Co-Written By My Sinuses

This morning I woke up with my face lying next to me on my pillow. Where my face had once been was one large, painful sinus. As Logan left for work, he said, "Do you want some ibuprofen or something for that?"

I said, "Oh no...no...I'm fine."

Then my entire head exploded. The End.

This weekend is the "Dream Cruise", I'm using those quotes ironically, because the [fingers]Dream[fingers] Cruise, annoys the ever loving shit out of me. I used to find it annoying that people complained about the event, because big woop! People in Detroit love cars and it's just one day we can't use a major road in our area. Just one day a year you have to avoid doing things on the other side of Woodward. Just one day a year you have to go out of your way to the freeway to visit your friends on the other side of the road.

But then the other night, Sunday night, six whole days before the one day event, we drove down Woodward and already there were people lining the road watching for classic cars. But instead they look like dumb asses watching my stupid minivan travel down the road. At first Logan and I were laughing about the people watching our minivan. But then, I started to feel angry at these people with their fold up chairs on the side of the road.

I said to Logan, "I sort of want to jump out of this minivan and shove all those people and then steal their stupid chairs."

Logan just stared at me and I realized I was maybe overreacting so I said, "Look, my sinuses are really painful right now."

On the bright side, Logan designed a vinyl wrap for a vintage school bus a local radio station will be driving through the cruise. It's really cool but I don't think I can show you until after the fact but I'd like you all to imagine designing a piece of vinyl large enough to wrap around a bus. I'll give you a hint: It takes a long ass time.

*Have I mentioned there are 13 days until school starts for Madison? Because there are 13 days.

Comments

[libbyfish]

I usually lurk, but i can't let this go by without comment... I HATE THE DREAM CRUISE!!! I used to live in MI and I never understood the appeal. Some of them aren't even "classic" cars, it's some asshat in a ghettofied corrolla.

[christy]

I hate people who are "into" cars generally. So I would be up there jabing my eyes out with toothpicks if I had to deal with a whole city of people who are "into" cars. Like people who like Nascar. THEY ARE DRIVING IN A CIRCLE, PEOPLE!!! A FREAKING CIRCLE!!

[AmyinMotown]

OHHHHHHH hell yes. I just wrote a nasty-ass email to the Dream Cruise people because there they were Friday night,, selling T-shirts well over a week before this one day event!!! Meanwhile, I almost got hit by not one but two asshats who clearly only ever leave their houses for the cruise.

My "who ARE these idiots?" story: two years ago, the weekend of the big blackout, I was heading out for an appointment along Woodward in Bloomfield Hills. As I drove it got crazier and crazier until I realized this was already, on Thursday afternoon before the cruise, CRUISE TRAFFIC. The topper was on my way home, I saw two people with their stupid fucking foldup chairs on 13 and Woodward, just watching what was, in fact, THURSDAY AFTERNOON TRAFFIC. People were like, grocery shopping and living a life ((obviosuy a foriegn concept o these folks) while they sat there with their drink cozies and lawnnchairs, watching the cars go by. I informed my husband that if I ever could not think of anything better to do with my time than that, he was to first introduce me to perhaps some voolunteer opportunities or put me out of my misery and shoot me.

This is how much I hate the Dream Cruise--I SUGGESTED visting my inlaws that day. Yes. THAT would be a more pleasurable way to spend my time.

[Saple]

Dream Cruise! The day that Detroit goes nuts for no reason.

Don't get me wrong. I like the dream cruise because I live close enough and far enough away from it (Two Blocks) but I always laugh at the people driving up and down (can you call 2 miles an hour driving) the street in their mini vans with the doors open with young shirtless tattoed mulleted men and girls with no business wearing a belly shirt acting all that hanging out any open orifice.

The best part other than the block parties and the friends all hanging out on their porch is 10 pm when they close down the streets and force everyone off and for about 10 -15 minutes you can stroll down the middle of Woodward.

[Julia]

I don't know whether to feel more sorry for you that school in MI doesn't start AUGUST 16 like it does here, or more sorry for myself (as I have been for the last two weeks, and especially today) that school here starts AUGUST 16 because it means I am losing my part-time babysitter, and along with her, my sanity. I wish we could switch school boards so that you could have sweet freedom just a little sooner and I could have sweet freedom just a little longer.

