts. You seem to be having a lot of fun. Have a great time tomorrow night. Y'all deserve it!

[Angel]

Aww Happy Anniversary! And hey, fabric is a *good* thing to love ;) I think I may have to blog about fabric on my other blog...

Hope tomorrow is fantastic for you both :)

[Andrea]

You should check out this ladys blog.
You will love everything about her.

http://jerusalemgypsy.blogspot.com/

[jenB]

i am eating a donut RIGHT NOW in your honour.

[angel]

...not the same angel as the earlier comment... HUGE congrats on your anniversary. my parents still aint rid of their kids, all grown up... in fact the alcoholic one is moving back in! and i fully get everything you said about being sad, can completely empathise and sympathise.

[Lee]

Join the club I have an entire room dedicated to fabric and sewing !

[Lee]

Oops - I tried to paste in a link to a site that sells "Fabriholic' T-shirts in the previous message

http://www.earthsunmoon.com/products/WS_item.php/880/1

[Miss Weeze]

If I could, I would lend you the stack of Liberty of London fabric scraps that came in the mail last night. You could pet them.

[Mir]

Happy anniversary. I know it feels like all the wrong things are taking over... but you're still together, and still working at it, and that's huge. Really. Congratulations to you both.

[Priscilla]

This post nearly made me cry because I am in the same situation. My hubby works long hours doing hard labor. He's killing himself to put food on the table. I wish he could work a 9 to 5 job and spend more time with the kids and I. We, too, had our kids young and didn't have the time together like most newlyweds. Hang in there and enjoy your anniversary celebration.

[clickmom]

I was feeling the same way as you are a few nights ago. I also have a husband who works too much, very unhealthy for the relationships in his life, and we end up barely speaking to each other. A few nights ago we went to bed at the same time(different for us) and actually chatted and laughed for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep. I thought, "I remember this!" It'll come back for you and Logan, it never leaves, we just put it aside sometimes.

And every one else is so right when they say that your happiness and affection for each other is evident in the photos. I see it too.

[christy]

I realize after reading this that even though my wedding sucked (thanks, mom!) I am so happy that Brent has a job where he has great hours and he gets to help out with the kids a lot so I don't kill them.

But, man, did my wedding suck. It makes me pissed off just thinking about it. So looking at your beautiful, skinny wedding photos makes me really, really jealous. That's gotta brighten your day, right?

[AmeliaMaroon]

Beautiful pictures!

May your actual anniversary celebration be wonderful and model free!

[susan]

This is the second time recently that you have posted something that has left me a little weepy. Not because I feel for you (although I do, I DO!) but because you took the words right out of my mouth, and made them funnier and more touching.

Happy Anniversary, Melissa.

[Amy]

Amen Sister!
Hope you have fun tonight.

[Amy]

Amen Sister!
Hope you have fun tonight.

[styro]

happy anniversary. You and logan are lovely. What a lovely family you've built with Maddie and Max, too. And let's not forget Gary and Socks. I hope Logan took you somewhere nice for dinner and dropped the kids off with a babysitter somewhere and took you home and did things to you that are illegal in Virginia.

[Reality]

You have far too many things to be thankful for to be sad. Take glorious pleasure in your children, your life, your husband. Make a life for yourself instead of waiting and wallowing. I realize this blog is one of your outlets, but come on, there are people who are starving, homeless and don't even have anyone to care for them. Put your situation in perspective and snap out of it! Go get a job while the kids are in school and you won't be so beholding.

[FeelinGroovy]

My hub and I joke that we have a countdown calendar on the wall in the kitchen - only like 5000 more days until kids are out to college and we get "parolled for good behavior".

[JT]

I feel you, Melissa. My hubby also works ridiculous hours (freelance, which sucks even more), and tonight, a night when two different people offered to take my kids overnight, we could go out.... but we're broke. *sigh*

However, your wedding pix are gorgeous and I ate an English Muffin while reading about your need for carbs, so I hope that helps.

Also... my parents had us early, too. My mom was 20 when my brother was born, and 22 when she had me. We're 35 and 37 now, and my parents are young and having a blast. They still work, but they get to travel a lot and have a house devoid of kid crap and pet hair. I'm sure it's hard having the kids young, but you'll probably be really happy about it down the road. My mom loves that she's young enough and active enough to keep up with her grandkids.

