Let's be silly and superficial now. How about shoes?

Before I go further, I know you guys mean well telling me what exercise to try and what you did that worked for you. I just find myself feeling defensive and I don't want to feel defensive. I have a few ideas to get my body moving more than it currently is. My friend Chrissy has a neighbor who teaches pilates so we're going to do that one morning while our kids are at school. I'm debating a couple other things, like dropping the gym membership and doing a Curves-ish place. Max and I go on long walks but they can't be too long since he's not worried about his weight and has legs which are one half the length of mine. I put him in the wagon yesterday and we walked all over for about 45 minutes. It was a better work out than our usual walks which are decidedly slow and leisurely.

I really, seriously, do NOT EAT BADLY! We just don't keep junk in our house, so I don't eat junk. If anything I don't eat enough, at least that's what I found when I lost weight last year. When I started keeping a steady flow of healthy food in my mouth I lost weight much quicker than when I was eating about 200-300 calories during the day, eating real food only for dinner.

See I'm getting defensive. The biggest problem in my lifestyle is the Bells Oberon and the Sierra Nevada, heavy yet delicious beers I enjoy drinking. I've cut my intake as summer has come to a close but still, that's where the bulk of my added calories come from.

The only thing I really need to change is my activity level. In order to do that I'm just going to have to try things until I find the thing that I enjoy and that doesn't cut into my writing for Flogging Baby and the rest of my life.

Also I'm going to have to try a new medication because I do think the medication I'm taking is factoring into the rapid and large amount of weight I've gained since May.

So we were going to be superficial and 'light'.

What shoes are people wearing this year? Every fall I struggle to find a pair of shoes which are comfortable, not frumpy, a bit trendy but not overly so, give me a little lift so I don't feel so casual everyday.

So what are the kids wearing these days. What are they wearing with their Mom Asses? Well what would they be wearing if they had Mom Asses? I wear boot cut jeans or corduroys almost everyday with either a v-neck ribbed sweater, cardigan or t shirt....what shoes should I be saving my pennies for this year?

Comments

[Eulallia]

I'm kind of shoe retarded. All I wear are shoes that won't add to my height, since I'm already pretty durn tall. Flip-flops mostly. I'm so cool.

[Lesley]

WHAT?!! Why are there not 200+ comments about shoes???
I personally am still wearing my 5 pairs of Clark clogs I bought over the last several years. They are SO comfortable and look SO good with my mom ass! Ha ha! Maybe Mrs Kennedy better chime in on the shoe issue. She seems to be the trendy mom out there. I did splurge on some actual Clark shoes when it got cold last year, they are just as comfortable, and the snow doesn't get on my socks. I'm interested to hear what the rest of the world, not in the midwest, is wearing. I'm leaning too close to the frumpy.

[Christy]

Oooh fashion... my favorite! Born has awesome shoes this year, not so many of the big clumpy shoes they usually make. I have three kids (5 and under) and rarely dress up, but they are so cute that I can't wait for it to get cold (I'm in Texas) so I can wear them with jeans everyday and not feel frumpy. I ordered 2 pair online from Nordstrom because for $5 shipping I can skip the torture of going to the mall with child(ren) in tow. I'm clueless about the other stuff. I still wear cardigans with t-shirts or sometimes a lacey thing underneath. Let us know what you find if you shop!

[Kara]

I like Naturalizer shoes, and am currently considering a pair of their Ophelia loafers in bright red suede... because everyone needs bright red suede shoes.

I would post a URL directly to them on the Naturalizer website, but it is really long... but if you go to naturalizer.com, and then look in their casual shoes section, you should find them pretty easily.

[Emily]

Melissa,
Get a heel. I too struggle with weight. That is why a must have for me is a heel. It changes your body posture and makes your legs look leaner and longer. It does not have to be three inces or anything but it should help. I like a short boot with a heel for the fall and winter. Either rounded toe or pointy. Just make sure that your pants are long enough. If not, it will make you look frumpy.

Thanks for your honesty in your post the other day. You summed up for me how I have felt most of my life.

I saw you at Somerset months ago. I think you look great. Honestly, you are harder on yourself than you should be. Then again, aren't we all!

[Angie]

My mom ass loves her Danskos and her Chuck Taylors. And when I ask people "Does my mom ass look big in these shoes?" the answer is (almost) always No.

[lain-of-the-wired]

I second the Clarks and the Born shoes. They have some nicer, less clunky styles now and are super comfy. I also like CloudWalkers, Deer Stags (for slippers), and Naturalizer. I highly recommend www.zappos.com. They carry practically every shoe known to man and they have free shipping and free returns, so if you don't like it, send it back! No risk and no "shopping with kids" stress. Plus, most of the shoes have reviews, so you can see if maybe they run small or large, or have no arch support, etc. before you buy. I have bought four pairs from them in the past two months and have never had any problems. Let us know what you get!

[jess]

Shoes! One of my favorite subjects!

I bought a pair of Frye campus boots this fall and have fallen in love. They're incredibly versatile - look great with jeans and equally awesome with skirts. Fashionable without trying too hard - they're spendy, but worth it, in my opinion.

