Mijnheer Rock en het Haar van het Broodje

Note to self: Do not attempt to write an entry while your friends are over it is a) rude and b) a prime example of multi-tasking gone bad.

So yes, as I was saying, this week has been traumatizing in the phone realm. I had to talk to the Club Mom people prior to our meeting on Tuesday and it is official, I am not smooth at all. Toward the end of the meeting somehow I blurted out, "Yee Haw! You know, I'm just a stay at home mom!"

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? When we finally hung up I stood in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, berating myself for being so stupid.

I told Logan about the conversation and I told him how the meeting itinerary asks that we think about how to introduce ourselves including why we blog and how we started and what we hope to do with our blogs. He said about 25 intelligent sounding and also entirely true things about why I write this website and what I'd like to do with it and he sounded smart. Never once did he sound like a turd.

Of course when I try to say the same things he said, I still sound like a turd and I sound conceited or 'high on myself' so this meeting is going to be awesome. Instead of playing a dolt on speakerphone with a room full of executives, I'll be playing a dolt live and in person! Wooo!

I hope there is sun, maybe the vitamin D will suddenly make me sound intelligent.

A while back I got an email from a nice man named Justin wondering if I would be interested in a trip to Holland in exchange for advertising on my site. Of course I said yes.

But then, I realized I needed to deal with passport things. So I wrote back and said, "You know, you shouldn't hold a spot for me."

I told Logan I'd done that and he said, "What the fuck! You can get a passport fast! Write back."

So within 8 minutes I said, "Yes!" "Never Mind." And then, "Never mind the other never mind."

He put a note next to my name: "Going off her meds."

Then a few weeks later, someone, with a nonsensically named website, emailed me and said "Ahhhhhh. I'm going to Amsterdam."

Which, I would love to go with this person. So I emailed the nice Blogads man and just subtly let him know I'd still love to go in spite of my manic actions when he'd asked. But, no, he'd filled all the spots and I was on a waiting list. Which was a nice thing to say but who the hell wouldn't go to Amsterdam?

I was dissappointed but oh well. Finding coverage for the kids is kind of a pain and Logan's really busy at work right now and also here's the real reason I was relieved.

In 1991 Logan attended a month long design program in Rotterdam. I know I don't need to remind you what Logan's hair looked like in 1991.

Okay fine, I will remind you.

1991 was the height of the Rock and Roll hair. I was sort of relieved I wouldn't be going because I didn't want to face Holland after what Logan put them through with his hair. Also his glasses. The weight of his glasses sunk the entire country by about 6 inches.

A day or two later, I was making dinner and an email came through and guess what? They're willing to forgive Logan for his hair and allow me to enter their country.

But then came the next thing. I had to call a nice man in Holland to arrange my travel dates. You know I hate talking on the phone, but talking on the phone with someone who I'm worried isn't grasping my language because I use so much sarcasm and a fair amount of slang. Let's say I'd rather be fitted for a thousand bras.

By the end of the conversation I was curled into a fetal ball in the corner of our bedroom.

So if you call me for the next six months, this is why I'm not picking up.

So yes! Amsterdam! With Alice! We'll be spooning....internationally.

I asked Heather if she was one of the people going and she said yes, she and Jon get to go too. (But not at the same time as us.)

Mostly I think it's good Logan doesn't have a website. Logan's good at everything he does and if he wanted to have a website I would support him and be happy for him but it's nice that I'm better than him at something.

However, I would love to go to Holland with him. Also it would be nice if he could answer to Holland for that hair all by himself.

February 23.

Dear God I love the internet.

*Translation Here.

Coming soon....pictures from Logan's trip to Holland. Holy. Shit.

Comments

[Jamie]

I can't get past the hair. OH MY GOD. That is hilarious. I thought had big hair back in the day. Do you have a photo of him with the hair AND the glasses? Seriously, though, have fun in Amsterdam with all the bloggin' coolies!

[coolbeans]

Amsterdam? BlogHer? The blogosphere isn't good for my soul lately. It's amping up the insane-with-jealousy factor.

Have an awesome time! I think you should make tshirts with the Rock and Roll hair for everyone making the trip. Just a simple, "We're sorry" above that picture. Or "Making Amends for Rock and Roll Hair". "Sorry about the sinkage!"

[PhC]

I am SO excited for you!
Do fun things in Amsterdam for the pregnant ladies who can't travel now.

FUN, FUN, FUN!

[Y]

International spooning! Awesome.

[Y]

International spooning. That sounds naughty.

I'm happy for you, woman. How awesome.

[Y]

Ack. Sorry for the double post. I feel like an ass when I do that.

[Meredith]

Congrats. I saw this on the site last night. Go you! I am going in March (Anniversary present from husband. GO ME).
Maybe you can mentally prepare me ahead of time. Do you know how many vowels they use in their words? How am I supposed to say them?

