I have to make these so long since I suck.

Most of my life lately doesn't make for good stories. There are these things that happen that are so hilarious but then they're over and the story sounds so stupid.

On a related note, when you tell a stupid story to Logan, he says, "That was absolutely riveting, please tell me again." This makes me love him more, which hardly seems possible. The only other thing he does which makes me love him more is stating the obvious in moments of extreme frustration.

"GOD DAMN THIS STUPID MACHINE!!!! It keeps freezing and ARRRRRRRRR."
"Did you try restarting?"

(((Swoon)))

So it looks like the week for medication updates.

In my medication world things are looking nice. I'm down to what I can approximate is half of half of half. I'm very bad with numbers you see, but I bought myself a pill splitter and resisted the urge to buy myself one of those plastic SMTWThFS pill holders. And Ben Gay. And Metamucil. And talk about those purchases loudly with the pharmacist like every old person in line at CVS every single time I'm there.

The withdrawal with this method of cutting half every 8-ish days is going much better than the Christmas Eve debacle. Oh! Another thing which makes me love Logan more than ever before. I'm withdrawing from medication and I tell him, "I am so grumpy. I'm sorry."

Then the next time I act grumpy he says, with wide eyes, "God you are so grumpy!"

At first you may think this makes me love him more because I'm being sarcastic. But no! Actually I love him more because he must love me so much to say something like that just to give me content for my website. It brings a tear to mine eye.

The halving of the pills has been going great. I rarely if ever feel even the slightest twinge of illness. In fact, I've been taking my Allegra-D and a B-complex and also a magnesium pill everyday and I feel really good. (Maybe I should go back and get that daily pill holder.) In fact sometimes I catch myself grinning, even though there's nothing particularly funny happening. So I guess I'm going insane.

I've also been working out three times a week plus a private pilates class at Chrissy's house once a week. I am trying really hard to love myself the way I am. Which brings me to the next topic I would like to discuss.

My belated New Years Resolutions. I've had such good success writing them out into the world I think it would be wise to do it again.

I have absolutely given up on the phone. I will never, ever call you. I could have every celebrity's phone number and I would never call them. If I had an email address yes, I'd write and say, "God you're getting chubby." or "Do you want to get lunch? Please. I love you." But the phone is the downfall of my stalker capabilities.

If you call my house you will have to wait for me to call you back for a few reasons;

I don't hear my cell phone in general, it's so small and stuffed into my purse.
It rings about 1.5 times and then goes to voice mail and I know my house is small but I don't feel the need to sprint everytime the phone rings.
Also I am afraid of you. Of course this means I have to call you back, which is even worse than just picking up the phone.
I am ill.

New Year's Resolutions 2006

*I will drink more water than Diet Coke each day. (1/11 update: Going well!)

*I will work out 3 times a week + my Wednesday Pilates class. (1/11 update: Going well since early December!)

*I will not stop caring about how I look simply because I don't like the number on a scale, or in the back of my pants. I will not fall victim to the 'Mom Uniform' (1/11 update: Orange wool fitted coat.)

*We'll recycle this year. We'd been totally lazy about it because we had no simplified routine for it. But now Madison is 7 and 7 year olds should scrub toilets, clean the litter boxes, do the family accounting and organize the recycling. Hooray! (1/11 update: So far, whiney!)

*Send birthday cards to those I love. Yes it's the digital age and who needs paper. But admit it, you know how nice it is to open your mailbox and find cards from friends in their own handwriting without gay emoticons telling you they're thinging of you. (1/11 update: Hey! Emmy! HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY! I TOTALLY SUCK AT THIS!!!!!!!)

*I've been struggling with time management trying to have a life, Flog the Babies, take care of my house, write to all of you and love my children. Max's behavior is suffering because of this so I'm going to take 15-20 minute breaks to play with whomever is at home while I'm working. If the play involves pretending, I will bore the children to death and they'll behave from now on because if they don't mommy will force them to have a tea party where all she says is, "Hello, how are you?" Over and over. Games, playdough, reading and coloring. Daddy can pretend to be your dog. (Hot.)

