My dreams are wearing me out.

I've been very overwhelmed lately. There are a lot of things to get done and when I go to sleep I think about those things and instead of my sleep offering me relief from my to-do list, I end up dreaming about doing all the stupid things I have on my list. I'll tell you, you haven't dreamed until you've dreamed about all the mundane things which make your life work.

In the last week I've dreamed about exotic things like taking mail to the post office, folding laundry (and putting it away!), doing the grocery shopping (and putting it away!) and going to the bank. I have also dreamed about cleaning the bathroom, writing something amusing, which is unfortunate because I have yet to do that.

The thing which is so depressing about dreaming about your everyday life is that you wake up and still have to do it all over again, even though you just spent the last eight hours doing it all in your dreams. The 'good news' is that last night I had a dream unrelated to my daily chores.

I was Jennifer Garner, except I was possessed with the devil. In this dream I would look at myself in the mirror and think how I didn't want to be possessed with the devil, I mean, look at me! I'm Jennifer Garner! This is an obvious mis-casting! I'm cute and adorable! How can I have the spirit of Satan in my soul?

But then someone would talk to me and I would growl back at them and I felt horrible about that. I was cute and loveable (and also skinny) but possessed with the devil.

I'm currently in a really self loathing place and I'm thinking this was my mind's way of saying: You could be cute and loveable (and skinny!) but then you'd be married to Ben Affleck and possessed with the devil.

Thank goodness, I'm not cute or married to Ben Affleck. But most of all, thank God I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life!

(PS: Don't send me email about how I can lose the weight because duh, I know how to lose weight.)

Comments

[sweetney]

so long as i get to be thora birch, you can be anyone you want to be, baby.

and 10-4 good buddy on the self-loathing: i'm on a diet now myself. must be all that time spent around the effortlessly graceful and lithe mrs. kennedy. 15 pounds by the end of summer, or the daily rounds of public self-flagellation must begin for me. bad, bad me, that is.

but you're adorable! you know this!

[Julie]

I used to dream about work - as if I needed to stress out while my body was supposed to be recovering from all the stress of the day before. And it's not like you get anything accomplished in a dream either, so it's completely wasted effort.

Last night I dreamed I was hanging out with the Beastie Boys. Pretty cool.

[you know who]

HERE'S HOW TO LOOSE WEIGHT--YOU SHOULD EAT LESS! YOU SHOULDNT FEEL BAD BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU HAVE A HUSBAND! LISTEN TO ME, MELINDA!

Hooo. That was fun.

[suburban misfit]

If I'd stop eating really yummy food I'd lose weight. And if I got off my lazy butt I'd lose weight.

But I like yummy food and I'm lazy, so I think I'll just accept it and move on.

:-)

[Lisa V]

Did you get to wear the blue rubber dress she wore in Alien. I would totally talk with Linda Blair's voice to wear that damn dress.

[melissaS]

Hanging out with the Beastie Boys would make my entire year, even if it was only a dream.

[Ninotchka]

My husband marvels at the fact that I have very vivid dreams and that I always remember them in excrutiating detail.

I have often dreamed about work which is horrid because they are these totally off the wall dreams about people I don't even care to know, much less interact with and then I find myself riding in the elevator with them and I get all shiftyeyed and fidgety. Either that or I can barely suppress a visible shudder.

That's no way to start a work day.

[Elizabeth]

I can't believe people email you to tell you how to lose weight. Isn't it supposed to be one of the good things about having a blog, that you can write about things that bug you without having to listen to advice about how to fix them? (Besides which, I think you look lovely the way you are.) When I read about the god-awful things people say to you, it almost makes me grateful my blog isn't more popular. :)

[Ninotchka]

Oh and I realize I'm an idiot for misspelling "excruciating."

Grrreat. Now I'll probably dream about that.

[nicole]

i just had a totally fabulous sex dream about saddam hussein. it was ridiculously good. i blame the hormones.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I dream about taking a shower. And then I wake up and take a shower. And well, yeah, that was boring. Almost as boring as it was in my dream.

[Lisa]

During college I worked as a file clerk at the university and had to do a lot of xeroxing. During that time I used to dream about standing at copier and xeroxing. It really does not get much worse than that.

[karyn]

Back when I was a teenager I worked at McDonald's. I used to sometimes dream an entire 8-hour shift and then have my alarm go off and realize I had to work the shift all over again. Can you say 'soul-sucking'?

[Lin]

You are cute and you're married to someone cuter than Ben Affleck.

[Phil]

Melissa -- between you and Nicole, you've independently come up with the lovely Saddam and the Devil as gay lovers scene from the South Park movie. Now doesn't that make you feel hip?