[Amy]

BOOTS! BOOTS! Black leather boots with a heal and Brown leather cowboy boots with lots of embrodery. Boots are the sexiest thing anyone can wear in the winter time - they make the mom ass look HOT! Plus, as an added bonus, because it's harder to slump your shoulders whilst in a heal, your boobs stick out and everyone likes a good pair of tits!

[Lesley]

Get yourself some red shoes-doesn't matter what they look like. My sister got some boring style of bright red slide and the men and her office, even the ones that never notice anything, were whipping around as she passed and saying, "Nice shoes!" Nobody will notice the mom ass with red shoes!

[dragonlady474]

ohhhh shoeeeees.
I'm addicted to shoes. I have shoes that I've only worn once but it doesn't matter, I love them all. I'm currently wearing Naturalizer leather flip/flops. They were comfortable the very second I first put them on. I also have some blue suede converse and black suede bongos (tennis shoes). I'm also one of those people that loves black clunky shoes and boots.
As for what the kids are wearing, my 14 and 18 year olds are wearing skater tennis shoes , DC's are the only ones that come into mind right now.

[jacks]

I guess I'm not really sure what type of shoes are "hot" and "in" this fall, but I do know that Target has got some pretty cute shoes. I love heels, so I am drawn to them first, but there are lots of options. And since they're cheaper, you can get more than one pair!

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Knee-high boots, do you have some? To go with skirts? To get you out of the mom pants? Also, Mimi Smarypants posted a link to some shoes she just bought that were cute and straddling that retro/modern line. A little heel might suit you.

[MG]

Here are (almost) all of mine:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/24124168@N00/sets/673526/

The mallard suede round-toe mary janes (last photo) were my latest purchase.

I'm sick.

[crabby]

boot cut pants scream for boots!

personal opinion alert! i think you should git yerself a nice knee-
length skirt and a tall boot with a slight heel and you'll look ssssssexy. mrow!

also? these driving mocs are The. Most. Comfy. Shoes. Evar. and still kinda cute when you wear 'em with jeans.

[PaxilMama]

Would socks be tacky with my Teva-flops this Fall?

[Katy]

I just got these and love them: http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/6643484/c/4406.html

If you just search for Mary Jane on Zappos a whole host of awesome shoes come up.

I finally also got some Keen's to walk in and they are great. http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/1439758/c/31792.html

What a great topic.

[Bari]

I was thinking about shoes when I read yesterday about the amount of pants that you had in size X and the ones in your new size Y and the first thing I thought about were SHOES!

SHOES are the best item in the wardrobe! It doesn't matter if your a size 0 or 12 - your shoes size remains the same (except when pregnant - I realize that does change for some people). So I say buy as many shoes as your personal budget permits! I pass by a DSW almost everyday, and I have to resist going in every single day.

As for this year, I love the tennis shoes that don't have laces, but instead have a elastic strap that cris-crosses down the front. Then it vecros to one side. I saw a ton at the mall, but I know they have them at DSW in so many fun colors.

My daughter, who is 2, demanded red MaryJanes this year. So I will echo the above commenters with go for something red!

[kathryn]

Well...today I'm wearing my favorite pair of Cole Haan Town & Country mules. They are oh-so-very sassy. My best friends thinks that they're tres ugly, but I know for a fact that they're diva - because I'm wearing them.

[clickmom]

Mel- I say go for comfort. If you are tryig to get more active, then you can should invest something you can go the distance with.

[Cindy]

Slippers! Go for the bright pink fuzzy ones. Better yet, how about the ones that look like either an animal, vegetable or mineral? I'd bet my last dime, ahm, penny, (I just got a candy bar from the vending machine) that a lump or bulge wouldn't be noticed by anyone! And, thank you. As I was reading the comments and advice - because you truly are enjoyed and loved in the land of the blogs - I could only think that if that were me, I would say....exercise, eat right, yeah, yeah, I know all that. I have to find my own way in my own time but thank you for trying to hear what I am REALLY saying. After all, isn't that what feeling and/or being "too fat" is all about?

[suburban misfit]

Do you have a DSW nearby? Leave the kids with the husbando and take a couple hours to just look and see what you like.

Screw what's "trendy". Go for the classics; they'll be "in" forever and you can't go wrong with the classics.

Wear the pants you plan on wearing with the shoes (or the skirt or whatever) and just try on everything that strikes your fancy.

Mmmmmmmm....shoes......

[madge]

Ditto on the red shoes. To specify: red cowboy boots. They sass up every outfit. Everyone will stare at the feet and not the Mom Ass (at least that's what I tell myself).

Other than those, it's either Dansko clogs, Puma sneaks or some sporty flat. I gave up stilettoes last year when I lost a toenail from the pointy toes.

Shopping for shoes makes EVERYTHING better!

[Johanna]

May I also recommend New Belgium's Sunshine Wheat Beer. Mother of all! Normally, I'm not a wheat-beer-kind-o-gal, but this is the exception. So tasty it makes me happy when I'm feeling fluffy. I know. I'm not helping, but it is delish. Sorry.

[Holly]

My own personal shoe dilemmas have been solved by the following:

a) a pair of brown cowboy boots for jeans: comfy and boot-y and perfect for pants; no-one will ever see more than the shoe part, so you don't have to worry about the implication of wearing cowboy boots and not being a cowboy, plus they have the SLIGHTEST heel so that you get a little lift (and your jeans don't drag on the ground) without the accompanying ugh-I'm-wearing-flat-shoes-that-aren't-doing-anything-for-my-butt feeling that you sometimes get when you wear casual flat shoes and jeans.

