My dishwasher.

If I had to choose between having a working dishwasher or an ass as large as mine currently is, I'm surprised after this past month of body image issues and dishpan hands to tell you: I would choose the dishwasher.

A check we were waiting for for a few weeks finally came through early last week. I waited to buy the dishwasher until we looked over our finances. See how much smarter we are now than we were before? Before we would have said, "Wooo HOOOO! it's a free for all!" but now we carefully plan our purchases leaving money in our savings account, for at least a week.

I narrowly escaped washing all these dishes by hand.

Friday night we picked up our dishwasher and it's a kind of utilitarian machine. It tries to pretend to be a little more luxurious and I'd like to believe it's a little more exciting than just a stupid machine which cleans dishes. So I read the owner's manual and said things to Logan like, "Well, lookie here. It has a 'delay start feature'!" and "Oooh, see, this piece of plastic holds your wine glass stems in place!" and my favorite: "Oh wow! You can use it to heat up your serving dishes!"

If your dishwasher has a 'heat dry' function you can do that to, my dishwasher does not possess a special skill. Plus, what are we? The Rockefellers heating up our serving dishes? My dishwasher is just that, a dish washer. But I am no longer The Dishwasher and I can't explain how happy I am about that.

Logan installed the dishwasher Friday night at 10pm. The installation involved just one trip to the hardware store and only a little swearing. But here's a tip, even though you may want to tease Logan about his plumbers butt while he's under the sink fighting to connect all the plumbing to the dishwasher, you're going to want to resist that urge.

Even though I'm still not comfortable in my skin (or my pants), I am thrilled to not be facing a sink full of dishes every morning. Thank you, Printed Marketing and Retail Materials for making my dreams come true. Now Marketing Materials, about those Danskos.

Also while I have your attention I wanted to say: You're going to want to borrow my dining room lamps to carry around with you all the time to light your face. The light is so flattering it looks as if you've never once abused your body with caffeine and alcohol. I've taken to carrying it around and turning off all other lights, this does make it difficult to leave the house during the daylight hours but it's worth it. I'm not even wearing makeup!

And one more thing, I have the most disgusting spider living on my porch in my dining room window. It's so huge I can't even fathom squashing it, it's the size of a hummingbird, sort of.

>

And with that, nighty-night.

Comments

[Meganann]

You are so CUTE!!

My dishwasher saved my marriage. Dishwashers are one of my favorite things. Hooray for you!

Now all you need is new shoes...

[kelli]

Not having one almost broke my happy home. Now that Gianna's a little older I stay on top of them and invested in some paper plates. Can't wait to get one when we get our house. I hate spiders No matter what the size. Glad it was at your house and not mine:0)

[Lisa V]

Is that a sconce or chandelier? The light is marvelous. We once had a broken dishwasher for 10 weeks. It sucked and blowed. It's ridiculous how happy I was to have that beautiful dishwasher delivered.

[Undisclosed]

The lighting is phenomenal! You're so beautiful!

[Dave M]

You have a lovely pair of tomatoes! :-)

[MelissaS]

Thank you but they're not really mine. My friend Chrissy gave them to me.

[nicole]

can you believe i've NEVER lived with a dishwasher, not a day in my 30 years? it's sad, really. i'm glad you are getting the pleasure.

[Nicole]

I knew I shouldn't have looked at the spider photo. I immediately wanted to claw my eyes out. They burn!
I'm going to have nightmares. I would never ever ever ever use the door near that thing. I would crawl out a window rather than pass by that horror show.

Thanks for the trauma.

p.s.
Congrats on the dishwasher!

[GG]

Oh, I have a dishwasher, too. All stainless and nice...but, it only works when it wants to (sometimes it doesn't want to let the little detergent door open, tee-hee)and sometimes it likes to just flash random numbers (70, 70, 70). And yes, we've had it fixed and, yes, I make sure the little detergent drawer isn't all gunked up. And yes, sometimes I wind up washing the whole load by hand.Because (hee-hee) I just never know what it's gonna do. Sigh. Enjoy yours anyway. Sorry to be a bummer.

[Rocky]

Yuck. Big fat juicy spider. Yum! Your skin looks lovely in that light.