Last night my Mom dreamed that I crashed my new Alfa and died. Then she woke up to find out that I was still alive but that her weeknight boyfriend, Peter Jennings, was really dead. Sucks for her.

Hey -- and I hit my maximum weight not long ago, too. Taking it off will be an interesting task. Witcha in spirit, sister girl.

[clickmom]

Oh my, I am queen of the vivid dream. I have been having incredibly long and detailed dreams for as long as I can remember. (Maybe that is why I am so tired all the time!) I did a whole entry on a totally twisted dream and my interpretations of each segment on Aug. 7th. Check it out- it is titled "My first triatlon nightmare"

I think your dream is telling you that being cute and skinny is not the solution to everything, even cute and skinny chicks are flawed. I mean really, possession is a major turn off.

[kim]

My depression/migraine meds give me the best dreams! I dream in full colour with well-written scripts, pitched to the production studio in my head, and eclectically casted with unconventional actors mostly playing the parts of my husband and/or other significant family members.

Sorry, didn't mean to throw that in your face or anything....

[Heather]

I am going on a cruise in January and i hafta lose 40 pounds. I know how, but i am going to struggle to do it. I am also going with a skinny mini who can eat the friggin' buffet bar clean and not gain an ounce. I, too, am with you in spirit. Dont let it get you down.......

[Nicholas]

Jennifer Garner is probably the fattest she has ever been in her live right now. With the baby and all. So maybe that is the connection you feel with her.

[Amber]

My first job was a cashier at Wal-Mart. I used to dream about ringing up item after item for a long line of rednecks. Then I'd have to wake up and go ring up item after item for a long line of rednecks. Ughhhhh.

Jennifer Garner's cheeks overwhelm me.

[Jessie]

Those are my least favorite type of dreams. When I used to wait tables, I'd dream about waiting tables all night and then have to get up and actually go to work. I'd wake up exhausted from working all night in my dreams. No Fun! Good thing you had a somewhat amusing dream last night to break up the real-life dreams.

[Lil' Sis]

I used to dream that I was being suffocated by tulle. That was when I was working at the bridal salon, being emotionally suffocated by tulle.
And stop worrying about your weight. There are fat kids in Ethiopia that would kill to look like you. Or something.
-miao.

[kal]

Knowing HOW to do something and actually finding the drive and willpower to do it are two totally different beasts. I just had my second child (5 months ago) and am my biggest too .. it sucks, no?

[Meghan]

Melissa you are cute and loveable. I had the pleasure of seeing that first hand.

Maybe the possessed part you dreamt about is that chorus in your head that says mean things to Melissa (like the one that said "I'm currently in a really self loathing place and I'm thinking this was my mind's way of saying: You could be cute and loveable (and skinny!)" I think you should tell them to fuck off and stop beating up the loveable girl. Soon.
I'm off to do some self affirmation in the mirror now!

[Petey]

Not that you'll believe me - because you're in a self loathing place right now - but you are NOT fat.

I, on the other hand, am always in a self loathing place and ALWAYS feel fat. And nothing you can say will make me believe I'm not.

But you aren't - so stop it! Okay - I have to go self-loathe a little more.

By the way, this is the first time I've ever posted here but I think we may be long lost sister. Or at least from the same gene pool.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I dreamed last night (and I am serious) about reading this post.

[Debbi]

Like Karyn, I used to work at McDonald's when I was a teenager, and I used to wake up UNDER my bed, looking for small cups. And I'd be frantic, because a nice little old lady was waiting for her small whatever. Once, I went into my parents room, near tears, and woke my mom up with how I couldn't find the small cups and she was waiting. I came out of the dream enough to realize it was a dream when my mom said "Huh?" It was always the same old woman, and I was always looking for those damn small cups.

[TB]

I dreamed I was scuba diving with my father in law and I found a puppy which I took home. Upon calling the puppy's owner I learned he was a very bad dog with anger issues and that is why he was left at the bottom of the ocean.
Should I go back to therapy?

[Jenny]

I dream about mundane things all the time, though sometimes with a David Lynch-ian twist.

My most surreal mundane dream was that I was in a large kitchen, with a bunch of nuns who were teaching me how to put giant English peas into giant Ziploc bags.

You're beautiful, and I love your site!

[LizM]

"I'm thin enough, I'm cute enough, and doggone it people like me"

Come on now, SAY IT!!!

[snowy]

i have those dreams all the time. not the j garner ones unfortunately but the hum-drum chatting by the water cooler at work ones.
FEH! i need to have a more creative sleep life.

