Happy Halloween.

You're going to have to do you and me a favor before you go any further into this post. Go to the bathroom and empty your bladder. Logan's costume I talked about before, the one which turned my brain into a piece of swiss cheese, turned out awesome.

I left out the part where the house smelled so horrible and I was drifting in and out of conciousness and we had to sleep with the windows open even though it was 40 degrees outside. Logan wanted to have sex! But not just a quickie while covered up with warm blankets. No. This is making you uncomfortable isn't it? Me too. Have you gone to the bathroom yet?

Here it is.

He's a Shriner! With a little car! But that's really not the funniest part. The best photos from the entire Halloween 2005 set are the ones where Logan is watching our friend Mark singing 'Piano Man'. He looks like a Shriner at a convention center and I almost don't want to show you because the minute I start looking I laugh hysterically.

Oh well. Here you go:

Look, I warned you about emptying your bladder.

I'm also sorry because there are so many of these pictures I love that I'm going to make this into a really annoying photo post even though you could just go to Flickr and see them all on your own time. Oh well! Logan's been fighting the Irish Flu (which when you look at the photos isn't surprising) and I'm a little tired tonight.

You're wondering what I was for the party aren't you? I was "What Was Available" since I acted like a 10-year-old and waited until the last minute. Why I didn't think to be a 50's housewife to go with my Shriner is a question I have no answer for. I suck.

Logan wasn't that drunk here but was playing it up. Here he screams at my friend Stephanie's faux pregnant belly. (She was a shotgun bride left at the alter.)

The last shot I'll highlight isn't so much funny as it is so ridiculous I must share it. While going to the bathroom I saw this rubber rat on the floor. I somehow decided it would be so funny to carry the rat around and then all my favorite friends wanted to do karaoke. I don't know what we sang but I do remember people asking why I was holding that rat.

I don't know. I. Don't. Know.

Just look how retardedly happy I look to be holding that stupid rat. I'm not even singing. I'm just standing there thinking, "Ha ha! I'm holding a rat!" What the hell.

Thank you Leslie and Tom for letting my husband come to your home and make a fool of himself. That's always fun. Also, promise me you'll look at the whole set because my God in heaven it took me a long ass time to upload them all. Jesus.

Comments

[JuJuBee]

These pictures are PRICELESS. I want to come to your parties, damnit. I spent last night rubbing Balmex (tm) on my daughter's diaper rash. Good Times.

[Mary]

No kids! Drunk adults! What a party. I can't even remember the last time I went to a party without kids. Thank you for letting me live vicariously through you.

[Phil]

Whee!

[Long ago some friends obtained a real Shriner with little car as one item in a citywide scavenger hunt. That was cool, but it didn't make anybody wet his pants.]

Raggedy Babe and Shriny.

Oh and the bad news -- some of the photos on Flickr have some kind of crap corruption -- parts of the photos out of alignment, miscolored, etc. Sorry to tell you. But at least you know that someone looked at all of them.

[Y]

"I don't know what we sang but I do remember people asking why I was holding that rat."

Ok, so when I read that line, I busted out laughing out loud, but then, THEN! I saw the picture and I CHOKED. (ok, and peed a little) because DAMN that's funny stuff.

[FlippyO]

Seriously, Logan's costume was awesome. Well worth the time and stink.

Also, I note that the tiki mug...never left his side. Good times. Good times.

[Paige]

Oh Lord that made me laugh.

[Sarcomical]

wow. that was...funny and disturbing at the same time. ;)

but hey! you are cute with your rosy cheeks and boobie shirt. we never do halloween. this makes me think maybe we should.

...except for that rat thing. it's so huge and icky. but you look so happy about it. only you, melissa. ;)

[Meg]

Where in the world did he come up with the idea to be a Shriner? I am so impressed!

[Texas T-bone]

The hat and the little car totally make the Shriner outfit authentic. But if he's supposed to be at a Shriner's convention, you should have dressed as a stripper. Shriners never take their wives to conventions, don't you know!