[Vida]

Yeargh. I scrolled down and saw that spider and instantaneously was curled in a ball on my living room floor, sucking my thumb and whimpering, "Mama. Mama. Mama." My husband had to force a fifth of vodka down my throat just to get me to uncurl.

[Sarah B.]

Yes, I'm an RSS lurker extraodinaire, but I just thought I'd put your mind at ease and tell you that's just a common garden orb spider. Not poisonous, and probably keeps bugs out of your house. A lovely friend to keep around really :)

[Margaret]

Beautiful photos!

[Eulallia]

Common orb spiders may be friendly, Sarah B, but if they were any kind of friend they would go make a web someplace where we wouldn't see them. Nuff said.

[dragonlady474]

Screw everything else, what about the size of that spider??? Time to call the swat team and get one of their snipers to take it out. Ughhh, I hate spiders.

[roo]

Oh, how I envy you your dishwasher.

And your dining-room lamps.

And your porch (along with the house it's attached to).

But I don't envy you your spider.

[elisabeth]

nothing better than a dishwasher. If we did not have a dishwasher we would have a divorce.

You look fab. I need to get me one of those lights to drag around. But still it wouldn't make my lips any fuller...you have lovely lips.

[Mickey]

Well, I was going to identify the spider but it looks like someone beat me to it.

Please don't kill it. No, seriously. Yes. Yes, I am begging for you to spare the life of a spider. It really is a good little spider. From a lovely little spider family. Who belong to the spider country club. So, um, yeah.

[bridget]

I have that exact spider sitting dead in a zip lock right next to my computer.

GROSS! I found it yesterday in a chair I was about to sit in---In my front yard. I was about to do some research on how poisonious it was. FRIKIN Huge. I almost sat my big mom ass on it.

I better call the spider guy!

[andrea]

I wish I had a dishwasher.
In Japan they dont have them as cool as back at home. they have these stupid driers but nothing all fandangled. I have been washing for 5 years. grr.
BUT
When I was pregnant and puking my husband did them. I now use the baby as an excuse for my husband to do the dishes as often as I can. hehe
Oh and that spider is smaller than some of the freaking giants we get here, hairy legs and all. You still need to call the Logan Insect Patrol, though.

[betty]

OMG
I found like 5 of those disgusting spiders this summer and I live on the other side of the world...well western Canada. I did squish several and I wouldn't recommend it.There is a sound that will haunt your dreams.
Don't you wish the whole world was lit with the pretty light.

[zigzag]

Dishwashers and anything that reduces clean up time are gods way of giving us a big thumbs up!

[Zach]

I'm an atheist. Does that mean that every load of dishes I do is God attempting to convert me?

[Heatheranne]

My spider must have moved to your porch because he left a few weeks ago. He even took his web down. I did a post about him with pictures and everything. http://heather-anne.com/archives/2005/09/henry.php

[Nancy Toby]

I'm so impressed that you actually read the directions for your dishwasher.

[Shel]

I think in most of your pics on Flickr you look a lot like Tea Leoni, do people ever tell you that??

[kim]

A good dishwasher is a thing of beauty. Mine sucks ass. The dishes come out dirtier than they were when they went in so now I'M the dishwasher.

Shush about the light by the way...you're beautiful with or without it.

[susanne]

You look so cute in that picture!

[Jenna]

Yeah for dishwashers!!! I have been washing my dishes in a bathroom sink for the last year!!! My hubby and I are building a house and living with his parents in their basement...we have no kitchen sink and NO DISHWASHER!!!! I can't wait to move in and have one! :)

[JuJuBee]

Holy shit!! Maybe you could have warned us arachnaphobes about the spider picture! Damn! You do look goreous all lit up by your pretty lamp...where would one purchase said lamp?

[Holly]

I'm staggeringly disappointed that we didn't get to see Logan's plumber's butt.

[sbk]

You go, with your Angelina Jolie lips! Now if Logan only had Brad Pitt plumber butt... ;^)

[rhonda]

That spider looks HUGE!
Congrats on the dishwasher - Heating up plates... that's hilarious.

[LadyBel]

Yeah, I was picking raspberries out in my yard and I almost TOUCHED a spider very similar to that one in color and size! AAAHHH!!! That's what I get for eating the raspberries all by myself and not sharing them with my two little girls. Spiders are bad in Michigan this year, I guess.