Meanwhile, I feel like an old fart. :-)

[julia]

Um, "Reality"?

I just want to thank you for turning my head around. Like Melissa, on my blog I often lament that life is not easy for me and that I could be happier. I also write about hopefulness for the future and I write nostalgically about the past. But now that I have read your words of wisdom, I have a totally different outlook. I just need to keep on the sunny side of the street! No more long faces over here, cuz when you smile, the whole world smiles with you! I really needed to do an inventory of my blessings, and I thank you because instead of minding your own business and exhibiting a little empathy, you have chosen to shame Melissa and others like her (like me) for allowing ourselves to feel some of the pitfalls of the human experience, rather than putting up a lobotomized filter. Good thing we all have your words of wisdom to turn us around and whip us back into shape.

"Reality", there is only one more thing I'd like to say to you:

SUCK IT.

[misfit]

Hey "Reality"--

You hit the nail on the head--this is HER outlet.

I guess you have failed to notice that Melissa has actually made people FEEL better today because of her post. They realize they are not alone.

[Flippy]

Reality is a bitch. I'm sorry, did I just say that?

You know, since there are people starving & homeless, I shouldn't complain that my goddamned $800 dishwasher is basically unrepairable and that my cat has crystals in his bladder and that my dog has eyelashes growing backwards into her eyes. Cuz, ya know, everything is SO much better when you look at the homeless. Even my stupid sunburned knees. I'm gonna slather them with the appreciation of good times.

Imagine if every blogger just wrote a single line every day. "Hey everybody, things could be worse." Yeah, that would be interesting.

My apologies, Melissa, if you want to delete my "got woken up too early by the beagles next door howling and chasing a chipmunk and waking up my dogs who then decided they NEEDED to go out, even though I'm PMSy and sleepy, post", it's okay. I'll keep in mind, things could always be worse than having a comment deleted. Like, they could stop making dark chocolate M&Ms.

[C]

Happy Anniversary and beautiful pictures.

[Cheryl]

Happy Anniversary. My 5th was last month and my husband was away working in another State. I am far from making a huge deal about special occasions and would rather have something special on a non descript day as well. Yup, he works long hours and is out of town at least 2 weeks a month. He does work out of the house the weeks he is in town though. When did this become the norm? Seriously, what happened to the 8 hour work day? AND I only have a dog (he has allergies and separation anxiety, does that count for anything) and can't imagine how people are supposed to manage when one has a spouse that has to work for 60+ hours a week and there are kids to look after. The last holiday we had together was a Sales Event put on by his employer, so he had to attend meetings and we both had to attend dinners and group activities. Joy.

Have fun at dinner tonight and at Blogher, we lived in the Silicon Valley up until about 2 years ago.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Heh. Styro knows all about THE ANAL.

Also, now I'm really sad because I gave a sh*tload of nice fabric to Salvation Army because I knew I'd never get around to using it. If only I'd known.

[melissaS]

Reality, what the hell?

Who's waiting and wallowing? Who's saying this is the most HORRIBLE THING IN THE WORLD?

Who said I don't count all my "glorious" blessings every fucking day. Jesus Christ.

[christy]

Flippy: Indeed Reality is a Bitch.

Also, Reality Bites.

How many of these can we come up with?

Also, how does she get off complaining about this when there are people out there KILLING other people? I mean, it isn't like Melissa is hurting anyone. So why could she possibly care when there are worse people? Right?!? No one can possibly feel any emotion about anything that isn't the WORST SITUATION IN THE WORLD! Am I right? So if my kid dies in a car wreck I can't care because someone else's kid died a slow death from cancer. I get it now, thanks for the insight, Reality.

Also, if anyone ever told me to count my blessings I would bless their face with my fist. Ot at least a really dirty look.

Now my post-grilled cheese good mood is totally ruined.

[Lil' Sis]

My friend Mary is getting married this month, and my roomate is a bridesmaid. She just got her dress- it's my dress from your wedding. Good pick. (okay, it's a little shorter and has a little organza underlay and different ribbon ties, but otherwise, same color and all. oh, plus it's Watters & Watters, so it prolly cost a lot more.)
Happy anniversary, guys!