[nicole]

i just remembered something! the first year or so that i was on lexapro, my dreams became totally mundane. i even asked the doctor if it was a side effect (it's not a reported one, but this gives me further food for thought). after about 3 years, it's gone back to normal- i.e., sex dreams about saddam.

[Kathleen]

I enjoyed the BlogHer handjob (my first! thanks!), so I've seen lots of pictures of you recently, and I can say definitively that you ARE cute.

So, eat your heart out, J.Fleck.

(p.s. this is my first comment. hi!)

[Psycho Kitty]

Last night *I* dreamed about how crazy it's making me that I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life! Coincidence?
I did not, however, dream of Jennifer "I'm the Devil" Garner, so, oh well.

[kristine]

I had a dream last night that I found out my boyfriend was really a woman.

I woke up and laughed because I thought, "I want to blog that, but Shaun will kill me if I do."

I did check him to make sure the boobs were not there.

[AngelaM]

Ha! I've been lurking, but had to laugh out loud (not the 1st time) about doing the laundry and going grocery shopping (and putting it away!)

That damn PUTTING IT AWAY will haunt me to my dying day..

Don't feel bad Melissa - we all have these days where everything is crap. I've enjoyed reading your blog, and FWIW, think you're doing an awesome job with your kids, and everything else in general..

Okay, so I don't know how that lame-o compliment is supposed to make you feel better, but there it is. Hang in there.

[kelly]

There's this man from my past/potential fantasy future who has this really great business that I could be a partner in, ass-loads of money and a travel bug. I chose to stick with what I have because it was the right thing for me to do. Whenever things feel stale, boring, or unhappy, I tend to think about this person and wonder what if...

and then my friend Kat's voice breaks into the reverie and she's saying, "dude...he's an angry little man with a tiny little penis. You don't need that."

and then I hate myself even more.

Hope you feel better, and that there are no angry little men with tiny little penises messing with you in the sanctity of sleeptime.

[terri c]

self loathing sucks. Work dreams suck. been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Hang in there. Been reading everyone's blogher reviews and i have not seen one negative or even neutral comment about you. Hate to say it but I think people like you. A lot!

[Lisa S (& Riley, Bella, & Adelyn)]

I just saw a thing today on Anna Nicole Smith (love VH1!!), and how she was likely having vivid sex dreams but announced in some magazine that she was having sex with a ghost, because it was so realistic.

So you see, it could be worse.

[Rossy]

Two nights ago I dreamed I was involved in an elaborate plot to 'out' Tom Cruise which involved me being only partially clad in a towel and somehow degenerated into me losing said towel and making out with Katie Holmes (she used a lot of tongue) which vision Tom claimed to be 'really into'.A likely story. Then last night I dreamed I was growing many extra teeth in disturbing new dental arrangements. My 11 month old baby is finally getting her first teeth which could explain that one but for the life of me I can't come up with the reasoning behind the TomKat nightmare. And its probably best that way. From all the photo's I've seen I'd much rather make out with you than Katie - who may actually be possessed at this point! You're a cutie.

[jenB]

jesus fuck, you are not portly or fat or unnattractive and i saw you up close!

xo

[okgirl]

I just dream that I am skinny. That helps me just a little. :0)

[bridget]

I had a full blown affair with Tony Soprano during my last pregnancy. I mean a FULL blown humping my sheets affair. It really put a damper on my real sex life, cause it was so dam good.

Bad days suck, go have a beer. It must be about 5 there. I still have 2 hours:)

[GG]

I had my last baby 8 YEARS AGO and am the biggest I've ever been. So, feel infinitely better by comparison. I mean you, not me. Jeez, it's hot out.

[Molly]

I'm the biggest I've ever been too. Yes, I also know how to diet and work out. My diet issue is definitely a willpower thing, but as for the working out, the last 3 times I've tried to start a workout routine, I've gotten sick, every single time. So, I've decided that it's really not healthy for me to exercise. I'm the last person to tell someone else how to do it because maybe like me, they have a very sound medical reason for not working out. Know what I mean?

[Annie]

OMG - Too funny

[DM]

Melissa. You are not fat. You look just fine. I am at the most I have ever weighed and, well, let's put it this way, the scale only goes to 300 so I have no accurate way of knowing what I'm at. So obviously I need someone to tell me what to do with my life. Please mystery internet trolls! Tell me what to do (That is sarcasm, internet trolls. I know you don't recognize it most of the time)!

I think you're gorgeous. So there.