(or is that just me...?)

b) ballet flats...Payless and Old Navy are good. Round-toes look cute, the patterns and colors can be bright and frunky, and the flatness of the sole is (again) practical.

c) something pointy for fancier days. Pointy shoes always make me feel thinner. And more DONE.

d) the knee-length boots/skirt combo, of which everyone is so (rightly) fond. Can't go wrong!

[elsimom]

The Clarks are great b/c good lookin' AND comfy. I am also loving my various Liz Claiborne Flex - which come with the good looks and the comfort (and the fit for a wider foot such as mine).
I believe the "look" for the fall is an adorned ballet flat - Target has 'em, but so does everyone else.
Last, but not least, Famous Footwear had some Converse in Velour!!! Ooh, I wanted to the turqouise pair so badly - but I feared they would not match my MomAss.

[Nopoodle]

Now I have to intervene on behalf of the jeans issue. If you've ever seen the two British ladies who do the "What Not to Wear" thing on Oprah, the first thing they say is NO BOOT CUT JEANS.

I'm 5'0 and I weigh around 150 - 160...not a slim jim am I. But I took their advise, went to Lane Bryant and bought myself a great fitting pair of flared jeans (What we used to call bell-bottoms). They look 100% better than boot cuts ever did, and actually have de-accentuated (is that a word) my mom ass.

Screw the shoes, go for the jeans.

[MC]

Puma "Bashy". Popular, but CUTE.

See? http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7215968.html

[jane]

I love these shoes:
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/4090891/c/216.html

They are super-comfy and cute, and they're "nice" enough to wear when I teach.

As for the weight issue, I hear you. I *know* I'm supposed to exercise thankyouverymuch. As soon as someone comes over and does my grad school homework, my lesson plans and grading, takes care of my kids (including one VERY needy 2nd grader going through separation anxiety again), and pays my membership, I'll be happy to drag my dimpled ass to the gym five nights a week. In the meantime, let me and my two-sizes-too-big body have a pity party in peace!

[Saple]

Have you been to the Sundance shoe outlet on 9 mile in ferndale just west of hilton campbell. they have some funky funky shoes there and if your foot is small enough they have designer originals. Shoes that were made to be made but did not have neough mass appeal.

My feet are so big I can't fit into half there stuff but I want someone to wear them.

[astronif]

Argh! Yes, comfort is important. But you don't have to sacrifice style for comfort. Cowboy boots are "in" and come in more shapes and styles than you'd think. I got myself a snappy pair of Ropers that have a hiking boot like tread and rounded toe. The real kicker is they're black suede with flowers embroidered all over. Actually, the real kicker is I got them for almost 50% off the retail price. Go to sierratraders.com, they have tons of shoes pretty deeply discounted. You have to look around, though, 'cause they have some fairly conservative, "lady exec" styles and sporty stuff thrown in. Have fun! Buying shoes always makes me feel better about the way I look!

[elisabeth]

Lets see, I have a pair of black Doc Martins and a pair of brown ones and in the summer I wear Doc Martin sandals....hmmm.

I can NOT wear high boots, my calves are too big. ahem. but I love my ankle high boots with a chunky heel with jeans.....my uniform being chunky shoes, jeans and a turtleneck sweater 8 months out of the year...

[Moose]

Cute red sneakers never fail to lift my spirits. Even after one too many Sierra Nevadas. But, really, can you have one too many Sierra Nevadas? I didn't think so. Hands down, my favorite red sneaker company: www.simpleshoes.com. By the way, my first word was "shoes." It is a theme that has continued. Happy shoe hunting!

[Emily G.]

Ahhhh, the beer. My favorite source of calories, that is. I completely understand the deliciousness and the necessity of good beer. After all, I spent a semester in Berlin enjoying the good stuff. More power to you in your love of beer!

Also, I wanted to mention that my husband had the same trouble with medication causing weight gain - do consider it as a very likely possibility. Meds have a weird way of changing things you don't expect them to mess with.

[MsShadow]

I LOVE Curves. Started 3 months ago for severe depression. Cussed for 2 weeks, feeling like a fraud because I used to tell my clients that exercise would help their depression, blah blah blah.

Well, damned if it wasn't true. Not only do I feel better emotionally, physically I'm better too. Specially considering I have MS, and walked like a drunk. Now? I'm completely stable and walk normally. An added bonus is that I've been the Biggest Loser for the last 3 months, losing 6lbs a month for a total of 18lbs. I've lost another 4lbs since my last weigh-in too. But more importantly, I've lost a total of 33 inches everywhere.

It's so easy. Only a half hour, loud music to motivate you, and the companionship of other women.

