Remedial Bartending.

I almost killed my husband this morning. He was attempting to complete a simple task (burning a few images onto a disc for a freelance job) and the children were playing 'Wolf' and I said, "Do you see what I'm talking about? It's hard enough to simply transfer jpeg's to a disc, it's impossible to concentrate enough to actually write out a complete thought in this house." (three weeks until school starts! Thank you Jesus!)

He replied, "I just tell them to go play somewhere else."

"Oh really," I said. "Go ahead, try that and let me know how it works." I then turned to Madison, "Daddy just has all the answers doesn't he?"

She said, "No he doesn't."

Logan yelled from the next room, "Actually Madison, I do! I know everything!"

I tore out his aorta at that point and came to the coffee shop for a little quiet so I could actually contribute to Flogging Baby.

I don't have much for you internet. This was a crazy weekend and Logan claims he's taking the entire week off of work, but I'll believe that when I see it. Friday night we did end up at the Tigers Game and I took a lot of pictures. My friend and I were discussing how we're victims of our babysitters. I was so desperate for a sitter, I paid my friend's neice $50 to keep them until my other sitter could pick them up at 9:30. That's $50 for 3 hours...that's how desperate I was.

On Saturday afternoon my friend Stephanie and I went to work the beer tent at the Highland Games with Chrissy. I took a lot of pictures there also.

The thing I love about working at the Highland Games beer tent is that it's remedial bartending. There are only four types of beer and a few bitch pops and everything costs $5. I am very bad at math but even I know how to count by fives. I can't mix cocktails but I can crack open a bottle of Smirnoff Ice or pour beer out of a tap.

The other nice thing about the beer tent is free samples and no kids. The only bad thing is when a really short stocky man kisses you. Which makes your face burn with the toxic-ness of the whole thing. No one ever flirts with me, ever. The one time someone does he's really gross. So typical.

Comments

[Nicholas]

What? No mention of Blogher?

[Greg]

Nice shoes.

Oh wait, you meant non-virtual flirting. Well, maybe you're just not paying attention.

[AMG]

Hah, excellent. I love "bartending." I say that in quotes because I fake bartend too. I help my catering friend out when he does weddings, and it's usually two types of beer, a red wine, a white wine, and maybe voldka or something. The hardest thing for me is remembering that "merlot" is red and "chardonnay" is white.

[MainlineMom]

Mmmm beer. And free, even better! Why does beer have to have so many calories? If it was calorie free I'd kiss a gross man once for free beer all day.

Wish I knew how to find a sitter. Just one. I don't even care if she's 12.

[Becky]

You should really move to Arizona. The kids in my neighborhood started back to school today. Hooray!

[Kari]

Mmmm. Free samples? Was there a limit on the number of "samples?"

[Phil]

"Bitch pop"? I assume that's different from "Bitch slap", but how?

[kelly]

ooooh, beer tent. where weasle piss dreams come true!

I'd pay $50 for 3 hrs without the kids today. To anybody. No question.

[Julie]

Glad you got away for an evening and an afternoon. All it cost was $50 and a revolting kiss. I'd say you got off cheap.

My husband thinks he has all the answers too. And like Madison, my daughter knows better too.

[Beerzie]

Hey honey, nice taps. Now gimmie a beer.

[Lil' Sis]

I don't remember how to flirt all the sudden either. I mean, it's ridiculous- I could do it 2 months ago while I had a Not-Boyfriend, but now... I don't know. Maybe I am just not as observant. But it's been a long time since someone flirted with me, or at least since I NOTICED someone flirting with me. Maybe it's all the groin-kicks I dole out. Nah, that can't be it... the world may never know.
-miao.

[Penny Pressed]

A few years ago I had this dream that I was on The Bachelorette--I WAS The Bachelorette, actually. Which was fine and all, until I realized this wasn't the version I was familiar with. In addition to all of the contestants being, as they say 'over the hill,' this was, like, a show from another country. (Italy? Greece? Saudi Arabia?) No one spoke english and everyone was two feet shorter than I was. You'd think the first thought that popped into my head would have been, "What? I'm MARRIED already." But, given my history with men who find me attractive, it was an understandable, "Well. That figures."

[christy]

The high point of my recent life occured recently when I went to my high school reunion and a guy I went to school with was going on and on about how hot I was. I could have listened to that drunk bastard all night. I don't care if he was lying.

[Sarcomical]

it's ALWAYS the gross ones. the good ones know they don't have to flirt i guess. they expect women to approach them.

but the gross ones? aahhhh...they're constantly eyeballing the perimeter for fresh meat. you must have looked like a juicy filet. rawr.

[Amy]

My kid tried that 'mommie vs. daddy' thing once. Then I sat him down and explained to him how things really work around this house.

He got me once though. I had him thoroughly convinced I 'know everything'. Then one day he brought me crayons and asked me to make certain colors for him, like purple, where I would blend red and blue, ya know, and get a certain shade of purple. Then he asked me to make brown. Well, I tried. It didn't turn out so well.

Weeks later I had to pull 'mommie knows everything' out of my pocket again and he said 'no, mommie, you don't know how to make brown.'

[Very Mom]

Babysitters are so difficult to find. I figure I should have a plethora at my fingertips - don't I deserve something for all those years (age 9 - age 18) I babysat for everyone in the neighborhood?

[Heatheranne]

I'm not sure which is worse; being kissed by the stalky guy, or being told that you have very clean socks. Yes, some guy actually used that on me once. He said that my socks looked very clean and I must do great laundry.

How fucking sad is that?

[kim]

Mmmmmm...men in uniform AND beer...and no kids?! A perfect afternoon.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I had this one job when I lived in Georgia. As a waitress, in a coffee shop.
My ass was grabbed on a daily basis (but I also got good tips. I am such a whore)
The problem was that it was always the men with the least amount of teeth, or the most amount of dung on their boots.

[A person with an opinion]

Hey Michellle maybe you shoudl be happy someone kissed you! No one ever kisses me! Even when I ask! Many times! Feel how I am teling you ! It is right because I TOLD YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY!!!!!!!

[andrea]

Bitch pops... OMG... I'm dying laughing here...