[Heatheranne]

13 days? My son starts in 8. I am so not looking forward to the 7th grade homework.

[Jen]

Amen, sister. Dream Cruise rolls around and I see how far from Woodward I can stay. I work along the Woodward corridor and driving home this week just bites.

[Ada]

No "Dream Cruise" here in hippie land Victoria, but every once and a while the suburbs come out of the woodwork and bring thier cars to the centre of the city and stroke their cocks.

We went to the annual car show this summer because i have a boy who likes cars (and therefore is not proof thathe will not be gay according to my mother in law). It was terrible. You can't even get close to one of them with a child - nevermind a child with a granola bar in his hand.

All those coks, swooping down on my little (not gay) boy.

DON'T TOUCH THE CAR, SON

Yeah.
Fuck you.

(I think my sinuses really hurt)

[Ada]

Man, I'm a terrible proof reader...

"therefore is proof that he is not gay according to my mother in law).

yes, my sinuses indeed hurt

[Karen]

We've got 23 days to go till school starts, and that's no typo. TWENTY-THREE.

[schmutzie]

I would like to know how it is that everyone in North America seems to get the same colds at the same time. I live in Saskatchewan, and this province is rife with snot.

[Lil' Sis]

I love that story about your sinuses. Tell it again...

I've got shows this week (Wednesday at Club Bart, Friday at the Belmont.) or I would have taken a vacation. Because I live nowhere near Woodward, nor do I often go north of 8 Mile on any given Saturday, but the whole thing offends my sensibilities. See, my car is dying and I paid $22 for gas this week. I can't exactly see "cruising" as a fun pastime.
Plus I hate people.

-miao.

[veg4me]

You should have Logan design a wrap for the minivan.

My kids have been in school for a week already, so I just sit home and fondle my Rebel.

[amber]

I'd like to now invite all of you fellow Michiganders to the week long hell known as National Cherry Festival...

Coming out of lurkdom to say that I think you are fantastic! And that I can feel for Logan. I too have vinyl wrapped a car before and it definately tests all of your skills.

[kim]

THIRTEEN DAYS?! What kind of Nirvana do you live in? I have 20 more days here....not that anyone is counting or anything.

[rachael]

gak. yet another reason i'm glad i don't live in d-town. michigan's nice enough when there are plenty of trees and no classic cars around.

[Xquzme]

The Dream Cruise *shudder* The Cherry Festival in Traffic City *sob* At least the Art Fair (aka "It's not art, and it's not fair") is over. My heat goes out to you Royal Oakers this weekend -- stock up on necessary provisions (wine, beer, popcorn, baby stuff) and hole up until Monday.

[Jeff]

OK, OK! That's it. MOVE OUT OF MY CITY!
Just kidding, I have mixed felings about this. There are always people whit nothing to do, waiting for something to happen but that's no excuse to be out on woodward a week early. Now to defend the cruise: These cars DO mean something to the city and the people here. Detroit is a place that can't clame much: cars, riots, motown, The White Stripes... The cruise is a good thing, and I spend the day with my father in the cruise, sitting shotgun in the classic T-bird we spent countless hours working on together!

[Lizz]

Try this for a lapse in reason....
I got married in Detroit on August 16th eight years ago...HOLY DREAM CRUISE NIGHTMARE. Not having lived in MI for awhile the dream cruise didn't even enter my thoughts while I booked our venue, then I tried to make reservations for out of towners. Not one hotel, motel, roachtel to be had.... AHHH goodtimes, goodtimes.

[clickmom]

Oh, those classic car freaks, every summer I have to photograph a show or two for our local paper, and let me tell you, if those men were as passionate about their own up keep as they are about the vehicle, there would be some drop dead hot men out there. However, it seems like they have to choose, and the cars win. Nothing as photographic as an old dirty man in an undershirt sitting on a lawn chair, legs spread as wide open as they can get, hanging out behind a really shiny old car with the hood up (That just has to be Freudian) YAWN, I'd rather shoot moss growing.

[skroll63]

OMG - I am originally from MI now living in CA and my sister-in-law just this morning told me that my brother will be "driving" is Cornette in the Dream Cruise. Shows how long I've been gone from MI, I never even heard of the Dream Cruise, I thought they were cruising up and down the Detroit River in a boat...

[Mrs Darling]

Just went school shopping today. Its hard to believe its that time again!