That is all.

Water, working out, caring about my appearance, recycling, birthday cards and 'playing' with my kids. Hooray 2006.

PS: On Friday night my friend Andrea told me the book was in People. Here is a picture of the review. Wooo!

Comments

[skroll63]

I saw the review in People and immediately thought of you. I am going to buy that book!!

[bridget]

I'm doing the birthday card thing too. My sisters is on the 25th. I think I reminded myself 7 times!

[Sarcomical]

they still MAKE paper cards?!? ;) i just love that idea. it is so fun to get stuff like that.

hey, excellent on the working out! good for you, now how should i get MY ass in gear? hmmm? ;)

[ChristyD]

I'm laughing out loud at the line about Logan pretending to be a dog. I also want to see the orange wool fitted coat. Way to go on the fitness!!

[Laura]

I bought cards with the intention of sending them out, and did so immediately. They then came back in the mail 3 days later. Why? Because they are square. And square cards cost more to mail than rectangular cards. Now the effort of the extra stamps seems to be too much, so I am keeping them in my purse and just giving them to the people as I see them.

I am so lame.

[Alana Ansley]

I'm glad I'm not the only person who is incapable of pretending. I really suck at that, and my son gets so annoyed with me. I just don't enjoy that kind of play, which probably makes me a terrible mother. I was the kid who got Barbies, and unless they did something, lost interest quickly. I don't know why I didn't get the imagination gene, no one but my dad in my family has one, and my son has a large one! I guess he needs a playmate to pretend with, and take the pressure off me.

[Sue]

I like your phone policy. I hate answering the phone so much that I scream an obscenity every time it rings. Though not at work. I control myself there.

I suck at the bday card thing too. I think I am all clever by buying a wad of cards in advance, then they get hauled around in my purse until they are dingy and wrinkled, then I toss them out.

[Y]

I really hope this doesn't come off as too cheesy or um, just plain stupid, because I have the best of intentions here.

As someone who has had a battle with my weight, and all of the issues that comes along with the extra weight, I am really proud of you for making positive changes towards getting healthier, looking better and in the process, feeling better.

I know you don't even know I exist, but since having my daughter in 2004, I've been writing about my struggle to lose the weight and to learn to love who I am, and all that jazz, and a few months ago, I had read one of your weight related posts and I just sat here all emotional thinking "If she only knew how deeply I understand the words she has written."

So, I check in from time to time to see how you're doing, and reading this tonight, well, it just made me really happy for you.

[Stefanie]

I totally understand the weight obsession and I'm trying not to be especially since I just started Zoloft and it might make me gain weight. I've worked so hard to take off the baby weight. I told my doc "how is my anxiety going to be LESS if I gain weight?" But he said I won't gain weight for sure so every day I just try to work out and not think about it.

[leslie]

sooooo funny! i've been reading your blog for ages and finally just have to say that i'm so with you on the phone thing. it's freakish and weird and almost impossible to explain to people without having them inch away from you with a wary look in their eye but you do it beautifully. i'm emailing everyone i know and linking to this post, saying, "see? SEE? I'm not the only one."

[baseballmom]

I love the phone attitude...I hate it too, in fact if we didn't need it for emergencies, I would just chuck the damned thing. I suck at birthday cards, and need to get better because it is way fun to get cards in the snail mail!

[Liz]

The book is also reviewed in the December issue of Pink magazine!!!

[Emmy]

Birthday cards are nice, but it's definitely way cooler to be mentioned in your writing...I was alerted by my mother who is obviously very jealous, so thanks!

[quinn]

I think we have the same phone policy. Good job on the exercising, too. I refreshed my resolve to workout regularly and reintroduce yoga into my evening routine. I think I've been to the gym three times this month, and the yoga was great, the one night I actually got off my ass and played the DVD.