[Marnie]

That is one of the best things I've heard all day! OK, all WEEK!! Congrats, and have a wonderful trip!

(And, yes, I'm jealous, too!)

[Busy Mom]

Great news, how exciting!

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Holy shit, Tony Pierce is going to be there? Give him a smooch for me.

[k]

i live in amsterdam - let me know if you want to do and donts :)

[Lori]

The really funny thing (for me) reading this post was that I'm Dutch and my husband isn't; I've been cutting my husband's hair since we were engaged. And when we went to Holland, his big preparation was learning how to ask for a haircut, as in, "Kunt u mijn haar knippen?" Logan might want to master that one!

[Lena]

Holland is nice and all, but I think the real gem here is that you have once again found an opportunity to show off Mr. R&R Hair. I felt we as your readers were due.

Thanks for the laugh Logan! Your hair went great with my morning coffee.

[Imperfect Mommy]

Mmmmm... french fries with real mayonnaise. Please eat some for me. And watch those coffee shops!

[julia]

ImperfectMommy, I'd forgotten about that! I used to have a Dutch boyfriend and he was so geeked over fries with mayo that he used to sing "patatjes met mayonnaise!" with great pomp to the tune of some military march or other ... I don't know, was it from an old Dutch commercial, or a little kid's chant? I probably once knew, but I've forgotten now. All I know is he was kinda right, french fries and mayonnaise is yummy. Err, I mean "lekker" (a word you hear all the time in Holland).

Congratulations Melissa, that's so exciting!

[mamaloo]

you so deserve it! make sure you ask for a space cake with your coffee HA! j/k

[christy]

Every time I see that photo it makes the twitching come back.

[Angela]

If I remember correctly, you spent a lot of time crying at BlogHer. If the same happens in Amsterdam, I believe your tears will flow counterclockwise!

Ik ga naar de badkamers in mijn broeken voor u! Congratulations!

[karyn]

Fabulous news! My friends had an amazing (and almost completely G-rated) time in Amsterdam last summer.

Have a great time!

[schmutzie]

Congratulations on your Holland trip!

[Cher]

I am so happy for you and sooooo jealous of you at the same time!

[Stefanie]

I wish I knew the backstory with your in-laws. I'm nosy that way.

[TB]

My husband is going to be there the same weekend as you guys and I didn't even care until I read that all my favorite bloggers are going to be there. Now, I'm deadly jealous.

I hope you guys have a blast. And I can't wait to read your impressions of what I've heard is an incredibly fun and progressive city.

[Lil' Sis]

I would STRONGLY recommend you avoid those coffee shops- I've seen you- I know.

-miao.

(oh and PS- how the hell did you get to be so much more of a rockstar than ME? You tour more than I do! Sooooo unfair.)

[liz]

The title translated as: "Sir Rock and it her of the broodje"

Who in the what-now?

(And have fun in hamsterdam! I hear there are fantastic exercise wheels!)

[Now who sounds like a turd?? ME!!]

[Ms. Mama]

Hey, you are all coming my way! If you want a tour guide let me know. :-) And don't worry everyone in A'dam speaks english, you will have no reason to worry about the vowels and that awful dutch G which sounds like you are clearing your throat of phlem. I just sent a whole e-mail to Heather of things to see and not to see while she is here. I wish I had saved it. I will try and find the time to put it together for you too!

[s]

Unless you're very lucky (and quite possibly you are: you have your very own website AND you're going to Amsterdam. How much luckier could you be?!), you won't be seeing a lot of sun in Holland. You will be seeing a lot of tall people. Riding bikes. (Speaking of: Watch out for the bikes, because they have the right of way. And they know it. A bike-riding Dutchie will run your slow-moving tourist a** over without even a moment's thought.)

[babs]

I'm delurking to say CONGRATS on the Holland trip and that you totally deserve it... You're hilarious! (I'm a child of the 80s and ashamed to admit that I used to be attracted to R&R hair!)

[ginger]

liz - you have to break it into chunks or the translator has a spaz.

I got "Mr. Rock and the Hair of the Roll" when I fed it in piece-wise and took a radical guess. I'm sure it made perfect sense if you spoke Dutch.

Have fun in Holland!

[roo]

Have fun tip-toeing through the tulips with Finslippy!

[jozet]

Very envious! Maybe someday... :-)

Have a great time!

[Bethany]

Have a great trip! I'm sure you kids will enjoy it too. I'd be a little cared leaving pants at home though, hopefully no one will get in his!

[Molly]

Hi Melissa
I just wanted to say thank you for sorting out the international delivery so I could get my Happy Hour Shoppe order. It has arrived and I'm really pleased with it. I can't wait to see my boyfriend's face when he opens it. And if he doesn't make a suitably impressed face then I'm having the notepad back because I love it! x

[Ashley]

Congrats on your trip :) I'm sure you will love it there!

(I'm dutch myself, so I really had to laugh when I read the title of your entry ;) )