-Miao.

[kim]

Happy Anniversary Melissa. It sucks when life gets int he way sometimes, I know.

We also had our children young...we call it our Freedom 45 Plan. We had all 3 by the time we were 28 so when we're 45 the youngest can at least go and stay at his older brother's house when we're off partying in Mexico like college students.

It MIGHT make up for the years of poverty, stress, and helplessness that we just may survive.

[elisabeth]

I am in awe of the fact that Logan hired a sitter! i don't think Tim has EVER done that on his own before.

We made some of the same choices you did, although our plans to get pg young didn't happen as quickly as we would have liked, but the goal will be to stay in this house so once they are done with college we can hit the road (or the ocean depending on means of transportation) They can live here if they need to but we are making up for lost time.

Your pics are lovely....happy anniversary. (btw your anniversary is my daughters birthday, july 11,1997 was a v good day, yes?)

[Nancy]

Read this post late last night and felt so moved. Too moved to put a comment into words for some reason. So I will try again today. I loved how you talked about what makes you really sad. How you described the fun you and Logan had/have. I loved seeing your high school id and wedding pics. Words of wistfulness and hope for the future...Happy Anniversary Melissa and Logan!

[hippiechic]

Like Elisabeth said, not many men will HIRE a sitter for the evening!! I'm impressed that he remembered the date. I guess having a guy who wears fancy underpants pays off in the sensitivity department. Lucky you!

Pretty wedding pics too. :)

[Jez]

Reality is right...

You could have had a Star Wars themed wedding.

dork. ;)

Happy Anniversary, Sweets!

[Meganann]

I think Reality might be one of the in-laws.

Anyway, ignore stupid people.

Keep blogging about the life you have--we come here to read about that and you would suck if you went all Mother Teresa on us--how boring.

We like you because you say things that we feel--the pains, aches, boredom, and lack of cash that you write about echo what we feel in our own lives very eloquently.

Enjoy your belated anniversary, and may you dance at your 75th.

[Bettsi]

Melissa, it actually gets more fun before they leave for college. I'm amazed at how much time my husband and I have for each other now and our kids are 15, 11, and 8. I never thought we'd get here! You will too and Happy Anniversary!

[Kiki Dee]

Melissa, thank you for writing all that you do. You are a gifted, gifted writer, with a real talent for capturing the heart of an emotional situation in such a way that people around the Internet bobbing are their heads in unison. I so look forward to your blog posts... they capture the frustrations of marriage and parenthood and life that can be so hard to articulate when one is in an emotional tailspin.

On a side note, my Mom and I are fabric fiends, and I look back on the time she spent working in a fabric store during my youth, and think they were some of the most satisfying years for her --the job got her away from our family a few hours, plus she earned some cash, and was surrounded by fabric... For her, it was textile-based bliss!

Have faith -- the hard times can fuel the creative spirit. You will get through this.

[Stefanie]

Man, I really hope your husband's not cheating on you. If I were you I'd focus on what's really important. New lingerie. Really really sexy keep-a-man shit! Go crazy. But if he is cheating, don't leave him cause any man is better than no man. Unless that man is Tom Cruise.

[patti]

First of all, Happy Anniversary, Melissa. How was dinner?

I had to laugh at the part in your post about how your neighbors scoffed when you and Logan used to play basketball together. It reminded me so of a time when I was still innocent of the true pressures of mortgages and bills and general bogged-downedness of life that often occurs post-children, and the deep compromise and angry dawns of marriage (stole from Carly Simon there). During this blissful period I was working for a guy who was in the midst of all of that. Even though M and I had been together for a good 9 years by this point, we were still child-free and living a simple, carefee life. One day I was telling my boss how bad I felt that Marcelo was sick and my boss replied, all doomsday-like, "Ha. You just wait. One day all of that sweet love and pity will fly out the window, and all you will do is compete with one another over who had the worst day." I shook my head, feeling sad for him that he was so obviously "not in love" with his wife. lololololololololololololol.Now, 16 years and a 4-year old later, I UNDERSTAND.

