Suburban Bliss: Serving Soap Opera Fanatics!

While searching Google for something on this site which subtly explains the situation with my in laws, for something I'm writing for Flogging Baby, I came across this quote from a message board.

Someone had asked what exactly blogs were and this woman replied:

Don't have one but avidly read 2. Dooce.com and suburbanbliss.net

The second one is a friend of mine's sister in law who they are estranged from. She used to write mean things about her inlaws (including my friend) but stopped when she was outed by my friend. So it is like my online soap opera. I have since started to secretly like this woman and find her blog enjoyable. Just don't tell my friend.

The first one I found as a link on the second one. She is like the most famous blog out there I think. Last month she was on ABC nightly news, The New York Times and Day to Day on NPR. She is cool.

Other reports from the weekend coming soon. Including how I nearly died from urine poison on the ride back from Ann Arbor. Logan laughed. A man with the world's tiniest bladder, should never laugh as one suffers from a painfully full bladder. We met an astronaut! We were overwhelmed by the incredible mass of people in UofM's stadium. We went to a tailgate unlike any I'd ever been to before. I went to bed at 8pm!

Pictures and story coming soon.

Updated: I guess I'm not even allowed to share what other people say about my in law situation. The rules are so difficult to keep up with!

Comments

[Nothing But Bonfires]

My standard line is "I have a bladder the size of a quail's egg."

It ALWAYS makes people stop the car and let me out to pee. And it's so catchy!

[HD]

re: the update--But this is such a hilarious feel-good! I bet it made your day! Until the cease and desist order that is. I do love the crossing out thing though.

[Eulallia]

But your in law situation is so INTERESTING! You're not allowed to write about all the best stuff. :(

[Baroness VonMommy]

Je-sus! So now you can't even C&P what other people say? That's insanity. Why you have not just catastophically flamed these people is a mystery that makes you a far better person than I'll ever be. They suck. You Rock. Infinity.

[kendra]

strikethrough font = AWESOME. Seriously.

[Melissa (another)]

My favorite part of the update is the bright yellow emoticon laughing through the strikeouts. Ha!

[Cricket]

Back in the saddle again....

I wonder how well S and SIL will get along now, what with all your spies around here. It won't be S's secret very long, b/c your curious ILs are bound to read it here, too.

Now they'll be more paranoid and routinely doing in depth Internet searches to stalk other people in the know about your situation.

Yeah, that's why I'm anonymous. You handle the exposure better than I.

[wookie]

Isn't there a statute of limitations on how long a person can hold a grudge?

[Incredimom]

Unless they are paying for your site and writing your payroll check, I'm not sure that anyone else has any say on what you put on this blog -- I for one think this blog rocks :)

[roo]

But will you have Raoul's baby? How can you do that to Jessica?

[Texas T-bone]

I used to have an Iron Bladder, but loads of alcohol in college turned it into Coffee Filter Bladder. Not only do I feel your pain, but I need to go right now, if you'll excuse me.

[FlippyO]

Hey, I can copy & paste at will on my site. Feel free to let me know exactly what you'd like out there, and in what sized font. This part should be super-sized, "I have since started to secretly like this woman and find her blog enjoyable. Just don't tell my friend."

Oh, and ever since I've started talking about medical issues, my blog has been super scraped for content, so that stuff will fly out into the atmosphere, never to be put back in the bottle again. Oops. :)

[ozma]

Oh, now I am desperate to know the in law situation! But I can't imagine having my in laws put a moratorium. That'd be strange...

[Angie]

I always say that I have a bladder the size of a ketchup packet. Maybe I'll try to mix in "quail's egg" once in a while...

[MelissaS]

No they don't pay for my site or sign my payroll check. What they do is emotionally blackmail my husband threatening never to see him or our kids if I even MENTION that I have in laws I choose not to speak to.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK.

[Shel]

I can't believe that they threaten never to see their own son and grandkids!! That would just piss me off if my OWN parents said that about me!!! I hate drama. Logan is a much better person that I am.

[JuJuBee]

Maybe some day Logan will just say Fuck It? I mean if they are empty threats, ok...but if not? Why bother with them, right?

He is indeed a very patient man.

[MFA Mama]

Umm...okay...how would them never interacting with your nuclear family again be a PUNISHMENT? I don't see it. Actually I do (I have the world's most horrendous MIL, yes I do, YES, I DO) and she jerked the strings of my marriage for two years like an evil puppetmistress and almost split us up by pulling the same deal on my husband...sigh. That's one reason I'm anon--because I intend to flame my in-laws freely and with great abandon in the very near future. I only started reading a few months ago, though, and now I'm curious about the in-law situation...off to the archives, I suppose.