[Dawn]

The unadulturated admiration in Logan's eyes at the rendition of the "Piano Man" is what made the whole thing.

I spent last night at the "American Girl Fashion Show".

You win for the better time, I assure you.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

My favorite part was when Logan had his hands folded in a little table shape, with his chin resting on them, as he watched the Piano Man rendition. I really SHOULD have peed before seeing that one.

Also, Braveheart Kills The Shriner would make a fantastic band name, no?

[Michelle]

Oh.My.Lord. Melissa....those have got to be the funniest pics I have seen in a LONG time! The Shriner was PRICELESS and you...the boobs! Woo! hoo! Thanks for sharing! I literally laughed out loud! :)

[elisabeth]

omg those are great. I looked at ALL of them rather than working out. and honestly there is NO way my legs would look as great as yours did in thigh high STRIPED stockings! You looked fab. But I have to ask.....why do you have this outfit laying around to throw on at the last minute before a party??? I couldn't come up with something nearly that great in 10 minutes time.

[Heidi]

Looks like you had a fantastic time. Shriner costume ROCKS!

[MelissaS]

Elisabeth...I borrowed it from Logan's friend Meg. She wore it at the last halloween we attended. The one where Logan was a mouse.

http://www.suburbanbliss.net/suburbanbliss/2004/11/i_am_fairly_apo.html

[Annejelynn]

love the braids and the stockings

[margalit]

THank you for telling me to pee before I looked at that post. Hilarious. The whole shriner thing: brilliant. I'm jealous that you got to go to a grownup party. Good times!

[karyn]

Hahahaha!!!!!

We went out on Sat. night. My husband dressed as a 1970s track star that was running with scissors (they were impaled through his chest). Last year he was a guy with his hand in a toaster. He wanted to uphold his 'accidents with household appliances' theme.

I was a doctor, as that was what I could find at Ye Old Thrift Shoppe.

I love the rat.

[JenfromBoston]

Those are hilarious. I love Logan's expression - particularly in the one where he's getting his throat slit and where's he's gazing lovingly at the singing Braveheart.
The way he's laughing (with you, at baby)kinda reminds me of Tom Hanks when he does that crazy, exaggerated laugh that kills me every time I hear it (think The Money Pit).
Something must be in the Detroit water for all that illegitimate baby making that's going on. People it's called a CONDOM. Okay?

[JenfromBoston]

Oh and fake rats are the new Marc Jacob's handbag. You're just ahead of the trend in the Midwest. Nice work.

[Dawn]

I'm back in the Logan Fan Club. Best costume EVER.

[Melissa]

AWWWWW S N A P !! Dude, Im still laffin' about 'Choppable' ... Now This! I've had a real funny bone for drunk Shriners for years!

[jess]

Logan's costume is without a doubt the BEST costume i have seen on a grown man in a long time.

Count me in as a new member to the LFC.

[Heatheranne]

I would totally be the one holding the rat too. Because I do things like that.

[Lisa]

LOL That's priceless!!!

[Pervy Blakeney]

I hate to drag the conversation back to an unhappy topic, but I have to say: God in Heaven, you are NOT FAT. Jeez. Who in their right mind would think you're fat?

No, I mean, who in their *right mind*?

I'm sorry, I know that's kind of insensitive of me to say, and whether or not people are fat is something I don't think anyone should care about anyway. But it just seems so much more unfair than being blamed for a problem that's not necessarily a problem that you're being given so much shit from the people who should love you unconditionally are blaming you for a "problem" that's not even THERE.

I'm sorry. I think I'm being a troll. Not sorry enough to delete the post, just yet, but sorry.

[Chris]

That looks like an awesome Halloween party. The shriner costume? Priceless.

[Nicole]

Ohh, you needed my husband, he went at Raggedy Andy. Pictures at my site!! But I went as a queen.

[Friendly]

Oh Man. That is entirely the funniest costume I have ever seen in my entire life.

Score for Logan.

I am so amused.