[southernfriedgirl]

So are there 13 days left?

[kate]

Dreamcruise. hate it. hate it more than i hate the location of the state freakin fair. god, i used to live at 14 and John R and worked in downtown birmingham. JUST IMAGINE HOW MUCH FREAKING FUN THAT WAS TO GET TO FUCKING WORK. Five years later, i am still bitter. I hate cars. That being said, part of me is still thinking about moving home. I am sick.

[Sarcomical]

wow. school here started today. stupid buses are all over the place. bleh.

but i know as a parent, it's got to be sweet, sweet heavenly bliss to see summer vacation come to an end. ;) at least a bit.

[Bonzai]

Been lurking forever - partially as I was fascinated to find a normal person who lives in Birmingham (went to State and the only people I met from the big B were scary sorority chicks who were long on $$$ and short on brains...) Hunker down - my best friend lived in Berkley for years and works for GM - she used to escape to Marlette to be safe from the hordes.
School is a blessed 10 days away ...

[Hannah]

Oh I don't envy you. While cars are the
bread and butter of the state, the hullabaloo
over the car show is ridiculous. I guess if you like that sort of thing it's fun. But a week early....eeeekkkkkkk

I have mixed emotions about the start of
school.

[Nancy France]

Houston has no "Dream Cruise". We have Art Cars instead.

They're kinda cool, don't shut the whole city down and are different every year... and everyone who dresses up... MEANS to look the way they do...lol

Oh.. and Houston's schools started Monday, and the district I live in started last week.

gack

[Very Mom]

It's like a school bus condom! If condoms were made of vinyl, I suppose.

XO, sorry about the sinuses. If I lived there, I'd make you some chicken soup and help you steal folding chairs.

[melissaS]

Nancy: we have those also: Car Tunes.

Everyone: You guys! My sinuses blew my face off this morning but I was hardly miserable this afternoon. A sore throat is the only thing that gives me pause.

[WannaBeMom/Katie]

Ack. I have to drive my parents house in Bham on Thursday night. I forgot about the stupid Dream Cruise. It will now take 4 hours to get to their house from Ann Arbor.

This was very bad news indeed in your blog today. I know have something else to worry about.

[Miranda]

Yay! You've nearly survived the entire summer with wits intact! When Madison goes to school in 13 days, you can smile smugly knowing that the parents in West Bloomfield (not me!) still have to entertain their collective brood until after Labor Day.

(making mental not to avoid RO the rest of the week and to thank Melissa for that reminder)

[Pam]

Ok, I confess...I Love the Dream Cruise!! There I said it. I'm sure I'd feel different if I lived there, so I understand. It's my excuse to travel to Detroit, see relatives and drive our car around, (the car is a one of a kind called the Cowboy, stupid name and silly looking car to me, but my husband loves it).

[Annie Parks]

I am a Royal Oaker and I just don't get into the cars at all, but you just gotta know where to go for the party to really appreciate all that the Dream Cruise can be. Every year we go to a party put on by my friend (you might know her as Almond Joy of the Candy Band www.candyband.com). It is kid friendly, there is karaoke and Koney dogs. Neighborhood feel with all those cars just a couple houses down, but there have been years where I never venture from my lawn chair in the driveway. Why bother when the kids, beer and dogs are right there? Please join us, the more the merrier. Honestly, this is a fer real invitation. From a fellow RO'er and friend of Playaway's Laura.

[MelissaS]

How funny. We were just a few doors down from that party last year. Small world.

[Nancy France]

Art Cars... you got to see'm to believe'm

http://www.orangeshow.org/vote2005/gall_001.php

These are last years participants. Look at the rest of the site for other.....interesting areas.....of Houston..

LOL

[Krista]

Another Royal Oaker here, and the whole week has been painful driving around town. Not only that, but if one more old man in some ugly sooped-up roadster squeals his wheels at me as I'm minding my own business running down the sidewalk on Crooks (read: NOT Woodward, damn Cruisers!) I will officially lose it.

Also, Xquzme, you forgot the thing that now bring the most pride to Michiganders silly little hearts -- Enimen.

[D'Andre Harris]

Here's a thought, why not call the Woodward dream Cruise what it really is: pathetic middle aged suburbanites stuck in the 50's and 60's desperately trying to recapture their youth by driving ugly gas guzzlers up and down the damn street.