Antiques Road Show

Logan is a very sensitive and sentimental guy, yet we'll be watching Antiques Road Show and someone will have a collection of let's say, vintage dryer lint or Tiffany jewelry, which has been lovingly cared for and handed down through eight generations of a single family. This lint (or jewels) is the only tie these people have to their ancestors, a tangiable shared history.

He'll listen to the stories of the vintage dryer lint and how on her 18th birthday her mother handed it on to her and how she had gotten the lint from her own mother on her 18th birthday right before she was hit by a runaway horse carriage and so on and so on. Logan will say, "That's such a touching story." Maybe he'll wipe away a tear or two.

But when it turns out the collection of dryer lint is actually extremely valuable, or even just a little valuable he immediately says, "SELL IT. Sell it immediately. Buy a car."

Let's not forget what kind of car Logan's driving. The fact that he hates the damn car and it will never die and he'll be driving it for the rest of his life is I'm sure coloring his lack of sentimentality in the face of valuable antiques.

It's entirely possible we'll be lovingly handing that car down through eight generations of our family and one day it will end up on Antiques Road Show and our future great-great-great-great-great grandson will stand in front of the camera as the appraiser says, "Yes, I know it says it has a Hemi, but this is a sticker. It's a sticker from an early 2000 advertising campaign for an automotive company called Dodge."

And our great-great-great-great-great grandson will look into the camera and send monumental curses upon Logan's long dead soul for cursing him with the car which will never, ever die.

And yes, this is what Logan's nightmares are made of.

Comments

[okgirl]

Uhhh...ewww! Hahahaha, sorry. I didn't know any of those (Escorts) were still around. And to think, at one time during my life I wanted one really bad. I love the Hemi sticker though. Creative!

[maia]

I had an Escort a looong time ago, 17 years ago. Mine was blue too. Logan is justified in hating his car :) (you are welcome Logan).

[maia]

BTW MINE was never barfed in ;)

[Phil]

Oh, what a poor bastard that child would be. (Oh, and I mean "bastard" in the slang sense, of course.)

[roo]

Someday I will tell the horrifying tale of the Franken-Saab. In the meantime, I will watch Antiques Roadshow with my own sentimental husband, who's fond of saying things like, "Woo, they're lucky that artist died young!"

And of course, "Sell it!"

[suswhit]

"I began vomiting out the window and something went terribly wrong and the vomit ended up in the backseat.

My God Logan was angry after that one. I mean big deal! So your drunk 21 year old girlfriend can't handle the sauce? Whoop-ti-do."

LOL is so overused. And really, how many times do people use it when they truthfully haven't lol? But this made me LOL. Really. Thanks.

[clickmom]

We had a Ford Taurus station wagon that wouldn't die. Must have been built on a sun shiny day when the entire staff at the plant had been laid the night before. We couldn't kill that car if we tried. It was even stolen once, and found by the police before we realized it had been taken!

We purchased it while living Brooklyn and parked it on the street for three years before moving to the burbs. There wasn't a panel on the baby that wasn't scraped, dented, or mangled in some way. We never did any body work on it. As far as the vomit goes- I had kids to take car of that for me, as well an unfortunate minestrone soup incident that may as well have been vomit. The car wash guys were very nice to me.

I drove it for years 3-6 and then the husband for years 7-9. He kept hoping the repairs would justify taking the plunge for another, but they never amounted to more than $150. The husband finally cracked at 9 1/2 years and went out and splurged on an Audi. The damn thing rides a like a dream and needs a repair every 3 weeks. We both look around to see if we can spot the Taurus with her new family. I am sure she is still transporting someone somewhere. I miss her.

[pinky]

My husband's car has over 200,000 miles on it, and the stuffing is showing through the seats. It blows hot air on him, which is lovely on a summer day. And I think there is a penicillin colony in the trunk. I'm afraid to look in there.

I'm afraid that car will be with us when we celebrate our golden wedding anniversary.

[istri]

Hey, I have a 1992 Ford Escort and it's great! Seriously! So, it's not exactly a beauty queen, but I've been so impressed with this car for all these years. It runs great, and I plan to drive it as long as I possibly can. (Besides, who can afford a new car these days....)

[Jennifer]

I too used to own an escort that wouldn't die. The car even survived being driven into a lake, twice (long story); each time we'd turn the key and water came pouring out of the tailpipe, but that sucker started no problem, no matter what. The windows fogged up when it was parked in the driveway, though, even after we had the seats cleaned. We finally paid the local high school auto shop to take it off our hands when I decided that I needed a car that could go from 0 to 65 in less than 2 minutes and bought a Dodge Neon (which I ended up puking in, twice). For all I know it's still around, the Little Escort That Could.

[Texas T-bone]

I found it's best to sell your old car while it's still running, so that you can either have some cash for the overpriced new(er) one or at least have enough to buy a keg and hire a stripper for the "That stupid car's finally gone" party. Recently sold my 1995 Isuzu Rodeo bachelormobile to some high school kid. We will be paying off a coupla credit cards rather than throwing a party, sadly.

[sara]

I once had a car that would never die... I ended up giving it to my ex...heh.

[Lil' Sis]

It was actually published in Real Detroit this week that my Escort's transmission is about to drop on the freeway. Seriously. Page 38.

[Theresa]

How can you hate such a great car??? My first car was an Escort and that puppy was unstoppable. Did you know that they will run even if they are completely out of oil? Mine did, for quite awhile, and the only difference I noticed was that the engine was a wee bit louder. I abused and neglected that thing and it kept chugging right along. Then I sold it and bought a Saturn. Big mistake. I'll trade you my 8 year old Saturn for your 12 year old Escort any day!

[melissaS]

I don't hate it.

I appreciate it but after 12 years, Logan's sort of ready to move on.

Oh....also it leaks water, doesn't start after too much rain. Drips from the rear view mirror when it rains. Steams up from the water in side of it. The passenger door doesn't open from the inside (imagine how pleasant that was for Logan to take his boss to a meeting in it) and it has no air. It barely has heat. It's a two door so it's a pain in the ever loving ass to get the kids buckled into. It smells like basement. The rust is rapidly taking over.....

Let's see....why do I hate it? Gee. Look I tried to appreciate it for what it is but the time has passed. Please, when we're ready to buy a new car come and get it. Please, I'd love to see you live with it for a few weeks.

[mamaloo]

Antiques Road Show, ha! That's funny on a bunch of levels.

[kenya]

my aunt had an escort that we affectionately named "no-no." it had no horn, no lights, no wipers. no air conditioning, no radio, no ceiling (no fabric, that is - just that powdery orangish stuff) and no drivers side window. that car had nothing even remotely resembling a comfort, and it had about 200k miles. but it ran well. sick, i tell you. sick. and when i say "affectionately" i do mean that we laughed so hard that we damn near peed ourselves while naming it.

[Barb]

I'm new to your Blog and have been enjoying it very much. I work from home, and instead of, well, working...I've discovered the world of Blogging. Wasting LOTS of time reading about the lives of others.

Anyway, my comment relates not to the Escort-that-won't-die but to the Suttons Bay vacation cottage. Was this a rental or is it owned by your family? I live in Michigan and could easily envision spending a weekend in this cottage, if it's available for rent.

[Theresa]

Melissa,
Do you have to scrape the INSIDE of the windows on the Escort when it's cold out? I forgot to add that to the reasons I loved my Escort. So much character! The Saturn, on the other hand, is just a bland piece of shit which tonight we are taking to the mechanic for the SECOND time this month. I wonder what will break next!