22lbs lost = Very nice.
33 inches lost = Very great.
No more depression = very stupendous.
Improving Multiple Sclerosis symptoms? Priceless

[Erica]

I don't much like shoes, because I don't much like my feet, but I saw these on a stranger in a parking lot and stopped her to find out where she got them, then spent two days hunting them down. They come in every color you can imagine, they are comfortable as all get out, and the stylish moms at preschool envy me. It is the only time, ever, that anyone has envied anything about my fashion sense. (I got the olive and pink.)

http://www.englinsfinefootwear.com/product.asp?3=455623308

[Renee]

Just had to delurk to say that *this* is why I love your blog and it has become daily reading for me: you just GET and express so wonderfully what I feel/think/like, plus you usually make me laugh while doing it. From weighty (forgive the pun) issues like body image to fun issues like shoes, I can SOOO totally relate. And now I feel good because I can say that I have several of the shoes that people recommended: Simple tennis shoes (super comfy), Puma sneakers (make me feel like a hip Mama, good for compliments every time I wear them), Dansko clogs (I think they look great with my bootcut jeans and are so comfy that I don't care if I'm the only one who thinks so). I was thinking of buying another pair of Dansko clogs in a different color but now maybe I'll check out some of the other ones people recommended (you know... to mix it up a bit because I'm wild & crazy like that). Either that or a new pair of running/workout shoes so that I might feel more compelled to hit the gym when I put them on... or not.

[FlippyO]

Skechers...and I have my eye on some new chocolate colored Chucks. I am all about the comfort.

[kate]

I am obsessed with Clarks and Danskos. eBay loves me.

[crazedparent]

i love shoes but it's been flip flops for me for months (i'm in northern Calif.)...easy and practical. once fall hits i turn to boots. but today, i found a pair of heels i had to have. and i will make opportunties to wear them because they are so so very sweet.

http://www.crazedparent.org/2005/09/oh_no_pretty_ma.html

[Marn]

I LOVE shoes - but I'm a horrible shoe buyer. I can never find what I want, and what I want is usually to replace what I already have that's worn out.

I went shopping with my SIL last weekend, and realized that nearly all our conversations had me saying something along the lines of, "I want to get a pair that are like the brown ones I've had for ... um... oh - 10 years." or "I love these! They're just like the ones I bought in... 1997."

Terrible.

[Swank Girl]

A few weeks ago, I realized that I always gain weight during the summer! Hmmm, the culprit seems to be my Sweetwater Ale which I DOWN faster than the wine I seem to SIP in the winter. Here's to looking hot and skinny in sweaters and fluffy down coats! (Okay, so it is still hot here and I am cheersing you with my beer) Forget the comfy shoes, I am going to put on some sexy boots and wiggle my Mom ass...

[Gen]

Oooh, this is great! Bookmark, bookmark, bookmark... A tip on the URLs, gals-- if the address is too long, copy it and go to www.tinyurl.com and have it shortened. Then just hit Paste when you get back to the place where you want to put it.

[AndreainJapan]

Shoes!! This is an embarassing subject for me, I have about 25 pairs. No joke. hehe
Shoe sales are evil.
With my Jeans I always wear half boot heels; brown or black. Heels about one and a half inches with zip up sides. They also make me stand up straighter and make me feel thiner. I have also bought a ton of little girly heels but I have to wear special half size tooby sock things to prevent rubs. That is where pedicures are great.
I also bought a pair of Puma running shoes but they are a soft material and slip on. Love them. Wear them almost everyday. They are grey with little splashes of pinky purple so I feel a little more young at heart. hehe

[AndreainJapan]

As for alcohol..
becomeing alergic to yeast was probably my best weight loss. Sucked though because I love beer.
I drink an asian made acohol that I know can be bought in Vancouver no problem ( dont know about your area) it is called UmeShyu (Plum wine) but it is not wine. It is made from a clean rice alcohol and it is HEAVENLY winter and summer. Also very easy to make if you can get the ingredients.

[karyn]

Currently still wearing my Lands' End Summer Mocs. Will soon switch to my Lands' End All Weather Mocs. When I go to church I squeeze my feet into a pair of my Mom's old black shoes that are about a size too small.

God, I just realized how pathetic my shoe situation is. Now I feel like crap.

[Jen]

I just bought these while we were in Vegas and LOVE them ... I bought them mostly for work, but I can't wait to wear them with jeans..

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/8021061/c/742.html

[Angie]

By the way, I totally want to buy you these:
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/7674508/c/19935.html

They're vegetarian! And much cooler than anything Kate Hudson ever put on her skanky feet.

[Meganann]

I bought THE BEST shoes! From Target no less. Brown suede with dark brown "bowling stripes" on the sides in leather and dark brown laces. The bottoms are odd, with a very flat front, very close fitting to the foot with a round bit of rubber under the heel. I find that they are very comfortable and stylish. Very fun, and $22.99. I wear them everyday.

The link:http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_10/602-8394606-7940653?%5Fencoding=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000AQE5PK

BTW...I love the Oberon as well. Tasty, tasty stuff.

[Laurie]

Wish I had advice. I go with my tennis shoes all year. I'm back in college, and there ain't. no. way. I'm wearing anything less than comfortable shoes.

I do own a wonderful pair of boots. I found them two years ago marked down from $200 to $30 because there were in, um, a size other than small.

Good luck! Let us know what you buy!!

[Camera Obscura]

I've been eyeballing "what's hot" this year, not so much for me as for Daughter, who is now 1) in middle school and 2) wearing adult sizes and therefore, trendier clothes than before. Until this year, she could get away with black dress shoes for church and athletic shoes for everyday, since she had gym class every day and had no choice. She'd wear cheap sandals in the summer, but other than that, just tennies.