By the way, I have done the "I like this lighting" thing since I was very young. If you go to the house I grew up in Clinton Township, use the upstairs bathroom light, just as flattering. I'll bet it's the same type of lighting.

[Mere]

Congrats on the dishwasher purchase! You are beautiful!

[Lisa Young]

I don't want to be an alarmist, but that spider looks to me like it's about to pop with baby spiders/eggs. I'm just sayin'.

Maybe you could call animal control or something, they probably have a cage they can put it in to transport it into the middle of nowhere.

[SHUDDER]

[Sue M]

Why is it blue? I'm so confused...

[TB]

OOH. We squashed a spider that big in our backyard recently. When my husband lifted up his foot, it was like something out of a horror movie, all gooey and squishy and hanging from his foot to the ground. But at least that sucker was dead!

[Bee]

I thought that was a banana spider...well, that is what we call them.

My skin is crawling just looking at that. How did you ever take a picture of it? I would have had to buy a whole new camera, which would be followed by a divorce for spending that amount of money twice in one year. {{{{{{SHUDDER}}}}}}}}}

[elizabeth Jones]

I also have a spider like that living in our yard (in Georgia). I posted about her on my website (http://www.lizcjones.com/blog.html) on September 15th & 16th. That's so funny. I guess they're everywhere!!!

[Christine]

Why don't I ever see any comments on how much you look like Geena Davis? The resemblance is uncanny, and you have the added plus of having lighter hair (I don't think the dark suits her that well). I've always thought she was one of the hottest women in Hollywood-never mind her bad movies, Thelma and Louise is one of the all time greats.

[ElizabethN]

We have a bunch of those spiders (Seattle area). They're in several windows, and all over the patio. They're huge!

http://contracheck.com/gallery/2005Sept01to11/P9078861

[Shelly]

We've got a spider that lives near our porch -- looks like they could be cousins! I tried to take pics of her over the weekend, but alas our crummy digital camera wouldn't let me. Although, I did get crystal clear pics of the foliage behind it. While I'm not a fan of spiders, I was pretty amazed by it. Much more impressive then those wispy little ones I'm forever finding around the house. We've had so many this season, it's not uncommon for my children to refuse to pee because there is an itsy bitsy spider in the corner of the bathroom.

[Gen]

A spider picture like that needs a unicorn chaser, like they do on Boing Boing. Glad to see your pretty, smiling face!

[Michelle K]

That spider is amazing! I never have pretty spiders like that. Mine are about the size of a penci eraser and brown and stripey. Mine are wolf spiders. Still harmless, still hairy, still good for eating bugs, but not dramatic!

Fresh dishwasher, flattering lamplight, and aesthetically spectacular spider. Some women have all the luck!

[trisha]

Dammit, Woman, you are so stinking cute! Man.

[susan]

I have that EXACT SAME dishwasher. And I'll give you a little tip: the 'stemware rack'? Useless. Every machine-washable wineglass we own is too tall to fit in it. How funny is that? And we also laughed ourselves silly at the idea of using it as a plate warmer. For what--the chicken nuggets? ha ha ha ha . . .

[Lil' Sis]

Would you mind sticking Max in that spiderweb & taking a picture? You know, for scale?
Our main office has a wolf spider infestation right now. There seems to be some health issue with spraying spider-icide, so they're trying to use glue traps. Glue traps! Oh yeah, that works. I guess that's what they get for building on wetlands. Never been gladder to work in the branch office...
But I do find (with my severe spider phobia) that the extender pieces for my vaccuum hose are the greatest thing ever for dealing with big spiders. Just make sure to vaccuum enough other stuff before you empty it that the spider gives up & lets itself get buried. I know, spiders should be my friend, but they just aren't.

Who knew I would have this much to say, even without touching the lighting and dishwashing points?!
-miao.

[Em]

That spider will haunt me all of my days, but still, don't squish it. It probably has a personality, being so damn HUGE.

[LadyBel]

I think Lisa Young is right. That spider DOES look like it is ready to have babies - I could tell by the spiders "mom ass". tee hee hee

[lemonpuss]

I rank insects. Spiders score much much higher for me than flies and mosquitoes, which at best fly around & on my and annoy me, and at worst bite me & give me itchy scabs for weeks. Spiders just sit there quite still and snatch the flying things out of the air, then kill them. Win-win, for me.