[Jamie]

I'm with you on the phone hatred. We even have unlimited long distance minutes through Vonage and I still rarely ever, ever call out of town family or friends. Ever. LAME. Not even during the holidays. Trying to get better on sending actual cards, too. Congrats on the book, by the way!

[TB]

Here's to turning over new leaves and leaving some old leaves alone. Did that make sense? I think it did. Maybe I should be cutting down on MY medication.

[Lena]

First, I saw the book review in People and was so pleeeased for you. Especially since it reviewed well, natch.

About phones. Isn't it ironic that loving your friends yet hating talking on the phone to them can co-exist? And isn't it unfair that for some people your love is measured in phone calls? I made the mistake of getting caller i.d. Do not ever do this. You will never. answer. the. phone. again.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Those tea parties sound like every inane work-related cocktail hour I've ever been to. The same conversation over and over again complete with a bright smile and gritted teeth. Wait, the gritted teeth are mine.

[M]

so glad the weaning is going well. i asked you for advice a couple of weeks ago, and the pill splitter + magnesium + b-complex is working well for me. and yes, i bought the SMTWThFS pillbox. the EXTRA large one for all my medications. so healthy am i. lol.
thanks, sistah!

[Mabel]

I made a new years resolution to not make any other new years resolutions. So far I'm doing well!

[HD]

So funny about Logan's stupid story comment. My version is "Good story! Tell it again!! Again!" My kids do it now, too. Ahhh...sarcasm. How I love thee! Also congrats on making headway with everything else. Three (count 'em-3!) playground moms were talking about their dedication to Curves, yesterday, and now, I feel bad. I quit six months ago. Time to get moving!Flab...how I hate thee!

[Kristen]

GAAA! The pretending! I hate it! My son is obsessed with role-playing. Every interaction has to be a "play" of something else. At dinner, it's "I'll be the salt, and you be the pepper," in the car on the way to school it's "I'll be the teacher and you be the student," and then we still have the more "normal" pretending, like, "you be the big dinosaur and I'll be the little dinosaur" - ARGH! Enough! How about I'll be myself and you be yourself and we pretend our mouths have been sewn shut!? That sounds like fun!

[Erin]

I'm the same way about phones. When I was dating him, I wouldn't even call my ex. If he wanted to talk to me not-online, he had to call me. Absolutely terrified of calling people.

[Lisa]

Hate pretend and hate the phone. Rarely will I ever answer the phone. I can't stand making conversation and if there's ever a silent moment I do that uncomfortable chatter just to fill in the blanks and then it's a sure thing that I'm going to say something stupid, or worse - offensive. I feel like not answering the phone is the best thing to do to maintain my friendships.

And, congratulations on working out and the new coat! Kicking 2006 Ass! Go you!

[Crouching Hamster]

Congratulations on weaning off the medication! (I'll give you a call and we can chat about it.)

[Miranda]

Melissa, I hate the phone as well. I laughed when you said you find returning calls even more stressful than answering them. I'm my daughter's GS leader and I have just foisted the calling of parents (so, so scary that just writing about it is making my skin crawl) to my co-leader. I don't think they will want to leave their girls with that strange woman who just breaths into the receiver before delivering a speed message and then just hanging up.

Good luck with your resolutions this year!

[BrokeMom]

You freakin' crack me up. I just sit here and laugh.

[Leta]

the book is nice and all (congrats) but where is the picture of the orange wool coat?!?!?!?!

[Susan]

I, too, resolved to play with my children (as in INTERACTING and not saying 'Mmmmhmmm, that's great, good for you' to everything they said, all the while reading my e-mail). And today, during play time, my five-year-old said, 'Is it time for you to be done playing with us? Maybe you should work at the computer for a while. We'll be fine.'

I think I've been fired.

[Wiz]

Congrats to you Liss - it was a really cool thing to pick up a book in Borders and see that an old (as in time line, not age) friend of mine is doing really well. You've found your voice and I wish you nothing but sucesses.