That ain't gonna cut it no more. The athletic shoes live permanently in her gym locker, and she's been strictly in sandals so far this school year. But equinox is upon us, and even in Nellyville that means time for to tuck in your toesies.

So, I've been eyeballing the adverts in preparation. Since pumps / office-type shoes are OTT for an 11-year-old, it looks like there are two main shoe types:

1) ballet flats (or w/ a slight heel) in fun fabrics or with lots of ornamentation. Some of the beaded ones I see are gorgeous, but not practical for the middle school halls.

2) Boots, boots, and more boots. Cowboy, knee-high leather, and Ugg-y are the three main categories I've seen.

I have a major fashion complaint this year: Those damn gauchos are back. Ugggggggly. And worse yet, they're showing them with boots. There's just something wrong with the proportions; it makes my eyes hurt just lookin' at 'em.

[Shelley Stoker]

I love your blog. You are honest and you are real. I'm a mom of 3 (boys). I've always had a, proportionately speaking, big ass. Now I guess I can call it a big "mom ass." Actually, I exercise A LOT. I did my second triathlon this summer and swear that exercise has become my antidepressant. Just find something you love...or at least like to do. You'll get hooked. A jog stroller is a huge help for walking and running...if you have a toddler. As for shoes, I just bought the cutest pair of RED Keen Mary Janes. They look awesome w/skirts and pants. I love them. I'm a sucker for red shoes. They pack a punch w/my otherwise quite drab wardrobe. Good luck, and keep positive. -Shelley

[vanessa]

Erm. I wear Birkenstocks.
That's...about it.

I need some new shoes, probably.

[margalit]

I love the look of shoes, but I have the world's most sensitive feet and most shoes drive me crazy. I wear a few tried and true types. For everyday strolling about town, my low black and pink Converse All Stars. I also have a high blue camo style.

For more dressy moments that are few and far betweeen, I think Monroe has the most comfortable shoes and I tend to wear what feels good rather than what looks sexy.

For summer, it's Clarks sandals all the way.

And in the winter, Stegmans. Have them in gray, navy, and denim blue. They are warm and comfortable and I wear them all winter unless I have to do some snow stuff, and then I wear boots.

However, I often dream that I'm Carrie on SATC and wear all those cute Manolos that she does.

[erika]

I recommend Keen shoes. Very comfortable and they have some funky new Fall styles. I also recommend www.zappos.com to purchase shoes. Free shipping and free return shipping. Very fast and an amazing selection. Love them.

[Jenny]

My shoe fetish friend told me leather ankle boots are in again this year. I'm cool with that - they go with EVERYTHING and they're comfy. I have a brown pair and now a reason to buy black.

[nicole]

danskos. they give you the heel lift without wearing a heel. and they look fantastic with jeans and cords. and they are damn comfortable- i'm on my feet all day and they save my back and neck daily.

[taamar]

Black Red Wing steeltoe boots. 6 wide. They look sharp with my checkered pants.

[amy]

Not so much a shoe person. Like mine leather, non dainty and durable. Three must haves? A pair of hiking boots, runners (NOT that I run), and some chunky leather sandals.

I tried Curves. Assvice? Signing on at my local rec center was a much better/cheaper/inspiring deal. For less than the cost of a same old same old Curves routine I can now swim, use weight/machine room, swim, sit in the hot tub, sauna or steam room, partake in any of the fitness classes (land or water). Much better deal and SO much more stimulating. Even if some days I only go for the hot tub ;)

[MelissaS]

Well but I said I already have a membership to the Y and I'm never ever going to swim and I hate using the machines in front of a bunch of groaning men and that pretty much leaves a treadmill and eliptical machines. Bor-ing.

STOP ASSVICING! Just call it advice if you're giving advice.

Assvice is a way to make fun of people giving advice. Please see Amalah for further instruction.

[Psycho Kitty]

Out here everybody wears Crocs. On all occassions. Except the chics who show up to field day in their lace-up tank tops and high heels. Them, not so much with the Crocs.

And is it the Lexapro? Cause yes, that stuff definitly can cause weight gain, even though the company says it doesn't. Big. Fat. Liars. No pun intended.

[Nicole]

Sadly, I have freak feet (about size 6-1/2 length but off the charts wide, so I always end up buying at least a size up), so finding shoes is such a chore. Either they hurt my feet, or my feet stretch them out and make them look like dung in a matter of days.
I bought a pair of Fluevog boots a few years ago, and love them. They're comfy, they're snappy, and they lasted through 3 years of my abusive feet. I'm really sad that I have to go find some more.
As for dressy shoes, I have a wondrous pair of Two Lips heels which not only look sex-ay but don't leave me hobbling. I snapped up some Chinese Laundry heels recently which are hott but painful. I will suffer to look good now and then, since I'm usually in flip-flops. But I'm definitely on the lookout for more Two Lips.
I don't know from trends...but I'm disturbed to read that cowboy boots are hep. And the Ugg-ish stuff makes my bile rise. But that's just me.

[Psycho Kitty]

OOH! And ditto on the Danskos. I wore them all the way through the 70 pounds I gained during my last pregnancy. What fun that was! But the Danskos, THEM I loved.