I once had a dream that I had to make 500 beef and cheese burritos with sour cream and pour 250 medium cherry cokes. And I even calculated out how much it would cost. Apparently there was a convention and they were craving our not-so-authentic Mexican food. When I worked at Orange Julius, I had a dream that the Columbian banana cartel was trying to kill me because Orange Julius didn't use their bananas. Both times I was extremely sick with bronchitis and still trying to work because there was no insurance or sick pay. They were freaky.

[Cherie]

I actually don't find Jennifer Garner attractive--she has a weird face. But then again I don't see what everyone sees in Justin Timberlake. She is thin, true, but then again, she's possessed by Satan.

I had those kind of stressful dreams when I worked at Burger King! It must be something about stressful, repetitive work that does that to people. Kind of funny that fast food and mothering have the same effect. All right, maybe not so funny.

[Suebob]

Here is my post about dreams from a few days ago:

http://snackish.typepad.com/suebobyque/2005/08/dream_sequence.html

[Crazy Us]

I just had a dream that I was having sex with Steven Cobert from "The Daily Show." And you know what? It was good sex.

Melissa, I think you are so amazing because you are so fucking honest. Thank you!

[Pam]

I hate dreaming about work! I do it anytime work is stressful. As if I needed the 24 hour stress workout. My body says, hey you, you didn't workout enough today, so here's somemore. freakin dreams anyway

[Crazy Us]

I mean, Stephen Colbert, who I am watching now on the "Daily Show." Do you think I have sexy dreams about him because I watch him right before I got to bed?

--Good luck with everything.

[Kat]

When I worked in the Nightmare Interactive Studio, and was taking care of too many stray cats, I dreamed I had to "integrate the code with the kittens" and I was really at a loss as to how to do this. So I thought I could print all the code out and have the kittens sit on the printed papers.

I quit shortly thereafter.

Get your thyroid checked. You have some symptoms of hypothyroidism.

[ada]

jesus fuck

i just wanted to say that.
jenB, you say the cutest things

i'm going to wake up my son and teach it to him right now

jesus fuck
it's just too awesome

perhaps I'll just kneel by his crib and whisper it to him over and over again so that when he wakes in the morning i will say, "Hello Franklin! How was your night?"
and he'll say, "Jesus Fuck!"

jesus fuck
how can you not love a canadian who says that?

- love, the captain of JenB's fan club (obviously)

[Sarah]

Oddly, fitting in with more than one of your points, last night I had many dreams about eating the gross shake packets and the gross soup packets from my crazy diet. I had these dreams over and over, like fever dreams. Yuck.

[WindyLou]

It is very rare for me to remember a specific dream and that is just peachy as far as I am concerned. The only ones I remember are the recurring nightmares. The way I figure it: not remembering is a good thing.

[Cary Lyn (hippiehickchick)]

I'm right there with you....I'm so not liking my look these days. I have never been this large and as much as I tell myself "I had my day....I was quite the hottie" (even if in my own mind) I can't make that ok. I don't want to have HAD the day...I want to ALWAYS have the day. I want to be the 40 year old hottie or the 60 year old hottie but.......at this rate....I'll be the 60 year old they have to bust out the wall to get her out of her bed and to the hospital. OK maybe not that large but JESUS F*CK! Hee Hee...I got to say it!!

[Amanda]

Shit, I need to lose 20 lbs just so I can be as "fat" as you. But I have those days too. Unfortunately, my self-loathing generally sends me running for a bag of hershey's kisses.

[Sloth]

Can we trade? The other night I dreamt that I killed someone and ate him. And got blood vapor in my lungs. I'll trade you that for folding laundry.

Please?

[elizabeth]

You are too skinny!

EAT MORE! EAT MORE! EAT MORE!

:P You're just not in a place now to lose it. When you're ready you will. I completely agree with other poster, knowing how & doing it are two different things. Until they come up with a McDonald's diet I'm SOL.

[Lisa]

I used to dream about boring stuff. Now I make stuff up. I dreamt that Jennifer Aniston repaired to the loving healing arms of Gwen Stefani. I spent the entire dream convincing people that they were DEFININTELY lesbians. I woke up with a vein pulsating off my forehead. From the heartfelt convincing.

[maia]

I am a dreamer. Love that fact and always hope I have time to reflect in the morning and recall and organize the nights events. Unfortunatly life (kids,p.t. work, and getting kids to school on time) screws it up during the school year.

But really, I do find that when my dream life is mucho better than my real life that it is time to make some changes. Shake it up a bit.

I recently went back to work part time (working only when hubby is home) greatly increased my sanity (will to live :) and the extra guilt free $$ is very medicinal. Perhaps it is time to look for a part time job?

[MelissaS]

People, I have two jobs.

Please never, ever tell me to get a job.

Never.

Ever.