[MelissaS]

It's no punishment to me but my husband plays into it all the time.

As for being anonymous....someone at Blogher brought up a very good point about being anonymous. You just have to be very very careful because when you speak so freely, if you are ever 'outed' which happens more than you'd think, you get burned especially badly.

Here is the last flare up. Otherwise I've agreed not to relay specifics about our relationship but they'll just keep pushing until I do.

[christy]

I love how she seems so proud that her friend "outed" you and then she's all "but now I like her!" *Giggle*

It's a nice illustration of how you can hate someone until you, here's the shocker, actually GET TO KNOW THEM and then it turns out they are people just like you. WEIRD!

Do you think if your inlaws actually got to know you they wouldn't think you are evil? Nah ...

[MelissaS]

My guess is that's why they read this website everyday...they secretly love me.

Or...conversely, they read this website everyday and scream at their monitors, "She's a liar! SHE IS EVIL!!! EVIL I TELL YOU! Also she's Godless."

[Carrie]

I'm so glad my in-laws don't read English. Actually, I never write any of the things I want to write about them because it would hurt my husband and it just kills me not to mention the fact that his sister gave me a two dollar measuring cup for Christmas, so I have to mention it in other people's comments instead. Aren't in-laws ridiculous?

[liz]

Hey, you forgot to add heathen to your godless!

The problem with emotional blackmail is that, when it's you, it's easy to just say, "OK, see ya!" When it's aimed at someone else and it's about you, it's not that easy.

[Heather]

I have been reading your site while on maternity leave and must comment on the in-law situation.

I feel for you. I too had the emotionally (and physically) controlling in-laws who thought I was sent by the devil to destroy their hold upon their son. I say "had" and "thought" because it got so bad, my husband had to break ties with them. Like restraining order bad.

Like my dad says, "you can pick your friends but not your relatives!"

[Stephanie]

Oh, boy! You can't even relay what OTHER people say about you and your inlaw situation now? I truly do not understand why these people keep reading your blog if they are so constantly offended by the content. Seems like a deep insecurity on their part...like "What did that EVIL Melissa write about us NOW?" As if you have nothing else to write about in your life.
Kudos to you for taking the high road and not revealing any details. (But I'd be cheering you on if you ever did!)

[cursingmama]

You have inlaws?? **insert smily binking wildly here**
love that the post was considered taboo, love that you "deleted" it with the strike out, am glad Mr. M is the only one in the know about my blog, feel your teeny tiny bladder pain.

[rose]

Gah! Why do they read something they hate so much!
But, Poor Logan-what kind of people they must be to punish the kids like that, to threaten to withold affection and attention. That threat speaks volumes about them. They are lucky they don't have a son who tells them to shove it, that their relationship with him and the kids should be worth it.

[Pants]

My parents don't threaten not to see our children, and they're not horrible people. Conflict exists between my family and my parents and that inevitably affects the amount of time my kids and my parents spend together.

[TB]

It's just such a tricky situation. How do you not alienate your husband while also standing up for yourself. I feel for you Melissa.

[MelissaS]

Exactly the issue. Somehow what they have done to me and to us I don't let affect their relationship with their son and my children. However, somehow my words and my actions totally alienate them from their son.

I don't understand how that works. But then I've never understood them and that's why I don't speak to them.

[mw]

I see they have not been posting in the "Melissa Summers Is So Mean" Blog. Hopefully they are wearing their t-shirts. Since both of my daughter's grandmothers are warped I'm making a onesie that says "my other grandmother is an asshat."

[Linda]

Oops, i thought you said they thought you were a goddess. Maybe I should just go with that. You are a goddess.

[Lil' Sis]

It's so funny how our family are the heathens and so [fingers] messed up [/fingers], yet we're the ones with a modicum of social grace, common courtesy and tact. Hm. Because I bet Jesus was all ABOUT emotional blackmail when Joseph tried to monopolize Mary's affections.

Oh, I hope Chris' family never turns on me.

-miao.

[BugsMom]

I have to say...i truly appreciate your in-law problems. It makes mine look like a breeze and nothing to ever worry about. I think you are great for not flaming them more for the sake of Logan and the kids.

[flea]

On Monday my father-in-law found my blog and read an entry from over two years ago where I may have suggested that visiting in-laws were similar to a bird crapping on your head. He went nuts (and I mean batshit crazy insane nuts) in my comments section and said he was going to cut us out of his will. Of course, I immediately thought of you.
I ended up deleting all his posts and banning him from the blog. Interestingly enough, like your in-laws, he also faulted my family for being heathens and having defective genes.