[Michele]

I have ski's, for feet. I wear a size 10--it's lonely in the size 10 shoe world. I did spulrge and got a pair of Jimmy Choo, for my wedding--I loooovveee those shoes. I also love Chineese Laundry, they're afordable yet, comfy along with Kenneth cole. I love shoes and purses almost as much as I love lemon drop and cosmo's--almost.

[carolb]

OMG nothing better than shoes....except maybe purses!
I have shoes I've never worn -- I'm 'saving' them for the right time!! How pathetic!!
I buy anything that I like the looks of, but of course they have to be comfortable. I checked out some the links posted here, and some are really nice (except the rainbow fur boots!!!)

[Melissa]

Heels....?? What the heck are all these women talking about?! I am going to guess they mean for a night out, but surely they do not mean day to day, house to school to grocery to library to home to laundry to chasing kiddos ? I've seen those Brit gals on Oprah preaching the gospel according to heels but REALLY? this could be a whole post unto itself... p.s. Danskos rule!

[coolbeans]

Holy mother. These cats are into shoes.

[Bonnie Berry]

DAMN GIRL! Now you've got me looking at shoes. My credit card will not be able to withstand the pressure.

[Jennifer]

I'm a shoe retard too. So unless you like runners.....

BUT, I wanted to pass along this very groovey site www.fitday.com

I LOVE it, you can record all your foods eaten and it will give you pie charts and percent breakdowns on calories, carbs, fat grams, protein etc. It will also tell you your metobolic needs for the day, and will show you if you have burned more calories than you have consumed.

You can also put in custom foods, and it has a memory for your recent foods used.

This is a wonderful tool for the anal retentive and controlling/obsessive personality like myself :p

[MG]

Well I wear heels every day...primarily three inches or higher, but then I find them comfortable. Anyway enough about that...just wanted to add that Bandolino makes boots in two different shaft sizes, so anyone who doesn't normally wear boots due to calf size might want to investigate. They're not terribly expensive to begin with, but they show up at Marshalls/TJ Maxx pretty frequently and are a much better deal there. www.bandolino.com. True story.

[anya emmanuella jenkins]

Have you ever had your thyroid checked? I started backing on weight a couple of years ago and feeling miserable, depressed, lethargic (which I attributed to being fat) so I went to the dr hoping to get diet pills but instead he checked my thyroid. yep, hypothyroiditis. My thyroid itself functions normally but my immune system destroys the hormone it produces...thus weight gain and misery.
All of my symptoms were from a lack of hormones.
Of course, the weight doesn't melt away after you get right but at least I understand why and how this is happening to me. I didn't 'let myself go', I let myself down by not getting to the dr sooner.

[Shelly]

Damn you and your shoes post! I spent the entire evening looking at shoes online and now I want to buy these:
http://tinyurl.com/buvew
and about 100 other pairs I happened to bookmark. Sheesh!

(Oh and I am SO embarrased I posted under the wrong entry. Sorry! Left the puter for a minute and my kids were ALL over it!)

[Lissy]

brown leather skecher lace ups. cute, comfy, cost effective, and casual but not too casual.

Check 'em out at....http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/6361558/c/3386.html

[Amy]

Good thing Oberon is just a summer beer! :) I know, having good taste in beer can be a curse. Oh to crave only Coors Lite.

Maybe consider some super-hip Pumas in a cool color? No heel, but very comfortable and funky. I have my eye on a pair of maroon ones with a pink stripe--I love them. But they are $64 and I must wait.

[Regina]

I have a pair of grey and orange Sketchers that I thought I could pull off. I don't know though. At 41 I am thinking I may be looking a bit pathetic in them. My son said "well, they are bright". Ugh......bad sign!

[jenB]

Melissa, didn't you just recently buy something resembling a red maryjane? or am i drunk? again.

i like the danskos, all of them.

i wish zappos shipped to canada. or maybe i don't.

[steph]

I'm having a really crappy day, but this thread really cheered me up. Just looking at the dansko page made me feel better (although my size 9.5 boats never look that great in shoes).

That said, I like Keens. I also have a pair of skechers with some serious sparkle to them, and I bought them after my son said "mom, those look like shoes that a teenager would wear." That's exactly what I wanted!

[erin]

These are my next shoe purchase! I am a heel-wearer -- 3 inches or so is my comfort zone. Reaction Kenneth Cole Pete Cheeks wedges in bottle green. Be still my heart.

http://tinyurl.com/9zatk

[Other Melissa]

Skechers, Somethin' Else line, Chatters-Hit up.

I know, I know, more of a teen line, but these are cute, not too expensive, low heel, and super comfy and don't look uber teenagery. I wear them with jeans, skirts, and work clothes. I bought the chocolate.

Really fantastic and easy to wear, and I have Mom Ass with a capital M and A.

[lauren]

Saucony "Jazz" shoes are the best sneakers ever! They come in about 50 different colors and are just amazing (stylish, fun, comfortable, supportive) -- they are so cute with jeans or cords. I always get mine from Zappos.com (free shipping and are only about $50 for the shoes), and have always had good experiences with them.

[Jackie Joy]

Do you read all of these? It makes me feel so special if you do.

