Farewell nursery...

I painted Madison's room just over 7 years ago. I came up with this cute color scheme based on the colors in the platter Logan had made for me for our wedding. Unfortunately, the color Madison, at nearly seven, wanted simply did not go with my previous color scheme. Which was fine except that my diamond wall, the wall I painted with a tiny brush and an 8.5 month pregnant belly weighing me down. My back begging for mercy, didn't make the cut.

Today as we painted Madison said, "I love this new color, even though I sort of want to cry about the old color."

And it made me want to say, "Madison, please stop being like me. It's hard to be me and I want you to have it easier than me."

But yes, as we painted I couldn't help but remember how excited I was when I first painted that room. I didn't know if I was having a boy or a girl. I didn't know what it would be like to have a baby at all. All I could do was paint flea market finds, a bench, and a tiny chair and the walls. I was so proud of that room when I was finished. In the weeks before Maddie arrived I would walk past the room and peek in every time I passed by to pee....because I did a lot of that. I smiled imagining a little boy or girl growing up in that room.

In the last few weeks I've spent a lot of time thinking about how the children we have are not actually blank slates we make into the people we want them to be. We are supposed to try to help them become who they are meant to be. It's hard to know when you're doing that correctly really and that's why I feel horrible sometimes. How much is who I am changing the course of who they are?

I never in a million years would have had a purple room in my house. When I was pregnant I created the baby room I chose. The room I thought of as beautiful and the perfect place for a baby. Madison is now nearly seven and it's almost too perfect that we painted her room today. We painted her room in the color of her choice and we painted over the idea I had for her "perfect" room.

I'm going to miss my diamond wall and even more so the excitement of waiting to meet a new person. But what I realized back when I painted that bedroom is that I was going to be meeting a new person. A new person who would grow and change. And now so is her bedroom.