If you really hate them, I have 2 words: Shop Vac. Presto, they are gone with no squishing/crunching/touching.

Congrats on the d/w. I still coo over mine, and I've had it 3 months.

Lemonpuss

[Merimoo]

oooh, I just got one about 2 weeks ago and it is sooooo nice. It took me forever to get all the blue plastic off!

[Annejelynn]

thank the heavens that be and the stars that do shine - dishwashers are wonderful.

[Liz in Maryland]

I haven't had a dishwasher for 3 years. Lucky for me, my daughter started working at Best Buy a few months ago. Yea, discount!

Please don't squish spiders (especially if they are outside, where they belong). They do a great job catching all the nasty flying bugs.

[SpartanFan]

Hi! I've been lurking for awhile and just want you to know that I love your site and am fellow Michigander (born and raised in
Warren, currently live in Hartland, work in South Lyon).

This summer, while in Beulah, a friend of mine decided to "rescue" a praying mantis that was trapped in an orb spider's web. She took a stick to knock down the mantis, and in the process, knocked down the web as well. Before her rescue efforts, the spider was perched in the corner of the web. Afterwards, the sucker was nowhere to be found. We honestly thought the thing was hiding somewhere on her person and by the following morning, my friend would be cocooned in webbing by said spider, ready to be eaten! It was very disturbing.

I'm a science teacher and I hate spiders.

[Milly]

Love the blue dishwasher, don't like the big, scary spider.

[Cindy]

Buy the GOOD candy for Halloween. Save the spider. Put it on the porch. Watch the kids run off the porch screaming bloody blue murder when they see the spider. Eat the good candy as you laugh your fanny off.

Is that a weight loss plan or what?! :)

[kenya]

melissa! you are striking!

[cmhl]

you are so pretty!!! I want that lamp. and congrats on the dishwasher..

[Marnie]

The dishwasher rocks.

You look awesome, as always.

The spider gives me the heebie-jeebies. I will not be sleeping.

[Nancy]

It might be Charlotte('s Web)!

We have these creepy, hairy brown spiders around the outside of our house and they build icky "tunnel-ly" webs. Maybe they're wolf spiders like your sister mentions? I hope they're not brown recluse.

You are so pretty!

And congrats, too, on your dishwasher.

[mamaloo]

skipped all the comments. AMEN on the dishwasher. we don't have one yet--we've lived for a year without it--coincidentally the same year we survived becoming parents. how we're all still alive, I just don't know. when my dishwasher is installed I'm going to lick it.

[Another Amy]

Congratulations on the dishwasher. When we were designing the kitchen in the house we built, I told my husband that either he was going to finally learn how to wash dishes or we were getting a dishwasher. Now, he doesn't know how to wash dishes OR use the dishwasher!

Just think of all the little pesky bugs that fat spider is eating. Speaking of spiders, this is hilarious:
http://dongresin.katgyrl.com/archives/001906.html

[Camera Obscura]

What's the matter with you folks, don't you remember Be Nice to Spiders?

We have some sort of orb spider that usually shows up in th spring and makes a huge web using the tree and the decorative plant stakes in my front flower bed. She only comes out at dusk and dawn (peak buggy times) and spends the rest of the time in a "cave" made from a rolled-up-and-glued leaf in the tree. She even takes her web down before she goes to bed. How many of us have kids that neat -- or that eat everything put in front of them?

Oh, and Melissa, you think you've got "mom butt"..., lookit her.

They brought my latest dishwasher in the afternoon of the day I had my wisdom teeth cut out in the morning. I must have been a sight -- ice hung under my neck from ear to ear, loopy as hell from the anesthesia.

[Zach]

Hey, Lemonpuss!
Spiders aren't insects.

I'll go away now, before I'm squashed.

[Katie]

I just bought that SAME dishwasher a month ago. I got a "steal" at Sears and now I know why. I have had to change soaps three times, and run a few loads twice. AND I rinse before I put dishes in, for the most part. I think our issue is actually our water. But good luck, I hope yours works better than mine.

[Charlotte]

SOME PIG

[Sam]

RADIANT