I work at Ann Taylor and therefore feel qualified to give the following advice:

Shoes never. ever. make you feel fat, and therefore, you should splurge on them! If you don't really have to do a lot of walking or wear the same shoes all day (while on your feet) you can go ahead and buy cheaper shoes--which means you can buy more! Sadly for me, our hard wooden floors at work don't allow such indulgence, but I do own five hundred pairs of flip-flops.

I would say a cute moccassin, a mary jane with some embellishment, and at least one pair of smoking hot boots with a heel (like everyone else said! You get such good advice here!) Payless has adorable little shoes with tweed, velvet, etc, and so does Target. No need to spend a bunch of money on one pair of shoes unless you have sensitive feet...buy a couple of cute pairs! You'll feel better being able to dress up/down your jeans and cardigans.

[SAHM]

Do you have Dansko's already? Seriously, they rock. I call them my "momma" shoes... I got them when I was pregnant because my feet ached oh so bad and my hip sister in-law from Ann Arbor had them and couldn't say enough good things about them. Pure comfort. But I like to alternate those (which are more conservative) with some cool Diesel's which say "hip mama" over and over again - let us know what you come up with!

[Bonnie]

Do you have a Lord and Taylor's near you? I just scored the following shoes down here in Orlando:

-black Enzo Angiolini flats
-brown Liz Flex (comfy Liz Claiborne) loafers
-black Nickels dress shoes
-black leather Bandolino riding boots

Total damage? $112 The boots alone were originally $130!

[Amy]

The pilates, it killed my neck and I gave up after two legitimate times. It may have been the awkward position I had to get in to view the tape in my living room, and I figured if I could do it lying on my bed, we may be in business, but how crazy could I be to think I could get any benefit from exercising while lying on my bed?? so, I didn't really explore it any further. Once you get into it, let me know if the neck pain ever goes away and I may give it another go.

Anyway I chase a partculary agile 19-month old all day and half the night. That's a good shot at physical activity for me, adding gardening the occasional outing to play soccer or something with him and the 7 year old. I try to do one or the other every couple of days, just something, anything to be active.

Then for my diet, yes I basically ate nothing but pepperoni, cheese and steamed vegetables for 6 months. And I drank water, lots of water. That diet, peppered with certain amounts of nicotine and caffiene, and One A Day Weight Smart Vitamins worked for me. I lost 70 lbs in 9 months, and I have kept it off. Call it unhealthy...yeah, whatever. I'm sitting here almost 20 lbs lighter than the day I got married and I feel so much better than I ever did before.

As for fall shoes, I'm surfing Ebay because we're broke. Don't dare bid against me.

Oh, and I'm typing after a little wine tonight, so don't hold anything, like my piss-poor advice on exercise and dieting, against me. I sent you Penis Rock, remember?

[Jill G]

CLARKS!!! They have a new line called Indigo which is totally fab with great detailing. I got a pair of clogs and a pair of red kitten heels. Both Fab, both comfy.
By the power invested in me by the holy name of Nordstrom, you may now shoe shop.

[Courtney]

Crocs! and yes the borns, and birks-check out www.baumhause.de they have an amazing assortment.

-word

[Cherie]

I love my Dansko clogs too. Got them when I was pregnant. They feel great and give me a little more height (I'm only 5'0) but are comfortable. My brother-in-law, who is 10 years younger, has the same pair, so they must be cool. I'm now looking for a sneakerish shoe to wear around during the day (don't like wearing running shoes except when I'm running).

Pilates is great. You might not feel much when you first do it--but you'll feel it the next day. Supposed to be very good for "mummy tummy" (hate that term). Pilates is my last great hope--if it doesn't work, I'll have to start saving for a tummy tuck.

[Amanda]

Birkenstock clogs with wool socks are very
nice and comfortable for the winter. Unless you think the Birkenstock looks hopelessly dorky. Which they sort of do. But they are very comfortable.

I buy my non-Birk shoes at the Aerosole store because they always seem to have some cute, comfortable flats. Often slides, which are good because I hate shoes that strap or buckle or lace. I like to step in and step out, I'm not about the fastening of the shoes.

[andrea in canada]

Ok. Now I have eleventy million shoe websites to go look at! I bought these last year: http://www.quietfish.com/notebook/archives/000104.html - please note, in real life I do NOT wear them with white socks.

This year, I would love a pair of Twins by Campers.

[elise]

if you'll send me your shoe size i'll send you the cutest, comfiest, trendiest shoes going. I own a boutique, who better to get the most fabulous shoes from? :) and for free too, just a thank you for your site.