Anyway, your post just touched on so many truths. The coolest thing is to experience how love just keeps changing shape, but it's still love.

~Patti (sorry so long)

[Toni]

I'll never forget how many times my friend was told to 'look at the bright side, at least your kid is still alive and the other one isn't sick' while his son was dying of cancer. These are the same people who told him when his son died to be grateful that Ian wasn't suffering anymore and, who, one year after Ian's death, were telling him to put the past behind him and not to spend his whole life focused on the negatives.

He has a pretty thick hide now, as you can imagine. He had to grow one because people there are people who say these things everywhere. Even the blogs of strangers. Sigh.

[bridget]

Hey M-

I too made the early kid decision. I too have a sexy hubby who works hard, alot.I too had my anniversary this past week. He didn't get me even a card and I didn't bitch. wanta bitch didn't. I was just so happy to be alone with him.

3 kids under six will make you just so happy to be alone with him. I will be done early and send my kids off to college and take up painting or maybe beer.
You guys love eachother, the road is long but someday and I mean SOME day I'll be sad its over.

[RisibleGirl]

"The husband said, "Well, our kids don't have to move out when they're 18, but we're leaving. They can pay the mortgage if they want."

If I was sitting by that couple I'd of said, "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING IT!"

I did that very thing, and due to $20,000 of putting the house back together learned a good lesson.

Aside from that, I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary. I had my kids young too and trust me, you're gonna love being a young empty nester.

[Kim]

I can so relate to the emotion of looking forward to them moving out! Not that I don't love my kids, but my husband and I had such a blast with each other before we had them, that I am really looking forward to getting some of that time back! I have a little bit of a wait though seeing that my youngest is only 3 months old. :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! I hope your date was a great time!

[styro]

Did somebody just suggest that logan is cheating on you because he has to work? hilarious. And Mrs. Kennedy called me out, FOR REALZ. I was talking about ORAL, though, for future reference, but whatever. Oral, anal, it's all sodomy in the eyes of the law! God, I love the south, seriously.

[Beerzie]

Can you post pictures from the hot model photo shoot?

[Adam]

Well, I thought THIS was therapy...
Speaking of wedding days at least you were not caught in the Church facilities with a 6 pack(empty, mind you)with 2 bridesmaids by the grooms mother. Heck, the photog. even preserved this one for posterity for us. We really do laugh about it now...OK, sort of...Mom's almost recovered....

[Another Amy]

Two perspectives on the kid-timing thing:

#1 My parents had me and my sister quite young, partied through their 20s anyway, had both of us out of the house and on our own in their early 40s, and are now having the time of their lives. I love seeing how happy they are and how young they still are and how much FUN they have!

#2 A post from another blog I read yesterday: http://www.sweetney.com/archives/000513.html

[Megan]

Romantic or thoughtful gestures for no apparent reason are the best. Anyone can pull it together for a birthday or anniversary, but just a plain Wednesday - that's the bomb!

I can empathize with you about how you're feeling now. It's so hard when someone's job keeps getting in the way of life. I'm in a similar situation. I think the only thing you can really do is enjoy the time you do have together and try to use the rest of the time to learn something new, to grow, to take time for yourself (after the kids are asleep!).

Just remember that the only constant in life is change. Tomorrow is another day...

[Texas T-bone]

My inlaws had three girls (my wife is the oldest). Now they're all gone, my mother-in-law drives a Mercedes convertible, my father-in-law just bought a new boat – which is stored at their new lake house. It's all material things, sure, but the point is they are living it up.

On my wedding day, my main duty at the reception was to follow my new bride around with a plate of food trying to get her to eat something.

[Crouching Hamster]

Heartfelt and beautiful.

[Crouching Hamster]

Oh dear.

I just read all the other comments.

Don't shoot me, but I'm kinda glad I'm single. It's pretty easy.

[Karla]

I loved my wedding too. Not only was I incredibly happy, like you, but also incredibly skinny, like you. Even then I was trying to lose a couple pounds, though. When people would act shocked that I wanted to drop a few, I would explain to them that I wanted to be so thin that strangers would stop me on the street and offer me a cookie.

I think to be that skinny again, I'm going to have to get married again. Yes, that sounds like a plan. My husband's going to be so pissed.