Yes, I broke Typepad.

So some of you noticed that late Thursday night I posted something and moments later I had to remove it. Sometimes I let my own emotions about that "situation" we've been dealing with for the last billion years with the you-know-whos interfere with my spouse's emotions and that's not all that fair.

When I removed that post, it appears I broke all of Typepad. Yes! Typepad really wanted me to have this forum to openly share old links relating to the you-know-whos. Things like this and also this.

I've been scapegoated many many times in my life, some of the examples would make your hair stand up, so it's easy for me to see how I broke all of Typepad.

I hate when I must be vague in this forum. I have my girlfriends whom I've shared all with. I've written unpublished pieces about the situation but there is something so therapeutic about writing it all out on Suburban Bliss. That's just not possible.

This has been a painful past few days. Thank God Logan and I know how to talk, once we yell and cry and scream. Let's see how vague I can be but give you all a glimpse of what we're going through.

There was this very painful thing that happened three years ago. When I think about this thing that was done to me, I can easily place it in the bottom half of the top five most painful things I've been through.

This is remarkable since I have an incredibly painful past (and that's not even the half of it).

Sometimes when people do cruel things, the only way they can live with themselves is to deny they ever did it. To put it out of their minds, because, gee, what kind of cruel person would do that to someone else?

I can't tell you the anger that bubbles up in me. But this isn't the time or the place to vent that anger.

Just know that it's there and it's making it hard for me to think about much else. Now that Logan and I have gotten on the same page (once again) and clarified certain things it's time for me to let go of some of the pain and my own anger and support my husband.

Because as much as all of this has hurt me, it hurts more to see my husband in pain.

So why don't I shut my God damn piehole and do that?

I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.

Comments

[Rayne of Terror]

I thought my computer was having problems when half the blogs I read were stuck on December 9th entries. But then I realized they were all typepad blogs and relaxed.

I hope you all make it thru the holidays in one piece. I assume it is the holidays which are causing hurt and angst to bubble up. Good luck, it's almost the new year.

[Heather]

There is nothing like Christmas to bring out the victims and demons. Happy co-dependent Christmas everyone!

My husband doesn't see his family (his choice) because they are toxic and physically and emotionaly dangerous (their choice). Yet, each Christmas emotional garbage is delivered right on time.

Where is the rum? Screw the eggnog - it is noon somewhere.

[chris]

you've got your head screwed on straight, girl; and as long as you and logan are in the same place with this, there is nothing you can't withstand. stand strong and have a good christmas.

[Lil' Sis]

Damnit! You know? Just damn it. This sucks. Why can't it just be over?! You've stepped away! You've done what you can!

love you.
-miao.

[Ms Sisyphus]

I only know the vague version and I'll echo Lil' Sis there: Dammit. I'm so sorry that Xmess seems to be compelling your in-laws to attempt to once again force you into their construction of who you should be.

[HD]

Every time we don't hear from you for a while, something crappy has happened. So, I was worried. Sorry that I was right. I hope everything works out okay for you all. We are all thinking of you and wishing you well.

[Eulallia]

There are so many things I feel the need to write on my blog, but the problems it would cause greatly outweigh the release of letting it go. I understand how frustrated you feel, and I am so sorry that us folks out in blogland can't share your pain and ease your burden. We are here for you, even if you can't talk specifics. I hope you can feel that.

[ellajohn]

Melissa,
I am jealous that you had the guts to say that you wouldn't participate in their lives any more. It was so timely that you were writing about all this. I'm in the in laws house right now for four days of Christmas crazies. I've only been married for eight years, but it has been a challenge. No one has ever tried to hurt me or my family as much as these people, but I hang in there to a degree because of the children. I applaud your strength and your ability to let the kids be with them. It is HARD.

[Dawn]

Remember to be gentle with YOURSELF, melissa. Remember that we can choose to not participate in the drama that surrounds so many of our families and history. Add in the Holiday's and it is inevitably a recipe for a bomb.

Choosing to remove yourself from the cycle of drama is often harder than staying within the circle. When you choose to not participate, you are breaking the rhythm that has taken years, and years to painfully perfect.

So be gentle with yourself. Know that the cycles that start up can be so hard to resist. Be present in your anger. It can be a very good thing.

[Xangelle]

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your hurt and frustration. I really feel for you. Nothing I can say would make it feel better or go away but, if I could, I would just sit down beside you an "feel" with you.

[irishgoddess]

hang in there, you are a smart, funny and STRONG woman. You know what is important - your husband, your kids, and your friends. Hang on to them, to your writing, to your self; you'll get through this, and we'll be right there with you.

[styro]

Time for a new ANONYMOUS blog somewhere new. i have a secret VENTING BLOG with no comments and no googleability where I just write about shit that PISSES ME OFF. So it's out there, but it's not really MINE, you know? Nobody can blame me for it! ha ha ha! WHEEE!

[Jackie Joy]

Dear Melissa,
I enjoy your blog and empathize with you on many entries. The in-law situation is touchy for me...I keep making a go of it because my husband loves his family and also because I have "Welcome Mat" stamped on my forehead. It takes a lot of guts to draw yourself up and remove yourself from nasty, poisonous situations.
They're the petty ones who follow you about and read your blog for nothing but the chance to read an oblique reference to them, JUST FOR THE DRAMA OF IT. How horrible. Somehow I think you've made the right decision here.