[Nancy]

Ahh, I feel so much better now. Reading your post and all of these comments took me away from my worries and made me smile. Fun to read and view all the suggestions from everyone. I tend to be an "Ellen" shoe kind of gal (remember when she made Hush Puppies stylish?). I don't do heels except for weddings and stuff, but need a bit of heel to not feel frumpy.
I swear I saw something on The View recently where they said that square toes are in. But I'm no shoe maven to validate that.
I just couldn't manage a comment until now because reading about your struggles, the weight stuff, touched me and brought to surface lots of my own shame. Discomfort at how fat I've let myself get since giving birth two years ago. (It's not baby weight.)
I was at Hollywood Video a few months back and this drunk guy was standing in the parking lot. I knew he was looking for trouble; I ignored him as I got out of my car and went inside. When I came back out, he yelled, "Hey bitch!"
I looked at him and just got into my car. He then yelled, "Yeah, you!"
I shook my head and backed out and he shouted, "You're fat! You're a fat woman!"
Ok, so I know he was an ass...but for the first time it really sunk in, the realization that strangers see me as fat, not as the woman that I thought I still was, that was hard to face...it stung. But more importantly, I don't feel good at this weight. I used to run 10k's just three years ago and weighed 45 lbs less.
Ah well, I know what I have to do to be healthy...just gotta do it.
I, too, have a Y membership (that I rarely use). If you ever want someone to exercise or "fast-walk" with, I'd be up for it. When I'm in a more introverted or crabby mood I head for the track, it's less crowded. Plus they have onsite childcare, so what's keeping me?

[Nancy]

Oops, I moved from light and fun to down and serious in my comment above. Well, in keeping with the spirit of a lighter note, I forgot to tell you how I reacted to mr drunk-ass. When he yelled to the whole parking lot that I was fat, instead of ignoring him and gracefully pulling away, I got all red in the face, leaned my head out of my MINIVAN and yelled, "And you're a fucking asshole! And by the way, your hair is SO 80's!"

[jill in nc]

Heels? Are you guys nuts? Small children? Winter in Detroit? Melissa - if you like red - get some Dansko clogs in red. Having red shoes on makes me happy. They'll be comfortable, they'll look good in summer or winter, they'll add 2 inches to your height, and they will last forever (got my first pair 4 years ago and still wear them). Boot cut jeans go well with them, and some skirts as well. You can walk Max with them on, or wear them to a party. If you slog through the mud in them...you can dry them out and polish them and they still look great. If everyone who posted about them sent you $5 by paypal...you'd have enough money to try them! Have you ever tried a pair?

[styro]

danskos. www.dansko.com
and the outlet:
www.danskooutlet.com

OMG DANSKO I LOVE YOU. They are $100 a pair, so uh, know that they are worth it and that they'll last you for years. Thus the outlet URL. Half the price, same great shoes.

[Crouching Hamster]

I hope you make it down this far ...

1) Lexapro will usually make one gain weight. (Check out the Internets on this.) I used to be a stick. I was on it for a few months and gained 15 pounds! (I was so thin I used to TRY to gain weight.) Then I went off it, and now I'm a stick again. My only exercise is running to school when I'm late. Otherwise, walking to and from school (a mile each way). But I live in NY and walk almost everywhere.

2) Shoes - pointy-toed shoes will make your legs look longer. You can get some flat ones - flats are currently in for daytime. Just make sure your jeans are not "mom-jeans" and are long enough to cover the heel. Boot -cut, as opposed to straight leg, will nicely balance you out.

[Crouching Hamster]

I forgot about the beer. Switch to wine. To sip. One or two glasses.

[jill in nc]

there's a dansko outlet??...trouble. Hey Melissa - have you tried those Lee "One True Fit" non-mom jeans? They stretch...and they're pretty cheap. They have them in stretch corduroy too. You can wear them all day (this from someone who usually reaches for sweats as soon as I get home). Those pants make me feel tall (ok...taller - I'm really short!)...especially with the Danskos on...

[wn]

Just found your website. LOVE IT. Seriously dude, how can you be depressed when you have robot-hot-husband? Just kidding, well, sorta...:*)

You seem to be on the right track by identifying the things you want to change and actually making a plan. As for shoes, I am kinda shoe-challenged (like many other commenters) however I have found that the shoes at Boden (www.boden.co.uk) and J-Crew serve as inspiration for many purchases. Note the word 'inspiration' because they are WAY too expensive for this cheap-shoed lady.

[Lil' Sis]

Oh I know I am going to get a written punch in the face here, but I am all about the heels. In fact, I have one pair of shoes (that I save for Moving Day- and I've been in my apartment for years now.) that are flats. Good wide heels are just as comfy as flats, but they lift yr arse a bit in the right direction. I wear heels all through winter, lugging amplifiers (which weigh at least, if not more, than your children combined...)through slush & up stairs & all that- I think a nice pointy heel helps break the ice to give you traction, like an ice pick. HA! But I've never had a severe problem as long as I make sure there's some traction on the sole (which can be added...)And for the love of all that's holy, you NEED knee-high boots. Even under jeans (why would anyone buy something so un-versatile as ankle boots?!) Instant "I feel awesome," I feel like a superhero. And judging from the photos your husband took and the pictures your daughter drew of that Dally show, they agree. Oh, and doesn't everyone have at least one pair of F*ck-Me Pumps? (I mean, besides Bonnie. yech) The quickest way to nice-looking legs is a heel that is about 3 to 4 inches and a pair of fishnet stockings. Seriously. I've seen some plus-sized ladies looking quite foxy in that combo.
I got the bestest cowboy/boho boots ever at payless a month or 2 ago. They are brown fake suede with pink stitching, and shaped just barely not-cowboy, so I don't feel like a total a-hole. But the heel is slightly too high so they're not the most comfy for dancing. Learned that one the hard way...
I totally went off, didn't I? sorry.
-miao.

[Janna Torie]

I feel fat too. :(