[andreainjapan]

You are a stronger woman than you realize.
Do NOT shut your 'piehole' your words are you and they keep you sane.

{{{hugs}}}

[Kristen]

Yes, it must be the timing of the holidays that is lending this collective sense of "my in laws suck, too" - I just wrote yesterday about the passive aggressive family/holiday crap. I kept mine as lighthearted as possible in case the inlaws ever see it, and judging from what I've read here, my experience with them pales in comparison to what you're dealing with. Hang in there and keep writing what you can. It has to help, even though you are tempering what you say.

[Nowhere Girl]

First let me say, I am sorry about what you're going through...

2nd: You and I have so much in common in the MIL aspect, it's SCARY. I, too, had to remove myself completely from my husband's family. It was the ONLY way to preserve myself. I ahet them. they hate me. We are oil and water. It will never work.

I, too, have to deal with the frustration of watching my kids and hubby leave for 4 days at a time without me to spoend time with the undeserving wench. painful. Frustrating.

Hang in ther chickie-poo...

[Stephanie]

Melissa, I love you.

[karen]

Melissa, I've just started reading your blog within the past month or so (including the archives), just wanted to say how much I enjoy that you write what a whole lot of us feel (and then suppress).

My advice: Logan needs to remember the phrase, "LEAVE and CLEAVE." That is from the Bible, where we LEAVE our parents and when we marry, we CLEAVE to our spouse. You and the children are his family now and that is his number one responsibility.

God bless, Karen

[maia]

I'm just wondering why you made the T-shirts for the in-law issues so expensive They are saleable my dear!!

Sorry to hear things have been shitty :((

[Phil]

It's wonderful that you and Logan are together and that you know how to get *through* the yelling to the place you're really trying to get to.

(And I'm *almost* ready to forgive you for breaking TypePad.)

[MFA Mama]

Does Logan know what his "no talking about it" edict is doing to the minds of your fans? DOES HE, THAT CALLOUS, CALLOUS MAN? See, I have what I like to think of as the World's Worst In-laws (TM), but it sounds like you could give me a run for my money. And it's driving me nuts (not a long drive these days, but...) that I'll probably never know. Also, I'm pissed that I missed the briefly-posted Thursday post.

[dina]

I have been reading for 3 months love your web site...you rock. I also have issues with my parents, and inlaws or outlaws as I like to call them. What ever it is that makes us what we are..which in fact it makes us different. Just know it does not take these people to make you a family. I have created my own nest of people who catch me when I am down who make me who I am today. They are my friends and because of them I am who I am today. Merry Christmas may you find joy somewhere in this crazy holiday we call Christmas.

[TB]

I can relate to how difficult it is to "take the high road" and "be the bigger person" when it comes to your husband's family shitting all over you. It sucks. But sometimes it absolutely has to be done for their sake.

And for the record, the fact that you realize that and do what it takes makes you the bigger person Melissa. Even though it's not much consolation.

Hang in there.

[sweetney]

so sorry, sweets.

if it helps at all, you are awesome and good, and i believe you can get through anything.

[WindyLou]

So it's YOUR fault I couldn't post the other day! Oh well, drunken rantings about your ex-bf shouldn't really be posted anyway.

[Michele]

I so underdstand this situation. I got divorced party because of my inlaws, diffence was my ex didn't defend me.

My ex has two children from his first marriage and they have a half sister. They're acknowledged, loved and spoken to on a daily basis. My son hasn't spoken to his grandparents since last july, because of me. They hate me so much, because I married thier son and I wasn't a white trash kiss ass...so they're teaching me a lesson allright they're going to teach my awesome son just how much they hate me too.

seriously some people NEVER grow up!

[MelissaS]

that's the saddest part of this ordeal. In order to teach me a lesson about not telling the world I have in laws I don't speak to (which as you can imagine is INCREDIBLY offensive....being that it's the truth!) (?) they are willing to lose their own son, cause him incredible psychic pain AND never speak to my kids, their first grandchild and first grandson.

And you know what? I'll be honest with my kids. We hated each other and because of that they didn't want to see them. Hey great! They can hurt my kids now as well! Awesome.

Boy they sure taught me a lesson. Well and they're teaching my kids a lesson. Some people are painfully immature and hateful.

[Whinger]

I've been a long-time reader, Melissa, but this is a first comment. It feels funny, sometimes, that I feel like you are a friend even though there's been no interaction from my side.

But enough creepy commenting.

Please have wonderful holidays. Know that the Internet is on your side and we're all pulling for you.

[TW]

I have kept this new in my Bloglines for days. I have wanted to use it with a rant of my own about a different sort of situation but really the same sort...the rotten sort. I have wanted to also come here and say you aren't alone. Anger, situations and not being free to talk about it in the sort of way I am most comfortable with has made this holiday season really horrid. I have decided to just comment and say hang in there. That is just about all we can do I think.

[traci]

This is incredibly self indulgent of me, but I am with a couple other commenters in that it is driving me *insane* to not know what is up. So, I know we are strangers, but feel free to drop me an email and vent all you want, baby! Call it a mutual christmas present.

But seriously, I am so sorry that your situation is crappy, and know that the internet loves you. Xmas Hugs

[N]

I'm a new reader, so I don't know what the situation is. From the comments of others, it sounds painful and unpleasant. I'm sorry. I also know what it is to have to remove blog posts (although I'm a relatively new blogger) because of potential fallout.

Glad you are still here to read!

[Marie]

Please don't break Typepad again ;-)